This is a letter I want to share with @cassandraclare , the author of The Mortal Instruments series (amongst many other stories), @far-eviler , the artist who created the Shadowhunters' Runes, and every single person who has ever loved these stories.
I would like to share my story and tell you how a symbol from a book I read as a teenager helped me get through the most difficult time in my adulthood.
(Warning: I discuss some medical stuff that maybe uncomfortable to read. Also this long, hence the break.)
I didn't like reading when I was young, I thought it was boring. In my teens, triggered by the Twilight series, I consumed huge amounts of fantasy books. The Mortal Instruments was one of them, and I still consider it one of my favourite series.
When I was around 20, I wanted to get my first tattoo. I have wanted a tattoo since I was 13, so obviously I had countless designs saved as inspiration. But when I decided on a whim to go get one, suddenly I couldn't make a decision, but I knew I wanted something meaningful, at least for that first ink.
I used to be a shy girl, I avoided conflict, I didn't like to do risky stuff, I was a bit anxious. But I dreamed about the big, amazing world that's out there and I knew that in order to go an see it, I had to be brave. I remember when Valerie posted her Runes designs on DeviantArt, and coincidentally, the Fearless Rune always called out to me. So I thought, 'perfect!'
Turns out, that little reminder on my skin really did help me push away my anxiety and try new things, visit places, stand up for myself and be fearless in a way that I would've never imagined as a teen. Every time life got difficult, every difficult decision, at some point I would look at that tattoo and go, you know what? I have nothing to fear. I can do this. I will be okay.
The Covid pandemic was difficult for me, mostly mentally, but I was brave enough to break a stereotype that's prevalent in my culture and I went back to university. My studies were a distraction of sorts during the pandemic. However, my health took a bit of a hit and my immune system was a bit weaker. Two years ago, at the beginning of 2024, a wound on my leg got infected. It was a difficult one to diagnose due to other underlying conditions, but finally, in July we had a diagnosis - cellulitis.
It sounds boring, I know, but unfortunately it is a difficult infection. Some may recognise it from an episode in season 2 of the Pitt, however, luckily for me - my case wasn't anywhere near as dramatic. Or it was, just in different ways. It was painful, as the infection began to damage the skin on of my leg, almost the entire surface from my knee to the ankle. Months of antibiotics, medicine, weekly GP appointments, a lot of anxiety, and more tears than I have ever cried in my life. I was so scared, and there was nothing I could do but pray that the antibiotics work and that the infection doesn't migrate deeper into the muscles or even bones. I prayed that I won't need to have to have the infected tissues surgically removed. I prayed that I don't get sepsis, and that one of the possible worst case scenarios - amputation - will never happen.
In all this mess, the infection destroyed my Fearless tattoo. I felt sad, I was so attached to it. But even though it was gone, I thought of it every single day and I reminded myself, I cannot be scared. I need to be brave - for myself, for my parents, who dedicated every free second of their lives over the past two years to support me, for the family and friends who stood by my side during this awful 'adventure'.
Now that I am almost healed, with some scar tissue and a fresh batch of stress-greys on my temple, with my tattoo completely gone, I realised something. My Rune did exactly what it was supposed to do, exactly the way it does in the books. It made me brave when I needed it the most and once it's job was done, it disappeared. Its memory is still there, and it will stay with me for a long long time, even if I never decide to re-do it.
I know there's people who go through far worse things than me. I am fully aware of the atrocities happening in the world today. However, in my little bubble, in my little world, those two years were indeed the worst thing I have gone through. And thoughout that entire time, what got me through was the support of my loved ones and a memory of a squiggle on my leg.
If you told me ten years ago, when I asked Valerie Freir on her deviantArt for permission to get a rune tattooed, that it would mean so much to me, I would've never believed it.
I want to thank both Cassandra for creating such a memorable story and Valerie for creating those beautiful Runes. I don't know if either of you ever reads this letter, but if you do, I just want you to know I am grateful for the impact your art has had on my life.
I was Fearless. And I will remain brave for as long as possible.
Thank you both,
Ellie.
