Brother What The Helly

What the hell is going on

[teaboot]

I think I speak for a number of people when I say my ideal Steve Rogers is Ned from Pushing Daisies with 15% less anxiety and 5000% additional chaotic rage spliced with a depression-era urban raccoon and whatever queer thing he had going on in Winter Soldier

[teaboot]

I want "I grew up in the great depression and died in world War 2" Steve Rogers to spend his first five minutes of internet scrolling through news posts about school shootings and cafeteria lunch debt and 'be kind to neo nazis' and then I want him to walk away from the computer and pick up a gun

[niclepto]

The bbgirl og

[seamossdoll]

[kafaminguzelligi]

[dct239394cvvd098dffgggp]

theres not a single fucking program id want to run on startup. as soon as i turn on my computer i want quiet silence to stare at my desktop wallpaper for a bit. if anythint else pops up im shooting it on sight

[sunnydogslurry-deactivated20260]

teasing someone so thoroughly, dressing up for them watching as they get flustered and slowly pushing them up against a wall, invading their space, being so close and gently kissing their neck, their cheek, their lips, sliding a hand underneath their shirt, telling them how adorable they are right now and flustering them even further

[blackpyrefly]

after nearly 2 years of near continuous isolation from the global pandemic i can say that the guy from the shining was a bitch i could do his job and not try to kill my wife and son. i havent tried to kill my wife once and ive spent way longer going insane

[hellomrmarionette]

Do you have ghosts and demons tho?

[blackpyrefly]

being online is the same thing as being psychically attacked by ghosts and demons

[rawhoneybliss]

You didn't come to Earth to hide. Share your love with the World. Share your beauty. Share your gifts. Share your talents. Share your wisdom. Share your knowledge. Share your pure heart. Share your healing energy. Don't be afraid to be seen. You didn't come to Earth to hide. Shine while you're still here. Thrive will you're still here. Take up as much space as you can while you're still here. Share what you've been blessed with while you're still here. You didn't come to Earth to hide.

[treygotguap]

[asfgjfkgjnfkjgnkfjg]

Sorry… Having a Super Mario Depressive Episode

[randomsplashes]

[lesbianshepard]

if you work retail long enough i think you should be given license to kill 

[lesbianshepard]

new hire: you can tell the customers to go fuck themselves if they start acting mean

1 year: you are allowed to maim or seriously injure

3 years: you can kill a customer if they start a fight and you can prove they provoked you

5 years: you can kill customers on the clock in any scenario, no questions asked

10+ years: you can kill any customers in any stores 

[lesbianshepard]

addendum: during holiday season they give the entire staff a machete regardless of how long they’ve worked retail and whatever happens, happens

[depsidase]

[prokopetz]

Trainability in cats is a funny thing.

My cats understand and will obey a number of verbal commands, one of which is “go away”. I don’t use it often, but if they’re bugging me and I’m trying to work or doing something that could be dangerous for cats, I can tell them to go away, and off they go - they’ll only keep pestering me if there’s a serious problem they need me to look at.

That said, their idea of a serious problem that requires my attention is somewhat eccentric. Previous instances have included:

There was an unfamiliar car parked across the street

Their water bowl was four inches to the left of its usual position

One of them had puked on the stairs and they didn’t want to walk past it

It was raining

One of them saw a weird bug

[hollowedskin]

These are all very important things that required your attention. They’re doing a good job.

[blenderweaselhasopinions]

Dogs really aren’t much better.  I teach all my dogs the command “show me”.  How it works is if the dog needs something but I’m having trouble understanding what exactly they’re trying to tell me, I say “show me” and they lead me to whatever the problem is.  Usually they lead me to a real problem (like a toy that got stuck under the couch, their water bowl is empty, etc).  But sometimes they want me to fix things like this-

They pulled the covers off my bed and now they want me to put the covers back

They put their ball on top of the ottoman but the ottoman won’t throw it for them

The cat is sleeping and won’t chase them

A flower fell off the potted plant

The cat is sitting in a box and they don’t like it

One of them lost their bandana

The cat won’t take the toy they’re trying to give her

The cat DID take the toy they gave her and now they want it back

[thouroghly-inconsequential]

These are all very important things that required your attention. They’re doing a good job.

[quotemadness]

“I think the older I get, the more I realize that the ultimate luxury is time.”

— Michael Kors

[j-fouur-deactivated20210120]

life became so much simpler when i decided to just let people misunderstand me

[studentlifeproblems]

What would you do if you had an extra hour?