@bravecitizen - Tumblr Blog

In the upstairs study, the William Morris wallpaper 'Blackthorn' decorates both the walls and ceiling.

In an Irish House, 1988

gonna be honest—since moving here I’ve had some level of crisis. A lot of the people I’ve met lead very large lives, not as in wealth or accomplishment, but productivity. Every second of every day is spent doing and I sincerely feel out of place.

I want to live a quiet life, a life small enough that I can focus on my writing, that I have the time in the day to be bored and just be. I moved to the hustle and grind and network capital of the world and realized I don’t want to hustle and grind and network to the level that everyone else does.

I am on paper chasing my dream. I just was announced for quarterfinals, 45 out of 4k entries. I am “doing it” but I feel so disengaged with the rat race, maybe it’s because I fundamentally disagree with it. I wish there weren’t so many gatekeepers and I wish I wasn’t jumping through hoops to get someone’s professional attention.

I’m not sure I’m complaining but more so realizing my ultimate goal is to sustain myself with my stuff so that I can move someplace softer, someplace with a garden. Someplace with rain.

#I also #miss my parents #personal #don’t get me wrong I’m grateful for being here #that I’m in a place to live here #just really draining lol #the people I meet are draining too