The Wild Ash

My name is Brittany Shea. I think of myself as an artist although sometimes I have my doubts. I love my family and friends more than words can express. My eating habits are strange and unusual, to say the least. I am attracted to all things bright & shiny (i must have been a fish in a past life). I travel more than any one person should. I love the beach and the mountains. AND I think video games are fantastic.

[bshea]

The moment I arrived, all I was ever given were orders. 'Smile. Open up. Cross your legs. Spread your p*ssy. Speak softer. Scream louder. Be quiet. Be confident. Be interesting. Don’t be so difficult. Be strong. Be an angel. Be a whore. Be a princess. Be anything you want to be. Even the President of the United States of America.' Just kidding.

Lilly, Assassination Nation

[bshea]

#pacoshea IS BACK! She's enjoying some quiet time with the #dolphinfountain #johnthehippo is somewhere around here too. (at Emerald Isle, North Carolina)

[bshea]

#chainsmokers #pncarena tonight was the best #show I've seen in a really REALLY long time. #musicismydrug #edm #revolutionary (at PNC Arena)

[bshea]

Fuck YOU,

Devon and Jessica.

But mostly you. 

6 years later and it’s great knowing you are still hung up on me. Cheaters never win and winners never cheat. I hope your rose colored glasses never break, and I hope you never see the pieces of your soul that I quietly and slowly breath.

True to Davis form, we destroy everything in our paths.

[bshea]

Easy Days

Some days are easy, others are not. This is one of those “not” kinda days. Logically I know life isn’t fair. I comprehend that phrase in it’s entirety and yet I still find myself overwhelmed. For most people growing up is hard, myself included; I found the process particularly difficult.  

All I have ever wanted is to have a family, be a family, most importantly be apart of a loving family. I always differed from my friends in that respect. They craved their independence. Independence brought on by teenage angst and rebellion. They never wanted the white picket fence, husband or much less kids. I however have been independent since I could talk. 

Sometimes I think the sound of my own voice was what drove my parents apart. We’re all grown ups now. All of my old friends have changed their minds. They all got the big house, married and then kids. Things they swore they never wanted, things I craved. 

I did eventually get married. I am married to a wonderful, incredibly understanding man but I’m older. Much older. I’ll never be able to have kids now, or at least that’s my fear and I see them, my old friends, with their beautiful families. 

I know that will never be me. I will always live a life unfulfilled, a life one step shy of the only thing I have ever wanted. Family.

[chasing-equilibrium-deactivated]

[maggieandericdomarriage-deactiv]

Today has been a tough day but tomorrow is a new day and we’ll try again.

[classicspnsource]

[bshea]

We learn something new every day. Tonight I learned a man named Hal had a heart attack, or maybe he was given a pacemaker and he didn’t actually have a heart attack. I'm a little unclear on the details because I received a text message via my mother, via my cousin, via my step aunt, via my step grandmother... Hal was my mother’s father. By all other means, my grandfather, Papaw.

This man used to take me to breakfast on the weekends, complete with all things southernly delicious. A breakfast fit for every child’s fantasy. This man would take me to the grocery store (when my grandmother asked him to run errands) and he would buy every sweet morsel I laid my eyes on. Things like Oreos and those cupcakes with so much frosting that bakers planted plastic jewelry on top. I have no idea if he ever bought the things my Grandmother sent him to the store for, but in those brief moments... I was a princess.

I was young when he left. Hal was a truck driver and at some point he met another woman. Looking back as an adult I don’t know if my Grandmother asked him to leave or if he left of his own volition. If I thought about it long enough, I could probably count how many times I’ve seen Hal since. Then I could talk about how he asked me when I would graduating high school, when I was already in my 5th year of undergraduate school. I could talk about the time he forgot my grandmother’s name in a funeral procession line, or I could talk about how he didn’t remember my name, when I was introducing him to my husband. As an adult, non of this really matters. 

What sucks most about this ordeal... My mother and her sister (whom are two of the most loving and selfless people I’ve ever met) were told, indirectly, that their father was in the hospital. It’s incredibly cold how he has treated his family. I’ve made peace with this man. He has no influence over my adult life. He does not know my husband and he will never know my children, I prefer it. But these two women deserve better and I will never forgive this person for treating them this way.

I love my family and I refuse to acknowledge you by any other name; Hal, though you will probably never read this, thank you for you’re kindness and love of children. Fuck you for you’re cowardice and insecurities. You mean nothing to my future and I hope the decisions you made in life give you validation. Some might say “may god have mercy on your soul” but me?? I wish you no mercy. I pray that my children and my husband, never know the hurt you’ve caused your family. 

Do better next time.

[lightyourhaironfire]

So many great adventures with @deb_davis81 I couldn’t just pick one picture. I hope you treat yourself today, you deserve it! Love you so much mom, see you tonight, I’ll bring the wine. 🍷☺️💚 Happy #mothersday to all the moms out there.

[bshea]

I love these two.

[thriftcurs3d]

sassy hoop kitten 💁🏻🌀😻

[crossconnectmag]

[school-marm-charm]

That moment when the evil witch who has been sealed away for 170 million years, speaks the truth ….

[the1janitor]

rita was sealed away for 10,000 years

just sayin

[kitschkween]

https://soundcloud.com/musxcalparadise/almost-is-never-enough-ariana

[theartistsobituary]

Eduardo Kobra

[staycuteandcozy]

[buzzfeed]

Hello. Here is a video of a toddler being cheered up by her squeaky shoes.

That is all. Goodbye.

[npr]

I’m going to force the next person I’m in a fight with to wear these. -Vesta

[bshea]

Adorbs

[bshea]

Sad Sad Sad

I’m sick with the flu. I haven't had a drink of alcohol, caffeine or a cigarette in 3 days!!! I’m missing Joe and Sarah’s wedding and Niagara Falls. I missed half a week of work. Cheese is no longer appetizing. AND I AM OVER IT. 

I want a diet coke.

I want a glass of Pinot Noir.

I want a marlboro menthol light.

I want some frosting and some cheese!!!

Then I will chase it with a bottle of nyquil and wake up with no flu tomorrow.

Yes in that order.