One of the only things you miss about your captive life is being able to properly clean yourself in a cozy and comfortable bath. It's not like you are filthy or anything. You know a cantrip to keep yourself and your clothes clean, but nothing beats a good bath.
After the meeting, you and your group head to a big city for a mission. You all were granted free stay at a luxury inn called Gold City. Thank the Gods, this inn is famous for its hot springs. A blessing for all that stress you had to deal with because of that stupid fox. Strangely, she's been fairly quiet these couple of days after the weed incident. She hasn't talked to you much after that.
You've also been avoiding her like the plague. You never look at her, only speak with her when it's truly necessary, and don't even get close to her. Not because you're angry or anything, but because you don't want to feel... that again.
Your body's been so fucking strange to you after you stopped taking that medication that your progenitor gave you. When you were with him, he forced you to take some pills since you were a child. Something about "being a true man, just like him". You never understood well what that all meant. Since you left, your body has felt... different. Your chest has grown a bit and you feel... curvy, even though you're just skin and bones under your favorite sweater. Worst of all, whenever you're... excited, you get really wet down there. That's new for you. You didn't even know that could happen.
You never really had any sex education when you were younger and now you're so clueless about how your body works.
The only thing you know is that your body is different than most people's. Since you were a child, you just thought your balls hadn't closed well. You only understood recently that you actually had both genitals and that's only because the other one became... well... functional.
Perhaps the meds your father gave you were really to make you a man after all. Not that you were ever a man. You're never going to be a man. Victor died in that laboratory and he will stay dead for good.
That doesn't matter anymore. Right now, you just want to sit in some hot water and relax a bit. You think you deserve that.
After the check-in, your party went straight to the thermal waters. They rented a big room for the whole party. You paid for a private room just for you. It wasn't cheap at all, but you wouldn't be able to enjoy yourself with everyone there. Besides, you don't think anyone has ever seen you naked before and you'd rather it stayed like this.
You have a strange relationship with your own body. It's not like you hate it or anything, but you're really insecure about it. Not only because you're different, but because of your scars. You have a lot of nasty burn scars throughout all your body. Some of them never healed properly, so you think they are gross. Besides, you're a wizard who focus mainly on pyromancy. Having burn scars is a sign of weakness.
You have your old man to thank for that.
The worst of them is the one on your neck that goes a little above your maw. Your sweater usually hides the neck, but you have to use a face mask to cover the rest of it. When you have to take it off, you usually use an illusiory disguise to make your face look clean.
Despite all that, at least one night, you are alone with your own body and your own thoughts in a very hot and calming bath. Until...
— Hey baby, you coming with us?
She knocks on the door of your room over and over again
— Why are such a killjoy? Even Russel came along? You afraid of dousing your flames or something?
Why is this woman so fucking annoying?! Why's she like... this? The water around you start to bubble as your body temperature rises.
You stay silent, hoping she's gonna take a hint and leave.
— I just... wanted your company... and I actually wanted to apologize.
You're caught of guard for a moment. You didn't expect her to actually take responsibility for something she has done.
Not that she's done something wrong, she was actually quite respectful. You were the creepy one staring at her... "sleeping".
— I... I really got things wrong. I messed up with you. I didn't mean to startle you or anything. I'm sorry, okay?
Hearing her apology makes you think that you haven't really been fair with her. She truly hasn't done anything wrong.
She just... flirted, nothing more than that.
You're the one who should apologize for treating her so bad after that. If you weren't so fucking insecure about yourself, you could actually even be close or something. Although, the idea of being "friends" or something scares the living shit outta you.
You try to speak, but you're to caught up in your own thoughts and anxieties to actualy make something up
— I understand that you're mad, Star–... Arsene, but... could you at least talk to me?
— Fuck off, Guava — It's the first thing that comes to mind. Your instincts get ahold of you.
— Hey man, that's real uncalled for! — Her voice becomes louder as she's losing her temper
The word "man" coming out of her mouth feels like a slur. Even though you know it's just an expression, it triggers a deep hatred within you. You begin to drown in it.
It feels like dark and cold water. It feels so heavy...
— I SAID FUCK OFF, VIXEN!!! — You shout in desperation, as if you were using your last ounce of strength to swim back to the surface.
Your words weren't meant to hurt her... They were a cry for help.
— OH! SO YOU'RE GONNA BE LIKE THAT, HUH?! Since you're such a special fucking boy, what about you go fuck yourself?! I really tried being the mature one this time because I actually cared about you, but fuck me I guess.
Her words snap you out of it and you begin to acknowledge what you've actually been saying. You didn't meant any of it.
— "Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" — You think to yourself as reality hits you harder than the weight of a guillotine.
You messed up big time now. You grab a towel to open the door to at least try to not make this worse. If this goes on, you're gonna get banned from another party. You were in such a hurry that you even forgot to put on the illusion to hide your scars.
— Is that it?! You're just going to hide behind that door?! Come here and face me head-on, fucking coward!
You open the door, in a mix of worry and anger. You don't know if you'll actually manage to apologize or just curse her until you're both yelling and attacking each other, but that uncertainty quickly goes away when you look foward.
You see her naked from the waist up, using only a towel, with arms crossed and a very angry demeanor.
You've never seen her with so little clothing before. Your mind clears of any thoughts as you're mesmerized by her.
She's the most beautiful woman you've ever seen.
You freeze... again. You don't know where to look. You don't know what to say. You don't even know what to think.
Gods, why are you so pathetic?
While you're stunned by her beauty, she looks at you and notices your scars. She hasn't seen them before. Her demeanor quickly shifts into a worried one.
As she's staring, she also notes your curves, which she didnt even know you had. She becomes hypnotized by your body.
She imagined you to be completely different behind that sweater. She didn't expect you to be so... alluring.
You try to recompose yourself by looking down not to stare at her breasts, but notice a small bulge through her towel.
Is it what you think it is? Is she... just like you???
You begin to sweat even more profusely and your face becomes ever so red. The mere visage of her is enough to break you. Enough to awaken something within you. Desires you didn't even know you had
You both stay there quietly, not knowing what to say or what to do and keep staring at each other for an awkward amount of time.
When you think she's actually gonna say something, you hear footsteps coming from the hallway in your direction. In an act of sheer panic, Guava looks back and shoves you into your private room, which makes you trip and fall to the ground. She then enters it and lock the door behind her.
She keeps looking through a crack in the door to see when those people were going to leave. While she's doing that. You're having the most intense gay panic of your life. The hottest woman you've ever met shoved you into a tiny hot room and you're both barely naked.
When the group passes by, she gives a sigh of relief. She didnt want them to see your scars, since you're so adamant about hiding it. She looks at you again and notices that your towel, which was put in a hurry, has loosen up when you fell, leaving your chest uncovered.
She looks at you shocked and blushes, even though you can't see it behind the fur.
— By Daikitsu*, are you... like me?!
(Writer's note: Daikitsu is the patron goddess of the Kitsune)
— s-STOP LOOKING, BITCH!!!
You yell in desperation while covering yourself. Tears flow through your eyes unconsciously and you lose control of your breathing. Your heart is beating too fast, and you really feel like fainting. Your body start shivering. The last time you felt so vulnerable was with... him...
— I'm sorry! I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to! I- You- Gods... You're so pretty. — She's one of the most eloquent and silver-tongued person you know. To see her at a lost of words is something new to you.
You, still shivering, slightly look up at her, not understanding what she has just said. Is that part of her facade? Did she really think you're... pretty? No one has never told you were pretty before.
— W-what? What did you just say?
— Never mind, I'm sorry. I really am. I shouldn't have pushed you. I thought that those scars you have were something really private to you. So when that group came, I didn't want them to see you– To see them, I mean. — She says while turning her back against you.
This time it really doesnt feel like her facade anymore. That's just her.
You, while still recovering, get up slowly and fix you towel. You sit down move your fingers, forming an arcane symbol. You conjure Katsune, your familiar, who immediately snuggle onto you and lick your face. She's the only one who can comfort you in these moments.
— Are you... feeling better? — She tries breaking the ice in this awkward situation.
— Why are you still here, Guava...?
Her tone shifts again, this time from a more caring to a really upset and sad one. You can almost feel her holding back tears.
— Because I care about you, for fuck's sake. Don't you understand that?! I was all worried that I made you uncomfortable when I put my moves on you. You just stopped talking to me at all and I didn't want that. Out of everyone in our group, you're the only one who gets me. That sees me for what I truly am.
Is she... Is she being truthful? Is this how she feels? You don't understand how someone like her can actually like you
— I started to care about you! Stupid I know. First rule of adventuring parties is to never become too close to a companion because they can die at anytime.
— What the actual fuck are you saying?
— I like you, you stupid motherfucker! You're all inteligent with you books, but now you're acting like you're some braindead fish.
— Fuck you too, Arsene! At first, I just thought you were cute, but as time went on, I actually fell for you. You're the only one who really treats me as a person and not just a fucktoy. — As much as she's fighting it, you can see tears forming in her eyes.
— I thought you just didn't feel it the same way I did, but then all of a sudden you were staring at me all the time, even when I was trying to sleep. — You didn't know you were staring that much — Stop playing with me and tell me what the fuck do you want from me?!
Silence fills the room as you're both tired from all these overbearing emotions.
— Do you really want to know what I want?! — You whisper
— Yes, I do, Arsene! — She says while all of her fur stood on end and both her tails became rigid and static. She seems really angry this time. She really tried to be vulnerable for a very long time and you just kept hurting her again and again.
Even like this, she's so... beautiful...
— I want... — You wanted to say so many things in that moment. You wanted her to press you against the wall and kiss you. You wanted her to bite your neck with her sharp fangs. You wanted her to cut through your skin with her claws.
You wanted her to ravish you.
But you didn't say any of that.
You were too afraid. You were scared she would reject you. You were scared she would think you're a freak. You were scared of getting too close just so she would die on you, like everyone else.
— Is that really what you want...?
Her voice sounds so angry, yet so sad, so hurt.
You start to cry again. Trying to push away the only person in years who really likes you. You were so used to being hated. So used to only being treated as a tool, as a weapon. You forgot what it felt like to really be close to someone. To hold someone close and feel like you dont have to worry about a thing.
The reason you started avoiding her wasn't because she did something wrong. It's because she did exactly what you wanted. You were too scared to just let it happen. Too scared let yourself feel good. You feel like you don't deserve to feel good anymore, not after what you did. Not after everyone you killed.
You look at her, not being able to contain your tears. You notice a droplet running down her face, being engulfed by her beautiful and soft fur.
— I'm sorry... — You say with a heavy chest. You feel guilty for making her suffer, but in the end, it's gonna be better this way. If you're not close, it's not gonna hurt as much...
— It's okay... I'll just... leave... — She says in a soft voice, as she's trying her hardest to contain herself. She leaves the room.
You hear a loud scratching noise cutting the wall closer to her. You get the impression that was meant for you, but she held back not to hurt you. You hear her steps getting further.
You are now alone again, like you wanted to be.
Just you, and your little fox
When you wanted your familiar to be a fox back then, you didnt expect it to backfire so bad.
After all... that... you try to continue your not so relaxing bath.
You're feeling a mix of guilt and self-hatred. Worst of all, you're really pent up.
Seeing her like that. The way she called you pretty. The way she shoved you into the room. You can't help but masturbate helplessly. You're so hard and so wet. You touch yourself while thinking of her. Nobody has ever looked at you like she did. You want her to touch you, to feel you. You want to feel her deep inside you.
You want her so bad. You want her so fucking bad.
You came really hard trying to finger yourself for the first while thinking of her. Thinking about her soft and gentle fingers inside of you...
You are truly... pathetic, Arsene
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