BPD Blunders

featuring shittily drawn comics

[ironedout]

i’m sorry that loving me will often feel like fighting in a war. that you will have more battle scars than you can count. that sometimes “i love you” tastes more like surrender than a victory. that mine is the sort of love that breaks bones and captures cities. bites your lip so the taste of rust lingers. a flag. a warning. a measured mark of title. the kind of love you need to recover from. that some days you will reach for me and i will be going, gone, ghost. that some nights i turn myself off with the lights and the bedroom doubles as a battlefield where i am more enemy than ally. that sometimes these hands are made for hurting and not for holding. healing. i should hold you more often. i should. i’m sorry.

all the things i couldn’t say to you in person, by ironedout (via ironedout)

[bpdblunders-blog]

Fun fact: Blunder was actually inspired by The Missing Piece by Shel Silverstein! I thought that it would be a good representation of how I’ve always felt like something was missing inside me.

[bpdblunders-blog]

...and then the shame when they reply you with a legitimate reason for being busy welp

[bpdblunders-blog]

breakingborderlines → bpdblunders

Hi guys, I’ve decided to change my URL and the focus of this blog. I will be doing comics instead (mostly BPD related), but some occasional general posts will definitely happen!

P.S. I apologize for the disappearance over the past few months x

[bpdblunders-blog]

tbpdfw you’re angry and someone gets angry with you for being angry and you’re angry with them for being angry with you for being angry.........

[ironedout]

the trouble with being many girls in one is that i am never quite sure who i am. i am a russian doll of a girl, a series of tinier and tinier versions of myself trapped in my mind and body, each with its own voice, each wanting different things. which of them is real, then? they all are. some days i am the dragon; some days i am the princess. some days i am the narrator that warns you off and tells you you would be stupid to stay. which of them is real, then? they all are. they are all three real and alive inside of me, and so no matter which face i choose to put on that day, the other two spark a riot within. no matter what i choose to do, i am always hurting. pain is the only constant.

[bpdblunders-blog]

like they unlocked the window grills and pushed the windows wide open etc and idk i'm not sure if that counts as trauma ???? i don't know i just feel like a fucking idiot right now i'm sorry (part 3)

it’s a known fact there are many people (incl. me!!!) with BPD who had a relatively ‘okay’ childhood without abuse or neglect or anything. however, they were severely invalidated. e.g. my family constantly berated me for expressing emotions, i was told to stop making a big deal out of nothing, punished for crying etc. according to my therapist this sort of treatment from my family was extremely damaging to young children.

ultimately, trauma is subjective. as long as you feel like it impacted your wellbeing severely, it’s trauma. as long as it still affects you, it’s trauma.

nobody is allowed to tell you whether something was traumatic or not. it’s something you decide for yourself.

[bpdblunders-blog]

however i'm not sure if i'm just blowing things up but when i was growing up there was a period of time, maybe ard 9, when a relative threatened to kill themselves whenever they were scolding me and (part 2)

//

[bpdblunders-blog]

is it possible to have bpd even though i don't think i've gone through any major traumas like horrible accidents or deaths... bc my counsellor says that one major factor in diagnosing bpd clinically is the client's history (part 1)

//

[bpdblunders-blog]

Thank you. for your reblogs lately, they helped me a lot, especially with overthinking of being too needy and ruining things because of that. it helped me with focusing on reality and not what my mind was trying to do with me. thank you xoxo

glad i helped xx

[bpd-faerie]

the thing about having bpd is, you can’t live with anyone not liking you. it’s not just ‘oh i just want to be a likable person’. even if you absolutely hate someone for a completely valid reason, if they hate you back?? panic. you are suddenly the scum of the earth because someone DOES. NOT. LIKE YOU.

[bpdblunders-blog]

“Vampires, like humans, are emotional creatures but have the benefit of controlling their emotions by turning them off. Upon their transition the emotions they experience are magnified probably as a means of safeguarding their psyches from the ravages of time, keeping them sane for the extent of their immortal lives. When they want to feel again, they can turn them on or dull their emotions by being in the "middle". A Vampire who has completely turned off their emotions is also said to have completely shut down their humanity, making them carefree and remorseless about their actions and impervious to guilt and conscience turning them into remorseless calculating killers. As a vampire ages, they have less control over their emotions. It is mentioned that when a human is turned into a vampire, all of their feelings and emotions are heightened, meaning that pain would turn into agony, sadness into depression, happiness into elation and much more on.” (x)

tbpdfw when maybe you’re actually a vampire

[ironedout]

some days it takes me twenty minutes to push one word out of my dry, desert throat. some days i sink into my covers and forget how to swim. some days i have burn marks from putting out fires my mind ignited. some days i will go out like a dying light and some days you will scald your fingers trying to hold me through it. some days it will be anything but beautiful. some days i hope you love me anyway.

disclaimer (on loving someone with a mental illness), by ironedout (via ironedout)

[bpdblunders-blog]

Me: wow i love this person

Person: *does not respond to a text the way i want*

Me: wow i hate this person

[thosebpdfeels]

Okay, I was taking to my fp™ and ?? I was apologizing for being needy ?? And they said I wasn't being needy rn?? And I can't stop thinking about that?? Am I too needy other times?? I must annoy them I'm trying so hard to avoid splitting but I feel it creeping up because they obviously hate me and I ruined another relationship???? What do I do? ??

They do not hate you. You did not ruin the relationship. I want you to look back and consider why this is your fp. I’m willing to bet this person has done some really positive things for you in their lifetime, they wouldn’t have done those positive things if they didn’t think you were worthy of them. I can promise you that their feelings about you didn’t change from you asking one question.

[bpdblunders-blog]

Do you have any advice for somebody with BPD struggling in a relationship? I can never shake the the urge to break up but I have no idea why I would want to or how to stop feeling like this.

hi there! from my therapy sessions, i’ve learned that it’s best to sit down and process these emotions (maybe by writing them down?) and keep asking yourself why. why do you feel like breaking up with them? by figuring out why, you can figure out how to counteract it.

1. did they hurt you, causing you to feel like they can’t be trusted anymore? -> talk about this with them. you can maybe let them know that you will be more detached until you feel more ready to trust them again.

2. are they not giving you enough attention as much as you want, causing you to want to seek out other sources? -> raise this point as well! what is lacking, and what do you need? can they give that to you? discuss ways they can help you as much as possible e.g. if they’re busy, maybe they can just drop a quick text to let you know they’re thinking of you etc.

3. are you angry with them and you want to leave them out of spite? -> this is your impulsivity talking. don’t make rash and hasty decisions that you will regret. ride out this wave and wait until your head is cleared before you make such a big decision.

4. do you feel suffocated and like you need more space? -> again, talk about it! you can explain that you need some quiet time alone and you will reach out again when you’re ready.

5. do you feel like an evil monster and you want to leave them ‘for their own good’? -> don’t fall for this trap. your partner is a human being with the ability to make their own choices. if they choose to be with you, let them.

6. do you think they’re going to abandon you so you want to leave before they can do that to you? -> deep breaths. bring it up with your partner and tell them you are feeling scared and insecure. they’ll probably reassure you that nothing is wrong and they still love and want to be with you. if not, then you were better off without them anyway.

you’ll notice that most of these ‘solutions’ require you to COMMUNICATE with your partner. i can’t even stress how important it is to talk about your issues with your partner so they can clear up any misunderstandings you have and work through it with you!!! i hope this helps xx

[work---in---progress-deactivate]

Favourite Tips

If you struggle to keep a favourite happy here are some tips to try to keep them around:-

Be 100% straight and honest with them from the beginning

Explain to them what your BPD does to you and what it means for them

Make sure they are educated on what BPD is

Tell them that they must set firm rules into place for your behaviour

Write a journal/blog that they have access to so they can learn what can happen when they mess up (its a learning curve)

Get them to be completely honest with you too

Make sure they TRULY understand what they’re getting themselves into; full consent is important

Ride the waves

Explain what your triggers are and what WILL set you off and try to figure ways to minimise this risk

Get them to message you maybe once a day so you can counteract your relationship object permanence problems.

If they can’t accept who you are from the start, they aren’t worth connecting to anyway.