Another year on this earth, time for a new pinned post.
My name is Nova, or Ella-Vee (He/they), I am a 30 year old, AuDHD, genderqueer individual living in Staffordshire UK.
This is a personal blog, expect personal interests, expect personal shit, I hide my heart IRL due to past trauma so this is my way of having a space to wear my heart upon my sleeve, I don't do online personas or roll playing and I cannot act to save my life, so what you see is what you get.
Forwarning, I struggle with correctly tagging my posts, part of it is executive dysfunction, if you subscribe to spoon theory then for me it feels like tagging requires a separate spoon to reblogging, part of it is drawing a blank on tags, but part of it is just laziness on my part. I will at least try to tag things that other people would seek to exclude from their feed, but I may need some prompting from time to time. I apologize in advance for any distress caused.
The primary interests this blog will focus on are, in descending order: Warhammer 40k, focused upon the iron warriors, with occasional memes from other tangentally relevant sci-fi, grim dark, and fantasy settings, Bionicle, scale modelling, astronomy and space, railways in all their forms, and industrial history, especially relating to my local area.
I may occasionally reblog NSFW related to the above, which will be tagged, however as a rule I don't sexualise my interests, the main exception to this is suggestive/NSFW content that I find funny.
My music tastes are are: Rock and Metal on the more melodic end of the spectrum, rap, DnB, rave, house & chill house, in fact I'm generally chill with most music, although the nature of my neurodivergene means I oftenstruggle to find new songs and artists that actually become my favourites, my tastes are so inconsistently vibes-based that I cannot accurately predict whether I will actually click with a song or artist, even when I should, regardless, I'm willing to give most things a listen that isn't downright offensive in nature.
My favorite Warhammer books are The Night Lords trilogy, The Infinite & The Divine, The Twice Dead King, The Night Lords Trilogy. The Night Lords Trilogy, and sundry short stories from The Horus Heresy, particularly Aonid Thiel's saga and Iron Coprses.
My favourite non-Warhammer books are: Dungeon Crawler Carl, The memoirs of Lady Trent, and the Dragon Mage (trying to get back into that one).
favourite movies: The Lord of The Rings, Transformers: ONE, and the AvP cinematic universe.
Extra personal/political shit contained below:
A forewarning, I struggle greatly with my mental health in a number of ways, I was abused heavily at school, and then I was abused by my mother, and I do not hide it, I choose to be frank and blunt with the realities of who I am as a person.
I did not have a single friend until I was 18, in fact I was pretty much loathed by most people that met me, looking back in part for my own fault. This combined with issues relating to past relationships means I don't have any self-esteem, confidence, nor a positive image of myself.
As such I generally do not respond well to compliments or well meaning sentiments relating to me personally, when I get sent asks of that nature it tends to make me spiral even worse because it runs so counter to what I was told for so long that it just hurts to hear because it feels like being lied to. For this reason I would appreciate if people held off from sending me asks trying to up lift me, I know you probably think it helps, but at this moment in time it doesn't, I'm not currently in the headspace to appreciate such compliments without throwing them straight back in your face.
I am not suicidal, I have no desire to harm myself, so that is no risk anyone needs to worry about with me, but I go through cycles of deep self loathing. I just feel my depression and trauma very deeply and that spills over. Take anything tagged #vent as a means to get these thoughts out of my head, even if for a short while.
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Here's the shit that really I'm not proud of; in the early 2010s I dipped into and then sharply backed out of the right wing pipe line in 2016, and at the time I voted in ways and held beliefs that I look back on now and I'm fucking ashamed of. The short of it is Brexit happened here, and Trump happened in the state, and that was enough to knock me into my senses and start straightening myself out. I make no excuses for my past, I was a fucking moron who allowed ignorance, fear, and shame of my then repressed sexuality & gender to get the better of me.
what matters about my beliefs today is that I try to hold myself to firmly progressive, Self deterministic (one example being highly supportive of the restoration and expansion of teaching the native languages of these Isles, Keslowena Kernow!), pro-queer, pro-immigrant, anti-authoritarian ideals. I try to listen and learn, and I am prepared to fuck up and fail many times over to heave myself up out of the quagmire of ignorance and into something approaching respectability.
I do not claim to be a perfect with a spotless past, and I recognize that even now with all my life experience to guide me I can always fuck up in entirely new ways. I make no excuse for any problematic actions, take this more as a preemptive apology when I'm being a stupid bastard and feel free to give me a slap.
I'm white & English, sorry about that but, I didn't have a choice in my race or country of birth. Rest assured as a queer person living in this country I hold no love for Westminster. I identify with the county I currently reside in more than the nation, if I make a post tagged "#British for the bit" accompanied by this then it's a joke and a generally disparaging remark about my country.
One year ago today I unapologetically posted this miniature Darth Maul photo I created using real figures, miniature sets and some homemade cereal boxes I made.
An Old One, who held sway in eons past, remains alongside his last few servants. He captures a Space Marine, seeking to understand this Imperium of Mankind, a faction that tears down his ancient wonders, yet stands, alongside the Aeldari and a few others, as the last bastion against Chaos.
