doin' fine.

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roscoe2x1:

That’s fascinating. I’d heard about the planets, but I hadn’t heard about the bees. You learn something new every day. Thank you for the new fun fact. The Hivebowl is one Football match I could actually get behind.

I would say I’d watch it, but they’re still playing football and I still wouldn’t have a clue what would be going on.

In fact, it might be worse because there would be new rules about flying and using stingers... Could you imagine the scandal that would come if a bee stung another bee (potentially accidentally, I’m not here for the conspiracy theories) and consequently died on the pitch? How are we supposed to tell the bees apart? Any addition of colour coordination could ruin their flight patterns or cause team bias. Or mimic flowers which could cause some more drama.And who would they get for the half time show? Beeyoncé is too obvious, right?

This is going to keep me up at night until I’ve solved how to make the Hivebowl happen. #firstworldnerdproblems

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Well, now I’ve officially seen everything. On top of seven new planets being discovered, scientists have figured out that they can not only teach football to bees but that the bees will then teach other members of their hive football too and consequently there could be the Hivebowl in the future. Even bees are more athletically able and promising than I am.

[sanabakkouh]

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rocky1x1:

Happy belated Valentine’s day for all you love birds, and a happy Palentine’s Day to all my buds!  I spent a romantic evening by myself in my squad car, practicing my air guitar to some Elvis, so my partner could spend the evening with her other half.  It was a pretty slow night out on patrol, so I hope that meant everybody was staying out of trouble and appreciating their loved ones.  Or gettin’ lucky.  That’s a good option too. 

If only I’d known Palentine’s day was a thing, then I’d have tried to advertise it as much as possible to liven up the post-Valentines restaurant blues. Next year, right? I’m glad to hear that the criminals of the city decided to have a calm one and let people celebrate in peace, though. Restores my faith in humanity just a little. I spent the night knee deep in orders for steak and fries and triple chocolate cookie cheesecake sundaes, so pretty much just another night. Although, there’s nothing better than seeing people head over heels for each other from afar and being able to make their night a little special with some surprise additions to their meal - kind of a perk of working on Valentine’s Day, actually.

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roscoe2x1:

I cannot believe my luck. I finally find a cute person to give me occasionally attention and my newest fur child completely ruined everything. In the midst of a bit of Netflix and Chill, Todd decided to go through my bathroom trash and bring the poor girl a gift. I’m going to let you draw conclusions as to the gift, because I simply cannot say. It’s too embarrassing, and this is the internet.

I hate my life.

I’m pretty sure the Queen of England has probably had her corgis bring important guests some embarrassing gifts too, so I wouldn’t feel too bad about it. In fact, I’d use it as a testing the waters kind of thing. The girl freaks out and runs because of a pretty humorous situation? Bye bye girl. You could always sell this story to one of those anti-pets groups and make money out of a bad one. Silver linings. 

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rocky1x1:

I don’t know whether to thank mother nature or one of our own weather manipulators, but today was perfect Tee Time weather.  I had to drag myself off the green just to head back to campus, but it should be illegal to be stuck inside today!  If the weather keeps up maybe I’ll take Tango on an early evening hike.  Anybody wanna join us? 

I’ll preface this with unnecessary confirmation of my lack of athletic ability and my dislike for anything to do with athletics. And while I could easily take three steps at a time and beat you to the top of whatever steep high place you’ll probably end up getting to, I’m also very likely to fall off the side to my doom. So, I hope your hike is good but I’ll pass. Unless you turn it into a really lazy cycle and drink beers on some grass while playing fetch with Tango session, then I’m super in. It’s time to break out the shorts, so I need an excuse to do so in a way that doesn’t increase my already high chances of the most ridiculous way to die.

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roscoe2x1:

Vegas was crazy! I’m not going to clog up y’alls dashboard with any more love shit than you’ve already had to put up with, but can I just say I highly suggest being in love? 10/10, feels great and my bae made me the happiest fish in the world last night. Love you, boo.

And everyone else? Boo you for not making it to my wedding.

Oh my goodness, congratulations! I hope there are a tonne of photos of the event and the lead up, because I love a good romance story and they always say a picture says a thousand words. To make up for my lack of presence (even though I’m sure you were talking to people you’re actually close to and not just some acquaintance) please let me get you a wedding gift? I need some excuse to stop buying myself Valentine’s gifts at least. There’s only so many times I can pretend to be surprised when the delivery man comes to the door.

[bracken2x1]

rocky1x1:

Who is ready for a little Nico Comaro storytime?  Long story short I smoked a FAT blunt and bought a deep fryer on amazon ‘cause well it’s America ain’t it?  Anyway, my stoned ass came up with yet another epic stoner snack, get this: nacho egg rolls.  You load ‘em up with all your favorite nacho fixings and then dunk it in queso.    I got some extra spicy ones left if anybody is brave enough to give ‘em a try, but it won’t be long before I fry up another batch.  

Is it too late to snap up one of those extra spicy nacho egg rolls? Because while I’m a wimp when it comes to spice, I’ll never pass up on a stoned Nico invention. Those inventions and over creations really got me through the days when I couldn’t face packet ramen any longer. If it is too late, I propose getting high, cycling to the store, grabbing whatever the hell comes to mind and creating a miraculous feast while doing something else that’s cool. I’m hungry. I can’t deviate from the food plan to round out this idea.

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↳INSTAGRAM @HAYWARDYABLOWME UPLOADED A NEW PHOTO

I know y’all missed my handsome face over expensive roses day, so here’s belated V-day love. #HappyOnSaleChocolateDay!

↳31 LIKES ♥, 19 COMMENTS:

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TEXT MESSAGE ✉️ BEADLER

BEA: Just because your sisters think you're annoying, doesn't mean I do. I don't know how to make the way I feel about you any clearer, but please rest assured it's the opposite of annoyed.

BEA: I do hope there's photographic evidence of these past costumes?

CHANDLER: My sisters were just an example. But, I take your feelings on board and I'll process them probably around the same time I'll process the fact that I'm really uncool.

CHANDLER: Even better, I can try each and every one on in front of your very eyes. My splurge on a Harry Potter inspired trunk came in handy for storing them and tripping my roommate up.

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TEXT MESSAGE ✉️ BEADLER

BEA: What if I think you're an amazing and not at all annoying person and kind of want to rush things? I could never think you're annoying. I adore you.

BEA: I can't wait to see it!

CHANDLER: Then I'd return to an earlier conversation we had questioning the possibility of computer malfunctioning and some serious malware impeding your thinking process - because I'm very annoying. In fact, I specifically recall my sisters telling me so on a regular basis.

CHANDLER: You say that because you haven't seen my collection of past Halloween costumes. You'd be much more excited if you had.

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TEXT MESSAGE ✉️ BEADLER

BEA: Please do. I've told you a million times to make yourself at home. I want you to be comfortable.

BEA: Good, I'll still be your biggest fan.

CHANDLER: I don't want to rush things and ruin anything. I'm an annoying person, I'm self aware of my huge list of flaws and, like I've said, I really, really, really like you so I don't want you to realise just how annoying I can be just yet. But, I'll dip my toe in and see how it goes now. Promise.

CHANDLER: I'll make you a super awesome fan outfit to prove it.

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TEXT MESSAGE ✉️ BEADLER

BEA: If that's an offer, I happily accept. I really like sleeping with you. And I really, really like you. Come over tonight. Come over every night.

BEA: I will definitely be there to witness it. I'm almost indestructible, and I wouldn't miss it for the world. You should send him a post card, let him know how far you've come. There's no harm in gloating a bit.

CHANDLER: Done and done. I'll presumptuously bring a bag of clothes and a toothbrush which will conspicuously - depending on reaction - find its place in your place.

CHANDLER: I'll give you the first autograph. I will once I've won, make him feel extra bad.

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TEXT MESSAGE ✉️ BEADLER

BEA: Frankly, I didn't think my neediness was a secret. I'll be sure to be even more needy and clingy in the future. Apparently my attempts to spend every waking moment with you have gone unnoticed, even despite the fact that I have more waking moments than most people.

BEA: I need you for so many things. You carry my bags, you keep me company, you keep me warm. There's also the general fact that I adore you and just being around you makes me feel...I actually don't have a word for it. You make me feel good.

BEA: I look forward to the day that your nobel outshines your current win!

CHANDLER: It isn't. I'm merely encouraging to stop holding back for even a second. You should be demanding every waking and sleeping moment with me (I feel like it's important to note that this is both a joke and an offer if it doesn't make you uncomfortable - I really like you.)

CHANDLER: You make me feel good, too. I'm glad this is a symbiotic relationship.

CHANDLER: I really hope you're there to witness it. And the guy who told me I was dumb for doing a project on Watson and Crick when I was seven? I hope he cries from his telemarketing job desk when he realises I'm the cool one.

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TEXT MESSAGE ✉️ BEADLER

BEA: How right you are. You play a crucial role in my shopping experience, I just don't want to sound too needy. I appreciate your sacrifices, your bag carrying, and your company.

BEA: Congratulations on your first big win then, my dear. I imagine it might be close, but I've never been more than alright at sports, so it's hard to say.

CHANDLER: Please be needy. I like being needed. I mean, I'm that guy who is just there normally. So being needed is a huge ego boost for me.

CHANDLER: Better than any sporting achievement I could have ever been honoured with, that's for sure. And only to be beaten by a nobel, so you're right up there.

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TEXT MESSAGE ✉️ BEADLER

BEA: Darling, you are good for so much more than carrying my bags. I could carry my own bags with ease. I have the most stimulating conversations with you. I love talking to you, whether we're talking about my interests or your interests, or a combination of the two. You don't need to do anything differently.

BEA: Not that I'm going to object to said wining and dining. But you've already won my heart. That's all.

CHANDLER: But how are you meant to add more things to your basket with arms covered in bags, Bea? Come on now. Without me being the hero that I am, you would not be able to overload your home with rugs and towels and candles galore. When you drag me to a mall, that is my soul purpose. And it's okay, because you're all happy talking about Egyptian cotton and asking me which off white fabric looks nicer (spoiler, they look the same to me - I had to get that off my chest right now). You're the only person I'd do it for, even if I protest a little.

CHANDLER: Wow.

CHANDLER: That may be the first thing I've ever won in my life that wasn't a spelling bee or a chess competition or a video game against drunk people. Is this how really good athletes feel?

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TEXT MESSAGE ✉️ BEADLER

BEA: Untrue. That's the entire state of Florida. Malls are calming havens.

BEA: We can certainly get through it. I imagine we'll have a lot of fun in the meantime, it'll fly right by. Good, there's no need to remain calm. I like when you nerd out over various things. And when you're nerding out over me? All the better.

CHANDLER: I can't speak for Florida, I've never actually been there. But I doubt it will ever require as much mental preparation that malls require.

CHANDLER: You know, the fact that you're being actually sincere about liking all of my nerdiness really still surprises me to this day. I swear, one of these days I'm going to wine and dine you like you deserve and I'm going to shut up about DNA and methylation and let you speak about all of your interests that I'll have read up about enough to engage in a perfect intellectual conversation with you. Because you deserve that.

CHANDLER: Until then I'll just carry your bags because that's all I'm good for.