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@bug-in-a-porchlight
I HAVE IT CLEARLY IN MY BIO THAT I HAVE NO MONEY TO GIVE
If you send me donation asks OR private messages, I am going to assume you're a bot and report spam. If you clicked on my blog because you genuinely need help and were going to ask for it, I apologize but I don't have a job or a source of income.
Canadian bilingual packaging is fun because you get to see how various slightly odd idioms end up being translated by people who don't give a shit. I just saw a tub of double chocolate chip ice cream where the English label says "death by chocolate", but the French translates literally as "chocolate until death", which has a somewhat different vibe.
… especially when it comes from the federal government
Frantically screamingWAIT WAIT WAIT As tumblr refreshes and the Most beautiful piece of fan art i’ve ever seen DISAPPEARS
gathering cori list of classic literature you should read in release order
★ for personal favorites ✂︎ for short stories
i'm not including Faustus or the works of William Shakespeare because I am of the belief they were made for the play medium, and therefore should be watched not read.
Epic of Gilgamesh by Unknown (2100 B.C.) [X] First story written down. Wrestling with the hunt for immortality and doomed yaoi it's got everything you've ever wanted.
Iliad and the Odyssey by Homer (750–700 B.C.) [X] If someone tells you to skip the Iliad make sure their heart stops beating. Straight up worth the hype and I'm not kidding.
Beowulf by Unknown (500–521) [X] There's a lot of filler but that's the fun part. Gives you a higher understanding of LOTR and Skyrim which you can whip out for the clout.
The Tale of Genji by Murasaki Shikibu (1000-1021) [X]
Ivanhoe by Sir Walter Scott (1194) [X] Actually more interesting than it first seems, stick with it. Surprisingly woke (Jewish woman main character who does that time period's equivalent of a mic drop).
The Divine Comedy by Dante Alighieri (1320) Again a fucking trek, but also fucking fascinating
The Canterbury Tales by Geoffrey Chaucer (1387-1400) [X]
The Prince by Niccolò Machiavelli (1513)
Water Margin by Shuihu Zhuan (~1524)
Faerie Queene by Edmund Spenser (1596) [X] It's a FUCKIN READ so prep yourself but to be fair if you made it through Beowulf you can do anything.
Don Quixote by Miguel de Cervantes (1605-1615) [X] Has a chapter where a woman breaks apart incel ideology in front of a crowd and it's not even part of the main plot. Long asf but worth it (for the clout).
Paradise Lost by John Milton (1667) Best if read as a character study on the author himself.
Cadenus and Vanessa by Jonathan Swift (1713) [X]
A Modest Proposal by Jonathan Swift (1729) [X]
★Songs of Innocence and of Experience & Other Poems by William Blake (1724) [X] The version linked works well as the images ARE important, he drew, carved, and then printed the art with wood prints at home on his own to sell.
Dream of the Red Chamber by Cao Xueqin, Gao E & Cheng Weiyuan (1791)
1800s & 1900s
★Undine by Friedrich de la Motte Fouqué (1811) "Were I asked, what is a fairytale? I should reply, Read Undine: that is a fairytale… and of all fairytales I know, I think Undine the most beautiful." - George MacDonald INCREDIBLY unknown for how influential it was, my theory is it's a tragedy instead of a romance, in every sense of the words. Directly inspired and is practically the mother of Hans Christian Anderson's Little Mermaid. Created the term Undine which some may be familliar with. Don't let Toby Fox fool you, THIS spelling is pronounced un-deen.
Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen (1813)
✂︎The Legend of Sleepy Hollow by Washington Irving (1820) [X]
The various works of Edgar Allen Poe (1827-1849) ✂︎ Horror: The Tell-Tale Heart, The Masque of the Red Death, The Cask of Amontillado, The Fall of the House of Usher Detective: The Murders in the Rue Morgue, The Mystery of Marie Rogêt, The Purloined Letter by the way he invented modern detective fiction but they don't tell you that.
Frankenstein by Mary Shelley (1818) [X] The birth of Sci-Fi
Oliver Twist by Charles Dickens (1839) [X]
A Christmas Carol in Prose; Being a Ghost Story of Christmas by Charles Dickens (1843) [X]
Jane Eyre by Charlotte Brontë (1847) [X]
Wuthering Heights by Emily Brontë (1847) [X]
The Tenant of Wildfell Hall by Anne Brontë (1848) [X]
The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne (1850) [X]
Moby Dick by Herman Melville (1851) [X]
Twelve Years a Slave by Solomon Northup (1853)
Phantastes: A Faerie Romance for men and women by George MacDonald (1857) [X] If you were wondering who he is and why he's so important earlier he directly inspired the Inklings (Tolken & Lewis)
Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass by Lewis Carroll (1865) [X] [X]
Little Women by Louisa May Alcott (1868) [X]
The Princess and the Goblin by George MacDonald (1872) [X] For younger audiences, but who gives a shit.
The Adventures of Tom Sawyer by Mark Twain (1876) [X]
The Prince and the Pauper by Mark Twain (1881)
Treasure Island by Robert Louis Stevenson (1883) [X]
✂︎The strange case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stevenson (1886) [X]
The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde (1891) [X] If you didn't know, Oscar Wilde was convicted in 1895 for gross indecency and for practicing homosexual acts.
✂︎The Yellow Wallpaper Charlotte Perkins Gilman (1892) [X]
The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle (1892) [X]
✂︎Désirée's Baby by Kate Chopin (1892) [X]
The Turn of the Screw by Henry James (1898) [X]
★Dracula by Bram Stoker (1897) [X] It's actually a collection of letters, diary entries, and newspaper clippings, etc. So the 1800s equivalent of found-footage. if anyone tried to convince you of a mina x dracula romance make sure they never again breathe
Hawaii's Story by Hawaii's Queen Lili'uokalani (1898)
I Am a Cat, Kokoro, Botchan, Sanshirō, & Light and Darkness by Natsume Sōseki (1905-1916)
Anne of Green Gables by L. M. Montgomery (1908) [X]
The Wind in the Willows by Kenneth Grahame (1908)
The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett (1911) [X]
Peter Pan : [Peter and Wendy] by J. M. Barrie [X] (1911)
Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka (1915) [X]
And Then There Were None, The Murder of Roger Ackroyd, Murder on the Orient Express, and Death on the Nile by Agatha Christie (1919-1970)
The Home and the World by Rabindranath Tagore (1919)
The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (1925) Gatsby's black
The Flowers of Buffoonery by Osamu Dazai (1935)
Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston (1937)
★Rebecca by Daphne du Maurier (1938) Don't let shitty movie remake trailers make you think it's a romance. It's, in all technicality, a ghost story.
✂︎Are Women Human? by Dorothy L. Sayers (1938)
Native Son by Richard Wright (1940)
The Little Prince (Le Petit Prince) by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (1943)
Animal Farm by George Orwell (1945)
No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai (1948)
The Makioka Sisters by Jun'ichirō Tanizaki (1948)
1984 by George Orwell (1949)
Confessions of a Mask by Yukio Mishima (1949) Many people say this is a better version of Confessions of a Mask. Probably because it's instead about him "masking" being gay.
✂︎There Will Come Soft Rains by Ray Bradbury (1950) [X] [Illustrated]
The Bad Seed by William March (1954) Was so popular it was immediately made into a play and then a Hitchcock film released 2 years later. When people read the book or saw the play, they'd stress not to tell those you'd recommend to read/see it the twist, so the first story I can at least find with spoiler culture. If you're wondering why, it's the origin of a genre trope.
Lord of the Flies by William Golding (1954)
Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (1955) If anyone tells you it's glorifying anything shoot them on the spot for me thank you.
Pedro Paramo by Juan Rulfo (1955)
★The Once and Future King by T. H. White (1958) You ever watch Disney's A Sword in the Stone as a child and wonder why it was all Arthur as a kid? that was not an original idea it was based solely on this book. Written very cleverly and whimsically.
The Witch of Blackbird Pond by Elizabeth George Speare (1958)
The Haunting of Hill House by Shirley Jackson (1959)
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee (1960)
Island of the Blue Dolphins by Scott O’Dell (1960)
We Have Always Lived in the Castle by Shirley Jackson (1962) Book that makes it very clear Shirley Jackson was developing very bad agoraphobia. Not a horror novel if you're avoiding them.
The First Promise by Ashapurna Devi (1964)
✂︎An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge (1963) by Ambrose Bierce [X] Got an adaptation via an episode of The Twilight Zone [X]
Rosemary's Baby by Ira Levin (1967)
★The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton (1967)
One Hundred Years of Solitude by Gabriel García Márquez (1967)
I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou (1969)
The Stepford Wives by Ira Levin (1972)
★★★Watership Down by Richard Adams (1972) don't let the animated movie's infamy fool you, Warrior Cats is more fucking "gorey" than Watership Down. My favorite book bar none, I belive if it did not exist Warriors, Guardians of Ga'hoole, and similar books wouldn't exist.
Something to keep in mind with 85 days until the midterms.
Republicans are EVIL
the youtube notification of ''ooohh your video isn't starting up smoothly???? turn off your ad blocker you cunt <3'' is so pathetic to me bc it takes five seconds max. you think i can't wait five seconds? you think i need to give you money because five seconds is too long? i pity your wife.
“Your pets only love you because you feed them”
Yeah well that’s also how your relationship with your parents starts out but more stuff happens after that doesn’t it
cat laziness is so contagious. you'll see your cat flopped on its back in your bed a completely comfy cozy baby and you'll be like. you're right. you make a compelling argument.
how can you eat the fried hearts of something that once was alive and had a beating heart? do you feel any guilt? i hope you do.
please google what an artichoke is
surely this is a sign that there’s nothing in particular wrong with the atmosphere right now
"I want children to suffer" is the ultimate flex by red-pilled conservative anti-feminist dorks who are equally racist when screeching about birth rates dropping.
Bro if the group chat gets leaked we’ll be celebrated for our inclusive and respectful language
Does this person hear themselves. Like does this not just sound like a justification for transmisogyny and racism because someone looked “scary” but justified because it’s a stinky trans man who deserves it. Exhausting
This is a perfect example of how so much of transphobia is just lying.
If you think someone is dangerous or going to hate crime you, you don't go up to him and say "You look dangerous. You look like you would hate crime me."
That is not how real people behave. That is not how you would behave if you really believed that.
If you saw a real monster, you'd probably be terrified and run away. If you saw a child in a monster mask at Halloween, you'd say "Wow, you're so scary, you look like you might eat me!" You're going along with a bit. It's pretend.
When you say this to a Trans man, you're saying "Ooh, your man costume is so realistic!" It's pretend. You're going along with a bit. And instead of admitting how patronizing you're being, you're pretending it's because he's a Dangerous Man. If you believed that, this wouldn't be how you'd express it.
Many jokes about packers flopping out and bouncing away and such but I still wasn't prepared for how genuinely disconcerting it is for a second when your brain has accepted this as Part Of Your Body & your thang fell off. My pebis
Every time I pull my pants down to go to the bathroom and watch My Penis go with them I have to like. Recalibrate
(via @lunnefisk)
