How I cope with my Emotional Nonsense
My brain comes with the fun little perk of really intense, overwhelming emotional reactions. My emotions are a series of on/off switches and it’s either blinding painful intensity or complete numbness. So here’s how I try to manage it:
Clean my room. Not like… calm gentle reorganization. No. I dump as much as I think I can handle onto the floor and put it back in its place. It’s intense. There’s usually loud angry music. Things almost always end up only slightly cleaner than they were but I feel way fuckin better afterwards.
Play video games. Preferably those ones where you’re way OP and just slice through enemies like butter. Or something you just plain can’t lose at, like Stardew Valley.
Watch vine compilations. Seriously, just search RIP Vine in youtube, click on the mix playlist, and you’re set forever.
Listen to podcasts. I like audio dramas. If you want recs, message me. I’ve got a list.
Take a walk. I’m confident in my ability to keep myself safe in doing so, so I will start walking and just not stop until I calm down. Usually I’m doing better after about half an hour for me.
Make something. Draw, knit, write, paint, make a fucking hand turkey. No one cares if it’s good. And even if I decide to throw it out, I usually feel better once I’ve actually made a thing.
Blanket fort. Really. It helps. Use a paper towel tube as a fake sword. Just… be silly and childish and imaginative. Those aren’t bad things to be.
Cut/dye my hair. Usually this takes a little planning but I always wind up deciding to do it during a breakdown of some sort.
Eat something. Sometimes a bag of gummy worms is all it takes to remember that the world isn’t entirely awful.
Go back to bed. Sometimes, I just don’t have the energy to put up with the world’s bullshit. And that’s okay. It’s not wise to pick this one every time, but sometimes the world can wait. I bury myself under the covers, put my phone on do not disturb, and either take a nap or listen to music.
Sometimes, I’m stuck. I can’t distract myself, and I can feel the wave coming, about to pull me under and turn me into a massive shitlord. Because I am an absolutely AWFUL person to be around when I’m in emotion-hell. Believe me, I hate myself during it too. Haven’t quite figured out what to do with it yet, but if I’m with someone I try to warn them that I’m really upset and just need a moment to freak out a bit. Then I try to just… let it pass. It’s a bad idea to talk to people you have strong feelings about, no matter the feelings, when you’re in this. Impulses are hard to manage. I tend to just ramble my feelings in a private post on tumblr or I talk to someone I don’t know that well and consequently don’t have strong feelings about. Just… keep breathing. It passes.
So yeah. Things I try to keep in mind:
Nothing is permanent. Our lives are short and, on a cosmic scale, relatively insignificant. The decisions I make aren’t actually that important, so I may as well have fun.
Our lives are the most important thing we experience. This is how we are, right now. It is so very real, so very vivid and meaningful and shapes future iterations of us. We are very much here.
Two opposing statements can be true at the same time. We are complex, beautiful creatures capable of complex planning and deep thought. We’re also bumbling apes who will ingest toxic substances because we like how they feel and frequently giggle at the thought of farts.
People in general are too busy worrying about what everyone else thinks of them to actually notice that a bit of someone else’s hair is sticking up or that their shirt was on inside out. It happens. We’ve all had those days.
There is no such thing as grown-ups. Only people who have gotten very good at pretending they know what they’re doing. We learn the rules by conformity, by watching everyone else and doing what they’re doing, even if we don’t actually know what the fuck is going on. It’s okay. There’s probably someone else just as confused as you in the same room. You’ll be fine, and if you’re too lost to pretend you know what’s going on, either ask someone who looks like they know, or bullshit it and hope for the best.
There is good in the world. If you need evidence, look at this dog. All dogs are good.
