There’s a fine line between being protective of your inner peace and being a slave to paranoia
I don’t know where I stand when it comes to it.
I trust no one to love me, me who is fiercely delicate
Picturesquely so, one might say.
I trust no one, and I might as well love no one, no one but myself.
I have gaps in my memory from times when I only thought about not being here,
pseudodementia, a case of hysteria, what else can i call it ?
An episode of over analyzing the flaws of a society that thrive on any imbalanced power dynamic.
That’s my biological clock, or so i was told.
I prefer to think of it as a ticking time bomb…
It’ll explode one day and there will be another piece of my soul out in the world
Just like this one is out under the name of sarcasm.
I will love it unrealistically, maybe the way my mother loves me.
love it so much; enough to sacrifice my life.
And it’ll mean nothing, at least nothing more than what was expected
As a young girl i used to get reprimanded every time i was sincere about how I feel
I started to accumulate half chewed thoughts left them in my mouth overnight then swallowed.
I felt less real as time went by, and so I learned spit those thoughts and sculpture them into more admirable statues
Then painted a raw authentic layer of what i think of myself as now all over them, just so they don’t look fake.
Ending up with a form of art that is an acquired taste…
But the thing is: i had all my life to adapt to it to myself, and all the feminine rage in me.
•Quotes: Stephen Dunn/ Fyodor Dostoevsky/ Kate Jacobs/Marina Tsvetaeva/ richard siken/richard siken/ Margaret Atwood/ Sylvia Plath/ an excerpt from "Elektra,' Sophocles (translated by Anne Carson)
•Original context: sinligh
1. Art by Crawfurd damson 2. desperate lamentation by Roberta Coni. 3. Curled Up - Crawfurd Adamson. 4. Paintings by Brett Williams. 5. a fragment of ourselves returning v, 2018 by beatrice wanjiku. 6. Art by allison sprock. 7. Art by Michael Mao. 8. Dark Corridor by unknown artist, 1990s, from The Tavistock and Portman NHS Foundation Trust.
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