ⵣpoison on the insideⵣ @botherthedead - Tumblr Blog

Dear diary,

I've been yearning for the same person for nearing a decade. The grief just won't let go.

No matter how many times I build shrines for them. No matter how many times I burn them all off. No matter how many diamonds I try to make out of the ashes. No matter how much I wear your jewelry or my heart on my sleeves. No matter how much I try to get rid of my heart; it just leaves a huge you-shaped hole in my chest.

I don't know how to fill it, no matter how empty or how stuffed it only beats to the sound of your voice even if I hadn't heard it in years. But the heart is an incredible muscle, it easily adapts to your changes. The only thing I haven't been able to do is make it smaller and it feels like pain is only making it heavier.

And for the first time I wanna follow it but it either leads me back to you where it grows bigger.. then I go through the same cycle until I think it will burst.. but then again, the heart is such an absurd muscle. I often wonder if my heart leading me back to you is muscle memory but then we make new memories and it all makes sense again.

It's getting so heavy frankly, and it refuses to let me go anywhere without it. No matter where I am in the world. I just want it to take me to the edge so I can finally use it to sink.

But I'm sure it will baloon up more and bring me back up to the surface, on its way back to you. Against me.

#tassano

Joe met me down at the training yard

Cuts on his face 'cause he fought too hard

I know he's in over his head

But I love that man like nobody can

He moves mountains and pounds them to ground again

#Spotify

I need you to listen to me

Please, believe me

I'm completely lonely

Please, don't judge me

When your tears are falling

I'll catch them as they fall

I need you to listen to me

Please, don't leave me

I'm not perfect yet

But I'll keep trying

When your tears are falling

I'll catch them as they fall

'Cause inside, we are really made the same

In life, waiting's just a stupid game

Lift me up, give me a start

'Cause I've been flying with some broken arms

Lift me up, just a small notch

And I'll be flying like a thousand doves

A thousand doves

I'd do anything for you to really see me

I am human, invisibly bleeding

When your smile is shaking

I'll catch you as you fall

I cry more than I ever say

Each time, your love seems to save the day

#Spotify

Well, don't you sit in front of me

And wait for me to talk

You can call me up

The phone works two ways, you know?

#Spotify

If things were different, we were young

Skinny dippin', havin' fun, I remember

(I left myself in the alleyway)

All I wanted would become everything I ever loved, I remember...

#Spotify

botherthedead

Baby came home today

Told me to stay away

She told me her man was afraid

Told me I better behave

Baby just came back around

Told me she's leaving this town

Said she needs time to explore

She said I can't love her no more

Thinking about her

She's gone all the time

botherthedead

So baby packed up all she had

Promised to never come back

She left me alone and without

Skin I can study about

Tiles get colder to touch

Wood splinters, metal will rust

But baby, she had all my trust

And I guess that was never enough

botherthedead

Thinkin' about her

She's gone all the time

I think if you found her

That even you would know

She's mine, she's mine

That girl is mine, she's mine...

botherthedead

Baby came home today

Told me to stay away

She told me her man was afraid

Told me I better behave

Baby just came back around

Told me she's leaving this town

Said she needs time to explore

She said I can't love her no more

Thinking about her

She's gone all the time

botherthedead

So baby packed up all she had

Promised to never come back

She left me alone and without

Skin I can study about

Tiles get colder to touch

Wood splinters, metal will rust

But baby, she had all my trust

And I guess that was never enough

And I am the idiot with the painted face

In the corner, taking up space

But when he walks in, I am loved, I am loved

#Spotify

I'll gladly be the prey.

And I, just want to feel you're there

And I don't want to have to share our love

I try, but I get overwhelmed

When you're gone I have no one to tell

And I, just want to feel you're there

And I don't want to have to share our love

I try but I get overwhelmed

All wrapped in cellophane, the feelings that we had

And didn't I do it for you?

Why don't I do it for you?

Why won't you do it for me?

When all I do is for you?

And didn't I do it for you?

Why won't I do it for you?

Why won't you do it for me?

When all I do is for you?

But I, just want to feel you're there

And I don't want to have to share our love

I try but I get overwhelmed

When you're gone, I have no one to tell

#Spotify

And I'm growing older

I know that we're over

The way we'd always have been

And then I see you

And I know you all over again

And I don't leave you in the night

And I don't up and go away

No green in your eyes

Or teary goodbyes

No one cries on the plane

I know I'm adjusting

I know I should just think of going

And not where I've been

And then I see you

And I know you all over again

Is it wrong if I listen to songs that we've lived and

The stories are staying the same

I lie by the speaker

Just getting weaker

Until I remember your name

#Spotify

Baby came home today

Told me to stay away

She told me her man was afraid

Told me I better behave

Baby just came back around

Told me she's leaving this town

Said she needs time to explore

She said I can't love her no more

Thinking about her

She's gone all the time

#Spotify

Je t'aime encore

Je t'aime jusqu'à la mort

Je t'aime comme si tu étais moi

Je t'aime comme si tu n'étais plus là

Je t'aime encore

Je t'aime jusqu'à la mort

Je t'aime comme si tu étais moi

Je t'aime comme si tu n'étais plus là

Je t'aime encore, ma chérie, je pense à toi, l'alcool dans la vessie

Je bouffe d'autres chattes, mais j'n'ai pas d'appétit

Dans la vraie vie, ces mots d'amour, j'ai tant d'mal à les dire; je suis agressif

Quand on m'demande des câlins, je les tire par les tifs, quelle tragédie

Mais je t'aime encore, mon amour

Deux putains je baise, il n'y a qu'elles qui font l'amour

Je ne sais plus faire la cour

Mon cœur a fermé sa douve; parfois, je rêve de ta fouffe

Comme l'équipe de France de la coupe

Si quelqu'une parle de toi, je la coupe

Notre passé commun m'éclabousse

Salope, j'l'étouffe dans la douce

Mais je t'aime encore, mon bébé

Je n'pense pas qu'le temps et l'argent vont m'aider

Personne ne m'comprend, je peux l'confesser

Il n'y avait qu'toi qui savais m'compléter

Je vis la lumière comme un sombre été

J'peux faire n'importe quoi, combien d'gens vont m'aimer?

Je sais qu'jusqu'à mon décès

J'te réserverai la place du mort à bord de mon Féfé

Car je t'aime encore, ma belle

On peut tout recommencer sur un seul appel

J'ai croisé la bonne, et je sais c'est laquelle

Aucune tasse-pé ne pourrait apaiser ma peine

Même quand elle m'dit: "J'vais t'faire tout oublier"

J'réponds: "Ferme ta gueule, il faut qu'j'me rappelle"

On m'importune à peine que l'on cite ton nom

Mon cœur porte une attelle, depuis j'trouve le temps long...

#Spotify

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ⵣpoison on the insideⵣ