how to sell a haunted house - grady hendrix sentence starters
change tenses/pronouns as needed !! some lines have been edited for clarity / length / ease of roleplaying
tw ; death , alcohol , language , mental health
‘jesus, i’m sorry I’m not doing it the right way. i’m sure you’d be perfect at this.’
‘I find knowing these details makes it easier.’
‘you should have a drink, too.’
‘i’m not going to die. not for a long time.’
‘just because we shared a bathroom for fifteen years doesn’t mean you know a thing about me.’
‘my yoga instructor knows more about me than you do.’
‘I knew you’d do this. I knew you’d show up and start telling everyone what to do.’
‘look, I know you need to be in charge, but I’ve taken care of this.’
‘stop telling me how to deal with things. things are dealt with. I dealt with them.’
‘you can’t argue with someone when they’re upset.’
‘I don’t know what got into me, but I overreacted and I’m not proud of if it, and it wasn’t fair to you.’
‘you always needed everyone looking at you.’
‘I didn’t do it for attention. I did it because I was upset.’
‘I don’t like coming in here anyways. it’s got bad vibes.’
‘you can’t put a price tag on love.’
‘being here is really bad for my mental health.’
‘I know you don’t like me because i’m not successful enough for you.’
‘i’m actually happy with my life.’
‘if we aren’t related, if we met today, we wouldn’t chose to be friends.’
‘I don’t think we should be in here at all. I think my plan was better.’
‘don’t you feel the vibes?’
‘this is happening too fast. we need to slow down.’
‘every single time I give you the benefit of the doubt, or I try to help, it comes back and bites me in the ass. every! single! time!’
‘our house is not haunted.’
‘i’m telling you there’s weird vibe. I can feel it in my gut.’
‘methinks thou doth protesteth too much.’
‘there are true things and there are false things, and there are no in-betweens.’
‘there are facts, like houses and car accidents and cremation, and there’s bullshit like ghosts and vibes and exorcisms. and if you start getting the true things mixed up with the false things, you’re fucked!’
‘reality is not a consensus!’
‘when you don’t like the way a conversation is going you deflect with personal attacks.’
‘you’re like some kind of emotionally abusive octopus entangling everyone in your word tentacles.’
‘even I know that you don’t go back in a haunted house after dark.’
‘the only things here are memories, and those can’t hurt us.’
‘you’re very threatened by new ideas.’
‘I offered to stay tonight because I thought it would be good for you. i’m hoping it gives you some closure.’
‘why are you so mad at me? is it because you feel guilty?’
‘i’m sorry you remember it that way because that must feel terrible, but that’s not what happened.’
‘stop telling me what I remember!’
‘no one ever says no to you, (name) because we’re all scared you’re going to lose your temper.’
‘oh, fuck you. nice try, (name), but fuck you.’
‘no matter what you did, I still don’t want anything bad to happen to you.’
‘everything has to be a big production and you’re the star.’
‘everything has to be a big production and you’re the star. all because you can’t face the fact that your life is sad and empty.’
‘it’s a little late for you to start being my brother now.’
‘you blew my mind. it felt like we were the only two people left in the world.’
‘no matter what, I don’t want to ditch you here with a bunch of ghosts.’
‘right now what you need, for once in your life, is to listen to me.’
‘the way you’re laughing is actually really, really scary.’
‘I don’t think I’m well. I think something is really wrong inside me.’
‘don’t you fucking laugh at me. for the first time ever, my life finally makes sense.’
‘I don’t think I know what’s real anymore.’
‘my explanation is logically consistent. yours is all magical energy.’
‘it was absolutely terrifying.’
‘how much trouble are you in?’
‘look at me. you’re not crazy. this really happened.’
everything you’ve seen tonight, i’ve seen it too.’
‘i’m sorry I wasn’t stronger.’
‘it was easier to pretend nothing happened.’
‘my entire life I’ve always known something was wrong with me. i’ve spend my entire life scared that if didn’t do everything exactly right, reality would unravel around me and I’d lose myself again.’
‘I hope you feel better. i’m fine.’
‘I didn’t think you had it in you.’
‘all the things I did, I want to forget.’
‘i’m not doing it! i’m not doing it again!’
‘you need to get out of here right now.’
‘it won’t hurt me, but it’ll hurt you. you have to go right now!’
‘don’t let him do this again. don’t let him take over.’
‘an apology would go a long way.’
‘can you keep it down? I had to lie about what happened to a lot of people.’
‘are you seriously upset with me because I saved your life?’
‘you need to accept reality.’
‘you’ve become such a grouch.’
‘I wish you’d let someone take care of you.’
‘do you agree that there are forces greater than this world and we are helpless in the face of them?’
‘we don’t have time to fuck around.’
‘i’d like to say this the weirdest shit that’s ever happened to me but I have a bad feeling it’s about to get a lot worse.’
‘I told you this was a bad idea.’
‘this is wrong. what you’re doing is wrong.’
‘let’s talk about something that’s actually interesting.’
‘it just hurts a little. and by ‘a little’ I mean ‘a lot’ and also ‘all the time.’’
