out for a walk... bitch!

alice | I'm old and I post whatever I want | bi enby | any pronouns really, whatever makes u comfortable

[utopians]

stepped on a plum (overripe plum) (barefoot) it was on the driveway got out of the car and accidentally (didn't know it was there) stepped on the plum (warm) (on the ground) (it had fallen from the tree) barefoot (no shoes) wearing long pants (too long) (need to hem them) plum viscera got on them (the pants) unexpected plum on the driveway (hot plum) (97 degrees out) already super hungover (throwing up all morning) (should not have been driving at all) and I stepped out of the car (black car) (97 degrees out) and onto the plum (unexpected) (didn't know the plum was there) and it burst (plum nightmare on my only good pair of sweatpants) still we find ways to keep ourselves going from day to day

[uttering-joyous-leaves]

happy one year anniversary to possibly the best plum poem since william carlos williams' "this is just to say"

[wumblr]

who tf switched my trashcan with a slightly worse trashcan

[onceiwashere]

nowadays so many tumblr posts are just about tumblr. we're running out of things to talk about...

[kruskal-wallis-deactivated20240]

I switched my trashcan with my neighbor's today because theirs is nicer

[wumblr]

YOU

[speremint]

why am i allowed to draw

[animalcrossingheritageposts]

Animal Crossing heritage post

[jvgsjeff]

[yahenni]

[doctor-wormm]

please reblog this i spent way too long on what was supposed to be a quick edit

[skittyminecraft]

x

[arabella-ardor]

[faggotjonesss]

[stjohnstarling]

AITA for judging the lifestyle of the man whose castle I'm living in?

My (31M) client (765M) has generously offered to let me stay with him in his castle (!!) in Romania while we close up some business. The castle is incredible but my host is really starting to weird me out. I promise it's not just that I can't stop thinking about his hands or that looking at his pants makes me feel funny. I'm fine, okay? Its just that he told me he had servants but now that I'm here I think he's just cleaning everything really fast the second I leave the room. Yeah, okay, I get social anxiety too, but the other night he barged into my room and chucked my shaving mirror out the window. I'm trying my best here but I'm starting to think he might be a jerk. Yesterday he locked all the doors and I thought, well, he's a private kind of guy, but look - is it normal for a man to climb down a wall like a huge bug or something? Just down a straight vertical drop using his fingers and toes like some kind of lizard?

[everythingispirates]

saw someone accuse me of lying for attention which I RESENT. I lie because it's fun and, crucially, very very easy

[deepestcollectiontale3]

dorian gray?

[everythingispirates]

no this is about me making a post in which I said jack sparrow and barbossa were originally meant to be gay ex-lovers with some fake screenshots I threw together and no other sources which people then actually believed in because this website is full of functional people with critical thinking skills

[botanyshitposts]

scientists in the 1990s, putting a Get More Purple gene attached to a harmless plant virus into an already purple petunia: please get more purple

the petunia, sensing an apparent honest to god Get More Purple Disease, using the previously undiscovered RNAi antiviral ability to shut down all other purple genes along with it just in case: you put VIRUS in petunia? you infect her with the More Purple?? oh! oh! her children shall bloom white! jail for mother, jail for mother for One Thousand Years!!!!

[flipocrite]

[clickityweasel]

[curseworm]

bro oh my god … vanilla extract

[curseworm]

vanilla extract smells wonderful but tastes horrific on its own. but mixed with sugar and flour and cream it tastes just like it smells. we need the support of others to reach our full potential

[curseworm]

no man is an island everyone is vanilla extract

[lesbiankermit-moved]

tiktok is rlly smth else

[blessingsofbabylon]

4 days until wet rat wednesday

[blessingsofbabylon]

3 days until wet rat wednesday

[blessingsofbabylon]

1 day until wet rat wednesday

[blessingsofbabylon]

happy wet rat wednesday

[public-universal-sister]

Despite all my wrath I am still just a rat in a bath

[cute-queer-lovecore]

collecting these like pokemon cards

[portraitoftheoddity]

Thinking about how my mom tried to “seduce” my dad when they were in college together by sneaking oranges into his backpack, because she grew up food insecure and feeding someone/sharing food was a big deal with her upbringing with a lot of emotional meaning–

and meanwhile my poor dad is just convinced that he’s been haunted by some citrus poltergeist because why the fuck are there always oranges in his bag he swears he did not put there???

[lloerwyn-deactivated20201104]

Every word that starts with an N should have a silent G in front. Gnorway. Gnuclear. Gnervous system. Gnipples.

[esoanem]

At some point my brain decided based on the word knee that body parts beginning with a n sound should have a silent k (particularly the word neck) so I am against gnipples wholeheartedly, it should clearly be knipples!

[lloerwyn-deactivated20201104]

How about a compromise? Gn words and kn words get switched. So now it’s gneecaps and gnowledge, but it’s also knome and Knosticism.

[lunamargarita]

the problem with this is that it doesn’t account for the original dilemma, which was gnipples vs. knipples 

I, for one, think it should be pnipples, like pneumonia 

[lloerwyn-deactivated20201104]

Okay, but what about mnipples, like ‘mnemonic’?

[thatwheezingsoundthetardismakes]

Gkpmnipples (pronounced “nipples”)

[anasandorpygoscelis-deactivated]

This is the kind of content I remain for. (and y'all provide on the regular, I love you)

[definitelynotclayface]

Female presenting gkpmnipples

[dailylilnasx]

Lil Nas X on The Slap.

[filmtvdaily]

BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER (1997-2003) - 4.04 • “Fear, Itself”