Welcome to my little online recovery diary!

my little online diary and record. I'm learning to live life to the fullest and thrive after a decade of not doing that. warning, there will be typos on this blog.

[thepeacefulgarden]

[desultory-suggestions]

It turns out that you can become the person you’ve always envisioned but you’ll still have the person you were before inside of you and you have to treat them with as much forgiveness and love as possible

[anniespositivity]

Small things that will change your life:

Each morning: Write down three things you are excited for in the day (it can be little things like drinking a tea, cleaning, putting on your favourite shirt etc.).

Each night: List three things you are grateful for (again, it can be little things that made you smile briefly, the weather, an act of kindness etc.)

Smile at people you pass on the street. It will give them a reason to smile too and you will feel good.

Do a few minutes of stretching every day. Mental health is closely related to physical health, just a few minutes of exercise every day can improve your well being.

Set a time during the day where you put your phone and everything else that has a screen away. You might not know it but staring at a screen for too long can leave you feeling frustrated and unfulfilled, which is why it is extremely important to get away from those devices for at least a few minutes a day. Instead, go for a walk, play a card or board game, meet up with friends, cook, bake, do sports, etc.

Declutter. Whether it be your clothes, books, emails, phone, social media accounts or even people in your life, take a few minutes each week to think about the question ‘What is still serving me?’  and then act accordingly to your answer. Getting rid of old things that might weigh you down and making space for new things is very freeing and definitely good for your mental health.

Accept compliments, give compliments and stop negative self talk. I have said it before and I will repeat it over and over again: Your thoughts will reflect in your life, so make sure you actively go against hurtful thoughts about yourself and others. It requires discipline and effort, but it is so worth it. You are so worth it, my love.

[brightandblossom]

Contemplations on relationships... as an adult who hasn't had one.

This year I've realised that what I've been longing for isn't really attention. It's curiosity.

I want someone to ask, "How are you?" and genuinely wait for the answer. I want to feel known, not just as "someone to work with".

I've done a lot of work on myself over the last few years. But I've also realised that healing yourself doesn't translate to relationships with others.

I recently had a guy show me interest... but it was never clear. I held back, as 1. I am terrified of drama, 2. I am friends with his ex and 3. I could never work out if he was playing games and 4. I think he liked me for my success rather than for me...

Sometimes you never get the conversation that would have brought clarity.

I'm still hopeful that one day someone will be curious about me, not just the roles I happen to play, or because they are practicing for the "hook up artist" competition.

[brightandblossom]

Guys I'm finally ready.

I'm ready to move on to my next chapter.

[quiet-nymph]

Stone Lantern II by Quit007

[classycookiexo]

[brightandblossom]

There are absolutely still lots of positives going on in my life. Despite my recent sad girl musings.

So I did something cool. I took myself on a date. I got a coffee and bought myself a piece of jewelry, which I realised I had never done before. Like a proper necklace, in a box, that wasn't a gift from someone else.

It has a green adventurine in it, that symbolises bringing optimism and direction into one's life. Which seems pretty apt for right now!

[brightandblossom]

Ok. For a while there I was in a funk. A serious funk. Sorry for the recent sad posts!

But I think I just had a moment of realisation.

Its like all my dreams from my "pre illness" life have returned. I miss song writing. I miss my music and creativity. I miss feeling like I could date and flirt and have a first kiss. I feel like the city I am in just inst doing it for me anymore.

It makes me so sad that I can't go back in time to be the young "teenager" about to start her journey.

But I am not exactly old. I have life left in me, and music in my head still that I need to get out there.

[important-animal-images]

[brightandblossom]

Update. I watched off campus and it has been THERAPY for me.

[brightandblossom]

I graduated today. It feels kind of weird. Everyone says that the graduation must have been one of the best days of my life... but the reality was, it was a little confronting.

My ego ( who likes to get attention) wants to tell people that actually, graduation was HARD.

It was hard because I was confronted with the strange bittersweet reality of my recovery over the course of my degree. Yes, I finally fully recovered after 10 years (YAY!) but I also found my self mourning the many missed experiences in my 20s.

My entire early 20s was spent worrying about my health, hospital visits, feeling weak and scared, not being able to form relationships with people, and being told I might not get better. Now I am in my 30s, and life is so different. I am healthy, I have energy and passion and love for people again... and my career seems to be going well. But I also still feel like that girl who's social life paused at 18.

But I also know that everyone goes through stuff, and I don't want to continue to identify with my past, or make a big deal about it, or try to get sympathy points.

So for now, I will just smile and nod and say "yes, I am so pleased to be done with my degree!".

[brightandblossom]

Oh to be a gardening sim. Wearing the same clothes everyday, going to sleep at the tough of a button, friendly neighbours and zero rent.

[kosmogrl]

[scribeherself]

[brightandblossom]

Sigh. It seems our current house is getting sold, and I have to move again.

It SUCKS and I am so disappointed. However, it's amazing to see how differently I handle these unexpected changes.

I didn't spiral. I had dinner, stretched and slept well. This morning feels like a new day and I just have to keep my head up and hope I will find a new place that is even better in ways I don't realise yet.

[landsccape]