Broken Infinity

In the end all things are dark

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It is so funny now, looking back at how I had so much hope for the future. Little did I know it would only get darker and I would end up utterly alone. To face everything alone, when I had already created so much only to have it stolen from me in the worst ways. I have faced imprisonment, death multiple times, people have tried to kill me multiple times, and for some reason I am still here. And all I can still think about is how I no longer wish to be here, after fighting so hard, surviving some of the worst odds, and having my heart broken multiple times, I really wish to feel no more pain.

The worst part about this life is that there is no easy way out, there is no off switch, you just can't end this ride without a lot of pain. Fortunately for me, all I know is pain, I know what it's like after you die, I know what it's like before, just before all the lights go out and there is nothing but darkness. Waking up from it is the most peaceful you ever feel, but quickly you realize where you were and it's horrible to be back here. There is no easy way at this point to say I wish I were dead. Why stay alive when I am not loved, when no one wants me here and everyone is just falling apart and being even more greedy in the wake of the most suffering the planet has seen in decades. Meanwhile everyone in America that has a car and a house complains about how hard they have it. It's bullshit to me. I have nothing, tomorrow, I could be on the street dead from some crazy unpredictable reason and it wouldn't matter to one person.

My heart can't take anymore, and it's done putting up with everyone's bullshit. The only way I would feel differently is if someone loved me for the rest of my life till I died of natural causes. But I would have to be extremely lucky to have that now, especially because I'm older. I truly am at the end and all I have are these photos to post, a bunch of broken phones that I use when I have available wifi to post and a little bit of money for food every once and a while, and I'm screaming at God, I am tired. I am in pain, I am alone, I am done doing this. So I leave my mark for the last time, I'll post everything, and share each thought. Then I will go away forever, and no one will care, but my last bit of work will be on the internet for everyone to ignore once more, this time with maximum effort.

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I must have forgotten I was here. Overcomed, swallowed whole by pain and fear that was not my own. I still reach for connection knowing the odds are slimming. The thought of never being held, touched, made love to again reaches into my soul, so I empty out what is left of myself into this void of darkness. The only light remaining is in my past work, when I truly believed I was loved, now I know for certain, it was all a lie. Not one moment shared with them was true. But in this photo, I believed I was loved. I was such a fool. 💔

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Watch Tear You Apart on YouTube Music

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The shadows speak

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What are you afraid of about yourself?

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I am still here... oh well... let's get crazy! All my life I have been embarrassed to post these creations of mine. Now, I am not worried about what the many will think, but the few that like my content, join me and let's connect to create beautiful things 😊

[depression-healthy-carrier]