This is me participating. Aging is teaching me to embrace my witchy old lady preferences. Iām working on my past including a smattering of religious trauma etc. Plants, music, stories, family, food, boozeā¦ those are all things I recommend as healing. Yes I know itās just a silly website but this place seems to have a lot of those things. ā¤ļø
Woah what in Luciferās name did you do to me Ollie? Is this some kind of spell?? I just wrote a scene. Itās a ridiculous romance scene dripping in tropes and overwrought emotion and it just plopped into my brain basically against my will after reading your concept. It doesnāt even fully match your prompt?!! What Have You Done to Me?!!
And now as if writing it wasnāt enough and for reasons I cannot fully explain Iām going to paste it below the cut. Unedited, from my notes app and Yes I am stone cold sober.
He was only half way through the door when she jumped up and started towards him. It startled Marika who let out a yelp and let go of her favorite new Sisterās hand. The force of her body crashing into him only had his balance off for a moment, but he regained it and wrapped her up in his arms. A few mumbles and scuffs of shuffled of feet moved around them and a whispered āGood work, Fraterā came from behind him before the door clicked shut.
āWhere did you go? Why didnāt you call or text or anything? I woke up and you were gone and you know I know I cant handle this sort of shit lately.ā Her voice was muffled in his jacket but still carried fear and not so subtle anger.
His heart lurched towards a lie. Wriggling in its weakness to find anything that could keep this brilliant spitfire at the Ministry with him. It hadnāt even been a year and he selfishly wanted more. But his brain knew better than his heart. No lie could keep her.
āItās over, Tesoro. Heās dead.ā He paused as she pulled back to look at his face, shocked to the point of leaving her mouth open.
āWhat?ā Her eyebrows pulled together and he felt her scrutiny run over his face. It made his mustache twitch. She focused on his hairline, reaching up to touch a bit of blood he must have missed wiping off. Her eyes moved back and forth a few beats from the red on her finger to his face and he tried to make himself let go of her.
āItās over. Youāre free now. He will never hurt you again. You can go back to your life and be happy.ā The last sentence made his voice crack between a brief stutter.
She didnāt move for a full three cycles of deep breaths. He could faintly catch the smell of camomile. Bless the Psalterians and their loving parental skills. She deserved that love and so much more, but not like this. Not trapped and hiding from the brother who tried to kill her the the moment she wanted a different life outside the Family.
āI can.. I can help you get set up. Back in Vegas or wherever you wanā¦Mmphā This time it was her mouth that crashed into his and his brain went blank. Another deep inhale from both of them before she took a half step away to hold one of his gloved hands.
āYouāre so fucking stupid, Cardi..ā His heart stopped beating as every string inside it pulled together in knots. āIām not going anywhereā
Her smile was wide and she shook her head just a little bit as she spoke again, āHow could ever leave the man I love?ā
I've just realized that I have to start packing lunch for a kindergartener who won't EAT PEANUT BUTTER!? Like the two things she doesn't care for: peanut butter and deli meat what do I even do with that!?
I am reblogging this to refer to the comments full of lunch ideas in the year ahead because the daily toil of packing kid lunches is a beast. Sending strength to all of us as we prepare for another school year.
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I know and acknowledge that all the Papas are string beans because they're played by Tobias Forge but watching Secondo on stage I just get so much impression of size, of Presence, like...he is HUGE. He is looming. He is like Chernabog on the mountain in Fantasia. If you told me Secondo had the power to turn into a giant swole bat god and summon an army of demons and showed me Mr. Worldwide, I'd scoff, but show me the guy I'm currently watching perform Year Zero in full regalia and yes I would believe you in an instant
Ghost Band Characters as Great British Bake Off Contestants
I begin with the conceit that they're all, in this universe, good enough at baking to get on the show in the first place. Because. Come on. Pure canon, the Papas are not out here making pastry. And Sister Imperator definitely has better things to do with her time.
Co-authorship of this goes to @ominouslatinchanting , we brainstormed this in a conversation over dinner one night (I have the best marriage)
Our Bakers Are: Papa Nihil, Sister Imperator, Marika Psaltarian, Mr. Psaltarian, Primo, Secondo, Terzo, Cardi, Perpetua, and Judith, bringing us to a total of 10 characters getting us to the lowest number ever to appear on a GBBO season and don't have to start adding in like Ghouls or dragging poor Bishop Necropolitus out of his hole in Krakow.
I am going to share in order of elimination.
Primo: Is eliminated first, and they consider cutting him for continuity but there's too few contestants this season so they have to leave him in. He brings ingredients from home and manages to straight up make a poisonous tart. They don't know what he put in it, but Paul and Prue are given first aid as a response. That said, it was very tasty and well structured and he would have won his episode on those merits until the problems Manifested themselves. He had excellent banter with Noel throughout his baking time though.
Nihil: Is out next. Every season of GBBO has two kinds of old people: the endearing one with Lots of Staying Power who makes people cry when they either win or are finally eliminated, and the affable fuckup who sticks to the classics and is eliminated fairly early over either small mistakes or a lack of creative vision. Nihil is the latter in this campaign. He manages a gorgeous showstopper, managing something like the 7 Inches cover in fondant, but he absolutely bombed his technical challenge
Judith: the Earnest Young Person contestant who Doesn't Make It, Judith works very, very hard but is quickly outclassed by the others at in the tent as the competition heats up. She's very technically proficient, it isn't that she's a bad baker, but it's one of those episodes where everyone else just did Better, even a few of the other weaker participants. She goes home smiling through tears and you see her in the season finale party cheering on the finalists without a grudge. Got star baker the episode before she was sent home.
Secondo: Every season has that One Baker who adds alcohol to Every Single Thing, and Secondo is that baker. The thing is alcohol is delicious so it gets him way further than anyone expects. He's finally eliminated in an episode where it just doesn't work as a combination with the week's theme and his flavors are too overpowering. A bit weak on the technical challenges but did a slam dunk performance the week Judith got eliminated. Seems deeply Unbothered by losing. Hasn't been star baker but was in the running in the first episode.
Mr. Psaltarian: A workmanlike, steady baker, who is never poor in quality, but is outshone creatively by the other bakers as the season goes on. His stuff is never bad, he's been star baker at least once, Grumpy about this but he's also been the guy to help other bakers when they are having Minor Catastrophes throughout the season and everyone is sad to see him go. Paul still remembers his American style pies fondly - he got the Handshake for it
Terzo: Every season there's a competitor who Paul Hollywood declares is too 'style over substance'. This is Terzo, and Paul simply does not see his vision. Terzo's style has been So Damn Good though that it has gotten him this far. His showstoppers are things of legend. He has bombed at least two technical challenges where the bake was something he hadn't heard of before. His final showstopper is the city of Meliora painstakingly made as a gingerbread construction and it collapsed because he went too Big with his design and it couldn't support its own weight after the frosting also went on. Barely interacted with his fellow contestants but flirted relentlessly with Prue.
Perpetua: This is the semi final and it is TENSE, and Cardi makes it past Perpetua by the absolute skin of his teeth. The two of them have a friendly but entirely one sided (fucking V flavored) rivalry throughout the season. Perpetua is the Young(er) Earnest Person who Does Make It Far in contrast to Judith, everyone has nothing but nice things to say about him and there's not a dry eye in the tent when he gets eliminated. The creative side of his bakes have an edge of gothic whimsy, which Prue and Paul condescendingly call his "unique style". He is eliminated in an episode where the showstopper was a wedding cake - his flavors were lacking, and like Terzo's Meliora cookies he has structural problems - the tiers are literally 2 Big to Rig.
OUR FINALISTS ARE: Sister Imperator, Cardi, and Marika
Cardi: "Grrrrr" about V behind his back, though they have banter. Always one step away from a menty B at all times, and all of the Disasters seem to happen to him, ovens not turning on all the way, having to restart, etc. However he is a hard worker and his creative side (often with pop cultural tributes, he did an excellent gingerbread Death Star) is strong enough to see him through. He's the audience favorite because of the hapless kicked puppy energy he radiates alongside his competitive competence. He is also kind to his fellows - he is the first to comfort Judith after her elimination (like he did in canon over the Portrait). His Arc is the one the episodes have been edited around, clearly. He gets a Hollywood handshake over an absolutely breaktakingly complex bread bake shaped like a rat king with the joined tails as a braided loaf - it's also perfectly proved and the flavors are great. However, he is not the best baker in the tent and frankly his squeaking by over Perpetua in the last episode was an upset, so he's not winning
Sister Imperator: The most ruthlessly competitive baker in the tent, to the point that she should probably be on an American reality show instead. Insufferably smug when Terzo and Secondo get eliminated. But demonstrates a softer side when Cardi starts spiraling, she tends to be the one to take him aside and talk him calmly through his panic with a "back to work, Boyo" at the end. She and Marika have very playful banter as well and viewers ship them a bit. Her bakes are always challenging, both in terms of skill required and flavors - she puts together combinations you don't expect to work, but they do. However she's outdone by...
Marika: The Winner, and the Old Person who Goes the Distance, every season has one. She's the one who you can tell is part of her local Women's Institute and bakes like a machine. In her interview bits she'll drop bits of Lore that imply that she's way, way more interesting than she lets on (one showstopper is a painstaking reconstruction of the family's circus tent). No one expects her to win (reality show logic because she's not a huge Personality in the tent like some of the others) but everyone expects her to win (Bake Off Logic, she's technically flawless). Cardi is outclassed by her and Sister when they're by themselves, but Prue and Paul debate long and hard over which of the two ladies gets it.
I also love this specific picture of him so much that my bestie made a stack of physical stickers that Iāve been putting in various places including my water bottle and the back window of my car:
so now he makes that face at all the cars behind me when Iām trying to merge
I laughed so hard my eyes started leaking and my husband wanted to know why and he agreed! omg this is the best sticker the best car sticker EVer!! I love this so so much. Thank you for sharing your genius and now I think I have to make some stickers too.
