Help Me Feel Again

Living with a broken heart isn't that hard. After awhile you get used to the pain ; Aiden Carver ; not your average guy.

[themiamigirl-blog]

Piper’s fingertips soon grazed the soft of the little boy’s cheek, an almost maternal smile gracing her lips as she stared down at him, lovingly. And it was only a mere few moments later that words escaped Aiden’s lips, words that altered her mood entirely. She’d never thought about being a mother someday, of course it had crossed her mind, but she’d never consciously taken the time to think about it. The heart break of losing her mother was something she wouldn’t wish upon anyone, ever. Her features faltered a little as she looked away a while. Tyler would most likely be leaving soon.. he’d find a permanent home, have a mother and father to care for the little abandoned newborn. The newborn that was now up for adoption. There was a pang inside of her chest where the little guy had captured her heart — knowing she would soon experience another form of loss, again. Realising that she was in the presence of another, Piper mustered the courage enough to alter her thoughts, and focus on anything but herself. With a small, thoughtful smile she looked over at Aiden. "You don’t give yourself enough credit, you know. You’re.. you’re going to be an amazing father someday, and you don’t even know it." And she meant every word. Every single one. "You’re a natural, Aiden."

[brokenaiden-blog]

With his eyes focused on the beautiful brunette beside him, Aiden couldn't help notice a shift in her expression. The curves of her lips softened, and he saw the light fade from her just a bit. He wondered what he had done to cause such a transition, to make the glowing girl lose just a hint of joy within her fine features. "What's wrong?" He questioned as his brows narrowed down the center. Aiden questioned, to himself, if it was the thought that this adorable little boy would soon be gone. That after growing such a strong connection to something so little, Piper would find it just as hard as he did, to let him go. It was a miracle they had found the child, weird and unexpected, but it had changed him in ways he couldn't imagine.. even if it was something so minuscule, Aiden felt different because of Tyler. "I don't know. It's.. it's not in the cards for me. But hey, don't avoid what I said. You really will be an amazing mother. This little guy.. he loves you.. and when you have someone of your own.. they will love you too."

[soberlydrunk]

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[themiamigirl-blog]

And as she went to grab Tyler, the way she had been doing for a week now — and had basically become reflexive as soon as she heard any peep from him, Aiden had stood up and claimed to get him. Sitting on the bed, she watched him as he lifted the little guy into his arms, a small.. soft smile forming on her features as she watched him. He was so.. gentle, and he didn’t even know it. And the mere sight of him rocking the child, letting him suck on his finger — it was an image that left Piper with the belief that maybe Aiden had a horrible father.. but he would never be one. So many things she wanted to tell him, and yet everything was conveyed in her eyes. Biting down on her lower lip, she pushed any form of guilt or rational thought away; for the sight before her eyes was enough to leave her heart melting. That, and the past few minutes had left her in a state of mesmerisation.. the effects of his lips upon hers, and the meaning of the words that had escaped her lips, overwhelming her completely. "I think Ty really likes you.." Her eyes fell to his own features, admiring them as he looked down at the baby.. “He stopped crying straight away.” 

[brokenaiden-blog]

With the small child now resting in the nape of his chest, Aiden found his way back over to Piper. His focus, however, was still drawn to the fascinating creation of life, and how it was possible for any parents to lose their child like this. Finding him.. out in Central Park, it didn't make sense. None of it had made sense, in all honesty, but a part of him was grateful that he was handed the chance. He had never known what it was like to care for something so innocent and small, something that was helpless. But having Tyler in his hands, it set things into perspective. Made Aiden realize just how much he wanted a chance to prove that he wasn't his father. Of course, he never thought he would actually get the chance to. And even to this day, pieces of Aiden still believes he'll never get his white picket fence family. "Ha... no. I think.. I think he just wanted attention." Aiden wouldn't admit the idea of Tyler liking him.. even if he wanted it to be true. "It's you he really likes. He's used to you now... Having you around, taking care of him.. loving him. it's a sin that he was found alone... but he's so blessed to have you taking care of him. You're going to be an amazing mother one day." 

[themiamigirl-blog]

It was as though the same spark of electricity that had touched her lips just twelve months prior had touched her lips once more. And suddenly, she found herself craving the sensation as she leaned into the kiss, completely immersed in the union of their lips, mesmerised by the way his felt against hers. There was no denying the pull Piper felt around Aiden; even now when rationality had escaped her consciousness, and her heart came into play entirely. And as soon as those few moments ended, and reality began seeping in, Piper found herself disappointed that it had ended. And yet—the moment he apologised, guilt washed over her. Was she not seeing someone else? His words were unexpected, leaving her lips to part and her eyes to travel from his lips to meet his gaze. A gaze that had her glued, unable to pull away. There was no denying the inevitable chemistry between them, not only that.. the undeniable spark that surfaced every time their lips met. And Piper found herself craving the feeling all over again. "Aiden.." She whispered gently.. but at the same time, she didn’t want this to end. She didn’t want to stop him. She wanted to.. to tell him how much of an overwhelming effect he had upon her. She wanted to grab his face and pull him in for another.. and it was then that she heard the soft cry of the little one behind them. 

[brokenaiden-blog]

As their hues caught one another, Aiden took a deep breath in   trying to regain his composure that Piper had sent crumbling to the floor. The way she left him weak was intimidating, and a part of him hating the hold she had over him.. but at the same time, he couldn't help but love it. She held his heart in her hands, and though it scared him, there was no one he'd rather get hurt by than Piper. Which was why he did he best to remain calm. Why he tried to actually show a sign of confidence in the way he felt about her. However, it was the unknown about the way she felt about him, that scared him the most. She may have kissed back, but that hadn't meant she felt the connection that lingered between them. But just as he was getting ready to say something to her, the sound of a sweet, yet somewhat irritating cry in the background, begun to fill the room. God Dammit. It was just his luck, to get interrupted in a moment he was sharing with her, but responsibilities came first. "I'll.. I'll get that." He breathed out, rubbing the back of his neck before getting up and walking toward the crib. Like he had done in the past few days, Aiden had cup the small child into his hands, rocking up and down as the small thing sucked up the apex of his index finger. "Guess he just wanted to say hello." He said, turning to face Piper.

[themiamigirl-blog]

Piper allowed her fingertips to sweep softly along the silvered, faded scar, tracing the fine line softly. So maybe Aiden was damaged, maybe he had baggage and maybe he’d been mistreated his entire life.. but he wasn’t broken. Beneath all the hurt, beneath all the scars, and the fear, and the pain Aiden was enduring, she saw strength. And she wanted to make him believe in it, believe in himself. Her eyes spoke words her lips failed to speak, and as she stared into his eyes, finally.. she wanted to tell him. She wanted to convince him and reassure him, because from what she’d known of him so far — he was a good person, with a good heart. She wanted to tell him — but his words distracted her. The way he was looking at her distracted her. What with her breath hitched in her throat, she wanted to respond.. but she was consumed in a moment of pure and utter mesmerisation. And while every part of her was distracted by the way he was leaning in, knowing what was coming and yet surprised at the very same time.. it was as though her mind was in a completely different world. For she was silent, still, her breath caught, her eyes never leaving his. There was no time for rationality, everything moved so fast as he leaned in.. feeling the ghost of his lips skim across and hover above hers, before finally capturing her lips with his own.. and Piper let him. 

[brokenaiden-blog]

The taste, the feel, the wave of electricity jolting through his veins, it was all so magnetizing.. There had been a sense of familiarity in the way their lips came together as one, but it had also seemed so new to him, nonetheless. God, he had missed this   missed the simple way their lips converged so perfectly with one another. And for a moment, he allowed for himself to get lost in the kiss. Allowed for himself to feel a sense of happiness, and until he had slowly backed away. Their lips slowly parting from one another had caused a small pout to dance across his lips, before he looked down at her with solemn eyes. For once Aiden didn't regret this. He didn't regret making such a bold move and claiming those crimson lips as his own once more. Especially not after the feeling of Piper kissing back. However, as he caught a sense of air, and felt his lungs expand once again.. he couldn't help but say it. "I'm sorry.." Though he wasn't... Aiden wasn't sorry that he kissed her, wasn't sorry that he was still ghosting his lips over hers, getting a whiff of the floral scent that radiated off her fine features.  "I just.. It's rather difficult to control myself around you. You're like a drug, Piper." He had been wanting to admit this for days.. Wanting to let her know how he felt.. but this was only the beginning. Aiden didn't have it in him to admit that he was completely, and utterly in love with her.

[themiamigirl-blog]

They sat there for a while, her grip never loosening as she rubbed his back, her forehead furrowed as her brain racked ideas. "We’re going to figure something out.." She said finally, pulling back to view his face so she could reassure him. "I promise you, you’re not going back there." Shaking her head, her eyes were intent on his own saddened ones.. She could never have imagined having a father like that, and suddenly, deep down, found herself extremely grateful. Seeing how broken Aiden was, tore her apart. And it was then her compassionate eyes fell upon a scar, above his right brow.. It was subtle, mildly discoloured, but very present the more you looked. One wouldn’t notice if they weren’t so close to him; but Piper was.. and it was then she reached forward, despite the heavy feeling in her chest, knowing his words were more than true. She reached forward and let her fingertips trace the scar ever so gently. And it was several moments later that she said, "You may have scars, Aiden.. but you’re not broken.” 

[brokenaiden-blog]

As their bodies pulled a part Aiden's dull hues fell upon Piper's bright ones. He was verging tears, feeling fearful about what his future held, and how sour things could turn if he was to return back home. But somehow, through the dismay that filled the air around them, Piper's soothing words managed to find hope. She held on to it, brought it forth and offered it up to the man that was breaking. However, he said nothing in return. Instead, he watched... Watched as her worrisome eyes locked onto his, while her hand rose into the air and glided along a scar that painted him into the man he was. As she touched down upon it, Aiden could remember the exact moment he was given this scar. The exact moment that his father placed his hands on him and brought and terror into his life. It stung, and he flinched slightly at the feeling of her smooth skin upon his. No one had ever touched him there aside from his father, no one had noticed, or even bothered to care. But Piper... she cared... she saw him for someone who wasn't broken, just bent. "But I feel... I feel broken, Piper..." He admitted, placing his hand upon hers before pausing his speech and looking directly upon her. "You make me feel less broken." Silence filled the air as his hand cupped her own and he squeezed tight. Something about Piper always made things better... She made them right. "You're... Thank you... For always making making me feel more than what I am..." He didn't know why, but every part of Aiden was pulling him toward her. The moment between them created a magnetizing force, a feel of compulsion. Which was why Aiden couldn't control himself as he slowly moved in toward her, letting his lips ghost over her own before he finally pressed down.

[limitlessplaylist]

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He’s so cold at night  As cold as her last breath…

[themiamigirl-blog]

Tightening her grip around him, as if attempting to protect and shield his broad body from the world, Piper began rubbing his back gently as she held him close. "Sshh.. it’s okay." There was no rationalising now, or convincing him. All she knew was that he needed her. He was radiating utter fear and raw pain like no tomorrow, and Piper just wanted to diminish it entirely. Piper wanted to make it okay, to never let him feel that way again. Whatever the case was, Aiden was innocent and didn’t deserve.. to feel so broken. She wanted to fix him, she wanted to put him back together.. and most of all, “You’re not going back to England.” 

[brokenaiden-blog]

It hurt, god damn, it hurt. His body was trembling, shaking as it Piper wrapped around him and held tight. Finally, after mustering up even a little bit of courage, Aiden returned the gesture. His arms rose up, and glided across her back until he finally held her in his arms. "I.. I can't go back there." But they were making him. Aiden's world was crumbling to pieces, the walls were tumbling down and he was being stolen from a life he actually felt alive in. He couldn't go back there though. He was terrified of the man he unfortunately called his father... It radiated through him, throbbing through his veins at even the mere thought of his face. That man who placed his hands on him, who attacked him, inflicted pain upon him. That man who was the reason for the scars upon his chest, his arms, and even his face. "But I have.. I have no choice, Piper."

[themiamigirl-blog]

Piper had no words.. shock had infiltrated her core, leaving her speechless as she took in his words, slowly but surely. She was overwhelmed with sadness for him.. for he was every bit someone who never deserved to feel this way. Who never deserved to be treated this way. She couldn’t think about his father, for it made her angry. But her mother.. she couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to his mother. Whether Aiden was the cause or not, and she believed he wasn’t, he didn’t deserve this.. he didn’t deserve to be beaten down like this. Every part of her was aching to fix it, to make it okay.. to just, be there for him. And so, reaching over in one swift movement, she pulled him towards her and wrapped her arms around him.. because sometimes, a hug could say more than words ever could. 

[brokenaiden-blog]

Saying out loud.. hearing the words fill the air, it all caused Aiden to feel his heart drop. With what was left of his heart, it had now crumbled to pieces. He could barely think, barely feel. It was as though his body had grown numb to the feeling of pain he had harbored for years. Even when Piper had wrapped her arms around him, Aiden barely felt it. Instead he sat there, allowing for her to cling to him as he tried to find the courage to hug back. But he was breaking down. He was broken, in every way possible. "I'm so.. I'm so sorry, Piper.... S-so.. so sorry." He breathed out, hearing his voice crack at the way he apologized to her. Every part of him wanted to cry, wanted to allow himself to feel the pain... but he was scared he wouldn't be able to survive the rush of emotions that he tried to avoid. It would consume him whole, and quite frankly... Aiden was far too broken to survive something like that. He didn't have the strength. The courage... The will power.

[themiamigirl-blog]

Piper shook her head ever so slightly, her heart throbbing with sympathy as she listened. It was worse than she imagined.. there was no understanding the amount of pain Aiden endured, but all she knew was that he was hurting, and she knew what that felt like, whatever the cause. And yet, his final words hit her like a blow to the chest.. a breath she’d been holding in, and hadn’t even realised, had escaped her parted lips as her jaw dropped in shock. "Oh.. no.. Aiden.. n-no.." She shook her head, as if fighting the truth. "No.."

[brokenaiden-blog]

Admitting all of this was harder than he thought. However, somehow he had managed to say it all to her, somehow he had found the strength, and though a part of it was the fear talking, he wasn't sure how the other half of him managed to speak openly about it all. Aiden had never known what it was like to feel happiness, warmth and love that came from a family. All his life he believed himself to be a murderer, and worthless waste of space that deserved every hard blow his father had inflicted on him. And because of this, Aiden was nothing but broken on the inside. He was distraught, and hurt... He was walking in a soulless body, for a part of him was already dead. "I hate myself for what happened to her...." Every bit of his body was trembling, shaking as he squeezed tighter onto Piper's hand. "I didn't mean to... but he wouldn't believe me. He wouldn't believe me when I said I was sorry... And now.. now I have to go back there... I can't go back there... If I go back there... he'll do it again, and again.. he won't stop."

[themiamigirl-blog]

Piper’s eyes watered a touch, the words escaping his lips affecting her completely, but what really hurt her.. was the pain in his voice. The pain of his expression. The crack in his tone as he spoke the words he struggled to say. Immense compassion overwhelmed her core as she looked over at him, unable to contain herself as she takes his shaking hand in her own. She held it in a comforting sort of way, between her fingertips and tight enough for him to know she wasn’t letting go. Aiden was walking around with such weight on his shoulders, such a vast amount of pain in his heart.. he was broken, and she’d never taken the time to notice it. "Oh, Aiden.." Her eyes searched his, a frown touching at her lips as she observed him, barely a whisper escaping her lips. “It’s not your fault.. you have to believe me when I say that..”

[brokenaiden-blog]

He hated himself.. all of this, everything he was about to explain. It was the reason he hated himself. His past haunted him, maybe him feel broken. It was why he woke up with a forced smile, why he barely found the strength to lift himself up and carry on with his day. Because of his father, Aiden hated himself as much as he did. Which was why he couldn't look at Piper and process her words. He couldn't believe her, or feel the compassion as their fingers intertwined with one another. His father had taught him to hate himself.. which was exactly what Aiden did... He hated himself. "Piper... it's not that simple." he admitted, finally looking up at her with glossed over hues. "If it wasn't for me... she'd still be alive. They would be happy... M-My father... he wouldn't have found a reason to hit someone..." And just like that, the words fell from his mouth like vinegar. 

[themiamigirl-blog]

Her features softened, unsure of how to react to his compliment, but it affected her in such a way that shocked her. She glanced over at the little guy, sleeping peacefully in his crib, the threat to the attachment she was building with him worrying her completely. But she chose not to think about it too much. Returning her attention to Aiden, she let him speak.. but from where he started, she guessed whatever they were going to talk about was something extremely hard for Aiden, he deserved her undivided attention. Her brows knit together, her forehead creasing in such a way that only did so in situations of immense worry.. there was something about him she wanted to nurture, something about him that made her want to protect him. "Okay we can.. we can take it slow." A gentle sigh escaped her lips, her eyes never leaving his face. ”So.. your.. your dad? You don’t.. have a good relationship with him?” She had no idea how to press the issue, or whether she was inappropriate.. but she had to start somewhere, much like he was. 

[brokenaiden-blog]

His heart was pounding from his chest, crashing hard into his rib cage as he tried to figure out how to say it, how to discuss a matter he ran from so long ago. But it wasn't easy... none of this was easy. How could he possibly explain this to her? How could he illustrate the way he felt when his father's hand came crashing down into his face repeatedly. It pained him, weakened him... and he was scared. Speaking up about this meant a part of him was reliving what happened. Relieving every moment where his father took his anger out on him, blamed him, and watched in joy as blood gushed from his almost lifeless body. But Aiden didn't want to go back there. He couldn't go back there. Which was why he was here with Piper... Aiden needed someone to talk to, someone to explain it all to. "Far from it." He started, not even looking at her. "He blames me Piper. He calls me a killer... tells me that it's because of me that she's dead. That... that I killed my own mother...T-that I took her away from him... But I didn't mean to.. I didn't... I didn't mean to." Piper probably didn't understand, and hell.. a part of him didn't either. He didn't know how to say it. How to say that in a few short months he'd be back in England, and his father would have full access to him once again. Aiden would become his punching bag... and quite frankly, he wasn't sure if he would live for much longer if he ever returned home.

[themiamigirl-blog]

Leaning against her bed frame, she watched him as he observed the little guy, the little guy she was starting to call Tyler. “I don’t know about that.. but I guess, when there’s no other choice.. you just—do what you have to do.” His question caught her off guard for a moment or two, hesitating as she thought about the reasons he’d shared with her, but a part of her always knew there was more. Shaking her head softly in response as she walked ‘round to the edge of the bed, she guessed this was a conversation that would need sitting down. "You can talk to me, Aiden." 

[brokenaiden-blog]

"Yeah, you.. you do what you have to do. But that doesn't mean you always do well at it. You, however... its like you were born to be a mother." Taking a deep breathe in, Aiden managed to offer the girl a small smile. She had been the glue that held them together since being stuck in this bizarre situation. "There's just.. so much to say." Aiden watched as Piper made her way to the bed, while he slowly followed and sat beside her. Talking about his dad, about his past... it hurt. But now it was catching up to him. Being deported meant he would be back with that man... Back in hell, and as things got more serious, they had scared the young man more than anyone would've ever guessed. "there's.. there's just so much. So much about my father, mother... all things I tried to avoid when the conversation arose. But.. But I can't go back there. I can't go back to where he is."

[punksciles]

[themiamigirl-blog]

Piper nodded gently, before waving her hand for him to follow her as she stepped into her bedroom. She leaned back against the door as her gaze settled on the sleeping baby in a crib. ”He sleeps really well.” The two of them had been a part of a strange ride lately. "He’s good with noise, too." A sympathetic smile formed, then. "How about.. we start somewhere. Anywhere, and go from there?" 

[brokenaiden-blog]

Aiden followed Piper into the bedroom, walking up the baby crib that held a sleeping child that they had been looking after for a week now. "You're good at this." He whispered, looking down at the child. "Anywhere... right." He hesitated, turning to look at Piper slowly. "Did I ever tell you why I left England in the first place? Like the real.. honest reason?"

[themiamigirl-blog]

Closing the door gently behind her, Piper felt a smile twitch at her lips, and at the same time.. she was worried about him. "Aiden—stop, it’s okay. I know.. but we’re okay, we’re getting through this. We’re here for each other, right? I’m.. I’m here for you." 

[brokenaiden-blog]

Aiden paused his speech, walking deeper into the house before he looked back to face Piper with a distressed look on his features. "Is.. is he asleep?" He questioned, running off course of his initial subject. "And I.. I know you're here, Piper. I just... i don't even know where to begin."

[themiamigirl-blog]

To say she was surprised to see his face at her doorstep was an understatement. “Aiden.. hey, don’t be sorry, please—come in.”

[brokenaiden-blog]

"I'm really sorry to barge in on you, and you're more than welcome to kick me out.. I just.. I don't know. I've been stressed and.. after everything we went through the past week, I just sort of ended up here."