[bowletta]

hey man, im so sorry to come in here randomly, but i just found out shay passed away and i wanted to offer my condolences :( it randomly crossed my mind that i hadn’t seen their posts in a while and then i discovered what happened. i never talked to them but my heart is in pieces… i feel utterly distraught and gutted. i looked up to them for years and they inspired me to start animating. since you knew them i cant imagine how much grief you must have experienced (and continue to experience) over the past 11 months. i am so deeply sorry for your loss, i can tell you’re a beautiful person with a big heart and shay was very lucky to know you. grief is definitely the most harrowing human experience... it doesn’t get better but it does get easier. something inside me knows that wherever they are now, they know how loved they were and always will be. thank you for being their friend in life and continuing to talk about them after their passing, i wish you nothing but the best.

when I first got this message, I rewrote what i wanted to say multiple times until i ended up having a complete breakdown and had to walk away for several days - Im sorry it took so long to respond.

Im so sorry you had to find out this way. Every time someone shares that they just found out, it just takes me back to the day i found out... it doesnt matter when you found out - if it was months ago or just now, that agony is still the same. I want you to know youre not alone in your pain, many of us are still grieving.

A month from today itll be 1 year since it happened... and im not doing so good. Im not sure what im so afraid of, i feel like im regressing. I was able to do so well for awhile! But now i just dont know

[bowletta]

its been almost a year now, and as it gets closer I feel this overwhelming sense of dread.. im not sure what for. Maybe its cause I do everything in my power to not think about that day cause i completely shut down. Ive been doing so good...! Shays felt.. father away lately. not in a bad way, just like im accepting what happened. That Shay is gone and theres nothing I can do now to change that. I cant bring them back but I can continue to keep their memory alive, tell people about them and how amazing they were

all of the sudden on my way home a song came on that reminded me of them and it was just... too much. Like a dam overflowing. its awful its like im back at step 1. I know this too will pass but Its just so hard. I feel so small and weak

[bowletta]

what pokemon would you assign me and why... im curious

[bowletta]

its the 9 month anniversary today. I wanted to share something special ive been working on...

I was asked if I wanted to contribute to a mural thats going to be installed in my grief support group's new building - here's a wip of it from about a month ago

explanation below vvv (its quite silly)

I remember when me and shay first met, one of the first things we bonded over were our birds. (I have 2 lovebirds, they had 2 budgies) in one of the pictures of their budgies, I noticed there was a picture printed out and pinned to the wall of a very familiar looking duo... I hesitated asking cause I didnt want to look stupid but I asked if it was ikura and tara (a pair of japanese budgies from twitter) and it WAS and we were both so over the moon about it!!

And I remember, in that moment, that i felt this little flutter in my chest that we were meant to meet.

so for my piece, I wanted to pay tribute to the little birds that we bonded so closely over. in hindsight its quite tragic... one of them passed away since then.. but the owner has gotten ikura new friends so he wont be lonely <:' )

heres some pictures of shay and the birdies, cupid and zeus!!! (I love the middle one lol)

[bowletta]

sorry ive been quiet lately... ive mostly been ok! its easier when i have things to distract me... its jarring though, going from 'yaay i love playing with my touys!! I ❤️ interests!! ^_^' to the soul crushing grief of seeing something that makes me of them so much but i will never be able to show them and the constant fear of 'what if this happens again to someone i care about', 'what if something happens to me and my friends never find out im gone' etc

like... cmon man.. i just wanna play tomodachi life

[bowletta]

ive only had 3 dreams of shay since they died.

The other day I dreamt of them for the first time in like 6+ months. We had met up at a mall.

Im bawling, shaking them by the shoulders, shouting at them "do you have any idea how distraught people were?? How devastated the people around you are??" shay ignored me and was like "look at these cute earrings lol" . I look away for a moment and they vanish. I desperately search the mall to no avail.

It sucks like these dreams i have are never reassuring, theyre all painful and leave me with more questions than answers. I think its some psychological thing like part of me clings to this hope that this is all just an elaborate prank. Any day now theyll come back and everything will be back to the way it was - but deep down i know that wont happen. It cant. It just sucks man.

[bowletta]

mariowiki confirmed that coffee cup in the galaxy movie was indeed a superstar saga reference. m&l bros we cant stop winning!!!!!!

[bowletta]

I saw the mario galaxy movie last night.

For those avoiding spoilers who really want this one question answered... I got you.

I'll simply give you a yes/no answer below v

"Are there any mario rpg references in the mario galaxy movie?"

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......yes : ]

If you wanna see it, dm me I wanna give ppl a couple weeks to see the movie

[bowletta]

ok guys hear me out heres how we could still get cackletta in the mario galaxy movie

[bowletta]

favorite pokemon and why?

mine is altaria because i’ve loved birds and the sky since early childhood 🐦

im gonna do top 3

1. AUDINO (THE fav of all time. They turned me into a pokemon and this is it)

2. Groudon (first game was ruby)

3. Ho-oh (childhood favorite. I remember reading this unofficial beckett(?) pokemon magazine that had the 'origins' of ho-oh and it made me think ho-oh was Real)

I have like 20 more favorites but these are the top dogs ^

[bowletta]

OH HELL YAH HAPPY BIRTHDAY KIN i hope yuor day is so awesome. YAY !!

SHOOT i forgot to check my asks... thank you skye!! : D

[bowletta]

Bad aim, I unfollowed instead of asking, lmao.

🎂 Happy Birthday! 🎂

*sends horde of bunnies*

Its ok!! GOD I WISH THAT WERE ME... THANK U ❤️

[bowletta]

happy birthday! it's been nice seeing you on here again. i hope you have a nice day and that your new year can get off to a good start

thank you! I... didnt think abt how people may have missed me in my absence aha.. ill try to be more active/chatty <: )

[bowletta]

Ayo!! Happy Birthday!! I hope it treats you well :3 You have anything fun planned? I hope you at least don’t have to work today ;-;

im actually at work right now aha but for bday plans, me and my mom go out to dinner at one of my fav restaurants!

heads up ill answer all the birthday wishes when i can! (On breaks, after work etc) i still appreciate each and every one : ] ❤️

[bowletta]

I need to be honest... ive.. been dreading this day

when... shay passed away I remember going through our messages and finding our birthday wishes to each other and realizing that would be the last time I would ever hear that from them.. and since then ive felt this impending doom as my birthday loomed closer. So ive been trying to stay positive and upbeat because I know shay wouldnt want me to cry on my birthday... so im trying my best! Trying to stay silly and happy and not think about sad stuff

I know that i wont get the text from them with the silly bunny picture telling me happy birthday... but i know theyll tell me happy birthday in some other way. With a beautiful sunset or birds singing or rabbits frolicking... something uniquely 'shay'. and when i see it, ill know who it came from ❤️

[bowletta]

its my birthday!!!!!!

[bowletta]

man I think this is the most ive posted in... years? Im having alot of fun tho thank you all for cheering me up <: )