ill-o-mania

•I'm Laur, an adult human. He/him. • I write, draw, and send holiday cards. I have original characters (very old stuff) and MCU stuff (very old and very new) • Fics are hurt/comfort. A lot of angst. A lot of NSFW (mostly cannon-typical traumatic backstories). • Drawings are largely gen MCU or other random works See characters and fandoms here | Buy me a ko-fi here | I'm on AO3 as Builder • Chat me up if you want. I’m too shy to initiate anything, but if you get my attention, I’ll respond.

[builder051]

Here’s what I’ve been up to lately. Painting and model miniatures are appealing to my creative mind for the time being.

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The holiday ham jam

This is powers/no powers. Warning for food talk throughout. No eating or sickness or anything. This is mainly about DoorDash.

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“Aw, shit.” Steve drops the Christmas-dinner-in-a-box onto the stove and covers his face with his hands.

“That’s some language,” Bucky says with a laugh. “What’s up with it?” He leaves the sofa and comes to stand at Steve’s side.

“I ordered a turkey.” Steve sighs. “I swear.”

Bucky squints at the label affixed to the aluminum tray.

“I did not order a ham. There must’ve been a mistake.” Steve pulls his phone from his back pocket and opens the app for the delivery service. “See,” he shows Bucky the order receipt. “Turkey.”

“It’s ok,” Bucky says with a shrug. “You can eat the ham. I like mashed potatoes and green beans. Way more than I like matzo balls.”

“It’s all been in the same box, though…” Steve swipes his screen. “I’ll call the restaurant. And the delivery person. This just…” he shakes his head. “Not ok.”

“You know,” Bucky says, putting his hand on Steve’s shoulder, “We don’t have to have a Christmas dinner. Like I didn’t want to fuss with a Hanukkah dinner?”

“What do you want to do?” Steve asks. His thumb hovers above the phone number listed in the app.

“Order Chinese.” Bucky gives a sly smile. “That’s a thing, right?”

“Yeah,” Steve says slowly. “I guess it is kind of a thing.”

Bucky takes Steve’s phone and launches a new search. “Cashew chicken?” he offers. “Mongolian beef?”

“That sounds pretty good.” Steve finally smiles back. “Go for it.”

Bucky selects a restaurant and adds a few dishes to the order. “Delivery in…45 minutes?”

“Sounds good,” Steve laughs. “This dinner thing is way too complicated.”

“We’ll make it easy.” Bucky hits the button to lock in the order. “New tradition, ok? Only Chinese for holidays. All the holidays.”

“Sold.” Steve nods. “I can definitely live with that.”

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Reblogging due to new interest.

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I did a junk journal workshop at the library today. I like my creation a lot. I used a lot of materials like cardboard, textured paper, and torn up pages from old books. As I was cutting the book pages to line the inside of my journal, I happened across the most appropriate line…

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Imagine this: Nat and Clint on the range

Nat narrowly misses the bullseye. “Shit,” she says, even though her bullet landed in the center circle.

Clint pulls back on his bowstring and lets his arrow fly. It’s a miss too, though no worse than Nat’s. He grits his teeth. “Shoot.”

“Shoot?” Nat laughs. “You aren’t going all Captain America, are you?” She raises her eyebrow.

Clint gives a sideways glance. He shrugs. “Eh?”

Nat squints at him, her face gone serious and stiff.

A moment passes. Then the corner of Nat’s mouth twitches, and she breaks affect. “Fucker.”

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Reblogged due to renewed interest. Keep it coming, guys!

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You all are welcome to follow my instagram if you’d like. I think it makes me appear more like a person rather than a ghost that sometimes pops out of the wall. I post a lot of my artwork there; I do a lot of non-fandom stuff.

I’m @llcupp01

I’m doing some work on my llcuppauthor.com site; I want to promote my recent poetry book and make some original short stories available for readers (which unfortunately involves a lot of transcription from page to screen).

I’ll keep you posted on the updates. (And I do have a couple new fic ideas on the back burner).

One last thing: Enjoy your extra late Valentine!

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Proof of life!!!

We’ve had a family member in the hospital, so it’s been super stressful. I have a lot of things on my mind, including some of them story ideas, but I can’t commit to a fic. Writing feels a little daunting.

We’re all doing ok, though. We expect the hospital to discharge them this afternoon.

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Closing time

Whoa Bessie ‘verse. I’ve had this scene in my head for what seems like forever. Pretty much no tw (whaaaaat?!) Just foul language, alcohol, and typical angst.

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The evening is starting to wane. They probably should’ve left ten minutes ago, but the bartender topped off both their glasses with an “on the house” wink. Finishing the round then became obligatory. James sips and swirls the foam in his glass. Steve can tell he’s in over his head.

“You want the last couple of these?” Steve pulls forward the nearly empty basket of potato wedges. He takes one for himself and gently nudges James’s shoulder.

Steve wants to tell James to stop. Stop drinking, stop fiddling, stop and take a breath. Put his glass down. Take a bite of food. Keep the swirling nighttime thoughts from dropping into what’s already swimming in his gut.

“No.” James doesn’t look up.

Steve drops his voice. “Headache?” He sets his hand gently at the base of James’s neck.

James stiffens. “I’m done.”

“Hey,” Steve murmurs and leans closer. “You don’t have to be.”

James swills his beer a little too aggressively, dislodging Steve’s hand and forcing a double swallow. James chokes and coughs.

Steve scrambles for a napkin. “Oh, geez.” He moves instinctively and strikes his palm between James’s shoulder blades. The hollow thunk reverberates, then everything goes silent. A brief impasse in which tendrils of guilt clench Steve’s throat.

James cringes inward. He grits his teeth as another cough escapes him. “Get off.”

Steve has barely the breath to gasp. “I’m sorry—“ He lifts both hands and holds them up in surrender. “Bucky, I’m so—“

“No.” James slams his beer back on the counter. He leans back away from Steve, and his stool tips back onto two legs. “Fuck.” James’s stump shoulder grinds into the wall. “Fucking dammit.”

“Hey, I gotcha.” Steve stays the stool, rocking it forward and toward the ground.

James is clearly off his balance, but Steve doesn’t want to touch him again. He makes an awkward beckoning gesture and wills James back into his seat.

It works well enough; balance, at least, is regained. James’s chest crashes into the counter, and he lets out a wet, gagging cough.

“You’re alright,” Steve assures, but his optimism is still premature. The hand still stabilizing James’s seat brushes James’s crotch.

“Why are you on me?” James’s eyes seem to sink deeper into the sockets. He juts his chin.

“I’m sorry,” Steve tries to explain. “I’m not.” He raises both palms again. “I didn’t mean to.”

“You’re always all over me.” James’s face is red with frustration.

“I’m not—“ Even if he gets a word in edgewise, Steve knows James won’t hear it.

James staggers to his feet. He grimaces. His Adam’s apple jumps and protrudes as he swallows harshly. “You just quit it.” He stabs his finger toward Steve. James walks sideways a few paces, keeping his eyes on Steve instead of where he’s going. “Fuck off.”

“Yeah, yeah, I will,” Steve says, though he gets up too. “Just as soon as you’re not going to hurt yourself.”

“I’m not!” James turns and scans the bar, then hastens his pace toward the bathrooms. He hip-checks a chair and nearly falls again.

“Buck, I’m sorry.” Steve closes the distance between them and grabs James’s elbow as diplomaticly as possible.

“I don’t want to go with you!”

“You don’t have to,” Steve says, though the words are in opposition to his actions. “You just have to get in there before you—“

“I don’t want you any more—“James’s face goes stark white. His lower jaw trembles.

“So, what, you’re breaking up with me?” Steve opens the sticky door and pushes James in ahead of him.

“Yeah, I- I’m—“ Neither James’s feet nor stomach seem to be able to make it any further. One leg crumples, and he goes down on his knees with the side of his face partway into a urinal. James heaves and brings up stream of frothy beer. Steve’s light touch keeps him from cracking his forehead on the porcelain.

“Fuck. Fuck.” James curses every time he draws breath. He hacks up bile tainted pilsner until finally makes a shaky sigh.

It’s died down now, Steve can tell. Whatever possessed him into the rage of fear and panic. The thing that causes the night terrors. The blasted demons Steve can’t do a damn thing about. It’s sickening the way James’s own emotions continually strike him down, and all Steve can do is accommodate it. Minimize the additional damage.

James tips his head back and flicks his eyes upward.

Steve offers him a neutral expression. He isn’t sure if their stupid argument has actually ended.

James squints and barely catches Steve’s glance. For however red and strained James’s eyes are now, they’re at least functioning closer to home. James belches and quickly goes for the urinal again.

“Bucky? Do you want to go in a stall?” Steve pus his arm around James’s shoulders, prepared to help him stand up again. “I don’t think these flush solids.”

“No. No, no—“ James cuts off in a retch. “Stop pulling me around.”

Steve knows James is sore, in more ways than one. “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“I don’t care where you sleep,” James sputters. “Leave me here.”

“No.” Steve slowly stands. “We have to go.”

“Ugh.” James groans.

“Buck?” Steve wants very much to tap his foot.

“…Stevie…fuck…

[builder051]

Scrape the ice off your doormat first

This is a hilarious little tidbit I wrote up years ago. It’s a bit nsfw implied, so it’s going under the cut.

Winter Soldier (TM); delivered to your door.

Winter Soldier (TM) is a HYDRA industries product. This life-like, life-size AI figure is meant to satisfy social, carer, and personal needs. Any changes to the original system will be treated as breach of pattent law and will be taken to international court.

Package instructions: [REDACTED]

No external batteries. Do not microwave. Do not drop in boiling water. Allow ice to melt before initiation next steps.

Charging: Once ice has melted, insert charger in port and apply dry heat directly to the prosthesis. The indicator light will turn red when charging. When fully charged, the indicator light will turn off. Product cannot be used while charging. Turn product off before charging again.

Activation: Remove charger and press the star button on product’s prosthesis to activate. Press the star button again to change mode.

Modes:

0- Passive

1- Mission Ready

2- Jump to Attention

3- Shine my Shoes

4- You are my Mission

5- Little Spoon

6- Off

Built-in adaptability feature: Winter Soldier (TM) will adapt to user preferences as usage data is gathered and analyzed. The product records audio, visual, and tactile input and automatically updates while charging.

Computing specifications: Core processor [redacted]. Programming [redacted]. Quality assurance [redacted]. Technological development [redacted].

Product materials: vibranium, [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted], [redacted]

Product care: Apply glycol-based lubricant as needed. Wash with warm water and gentle soap. Smart seal (TM) prevents water from interfering with internal mechanics.

Troubleshooting:

-Refer to page [redacted] in Instruction Manual.

-Press and hold star button for hard reboot. Button will flash red, flash white, and cycle through product reboot. WARNING: This action wipes the Winter Soldier (TM)’s memory drive. The product will return to manufacturer settings.

-Use of household tools not recommended.

Warranty and return policy: Winter Soldier (TM) product can be returned only if Cryo-Seal packaging is intact and unthawed. Thirty day warranty for return and replacement of malfunctioning products. Contact [redacted]@hydra.ru. We regret that shipping and correspondence times are out of our control due to weather events and internet conductivity.

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Stories in draft form: 3

Depression: to hell with it

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Not particularly relevant to the theme of this blog, but I’ve finally done some work I actually want to share. I don’t know if any eye but mine can see it, but it’s sort of shaped like a profile of Iron Man in flight (made of baubles, of course).

[the-baby-storyteller]

“You need to rest.”

“I can rest when I’m dead.”

“You’ll be dead soon if you don’t put the weapon down and go rest.

“I’m training-”

“You’ve trained enough. Now lie down before I pick you up and throw you in the bed myself.”

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Nat and Clint, anyone? Sounds like a Creedless Assassins classic.

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Sticker Giveaway!

I have a few batches to send out. First 3 to DM claims each prize. One prize per person; I will tell you what is (still) available post-DM.

-The Defenders (Iron Fist, Daredevil, and Luke Cage)—7 stickers, but 3 are dupes. 1 Chibi, the rest American Comic style

-Original Spider-Man trilogy (Tobey Maguire)—3 stickers, American Comic style

-Thanos—2 stickers, 1 Chibi, 1 American Comic style

Fine print: Must be willing to send name and address. Free postage domestic and global. Will arrive in standard-size envelope with a card signed and with a personal message. No weirdness. I just like sending mail and connecting with my readers and followers.

You all know I am a sticker enthusiast. I love making, collecting, using, and gifting stickers. I put stickers in my planner to mark off tasks, then I count them and decide how many I have to earn to buy myself something useless and indulgent… Ok, yeah, it’s a sticker chart—but DD has one too!! And she’s a real grownup. :)

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Yo, the Spider-Man and Thanos packs are still up for grabs. No pressure or anything, but DMing me to claim one and then instantly deleting your blog is way not cool. I’m doing something nice for nice people, got it?

[builder051]

Sticker Giveaway!

I have a few batches to send out. First 3 to DM claims each prize. One prize per person; I will tell you what is (still) available post-DM.

-The Defenders (Iron Fist, Daredevil, and Luke Cage)—7 stickers, but 3 are dupes. 1 Chibi, the rest American Comic style

-Original Spider-Man trilogy (Tobey Maguire)—3 stickers, American Comic style

-Thanos—2 stickers, 1 Chibi, 1 American Comic style

Fine print: Must be willing to send name and address. Free postage domestic and global. Will arrive in standard-size envelope with a card signed and with a personal message. No weirdness. I just like sending mail and connecting with my readers and followers.

You all know I am a sticker enthusiast. I love making, collecting, using, and gifting stickers. I put stickers in my planner to mark off tasks, then I count them and decide how many I have to earn to buy myself something useless and indulgent… Ok, yeah, it’s a sticker chart—but DD has one too!! And she’s a real grownup. :)

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Alright, drumroll please…

I HAVE A NEW BOOK OUT!!

It’s definitely not all it’s cracked up to be, but it’s a physical paperback book, and it’s live on Amazon!

Check it out at the link below. (The autocorrect goes nuts if you try searching the title and author name. You will not get what you’re looking for.)

A Sum of 32 Commentary on life so far [Cupp, L L] on Amazon.com. *FREE* shipping on qualifying offers. A Sum of 32 Commentary on life so far

Back in September I was asked to join in a 21-day poetry challenge. The top 20 collections then went to publication. I was among the winners, and the fruits of my labors have arrived.

Poetry, you ask? I have to admit, it was the competitive vibe that first caught my attention. I’d been doing quite a bit of reflection (through shadow self therapy, if you’re familiar), and decided to sign up.

Full disclosure, it was a targeted ad that offered a spot in the competition. I did pay a nominal fees for participation and publication. Everything behind the scenes came from BookLeaf and Amazon. The content of the book and cover design are all mine.

Unfortunately the Amazon Author Portal is having a delay, so I can’t give you a link to all my published works. I’ll definitely post it here when it’s available.

But be happy for me in the meantime! Any publication is a feather in a writer’s hat. :)

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🙋🏻‍♂️Proof of life!!

I hope you all received your holiday cards! Still wishing you cheer from here.

Here’s the basic update:

For Hanukkah we had Sufganiyot (jelly donuts). I keep trying to play dreidel with big kid, but he’s very busy with Lego. 🍩🕎

For Christmas we stayed in and enjoyed watching the windows ice over and melt and ice over again. The weather has gone from below freezing to almost 60 degrees F and now back down to the 30s. 🌨️🌤️🌨️

Right now I’m doing some serious tidying in my workshop area. I have so many tools and boxes of random supplies (sewing, woodworking, miniatures, etc.) I often switch up my projects, and the current storage is…disorganized, to say the least. 🧵🪵🧶🎨🛠️🪛

I’m a little manic, and I’m constantly coming up with writing and drawing ideas. I still have that Chasing Ghosts ficlit in the handwritten notebook; it needs some heavy editing and typing up, but I do actually have a marvel/writing project in my lineup. Date of posting…tbd. 📝⌨️👨🏻‍💻

Also!! I’m preparing (I mean, intending to prepare and totally forgetting) something new and exciting on my .com (hint: it involves a publisher). The reveal and ruckus are posted for 01 January. 🤨🎁⁉️

TL;DR: I still exist. The holidays were fine. I intend to put up more content on this blog (eventually). I’m currently very busy. Pay attention to my website on New Year’s day. (That’s llcuppauthor.com)

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2025 Holiday card signup!!

Please fill out he form below. :)

Holiday cards 2025

The tradition continues into year 9! Please sign up to receive your Marvel-themed holiday card. No charge; I ship globally. I love giving ba

(Sorry, the previous announcement post is having technical issues.) PLEASE, please reblog and blaze if you can. I’m having trouble blazing it from my end.

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LAST CALL!!!! If you would like a card, sign up pronto! I don’t have very many left.

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Annual holiday card giveaway! Sign up open!

The tradition continues into year 9! Please sign up to receive your 2025 Marvel-themed holiday card!

I’m a trad artist, and each year I draw or paint a new piece and set of comic cells. They feature the same Marvel characters I feature in my fanfics, but in happy humorous situations instead of the usual doom and gloom.

More on the giveaway:

I love giving back to my readers and followers. Just fill out the form and, you’ll receive a card with a new hand-drawn design, a comic panel, a sticker, and signed personal note. Cards are 5x7” and sent via USPS first class mail or first class international mail. No charge; I ship globally.

**PLEASE read the disclosure and privacy agreements at the top of the form, answer all required questions with accurate information, and scroll all the way to the end. Feel free to DM me at any time for any reason.

Best wishes and good vibes to all!

Holiday cards 2025

The tradition continues into year 9! Please sign up to receive your Marvel-themed holiday card. No charge; I ship globally. I love giving ba