@brittanyschaeffe - Tumblr Blog

You throw your rent bill across the room in frustration, and it lands under your bed. A few seconds later, a claw pushes the bill back out with a wad of cash.

shoggoth-the-bitch

Monster under the bed finally paying his fucking rent.

shencomix

Day 6.

benepla-deactivated20180521

meladoodle

so APPARENTLY the turn it off and on again method doesnt work for life support machines

probiotics

unclefather

It’s not our business

shencomix

6 more days.

shencomix

lynati

collegebutterfly

You smart smart man. Someone wife him.

art-woonz

Art By FB: @Emiliaillustrations

Instagram: @artwoonz

jumpingjacktrash

THIS IS SO ADORABLE WHAT

thenib

From Kasia Babis.

simonalkenmayer

I’ve never understood people who make those sorts of jokes. I identify with this cartoon enormously.

11thsense

A representation of my thought process at all times

angelbabyspice

this is literally how teenagers talk irl

thesilencedmasses

This literally sounds like a voice-acted recreation of a group chat

crescentmoondemon

So I did an egg hunt at my place of work this morning. I don’t mean like I hid a couple dozen eggs and people rolled their eyes like “hey isn’t this a bit childish?”

I mean I got an entire staff of some 30 surgery, kennel, vet techs and receptionists to go absolutely wild running around our facility looking for 200+ colorful plastic eggs full of chocolate and sour patch bunnies and one golden egg with $10 in it

Like one person riding on another person’s shoulders to look on top of the high stacked kennels and using leashes as lassos

There was screaming and wild giggling and I’ve never seen so many grown ass women grinning and running around like kids in my life it was the greatest.

Apparently I am now the morale officer of my workplace but my boss (who somehow wound up covered in glitter at the end of the day despite literally none of the eggs having glitter on them) now knows me as

The Harbinger of Chaos

iopele

that sounds FANTASTIC

1991series

crowisgone-deactivated20230422

Imagine going to a party and the white suburban stay at home mom with two overachiever kids and white dad who barbeques but doesn’t know how to barbeque and yet is always surrounded by other white Dads who compliment his barbqeuing even though they’re just store bought preshaped frozen patties from Ralph’s or Food 4 Less and while he’s cooking those the white mom comes out and says “okay kids, here’s some pizza!” And she pulls this out and starts telling the kids why its a “fun pizza” and then cries in her master bedroom when no one likes it or finishes it and the white dad is then consoling her why she sobs that she’s a terrible mother and ruined her fourth grade straight B+ sons birthday and thinks her kids hate her but they don’t care but she continues crying softly into her pillow while the children eat poorly cooked burgers with unmelted kraft singles and too much mayonnaise and the only other condiments are two pickles and pepper because the dad calls it his special burger with a secret spice but the spice was just pepper and the kids just keep playing E rated games on their Nintendo Wii while the 17 year old older sister starts cleaning the tragedy up and throwing away uneaten “fun pizza” and whole burgers dejected from the start while she dials Pizza Hut to get these kids an actual birthday lunch and the mother then throws a fit because the daughter did something the kids liked and she didn’t and was the only one making a huge deal out of it and the daughter was then grounded from her TV in her room for only two days and the son went to blow out the candles in his standard birthday cake from food 4 less the mom added strawberries to so she could feel she did something but was still slightly teary and sad because her day was ruined by no one wanting to eat her “fun pizza”