Dakota

They/Them pronouns I'm needy and fragile pls be gentle with me,, I like animals a lot Feel free to message me as long as you're nice and not scary !! Taken 💞

[owlmylove]

@ everyone else with shitty dads: i know fathers day is all over the damn place right now but may i suggest drawing an abstract depiction of how your half-DNA-provider makes u feel, then placing it in a red chalk pentagram, dousing it in salt and setting it on fire with a yankee candle. then go buy urself a celebratory cake and eat it by urself because ur a better person than that sad sack of shit is ever gonna be. happy fathers day

[orriculum]

local witch quietly reminding you to practice fire safety when burning things dears and if you want a good candle for magical banishment i highly recommend yankee candle’s “sicilian lemon”, “apple pumpkin” or “cafe au fresco” candles

[owlmylove]

thank you so much for taking my throwaway yankee candle reference and turning it into a beautiful piece of friendly local witch advice

[ask-bot]

What’s the most ridiculous false rumor that has been spread about you?

[minssery]

I joined my wife’s workplace about 12 months after she joined. When we worked together (same department, same roles), we’d keep mostly away from each other so not to crowd each other. When we’d take breaks, we’d be hanging out together. You know, normal stuff. Thing is, no one picked up on the fact that we were husband and wife. They knew she was married, and that I was married - but not to each other. Someone saw us holding hands on the walk back to our car after work, someone else saw us kiss when I dropped her in to work when I had the day off, and rumours started flying around that we were cheating on our significant others. People took it upon themselves to ‘intervene’ and approached me to tell me she was married and that I should be ashamed of myself. Someone else made a comment to her that she should be more discreet if she was going to continue on her relationship with me. Truth be told, we both found it pretty fucking funny. Didn’t get a chance to run with it, because we were so taken aback by it when it was brought up to us individually, that we just blurted out the truth on the spot.

[hekacute-deactivated20141230]

I went to high school with a kid who would only drink out of a baby bottle. He brought a large baby bottle to school every day. At first, we thought that he was using it to sneak alcohol or something, but he wasn’t. He would bring it filled with chocolate milk and then fill it up with Coca-Cola and Sprite during lunch. He’d buy a can of each and mix them together. Like I said, it was a large bottle.

I didn’t know the kid that well and I didn’t have any classes with him so I never really talked to him that much. I knew his name. His name was Kevin. Sometimes I’d see him at parties on the weekends. He still had his baby bottle. He would fill it with beer and rum.

He dated my sister’s friend, Emily, for a little while. I had known Emily for a long time. She had been a friend of my sister’s since they were five or six. They were really good friends. She spent a lot of time at our house for sleepovers and stuff. Sometimes she would pee the bed, but I never made fun of her for it. I think most older brothers would have loved the opportunity to make fun of their sister’s friend for peeing the bed and I think she really appreciated that I never mentioned it even though I definitely knew about it because after the sixth or seventh time, my parents started paying me to clean everything up instead of having to do it themselves.

I asked Emily why Kevin only ever drank out of a baby bottle and she said that she didn’t know. They had only been dating for a very short time at that point and she didn’t want to bring it up and offend him or anything. I asked her to tell me if she ever found out. They broke up right after that and I kind of forgot about it because Kevin stopped going to school. I don’t know if he transferred or dropped out, but I never saw him at lunch or any parties after that.

I hadn’t thought about him in a long time, but Emily happened to mention him while she was over at our house recently and I immediately remembered the baby bottle thing.

“Did you ever find out why he drank out of that bottle?” I asked.

“Oh yeah, he told me why,” Emily said. “He used it because he heard that babies that drink out of bottles for too long or drink sweet drinks out of them get really bad teeth problems. He wanted all of his teeth to go bad so that they would fall out and he would be able to fit a softball in his mouth. He said that he wanted to have the world record for being the first person to be able to put a whole softball in his mouth and he wouldn’t be able to do that with all of those teeth in the way.”

[pluginduck]

What the fuck did I just read

[timeaway]

I feel horrible in case you were wondering

[biandnerdy-deactivated20190226]

If you ever feel like you’ve fucked up just remember that Ireland accidentally legalized crystal meth

[biandnerdy-deactivated20190226]

If you ever feel like you’ve fucked up just remember America knowingly voted in a fascist to lead them

[kushandwizdom]

[broken--secret-blog]

Cg/L Relationships in a Nutshell

Caregiver: Babe, don't do the thing or you're going to get a spanking.

Little: *does the thing*

Caregiver: *spanks*

Little: wHy iS tHiS haPpeNing tO mE?!?

[bikinibottom-hearts]

[aryanstark]

[larrysmint]

can she just get an award or something

[moeranda]

I reblog this whenever it pops up on my dash.

[edwardspoonhands]

So many directions she could have gone with this joke…out of infinite possibilities…she picked the best possible direction.

[thevirginityslayer]

Best video in the world

[coolthingoftheday]

[coolthingoftheday]

“Who gives a shit about your genitals you have a fucking dragon.”

[puppy-grrrl]

The cage is set up! Just waiting on some base blankets in the post and will but some cuddly squishy bedding tomorrow! It’s so cozy! 🐕

[babyanimalgifs]

cutest thing

[disabilityhealth]

Friendly reminder that you can block anyone you want at any point!

People don’t have the right to have access to you if you don’t want them to.

I think we’ve forgotten that a bit since landline phones went the way of Morse code and now everyone is expected to answer their cell phones 24/7 too (you don’t have to do that, either).

Like I don’t even care if it’s me you gotta block. Your mental health is number one.

[communistcoppola-deactivated201]

tweet of the year

[kittenesque-blog]

I’m glad I’m up on my conspiracy theories enough to get this.

[softchubbypuppy]

[kuromilesbian-deactivated202205]

@rudelovin

[palebbyg]

lonely baby needs cuddles

[marketplace]

Made from medical-grade silicone, the Emojibate is completely body safe. Though tinier than any real life “eggplant”, it’s sleek but pleasurable. Whether you’re a beginner looking for something simple and fun for a first toy or just obsessed with emojis, the Emojibate is the toy for you.  [GET IT HERE]

[goodness-gracious13]

This is what the vegans want. This is vegan propaganda