baby steps

I'm 22 years old and I live in Scotland. Recovering from mental illness. Horse rider. Cat lover. Aspiring med student. Lover of hugs. Tea addict.

[designyoself]

[libidosuggestion]

push your thigh up between my legs when you make out with me

[mysharona1987]

Trump and the former President of Mexico acting like bitchy high school girls on social media. 

It’s like The West Wing meets Mean Girls.

What the world has come to.

[seven-valid-libras]

UPDATE

I voted for affordable education.

[anamorphosis-and-isolate]

[oizumi-deactivated20191118]

me: *opens messages* guess i’ll reply later narrator: she didnt

[hfjwhdiwhduejzbd]

When the lecturer name drops one of your mental disorders in a lecture

[recoveryinreach]

At least my unstable personality, lack of will to live, and constant need for attention won’t ever leave me

[irldragonite]

bad feelings

- the itch to check your notifications every few minutes - the twisting in your stomach when someone doesnt reply to your messages - intantly regretting an impulsive decision - the ache you feel when you feel like nothing will ever get better - the bone numbing exhaustion after doing the most minor tast

[littlegirllostinherhead]

little dependent things

Constantly rescheduling personal commitments so that you don’t miss any time you could spend with your depended

Bonus points if you just cancel the appointment and let it become a lingering source of anxiety

[softerline]

the issue with getting therapy for BPD is that sometimes i really can’t, truly cannot, genuinely can NOT control myself, but the therapist, (especially if they’re NT) is always going to say ‘but you can always control yourself/you have to choose to/you have to want to be different’ just because it’s a PD. and that’s very sneaky, hopefully at least well-meant ableism. 

[borderline--recovery]

when you’ve spent the whole day suicidal, paranoid, and close to tears because your fp read your message and didn’t reply...then about 12hrs later they reply and you’re like “I’M CURED, LIFE IS FAB”

[borderline--recovery]

*fp reads message and doesnt reply*

me: that's okay, I know she was busy today so she probably read it and got distracted or forgot to reply.

bpd: are you joking? she clearly hates you and wants nothing to do with you anymore.

me: but..but..but

bpd: she hates you.

[witchyriver]

How do you tell ur fp “I’m in desperate need of attention” without saying “I’m in desperate need of attention”?

[tired-af-p]

You have to understand that when I’m attached to you, it is not the same as you saying that you like someone. Being attached means that I need you. Being attached means that I think about you, way more often that I should. Being attached means that I look at the clock and immediately thinking what you could be doing. Being attached means that I’m doing something and wishing you were with me. Being attached means that I’m doing something and I’m thinking of your reaction if you were  with me. Being attached means that I care. I genuinely care about you. Being attached means that I overthink of our conversations. Being attached means that I’m constantly worried if you are okay. Being attached means that I want you to be proud of me

Being attached sets me up for disaster. Being attached means that I’m constantly anxious. Being attached means that I want to talk to you constantly Being attached means that I need your undivided attention. Being attached means that I become needy and clingy and possibly annoying. Being attached means that I’m calculating the days and hours till i next see you. Being attached means that I burst into tears the minute I leave. Being attached means that I CAN’T BREATHE. Being attached means that I-AM-SCARED.

I am scared that i’m boring and not good enough. I am scared that you will find me uninteresting I am scared that you will forget me the hours that we don’t talk or see each other. I am scared that I will unintentionally say something that will offend you. I am scared that you will leave, like everyone else. And instead of waiting for you to walk out of my life, for whatever reason, I prefer to leave first. Whatever that takes. Even if this means that I should take my life just so I won’t see you or hear your voice again. Just so you won’t hurt me or cause me pain and suffering when you leave.

*Being attached (or having a favorite person, fp.) doesn’t means that you are in love with the person or you are attracted sexually to them. The person could be anyone, even a stranger.

[flowerbomb-borderline]

i want to be someone’s favourite

i’m always coming second or third or not even at all, everyone always has someone they would prefer to be hanging out with or talking to and it hurts it fucking hurts all the time and i don’t know how to make it stop

i don’t know how to feel satisfied being just a friend to people and not a Best Friend or a significant other

[borderline--recovery]

Me: i need Attention Attention Attention Attention Attention

Person other than my FP: hey how are you?? are you ok? you've been acting weird lately!

Me:

Me:

Me:

Person: Ok...

Me: Wait i need Attention or it's Time To Die

[borderline--recovery]

Person: Just think positive thoughts!

Me, beating them with a newspaper: THAT!!! IS!!! NOT!! HOW!!! THIS!!! WORKS!!! OHMYGOD!!!