Shipping The Ships @brothertouchingpitofgay - Tumblr Blog

brothertouchingpitofgay

AI really came through for me here

Read the WIP this is based off of below

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

brothertouchingpitofgay

AI coming in strong for me

#Dennis x Casey #split fandom #split #Casey x Dennis

AI really came through for me here

Read the WIP this is based off of below

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works

#split fandom #split #Dennis x Casey #Casey x Dennis

ngatwa

SPLIT (2016) / ANORA (2024)

brothertouchingpitofgay

OMG I'M SO GLAD I WASN'T THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED THIS

We all know whomst I'm talking about here

#dennis x casey #casey x dennis #split fandom #split

The Smile movie but the protagonist has struggled with depression their entire life and is extremely adept at using humor to deflect trauma, finds all the hallucinations fucking ridiculous and hilarious, constantly makes fun of the entity, and it starves to death

#smile #smile 2 #horror

spacemagik

Them: Daddy, how did you and mommy meet?

Dennis:

Casey: *stares at Dennis* Yes Dennis, how did we meet?

brothertouchingpitofgay

OMFG I LAUGHED SO HARD I STARTLED THE NEIGHBORS

#split fandom #dennis x casey

Clone Wars Anakin could break every bone in my body and I'd still lick his boots and call him daddy

#anakin skywaler #clone wars #star wars

Obi-Wan during Attack of the Clones: omg Anakin can you NOT be like that???

Obi-Wan during Clone Wars: *takes long drag of cigarette* yeah Anakin's just like that

#star wars prequels #obi wan kenobi #anakin skywaler #clone wars #attack of the clones

outofcontextpaganquotes

“Why use these chopsticks when I could be gay?”

thisiswhymomworries

writing smut like

how many synonyms for “penis” do I actually know?

3tno-moved-deactivated20190902

and how many of those synonyms am I actually willing to use

thisiswhymomworries

tier 1 (most accepted, considered sexy): cock, dick

tier 2 (generally accepted): length, manhood, member, shaft

tier 3 (clinical, too formal, but not cheesy): groin, penis, phallus

tier 4 (cheesy, barely acceptable): [insert name] Jr., dong, junk, knob, prick, rod, tool, wand, wood

tier 5 (ridiculous, unacceptable, pls don’t): anything to do with beer cans, baby-maker, bishop, choad, donger, dragon, fuck wand, fun stick, hog, johnson, jimmy, lap rocket, little [insert name], love muscle/rod/stick, meat stick, one-eyed [anything], piston, private eye, schlong, trouser snake, wiener, winkie

tier 6 (you’re literally a fourth grader): baby arm, baloney pony, beaver basher, beef whistle, custard launcher, dude piston, flesh flute, heat-seeking moisture missile, krull the warrior king, luigi, mayo shooting hotdog gun, meter long king kong dong, pig skin bus, piss weasle, purple-headed yogurt flinger, purple-helmeted warrior of love, schlong dongadoodle, single barreled pump action bollock, spawn hammer, steamin’ semen truck, tan banana, thundersword, wang doodle, whoopie stick, wing wang doodle, yogurt shotgun

brothertouchingpitofgay

I think I laughed so hard I woke up half the neighborhood and broke a few ribs

brothertouchingpitofgay

Cave painter, meat knife

justanotherwannabejedi

i had to… it was on my mind all day

lisuli79

AU where the only nightmares Anakin has are about sand ;)

(also, when you totally do not realize your little ones sneaked in your bed and you get smacked, I know the feeling :D)

julia666

Another happy landing

brothertouchingpitofgay

SO when I was listening to the audio-book of the novelization of Revenge of the Sith, I legitimately thought I heard (I now realize I’d probably fallen asleep in the car and dreamed about it, because I can’t actually find proof of this happening in the book when I tried to comb threw it again) the narrator stating that in order to revive Obi-Wan, Anakin just hardcore SMACKS Obi-Wan’s ass. Obi-Wan then immediately jerks awake, and the first thing he sees is Anakin’s well-toned, fine, fiiiiinnnneeee ass.

I showed this picture to my roommates and told them that story, and we decided that even though I dreamed up the text, it may as fucking well be actual canon, because come on, Anakin totally would slap Obi-Wan’s perfect ass to rouse him from unconsciousness.

In fact, it probably became a tradition for them. Most likely, an angsty 13-year-old Anakin was refusing to wake up when he was on a mission with his master, so a completely fucking done Obi-Wan just WHAPS Anakin across the ass whilst shouting “rise and shin, Padawan mine!”

Then of course, smacking each other on the ass to wake each other up became a full-out tradition for the two of them. In A New Hope, when Obi-Wan finds Darth Vader on the death star and they ‘bout to fight, he uses the force to WACK Vader’s ass straight through the armor, and flashes him this majestic shit eating grin with a hearty “wassup Ani!” as Vader screeches “BITCH MY SKIN IS STILL BURNT BENEATH THIS COME ON THAT IS A LOW BLOW.”

And thus my household began a lengthy brainstorming session on the full legacy of the Skywalker/Kenobi Ass-Smacking Tradition ™️.

#star wars #anakin skywalker #obi-wan kenobi #darth vader #a new hope #revenge of the sith #ass smacking

sskyguy-blog

the tragedy of anakin skywalker (x)

luckyjak

#no but really#why wasn’t anakin a crechemaster#why did they let him major in stabbing?#star wars#queue (tags @cadesama)

OH GOD NO BUT THAT WOULD BE PERFECT. how did the jedi not think of that?

what is anakin’s biggest weakness? attachments.

you know who needs lots of attachment? babies. small children.

anakin should not have been made to study murder: he should have been put in charge of Small Things. He would have bonded with all of them instantly, and it would have given his life Meaning and Purpose.

He’d bond with the kids, but he’d be able to move on because they are Bigger now and they have to go to the Big Kid Class but he still sees them around all the time, and it finally teaches him how to let go of his attachments??? He’d find a kid that he’s particularly fond of and go to Obi-Wan and say “I have found your newest padawan.”

this could have fixed so. many. things. ;_____;

angelqueen04

Heh, and Anakin would keep picking Obi-Wan’s padawans for him, and it would be annoying but damn if he wasn’t right every single time.

ialreadyreadthatfanfic

BUT CAN YOU JUST IMAGINE HOW ANNOYED PALPATINE WOULD BE his life would be never-ending string of trying to get a hold of Anakin (I mean, would Anakin give him a time of day if he can spend it with small kids who absolutely adore him instead?)

he keeps comming over the years, but it’s always like

BEEP

“Anakin, my boy, we haven’t seen each other in a while—“

“I’m sorry, Chancellor, now’s not the best time. I’m tutoring a class.”

BEEP

“My dear boy, I wonder if we could meet for a chat—“

“Well, it can’t be this week, we’re going to Ilum, but maybe later…”

BEEP

“Anakin, I’d like to—“

“I’m terribly sorry, Chancellor,” Obi-Wan Kenobi answers. The apologetic tone might be just a tad exaggerated. “Anakin is on a trip with younglings, he must’ve left his comlink behind accidentally.”

BEEP

“You’ve reached Anakin Skywalker’s private comlink. Leave the message after the tone.”

BEEP

“It’s such a shame that Council doesn’t consider sending you on this campaign, considering the lightsaber skills you demonstrated when I was last visiting the Temple, Anakin.”

“Thank you, Chancellor, but this is precisely why I need to stay behind. In fact just the last week, the Masters decided I should take over some advanced lightsaber classes, considering senior Padawans accompanying their Masters on the frontlines need the training. I might take the Bear Clan along, make it a learning opportunity for the young ones—“

Palpatine closes his eyes slowly. He knows this from experience; Anakin won’t let himself be budged from the topic of little monsters for at least another half an hour.

BEEP

“Ah, Chancellor Palpatine. Anakin left his comlink behind again, he’s in class—“

BEEP

“Anakin, I hoped you—“

“Oh! Chancellor,” the voice on the other end is distinctly female, and Palpatine recognizes it after a second. Kenobi’s second Padawan. He barely restrains the urge to gnash his teeth. “Um, Skyg—I mean, Master Skywalker can’t pick up now. I can tell him you called? It’s just that he was helping me with forms, and he forgot his comlink, and he’s probably already in crèche…”

BEEP

Then there’s that one time when an actual youngling picks up the call. The less said about his reaction to that incident, the better.

BEEP

“—fortunately, they were all right in the end. But in my opinion, this should never happened in the first place, Chancellor.”

Palpatine snaps awake. Was that… was that anger? Finally, the hours of listening to worthless drivel about Jedi younglings paid off.

“My boy, I absolutely agree,” he begins slyly, but before he can continue, Anakin steamrolls on.

“I think Jedi Order is too deeply entwined in the conflict! I honestly don’t think even senior Padawans should be anywhere near battles, not to mention in command of GAR, but now even younglings are acceptable targets for Separatists and pirates! Master Yoda and I were talking about this lately, and—“

Palpatine swallows a scream of rage with some difficulty.

BEEP

“Forgot his comlink again, Master Skywalker has. With younglings, he is.”

Slaughtering younglings moved to the top on the list of things Darth Sidious will do after taking over galaxy some time ago.

grand-duc

this post keeps getting better and better

suzume42

More please! Tagging @systlin, @beautifultoastdream and @karama9

karama9

That is what the Council would have done if they were smart. Seriously. Here’s Yoda saying Anakin should not be taught because he senses too much fear in him, and it’s fear for the people he cares about, something everyone present realizes fully because when it comes to his own safety, Anakin couldn’t be more reckless. Then Qui Gon announces he’s training him anyway, someone points out he might fulfill the prophecy and bring balance to the Force, and nobody, NOBODY, thinks that MAYBE giving him a job that’s more about caring than killing might be an idea. Nope. Okay, we’re training him, let’s foster the loose canon aspect of his personalities, make him a war general and keep pushing him into vicious battles to the death. Sounds perfect for his mental health. The Jedi Council were a bunch of idiots with their head so far up their own asses even a lightsaber shoved up there to the hilt would not provide them enough light to see further than their own noses.

I think I got lost somewhere in this metaphor. You get the point.

beautifultoastdream-deactivated

After ten years, Palpatine loses his patience and decides to change his plans. Fuck it, Skywalker has kids now–two adorable little moppets who can be captured, broken, and twisted into twin powerhouses of the Dark Side. Torture one while the other watches, convince them Daddy doesn’t love them, easy-peasy.

Unfortunately, he fails to reckon with the fact that not only is he going up against Anakin Fucking Skywalker, but that Anakin Fucking Skywalker is the surrogate father/big brother/best friend/cool teacher of ninety percent of the current Padawans and young Knights in the Order. And while the Council might make decisions and talk about the Will of the Force and stuff, those Padawans and Knights only care about the fact that the man who scared away the monsters under the bed–made it feel less lonely and frightening to be away from home when they were small–is now hurting and scared for his own children.

Just like Palpatine always wanted, Anakin ends up leading an army. An army of young Jedi who smash the ever-loving shit out of everything “Darth Sidious” can throw at them, rescue the terrified Skywalker twins, and drag the Chancellor hisownself before the Senate with conclusive proof that he’s an evil Dark-Side-wielding bastard who kidnaps adorable kids.

Attachments FTW.

systlin

God, YES

systlin

Luke and Leia would have grown up with 500 brothers and sisters of assorted species. Whenever you see Anakin there are 10 kids with him, occasionally actively hanging off of his arms or riding on his shoulders. (Anakin looks downright gleeful about this). Padme thinks it’s the most adorable thing ever.

20 years later by the time “A New Hope” would have begun, Anakin is 45. Padme is the new Chancellor. Luke and Leia are finishing their own Jedi training. 90% of the current young Jedi order calls Anakin ‘Dad’. He has amassed the galaxy’s largest collection of refrigerator art. After that incident with Chancellor Palpatine 15 years back, Yoda was forced to admit to Qui Gon’s very smug force-ghost that he was right. Everything is right with the galaxy.

dreamer-wisher-liar

I am so sorry this ate my brain and then things ran away from me. I AM SORRY. So. Anakin leads an army to retrieve his children and it’s this twisted version of everything Sidious ever wanted and he’s prepared for that.

But Sidious always underestimates how love changes things. And while he’s prepared to fight Anakin’s devoted army of former crechelings, he underestimates how that’s changed the rest of the Order.

Because Obi-Wan is quieter about whom and how he loves but doesn’t make it any less strong. When Obi-Wan loves someone it is unconditional and unyielding and he has never loved anyone as much as he loves Anakin Skywalker. Then the twins are born and Anakin is bashfully about it but he’s not ashamed and of course Obi-Wan has to know, he can’t imagine Obi-Wan not knowing his children (Obi-Wan totally already knows, he has been rolling his eyes about this for months and waiting for Anakin to come to him so he doesn’t spook him or for Padme to knock some freaking sense into him, which she does, because not-dying Padme is scary post-pregnancy and not willing to deal with the stupid anymore) and then Padme hands him Leia and everything stutters to a halt for a moment because oh, oh no, Anakin has found him another padawan.

There is no one Obi-Wan will ever love as fiercely as Anakin, except for Anakin’s children, who may as well be his own children. And he knows from the moment he first holds her that Leia will be the greatest Jedi he ever has a hand in raising.

(It becomes a joke among the Knights and Masters at the temple after the Skywalker twins arrive. If you even think that you might like to take Leia as your padawan, you can feel Obi-Wan glare at you no matter where he is in the galaxy.)

And when Sidious kidnaps Anakin’s children – his future padawan – Obi-Wan is the only Jedi in the galaxy who can put a hand on Anakin’s shoulder and say we need a distraction to do this safely, trust me to bring them home for you. Anakin will lead the frontal assault and tear down all of Sidious’ carefully constructed plans. Obi-Wan will sneak in and safeguard their children and bring them home.

That’s the plan, anyway.

Here’s what none of them expected:

When Luke Skywalker came screaming and red-faced into the world, an ancient, meddling, troll of a Jedi Master who had vowed never to take another padawan felt it and thought: fuck.

Whereas Leia is, even as a child, stubborn and willful and silk hiding steel, Luke is twin balls of sunshine. Raised among Jedi, he is so bright a presence it hurts. Even raised among Jedi, he wears his heart on his sleeve and has absolutely no guile and he pouts when the cafeteria doesn’t serve his favourite dessert but will cheerfully walk across the room and give it to someone else if he senses that person is still hungry. The first time Luke sees Yoda he stares at him, all big blue eyes and pudgy baby hands, then grabs his ears and won’t let go. Everyone is horrified. Yoda harrumphs at him and tell him, “Patience, young one.” He toddles after Yoda from the time he can crawl and no matter how grouchy Yoda seems he never actively dissuades him from it.

After the twins enter the temple, Anakin always knows not to worry if Luke is missing from the crèche. Yoda will escort him back sooner or later.

(He’s always much more worried when Leia disappears because, yes, Obi-Wan will bring her back but they’ll have always gotten into trouble in the meantime.)

Yoda does not confront Darth Sidious. Yoda does not lose his duel with the Sith lord and become diminished because of it. Yoda is with Obi-Wan, sneaking into his stronghold to see the twins safe. Yoda cannot go Sith hunting when Luke is in pain and gently clinging to him, his arms around his neck, bruised and bleeding and smiled at Yoda when he saw him because Luke knew he would come.

(Sidious cannot win, with them. Leia would risk her home being obliterated rather than betray her righteous cause. Luke would willingly walk into flames rather than give up on those he loves. It hurts, oh it hurts, to see the other in pain, but Leia can watch Luke being hurt and know there are more important things at stake than the two of them and Luke can watch Leia being hurt and trust that they will be saved.)

Sidious escapes but his Empire falls before it solidifies. He will never be as powerful as he needs to be.

(It’s Anakin who notices there is something wrong with the clones. He’s not their General but Obi-Wan is and Obi-Wan is a good general. When Obi-Wan is hurt, they’re all nosey and worried and Anakin – all but glued to his former Master’s bedside when it’s really bad and first and foremost a mechanic – can tell that something is wrong. He’s not always with them so it never becomes familiar, it never becomes normal, and it niggles at the back of his brain until he’s sitting in front of Obi-Wan’s bacta tank – old training bond humming between them because Obi-Wan hates drugs and hates being sedated and he stays quieter and heals faster if Anakin is there to keep him calm – and Rex walks in to check on the General and Anakin turns around to look at him and he sees it.

The Jedi Order quietly deprograms the clone army. They trace the chip back to Palpatine. Padme and Bail Organa and Mon Mothma start quietly amassing information against him and his allies – enough for criminal charges, pushing Sidious to show his hand and try to kidnap the twins.)

Obi-Wan takes Leia as his Padawan the second she’s old enough for it to be proper. They are scarily well matched. If he was the Jedi’s best hope to keep planets from succeeding during the war, together they can talk whole systems into rejoining the rebuilding Republic.

Yoda leaves Luke in the crèche until the day before his thirteenth birthday. Everyone is worried except Luke (who knows he is meant to be a Jedi and knows Master Yoda is meant to teach him and trusts this, since he was raised in the Temple. It’s easier to have faith when you’ve always had it and it’s never been wrong). Fourteen Jedi have tried to ask him to be their apprentice. Yoda bashed twelve of them over the head with his stick before they could and Luke turned two down himself, the last three days before his birthday. He spends his last day as a twelve-year old following his dad around, both of them a little clingier than usual. Anakin has always thought that Yoda intended to take Luke as his Padawan but he’s literally hours from aging out and he’s seriously considering comming Ashoka and begging her to come act as backup, when Luke suddenly hugs Anakin hard and quick and Anakin looks over and sees Yoda waiting in the doorway.

Anakin hugs Luke back very, very tightly and then he lets him go. Luke already has his few things packed and waiting. Yoda harrumphs at him. “Ready, you are, padawan mine?”

Luke’s smile is blinding. “Yes, Master.”

Leia talks star systems into rejoining the Republic. Luke returns the Fallen to the Jedi. Dooku is the first and most fleeting (having not been killed by Anakin) – having been betrayed and split from Sidious – Luke finds him when he’s dying and gets Yoda to him in time for him to pass them information on Sidious’ new schemes and die a Jedi, with his old master at his side. There are others, after that, who Fell during the war and didn’t think they could ever return from it. Luke, bright and shiny and full of faith, sees them, thinks, I can fix this, and brings them home one by one.

After the second Return, which is unavoidably public, Leia and Obi-Wan look at each other and enlist everyone they can to begin working to make Luke the new poster boy for the Order. Luke is intensely embarrassed by this and a bit bumbling and shy about it, which just makes it more attractive to everyone. It also keeps the spotlight well away from their rebuilding efforts, which are way easier when there’s less press exposure.

Sidious, who would still like to capture and corrupt the twins, eventually stops trying with Luke because there’s only a 50/50 anyone he sends after him will come back and between years of Yoda’s training (ie dodging his stick), Luke’s innate Force sense and his dumb luck he’s practically impossible to kill.

(Sidious dies ignobly at the hands of a new apprentice, one of the Fallen who Luke has been trying to save. His defeat was always going to be someone else’s redemption.)

ialreadyreadthatfanfic

#I HAVE SO MANY FEELS ABOUT THIS META#GUYS#LUKE GETTING TO BE YODA’S PADAWAN PROPERLY MAKES ME SO HAPPY#OBI-WAN AND LEIA ARE A DREAM TEAM#THEY ARE FRIGHTENING TOGETHER#PADME IS SO PROUD#LUKE IS A LITTLE BALL OF WHINY SUNSHINE AND YODA JUST DELIGHTS HIM#MACE LAUGHS AT YODA FOREVER ABOUT IT#UNTIL BEN FUCKING SOLO COMES ALONG AND MACE IS ALL MOTHERFUCKER#I AM ALSO GOING TO HAVE TO WRITE THAT PIECE OF META BECAUSE BEN AS MACE WINDU’S PADAWAN ARGH#I WANT TO WRITE ALL THE STORIES IN THIS VERSE (via dreamer-wisher-liar)

You people need to tag me when you write, I keep missing good stuff like above!