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alex | they/them original analog photography circadian magic linktr.ee/buerka

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the water tower - May 2021

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And just like that, I can feel the daylight disappearing.

I made the mistake of using a timed outlet for the light in my living room, so now every few days I have to roll the time back because the days are getting shorter.  It’s a regular reminder.  They should make a light switch that can synchronize with the time of sunset every day based on your location.

Nobody notices when the days are getting longer.  All of a sudden we just have more time.  Nobody really cares that the lights inside their house turn on while the sun’s still out.

But it gets dark in my apartment really early nowadays - I feel like just a month ago it didn’t get dark till 9.

All of a sudden I understand why the playlist is called wintertones. I was drawn to listen to Phoebe Bridgers today and I haven’t listened to her since... last winter?  When I first heard the playlist I thought “well it’s weird that it’s called this I mean I guess I get it but I can listen to this music any time of the year it doesn’t have to be winter for me to want to listen to this wintertones playlist...” but now I get it.  

I can feel winter coming this year.

I noticed yesterday that it’s been a while since I’ve had a really good cry.  And it’s winter - thats when it happens.  I’m trying to embrace acceptance of that season coming, and at the same time I can feel myself being drawn to eat soup and spend evenings cooking and warming up the house by using the oven, and leaving the window open in my bedroom so it gets cold at night.  

I actually want to sit out on my porch again because I’m pretty sure the mosquitoes have also figured out that winter is coming and they are deciding what they’re going to do.  I don’t know, do they migrate?  Do they hibernate?  Do they all disappear?  Honestly, I think I’d be fine with any of those options.

I worked too late today and found myself getting upset that I didn’t have any daylight left afterward.  But I’m kind of enjoying that it’s only 8 o’clock and it’s already dark - I feel like the day has disappeared and yet it is very much still early.  I’m still out running errands and even though it’s dark I don’t have go to home and immediately go to bed.

I have a jacket on.  It’s lined, and made of denim.  I’m pretty sure this jacket is 85% of my personality now and I do not care.  I don’t.

I’m so excited to live where it’s cold on summer evenings and even when the sun is out at 10 I’m not sweating.  I don’t know, there’s something really romantic about being able to cuddle up with a loved one even though it’s the middle of July.

I’m gonna go pick up my pizza now and enjoy some Phoebe Bridgers on the way home.

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Dusk photowalk | Charlotte, NC | August 2022

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Greensboro, NC | February 2022

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Golden hour on Lomo 400

Charlotte, NC | May 2021

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Currently sitting at 12 drafts of text posts, haven’t polished them or have any idea what photos I’ll pair with them yet (that’s why they’re “drafts”).

Not sure why I feel such an aversion to just posting photos here without any words to accompany them (there’s even a draft on this in there).

So instead of any of those more thoughtful posts, here’s some photos from a backpacking trip last summer to Pisgah National Forest (just believe me, the water is quite refreshingly chilled).

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Last night I opened instagram on my computer and the first posts were from people I followed - photo sets, from “favorited” accounts.  I held my breath and kept scrolling, and I kept seeing photos.  No videos, no reels, no ads.  More photos, more red stars, more art.  For a moment I thought something must be wrong, I must have selected some setting or perhaps instagram started using my card information to charge me for this more enjoyable version.

Or maybe they finally fixed their algorithm?  I downloaded the update to the app that I’d been putting off for months due to the fear that my phone would automatically download the full-screen tiktok version in my sleep, and I’d be forced to scour my feed for the button that allowed me to enjoy photos as photos instead of getting another trending earworm blasted at me while images flashed before my eyes too fast to appreciate.

Alas, no change.  Or perhaps horray, no change?  I seemed to be no better off, but also no worse.

But on my computer it was so refreshing.  I felt inspired.  I could take my time looking through these photos at my own pace - really feel the things the images communicated to me - hold them for a moment, until they passed and I was ready to move on.

I yearn for a slower life.  Slower moments.  Slower love.  Slower songs, and slower sunsets.  Slow walks through slow museums.  Slow hugs and slow poetry.  Slow coffee drips and slow breezes.  I want the time between locking eyes and sheepishly looking down to drag on so long I can actually tell what color yours are.  And then maybe, finally, I won’t always want to look away.

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The first ever photo I took on film feels fitting to be my first photo shared here as well.

Exploring my creativity always makes me feel like I’m remembering something that I haven’t done yet. I’m sure there’s a wonderful word for that feeling, perhaps in another language. If you know it, please do enlighten me.

Hi. My name is Alex, and this is my blog. Welcome to my journey, and thanks for being here.