For those who have missed it, a tourist in Hawaii decided it would be fun to chuck a rock (a BIG rock) at a monk seal. He missed, but he was captured on video, and when told it was illegal to interfere with them, said "I'm rich, I can pay the fine."
Is the best part that he got doxxed? No.
Is the best part that he got tracked down by a local and beaten? No.
Arrested on state at federal charges, looking at up to 5 years and 50K? Nope.
The best part is the local city council's reaction.
And the best part of that is the look on the attorney's face.
TIL in 1896 a temporary, one-day city was named in Texas called Crush, where two locomotives were to be smashed head-on for purposes of spectacle. It was, for a few hours, the 2nd largest city in TX with 40k attendees. The collision caused engine boilers to explode, resulting in death and injuries.
"at least be nice about-" no. Girl. Kill him over it. We're done. It's been centuries of this bullshit since time immemorial and he hasn't learned. Obliterate him.
"humans are space orcs" this and "humans are the jack-of-all-trades race" that and "humans are the ones with a reputation for trying to fuck everything" and etc but you know what I don't see too often?
humans are the moms
compared to other species on earth, humans have a really outsized "protect baby" instinct. you give a human a thing and tell them it's actually a baby thing and many humans will suddenly develop a complete and total aversion to harming it, even if it's like, a writhing mass of slimy tentacles in no way reminiscent of human infants
cats domesticated us by figuring out that they could leave their kittens with us when they went out hunting and come back and probably still have the same number as before they left. there is a decent chance that wolves did the same thing
word gets around the less parenting-inclined species and they're just like, are you doing a long haul space voyage? going to have to lay some eggs in the course of the trip? take a few humans with you. yeah they'll just start training the young and keeping from them climbing into the machinery themselves you don't even have to find specialists. I know a guy who budded unexpectedly on a freight hauler halfway through a four year trip, and not only did the humans not eat his spawn, they set up this thing called "babysitting" where they'd take turns monitoring its survival and helping to teach it basic skills
hazard is that if you're going anywhere with xenofauna, you have higher than normal odds of the humans trying to smuggle some weird creature aboard ship, though. you gotta watch 'em. on their own homeworld their officials have to put up goddamn signs telling them not to feed dangerous wildlife or try to touch the babies. most of 'em do understand the regulations and about potential bio hazards but there always seems to be at least one that loses their goddamn minds because some avian chick got caught in a mudslide or something
"You've got to be exaggerating. Why would they be like that?"
"Easy. You know how most civilized species lay eggs, and even the ones that don't will have young ones able to move around and fend for themselves within the day?"
"Yeah, obviously."
"Human newborns can't even lift their own heads. They require the full-time attention of as many adults as possible to make sure they survive to a self-sufficient age, much less adulthood."
"Whaaaaat. How long does that take?"
"Many years. And their planet has long years."
"What!"
"Yes. So their parenting instincts are overclocked for a reason. And sometimes that spills over onto other species. ...And by 'sometimes,' I mean all the dang time."
"Uh huh."
"So keep them away from the dangerous fauna, especially the little ones, and be prepared for them to get emotionally attached to the occasional inanimate object. Oh! And if you need to get their attention in a loud room, play a recording of one of their young making a distress sound. They hate that, and will want it to stop immediately."
WARNINGS: Sexually explicit content under cut. Minors and ageless blogs dni.
He treats you like a queen and handles you as if you’re a precious artifact. He wants to make this the most memorable experience of your life, and you can tell how anxious he is as he pours the wine for you. Sure he has a stoic expression, but you know how he is. What if he messes up? What if you don’t like it? Though, you know he’s read every book out there and that he’ll do his best to pleasure you tonight. Though, you’ve got nothing to worry about. He’ll tear orgasm after orgasm from you with ease, humping the bed shamelessly as he eats you out for hours on end. His one and only mission is to make sure you finish before him and then some.
He’s confident. He knows you’ll have the time of your life as long as he’s the one bringing you pleasure, and he has no shame in telling you so. Filthy things are whispered in your ear all day in preparation for the long night that awaits you. He knows that if he gets you worked up enough, he won’t have to work that hard to have you begging for his delicious cock. Once he treats you to a delicious orgasm, he goes right in for the main course, wasting no time in taking you fully. He tests things out here and there to see what you’re into, but he gets too distracted by the noises that you make. They’re just so cute… he doesn’t want to stop.
CHILDE, Kaeya, Ayato, Heizou, DOTTORE, Pantalone
He’s a jokester. He makes the experience as enjoyable as he possibly can, all while making sure that you’re having fun. Awkward silence? He’s got you covered. Sure there are times where it’s unnecessary, but you wouldn’t really have it any other way. He takes things slow, teasing you by using both his humor and his miraculous hands. Sensual and slow is his pace, but it makes no difference when he puts your pleasure above his own.
CYNO, Lyney, ARATAKI ITTO, Venti
Gentle, gentle boy. Sweet and loving, even as his cock turns you to mush beneath him. He’s holding your hand throughout the whole thing, constantly praising you for how amazing your doing for him. Constantly checking in to see if you’re still alright, there’s not a moment where you feel unloved. It’s not possible. His kisses are sloppy and sexy, and his voice is high pitched in whines and pleas for more. He’s shameless. And the only thing he cares about in this moment is how you feel.
wriothesley needs those big hands to carefully hold The Dragon of Water, Hydro Sovereign, the Hydro Dragon, the ruler of Vishaps with sovereignty over water and one of the Seven Sovereigns
