Cw // sui attempt & hospital mentions, VERY vent-y
Hey, I need some comfort and advice. Its been really hard and I can't really keep quiet about this anymore
My FP just broke up with me a month ago, and now Im just starting to go through the motions of processing what has happened, what had possibly went wrong, etc but the pain that they left me with everytime I see their names/anything they liked is unbearable and I cant manage this by myself.
Soon after the breakup, I realized how ableist they where. They also never took the chance to research more into BPD or ask me questions about my expiriences with it to see how they could help me so apparently my splitting and emotional outbursts where shocking (even after saying that it might fuck with the relationship or cause some sort of instability, so just incase I gave them some of y'alls posts), and on top of that, they had left me because of my most recent attempt because of really bad paranoia after an argument that I has caused them trauma/hurt them for showing any sort of irritability and being scary.
I realized soon after, through the nurse that was typing down the reason I was hospitalized, they had gaslit me into feeling bad and I had every right to be pissed, so now I'm still pissed lol
I still cannot get over how they just... left my most vulnerable period. Didn't even console me, didn't even check in, just... didn't respond. And broke off because I hurt them. And even fully acknowledged I might attempt again after the breakup and didn't want to he there with me for that. Thankfully a close friend was there for me, or else I would've been in the hospital longer or went back.
In short its scary, I feel like shit, I just need things that would make me forget about them, and get my mind off the crippling paranoia of them shit talking about me to their friends and how bad of a partner I was.
Thank you for reading :"D
I can definitely understand this. my ex FP left me well over a year ago and I still can't see anything relating to them without spiralling out of control emotionally. I'm sorry you've gone through that and first and foremost: you don't deserve that. You are allowed to feel hurt by their lack of willingness to understand a disorder that you openly communicated you had and the possible ways it could effect the relationship. Especially doing so when you are in a very vulnerable position is horrific.
I hope you're able to get through this, and that the hurt lessens. I don't unfortunately have any quick fix, but please allow yourself to ride the waves of your emotions. The best way to get over somebody is to allow yourself to feel the hurt you need to feel, and work towards surrounding yourself with people who care about you and will care to research what you go through. You got this!