bangel's biggest issue to me isn't the age gap or the toxicity. both are pretty much a given in vampire media. my real problem is the lack of consistency.
buffy and angel start off as your typical mysterious and dark fantasy ship. it's underdeveloped and rushed but it's still the classic & timeless human/monster trope. it simply wasn't to my taste.
back to the age gap : in this case, it still matters because angel uses buffy's immaturity against her multiple times, to invalidate her feelings. there's clearly a power imbalance. they don't address it very well in s1 though.
s2 bangel actually gets interesting because they explore this facet more. they acknowledge angel's predatory behavior. angel doesn't just lose his soul and turn evil. he's also her first experience with sex, making this a crucial (and cruel) part of her formative years.
the show is metaphorical so their first time bringing forth angelus shouldn't be treated like a plot device. the writing paints him as the older boyfriend who turns abusive after he gets what he wants. it would be good storytelling if they actually let buffy process this.
it's even more interesting because s2 tackles those themes a lot. they explore drug-facilitated sexual assault in Reptile Boy, domestic violence in Ted (and insist on angel's inability to believe buffy), predatory relationships in I Only Have Eyes For You (which they use to parallel bangel), sexual assault/victim blaming in Go Fish, etc. so the exploration of bangel's abusive and predatory aspects is part of a cohesive thematic ensemble.
he's the first cut that should always bleed... but they don't let it. they spend s3 sanitizing it.
the theme is dropped in s3 and that's one of the (many) reasons why i have a hard time with the season (it's comfortably sitting at the bottom of my ranking). my issue isn't the amount of bangel scenes, it's the thematic 180 it takes.
they brush off the implications of the angelus/buffy arc to focus on the star-crossed lovers aspect because angel has his spin-off lined up and they need him to leave btvs unscathed. instead of exploring the consequences of bangel's predatory aspects in s3, they reduce it to the pain buffy felt when killing him... for marketing reasons?
while buffy's story of healing post-SR could have been better, they made the effort to acknowledge its impact with her PTSD symptoms. it remains consistent, even though s6 and s7 spuffy explore different themes. it doesn't feel like you've got two different ships either, the way it does with bangel.
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