Numb and Dumb

I write mainly free verse poetry about my feelings

[brokenheartedpoems]

A letter to my Ex-Best Friend:

honestly? fuck you. i did EVERYTHING for you. i put up with your shit for YEARS and when i finally break and tell you how i feel, you blow up, victimize yourself and unadd me on snap? you make EVERYTHING about yourself. you BARELY supported me when i supported you CONSTANTLY! I went to every volleyball game you ever played, I helped through COUNTLESS breakups, I waited up until 4 am the day before I had important plans to make sure that YOU got home safe from some tinder date and you didnt even follow our dot safety code because you were too busy getting fucked by some half assed military boy, I helped you through EVERYTHING I COULD! and what did you do to support me? make a half ass attempt at winter guard and quit because you got "sick"? i asked you to come to ONE football game... only ONE throughout sophomore-senior year because i was hoping you'd come support the band and see what i did but you NEVER CAME! NOT ONCE. i asked for help when i was struggling and you pushed me away like i wasn't important to you or made shit about yourself. i was CRYING because i was afraid i could lose my life when this whole BLM thing started kicking and all you had to say in return was: "yeah, well, my boyfriend broke up with me today". on TOP of all of that, you have no consideration for literally anything! like that one time we went to hang out at that tinder dudes apartment with his roommates and i was having a panic attack and when i told you i wanted to go home because i couldnt breathe and was freaking out; you're response to that and i quote was: "lemme find a way to make out with this dude real quick" and i told you no, we need to leave and you STILL MANAGED TO GO INTO A ROOM WITH HIM WHILE I WAS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK? I WOULD HAVE DROPPED EVERYTHING TO MAKE SURE YOU FELT SAFE AND SECURE! fuck. you. you're a selfish, conceded, privileged, babied brat who needs to learn to act like an adult because quite frankly, the 15 year old personality that you're kickin? aint cute. The day you pull your head out of your ass then MAYBE i'll concider being friends with you again. but just like you said: "it takes a hell of a lot to come back into my life" and i realized, i need to hold people up to a high standard and right now, you're below average.

[brokenheartedpoems]

My Emotions Right Now

you know, at this point, i wonder if anyone will truly like me enough to give me an actual chance instead of me being a second option and their ex being a first. this is the second. fucking. time. this. has. happened. this. year. i really liked this kid too and he just goes back to his ex like me and him had absolutely nothing. sure, we didnt actually start dating, but the feelings were there. the late nights spent driving around, listening to bad music or singing show tunes together. the days where he'd look at me but quickly look away and i'd do the same. the long conversations. the kisses... none of that mattered to him. not one single bit of it mattered because he could drop me, like i was absolutely nothing and pick his ex up like she was a goddess waiting to be known again. but she already had her chance... and she blew it the first time. and for once, i wanna know what its like to feel like a goddess. all i ever am is the jester. and it hurts. it hurts so bad. its painful to see him with her again and its painful to know that he chose her over me and i never even got a chance while she has an unlimited play pass to his love and affection. but he's my friend, and i have to be happy for him. if he's genuinely happy, im happy. as his friend, im happy for him. but as the girl who liked him, i cant help but have this sinking feeling in my chest. i cant help but look at him and see him and her together. i cant help the sleepless nights i know im going to have, conjuring up memories of driving around at 1 am or laughing so hard we cant breathe or the moment he looked into my eyes and i saw the spark that now only lights when he sees her. i cant help but feel this overwhelming sadness eat at my happiness saying that i was the problem. i was the reason he didnt wanna be with me. i was the entire reason that him and i didnt date, when i know its not true. his feelings just lie with another girl. and i hate the fact that since he told me that he likes her, my eyes havent seen a true dry moment. my heart hasnt felt content or warm. my brain hasnt stopped thinking about the endless scenerios that could have played out and out of all the possiblities, he chose the one he did. and it hurts. i remember him saying i love you at 2 am while holding my hands and how my heart fluttered with joy. now that memory is stained. i remember hearing his laugh and my heart melted a little. now my heart freezes cold. i remember him telling me he wouldnt play me like my ex did. now i cant seem to see where i missed the red flags. but in due process, this was a chapter ending, for a new one to begin. one with a better ending and new characters. one with new adventures. one with new emotions. one where my breath will no longer be heavy with sadness, but light with happiness. one where someone will treat me like a goddess waiting to be known.

[brokenheartedpoems]

pour mon futur amour

donc, je t'aime beaucoup

et tu as mon cœur

j'adore toi

et je veux embrasser toi

encore

veux-tu m'embrasser encore?

[brokenheartedpoems]

4 Minutes

it takes 4 minutes to fall in love

and walking through paris

i looked into your eyes

and i saw warm vanilla lilac skies

i became speechless

with a beating heart

and glowing eyes

i fell in love in those first 4 minutes

but you knew

and told me that

you didnt feel the same

i was sad but it was fine

i was used to feeling like this

it takes 4 minutes to fall in love

and you realized

you loved me

but you make a mistake

you gave me time

time to move on and away

time to become something else

time to learn how to love someone else

and you said

i love you

and i said

i used to

you said

i love you

i said

i cant

you said

i love you

i sat

in silence

because those vanilla lilac eyes

only become warm

when you're happy

and right now you're freezing

so it takes 4 minutes to fall in love

but tell me

do you love me

or are you just in pain

[brokenheartedpoems]

You know what-I like your poetry. I really don’t care how it’s written, but I can tell you feel a lot and every drop anger and sadness is poured into it. Poetry doesn’t have to be some perfect scholarly essay written for Plato to decipher-it’s also an art and as long as you feel like you accomplished what you’re trying to interpret, you’ve done well. And I promise that you have. Please keep your head up and keep writing.

thank you so much! some people dont understand that poetry isnt so black & white. i try to put all my emotions into my writing. i've felt a lot of pain and im finally becoming better for it. poetry is my healing.

[brokenheartedpoems]

so i like a dude (i am male) but i'm preeeeeeeeeetty sure he doesn't like me back because i'm literally obese. how can i be sure he likes me or not? i'm highkey stuck.

Well just talk to him and get to know him better. if he doesnt like you for you, then he's not worth it. pet him fall in love with your personality and style not what you look like on the outside.

[brokenheartedpoems]

given and took

i gave you sun

and you took my rays

i became dark 

and left cold

i gave you love

and you took my heart

gave it to your new partner

and left me numb

i gave you me

and you took my innocence

i was left undressed

and left exposed

i gave you emotions

and you took my happiness

kept it for yourself

drained me whole

i gave you life

and you took it

killing me

on the inside

but

you gave me death

and i took it whole

killing the old me

to become someone you’d never deserve

[brokenheartedpoems]

Glory

you were like a drop of honey,

from gods lips,

and i wanted to experience every moment of your blessing

you were like eternal bliss,

a priceless piece,

something i adored with every breath we shared

you were like a flower,

a token of affection,

a new gift with every passing day waiting for the sun to bask in your glory

and you were like the rain,

something i fell in love with,

leaving me happy and speechless thinking about how good life can be

[brokenheartedpoems]

How do you feel about witches, witchcraft, wicca and other pagan traditions?

Umm, I’m kinda indifferent to it. It seems cool and if you’re into it that’s cool. I have a couple of friends who are wiccan and celebrate those traditions. I personally though, have never really dived into the whole realm of witchcraft, wicca, pagan realm.

[brokenheartedpoems]

Whats the best way to get over a broken heart?

truly? i dont know. distract yourself from your mind. like take a day and just live your life before the heart break.

[brokenheartedpoems]

The Day After

Mascara all over

a pint of ice cream

to the side of my bed

and chardonnay

that i couldnt bother to finish

because i was

"wine drunk"

your jacket's

in the corner

dont come closer

i can still feel your touch

even though

youre not here

i didnt want these thoughts

i didnt consent to these thoughts

am i not good enough

is that the problem

tell me

am i not good enough

we used to vibe

what happened

did you find another it girl

a slim fit beauty

wearing fashion nova

and fenty beauty

im tired of the lies

and thoughts

and the pain

its the day after

valentines day

and you broke up with me

2 days prior

my heart feels like fire

no more good mornings

or good nights

no more i love yous

no more late nights

no more phone calls

no more texts

no more cute pet names at that

im tired of crying

i feel so alone

and when i see your name

i wanna throw away my phone

i wanna scream

and yell

i wanna break out of this

personal hell

so good bye

be gone

i cant look you in the eyes

because if i do

i know im gonna cry

and im not weak

im strong

at least thats how it seems

i cant let you know that you

quite literally fucking broke me

and its the day after

valentines day

why should i care

about a stupid hallmark holiday

i mean

it would have been nice to get a gift

and a hug

and a kiss

and date

like all my friends

but my memory

is just

the day after...

[brokenheartedpoems]

I’ve never read your poetry honestly, but screw what these jerk offs are saying. Writing should be freeing and relaxing and intense all at the same time. Write how you feel and how you want and forget what they say. Write for yourself love, it’s the best feeling.

thank you!! writing is what helped me cope. all my poetry is my struggle from a heart breaking love to a time when i was so depressed not even the alcohol could cure me to now where im finally okay and somewhat happy with my life! 💛

[brokenheartedpoems]

Hey, I know I’ve only been following you for some time, but don’t let some belligerent asshole get you down. People overlook purposeful punctuation, small connotations, and important themes. But man, you forget to add one little period, or you break flow even once, all hell breaks loose. Don’t forget, it’s not the poem that makes the writer. It’s the story behind the words. Keep writing what your heart desires and don’t let those fools get to you.

thank you!! i try not to let them get to me :) 💛 to all of you out there that like my writing and support it: thank you so much! i love you all!!!💕

[brokenheartedpoems]

So just looking for advice bc Idk wtf is wrong with me rn. My last relationship was years ago & it really fucked me up,I went trough a lot during that time so all that pain is kindof tied together & it’s hard to move on from any of it. Now a guy likes me at work, & I think he’s cute but I’m scared to talk to him or let him into my life,I’m more of a mess than I should be over it but I’m realizing why I’ve been avoiding any type of relationship the past few years& it’s really messing me up rn

maybe you need to come to a higher sense of self if that makes sense. like, your past relationship shouldnt define how your experience for other relationships should go, so, just think to yourself that you need to open up to yourself in order to open up to others. you have to find a higher sense of yourself before you can let someone else in.

[brokenheartedpoems]

(possibly triggering?) Depression blogs keep talking about "sad" and being "sad" and how they want the "sadness" to go away... I would love to be sad if it meant the motivation came back. I feel nothing but exhaustion. Nothing. Unless anxiety is an emotion. I just want to be able to live again.

honestly, okay. no. you dont want sadness. inside of the realm of sadness is the dark days of not leaving your bed because youre depressed. you dont have the motivation. and even after you've over come your sadness and start to become better, for a good while you dont have motivation. anxiety isnt an emotion, its a feeling of not know what to do, who to be, and what life is like.

and if you want to live life again, you have to have the mindset that you wanna change.

[brokenheartedpoems]

How long have you been writing poetry? (i love it btw)

i've been writting poetry for about 5-6 years but i started getting serious with it and made this tumblr about 3 years ago :))

<3

[brokenheartedpoems]

living

please

help me

and save me

i just cant

im losing my mind

over small things

things i know

dont matter

mental breakdowns

are becoming a daily occasion

and my anxiety

is becoming a friend again

i look in the mirror

and i dont see myself

i see an imperfect mess

dying

i see my sins

written on the walls

and pulsing through my veins

my blood has become thinner and cold

im sorry

i say that a lot now

rasing hell in my mind

because im always bothering someone

ive become someone

who doesnt eat

but only drinks tea

because i can only have 500 calories

i want to stop talking

so i dont annoy

everyone i know

and drive them away

i want to hide

so no one sees my tears

and my anxiety flare

because im not me when depression takes over

i stopped answering

and ive left the chats

i wanna hop off the grid

i just wanna dissociate

maybe ill be okay

again someday soon

but for now

im drowning myself in tears and hopelessness