give me land, give me land

i'm eve. i like women and horror and eartha kitt. I never know what the fuck I'm talking about

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Lasses do you think there's summat wrong with me - was on me leaving do last night and my work son (aforementioned v funny morbid small gay welshman) handed me a disgusting shot as is his wont and I spat it back into the glass without him noticing after having it in my mouth for a millisecond because it was rancid and turned to him n said 'i'm not fucking drinking that mate' so he asked the topman inbetweenery #lad looking guy next to us if he wanted it n he downed it and it gave me a sick sexual thrill. I was like yeah drink it Neil. Probably shouldn't explore this

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Rent lowering gunshots for new followers

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Feel like everyone hates me at work and it's spinning me head. Can someone tell me they like me lol I'm about to self harm int toilets

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Came on me period 👍🏼

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Feel like everyone hates me at work and it's spinning me head. Can someone tell me they like me lol I'm about to self harm int toilets

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

I love it when people are so Woke they become racist. What the fuck is this person on about

[verywolf589]

WHY MUST SHE BE KEPT? AND WHY IN THIS PLACE SHE MUST BE KEPT? AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN IF YOU ARE NOT ASKED? AND WHAT DOES IT MEAN IF YOU ARE NOT ANSWERED? AND WHAT IS IT TO SEE AND TO KNOW, BUT TO BE TOLD YOU HAVE NOT SEEN. YOU HAVE NOT KNOWN. AND WHY IS HER TONGUE CUT OUT? AND WHY IS HER DEATH PROLONGED AND WHEN WILL IT STOP AND WHO WILL STOP IT? AND WHY MUST THEY, MUST WE, MUST I, MUST HE, MUST THEY, AS THE MILLENNIA, UNFOLD? WHY THE GIRL CURLED? WHY HER EYES LOWERED? WHY ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD? WHY LIMP IN THE STRAW? I AM THE GIRL! I AM THE GOD! I AM THE VOICE! I AM THE SONG! I AM THE NIGHT AND I CAN ANSWER! I CAN ARRANGE IT! I CAN SAY RISE, AND I CAN SPEAK! AND I AM HER! AND I AM SHE! AND I, I, I, I AM THE ANSWER! 

[lioncourtz]

SHEILA ATIM as Akasha

THE VAMPIRE LESTAT 03.05 | "New York"

[infectiouspiss]

Is it acceptable that I do shave my legs only because it’s easier to put lotion on my legs when they aren’t too hairy and I do like the feeling of smooth skin when I finish up with it.

I also only really do it once or twice a month so sometimes I do go out in public with hairy legs.

come on man i'm on my lunch break can't you wait???

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

When I was ont phone to me mam last night I told her I went past some sad bastard in a trilby other week during heatwave when I had a little dress on and he whistled and said 'Nice cans' and she went CANS??? Is he from a fucking ARCHIE COMIC? same time as I went IS IT 1962 YOU BERK??? in exactly the same voice lmao...she really 3D printed a backup copy of herself from her vag

[mercurysgf]

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

1. today on Men Giving Me Unsolicited Advice: the uncle from the corner shop who always calls me sweetness and tuts at me when i buy fags who i hate with a burning passion had a go at me for daring to leave the house without a 20 quid manicure earlier…i went in to get some mints and he was like ‘ah, you need your nails sorting! your hands look very rough’ with this smarmy smile on his face and i was like ‘i’m a bartender, i have my hands practically submerged in alcohol multiple times a shift’ and he said ‘ah, get some hot water with lemon juice and leave them to soak :)’ i was like i’ll leave them to soak in your fucking blood pal. twat. why do desi blokes have no fucking manners. if i wanted to be passive aggressively judged about my appearance i’d speak to me dad more often

2. my mate dj-ed earlier and he played lene lovich and nina hagen for me which was mint. and my friend tom who is a builder and completely mad got so drunk in the pub when i was working that he started trying to sand some of the woodwork and going ‘hmmm. not sure about this planing’. also kept following me around the edge of the bar while i was serving going ‘eve. eve. eve. have i shown you me hotdog impression?’ and then putting his shoulders back and squashing his head down over his neck and grinning at me like a fool in man’s shoes. at one point he went ‘eve. eve. what’s the difference between michael barrymore and michael parkinson?…different surnames’ and then pissed himself laughing and knocked his own pint over which was alarming 

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Whenever I'm sad I watch this video of two knobheads attempting a diss track n taking themselves extremely seriously despite their objectively weird insults. I can't remember where I found it back int day but I've had it saved for years n it just makes me happy. The way he says 'you look like a German bloke 😡' n the way other lad materialises to say 'BIGHEAD BIGHEAD' and 'you wear your grandma's lipstick'. Summat so soothing n charming about it. Why has he got glovelets on.

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Fingerin biscuits....

[rabidwolf2point0]

[rabidwolf2point0]

[rabidwolf2point0]

She is so fucking funny

[rabidwolf2point0]

She addressed it

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Guessing England have won cos all I can hear from me room with the fucking window shut is cars beeping and loads of neanderthals going EYYYYY WAHEYYYYY HEYYYYY EYYYYYY OOOOOGHH AAAAAAHH WAHOOOO EHHHHHHHH!!!! God shut the fuck up for Christ's sake. I hope all the players get fucking abducted by aliens mid match

I've got nowt against the actual sport but I fucking hate that it supposedly gives license to blokes to act like fucking pigs n get arseholed every few days and prance about hooting and pissing int street and it's all uwu it's a national holiday. Bunch of apes

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Just sat greeting listening to good old fashioned lover boy on repeat. Fuck sake. I saw two kitties on the way home and they both wanted petting so that briefly cheered me

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

My grandmother:

Was born in a slum in Durham to stiff, uncaring parents, who would leave her and her siblings int house with nowt to eat for weeks while they were away 'on business'. Had an older brother (Oily little prick. Put his hand on me arse at my uncles wedding when I was only just pubescent and told me I looked 'exotic'. Married six times and fuck knows why cos he was ugly as sin and none of us have got any money) and an older sister (the most severely glamorous woman. Would get done up in her fur coat and chandelier earrings to pop out for a fag).

She was very blonde and used to lather herself in cooking oil n go to Spain in her 20s so her skin was the same colour as me Asian dad's. Olive skinned little round lady with big disc-like moles. She always had her hair done. Some bloke named Darren ('our Darren - a miracle worker he is') would come round every few weeks and do it for her. Always thought she was better than everyone. Me mam used to sneer and call her Hyacinth Bucket. Would respond to every complaint with 'Some people are just a head on a pillow, our Eve!' which for years as a kid I heard as 'pillar' cos of her accent and was imagining a fucking bust of Caesar or summat.

Bathed with all the kids on the road in a big tin bath cos water was scarce. There's a photo of her and her siblings in one. Once her parents left them in the care of the odd couple next door, whose daughter had passed as a child and they'd gone mad with grief and held séances in the front room trying to conjure up her spirit. They were so immersed in this they forgot to feed me nan and she had to look in other people's bins. I was sat there horrified when she told me this n she pissed herself laughing and said ee, there's nowt as queer as folk!

Staunch Catholic. I had this top that said Devil or Angel? from m and co as a kid that I was dead proud of and I thought I looked Sassy and I wore it round hers once and she told me to get changed immediately as I looked a Common Tart. Me n me brothers would take baby jesus off her nativity she painstakingly laid out on her mantlepiece every year and chuck him about and she caught us doing it once and burst into tears. She said Now put Jesus BACK you tinkers! which we all secretly found hilarious.

LOVES Queen, the band. Obsessive about Freddie and knows every detail of his life and death. Kept framed pictures of him in the house. She had this huge hi fi system and would blast queen all day. We watched the hootenanny with her every new year and she'd allow me to have one (1) Babycham and every act that was on she'd gleefully say ee well they're not a patch on Queen! No one will remember them in 30 years! Not a patch on our Freddie.

Confusingly despite this and her love of the Rocky Horror Picture Show which she'd get dolled up to go and see every year with 'the girls', she was quite homophobic. Politely changed the subject when I brought up past girlfriends and stared at the wall like she was enamoured with a particular paint chip. Well, that's quite enough of that! Does anyone want a biscuit?

Would wait with baited breath for me to become a Girly Girl and as part of her scheme would buy me these fucking horrible cursed looking china dolls in stiff dresses and I'd hide them downstairs and then put them back up when she visited. Mam said when she cleared my childhood home out to put it ont market she was down in the cellar and moved summat and suddenly saw them all staring at her in rows and fucking shat herself.

Loved the cricket. The cricket's never off in her house. Sexually obsessed with Mark Ramprakash - I remember her genuinely growling and going ooh our Eve, if I were a few years younger. Once I sat at the kitchen table doodling beautiful Indian women and black women with fros and dreads and she smiled and went Are you drawing your coloured ladies again, pet?

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Mam's just rang to say my Nana's dying and she's been in hospital two weeks with cancer n it's now spread to most of her body so she's in a coma and will probably die tomorrow and all I can think is I'm fucking fuming she didn't tell me earlier when she was awake. I would've come down first week and sat with her and talked to her and she's robbed me of that but also that's her mother so am I allowed to be angry? I'm so at sea

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

I.misheard her I just rang again she said two days so I've pissed myself off for no reason. Bless her. I'm me mother's daughter

Both her brothers are coming with her to hospital tomorrow and it's going to be the first time she sees me uncle who is a cokey little knobhead in months n he's already told half the town about nan so me mam said I'll have to resist the urge to knock him out for propriety's sake the GOBSHITE.

I think of me nan every time I say summat in her voice and cadence so at least she'll live inside me and jumpscare me occasionally with her presence til I die. Me mate showed me his new jumper other day and I said eeee...well there's nae accounting for taste

[bollywood-bloodbaths]

Mam's just rang to say my Nana's dying and she's been in hospital two weeks with cancer n it's now spread to most of her body so she's in a coma and will probably die tomorrow and all I can think is I'm fucking fuming she didn't tell me earlier when she was awake. I would've come down first week and sat with her and talked to her and she's robbed me of that but also that's her mother so am I allowed to be angry? I'm so at sea