bontholomew's bullshit @bontholomew - Tumblr Blog

"I need a Zevo" ad the day after Bonnie Tyler died 🫩

#capitalism #bonnie tyler #i need a hero

Dick so hard you could nail Jesus to it.

Something something he was a carpenter who knew his way around wood joke

#jesushumor #bonerjoke #shitpost #dick joke #dirty humor #i'm going to hell

The aches and pains are what make it Youth.

HEAR ME OUT

Age of Consent by New Order...country music cover. I was half asleep and started picturing parts of the song as a harmonica and can't un-imagine it.

#new order #music #harmonica #song cover #cover ideas

Being an adult is just saying your name, date of birth, email, phone number, passwords and social security number over and over every day until you die 🙂

#adulthood #adulting #adulting is hard #relatable #bonus points if you memorize your credit card number(s)

Do actors instinctively look up when they hear someone call an old character's name for the rest of their life?

#actors #shower thoughts #acting

Whoever invented Popeye's breading was a god damn masochist

#popeyes #fried chicken #ow?????

Put the "L" sticker from my new shirt on my forehead, BF took it off and said "you're not a loser 🥺" I said "but I'm large" and he said "no you're medium-well" CHAT is he cooked? (no pun intended)

I'm a fan of the lesser known Right Nut™️. Doesn't get enough credit.

#balls #nuts #gonads #testicles #ballfandom #shitpost

Sisterhood of the traveling bisexual pride flag

#first girl who had it came out as straight #second girl who had it came out as gay #its fate rests in my hands #lgbt #lgbtq #bisexual #pride

Accidentally just invented a slur for wizards...

ball shiner

#wizards #wizard shit #witchy shit #balls

Putting bunny ears on a car is like putting a tree sticker on a chainsaw

#i said it #ironic #no?#Easter

It's the first year I've forgotten.

March 24th

Only meant deadlines to me

And not a pathetic happy birthday text to you.

But it's March 28th.

And I had another dream about you.

"I have loved you every single day," I cried.

"I have to go," you said

As morning took you from me.

You probably won't read it for weeks...

#am I over my first love?#we don't even know each other anymore #only the memory of each other #before life gave you a bounty #and I got a famine #heartbreak #heartbreak poetry #grieving the living #three years together #three years apart #you'd think I'd be okay by now #and that time heals all wounds #but it has only given me countless #and I don't even have you to help me cope #and no one else has come close to the way you made it safe to breathe #no one has seen into my soul and loved me the way you did #you made me feel easy to love completely #and now everyone runs.#it's the only place I can go to see you #but you don't love me there #you don't love me anywhere anymore #and I don't know how to live with that #I ask myself...would you love who I've become?#I shouldn't try to exist for the approval of someone who probably doesn't remember my parents' names anymore #but I know for damn sure it's been easier than trying to live for my own approval #because ever since I lost yours. and theirs. it's been a nightmare. a spiral. you grounded me like no one else had or has since.#lost my mind #without you #i want it back #i want you back

Still haunts me to this day that I thought "exhumes" was used the same way as "exudes" and was giving out captain awards to my team my senior year of high school and one punk ass freshman RAISED HIS HAND after I said it twice to ask "what does exhume mean" and the coach leans over to him, arms crossed, and says "it's when they dig up a dead body"

I think about that at least 3× a month. Like, thanks Kevin. Had to do me like that. I just kept going like nothing happened. Then again, how would *I* have embarrassed myself if he hadn't answered it? Maybe he did me a favor.

#embarassing #cringe #high school horror stories #most embarassing moments #hope you enjoy my suffering #they sure did

Do clowns honk tuah

#hawk tuah #clowns #why does this keep happening #why clowns

Anybody else gotta wiggle their boob pimples to get em out

#boobs #question #pimples #acne

Spicy food is basically just anal sex for your mouth

#hot take #or #confession?

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