it's bumper, bitch

The name's Bumper Allen; Treble captain, Barden U senior, guitar god, and three-time winning ICCA champion.

[bumperific]

text || bumper and donald

Donald: right

Donald: how long do you think before her parents tell her to break up with you

Donald: i'm sure they figured out y'all aren't much of anyting

Donald: i give it two days

Bumper: woah, chill with the hostility dude

Bumper: i'll plan this one out by myself then

Bumper: [deleted] so much for the dynamic duo

[jessiprano]

Winter is Here || Jessica & Bumper

[jessiprano]

Jessica woke up to the small sound of Bumper being annoying and poking her nose, but when her eyes slowly opened, she couldn’t help but smile up at him. “Hi,” she said, her voice a little scratchy from her sleep. Even though she understood they had landed, she left her head on his shoulder for a minute longer while she stretched her legs out. With a sigh, she pulled away from him, unbuckled her seat belt, and rose to her feet. Her mouth was dry, and that kept her from talking to Bumper about her falling asleep. It wasn’t important anyways though.

They retrieved their luggage and headed towards the exit to the taxis, but as they rounded the corner, Jessica was met with a familiar face. His blonde hair was the same shade as hers, but his eyes were blue and his smile a little brighter. Even standing still while holding a sign with “Noble" written in sloppy pen, Levi had more charisma than ever. 

"Hi," she said, walking up to him. He smiled back, his grin stretching nearly ear to ear. 

"That’s how you greet your own brother? I feel bad for this guy," he let out a laugh, motioning to Bumper.

[bumperific]

Bumper pauses for a brief moment as he and Jessica approached the guy holding up the "Noble" sign. Boy, did that dude look a lot like Jess. He remembered Jessica mentioning a twin before, but actually seeing him in person was a bit off-setting. Lucky for him, though, his charm immediately kicked in. 

"Bumper Allen," he introduced himself, reaching past Jessica to shake Levi's hand. "Pleasure to meet you."

"Well," he smiled, after greetings were exchanged, "Let's head out, shall we?" He threw an arm around Jessica's shoulders. "I don't know about either of you, but I'm starving."

The ride over was a bit awkward for Bumper - he had let Jessica take the passenger's seat, leaving him in the backseat. Chivalry was a bit cramped. But he didn't let it stop him from carrying on a long conversation with Levi, mostly about their respective football teams. Bumper didn't play, but he was heavily invested in the Washington Redskins. By the time they pulled up to the house, all of Bumper's worries were cast aside. He was going to be charming as hell, Jessica's parents were going to love him, Jessica would be happy, and everything would turn out great for Bumper Allen.

[bumperific]

text || bumper and donald

Donald: oh so you're marrying her now? cute

Bumper: WHAT? dude, no

Bumper: i'm just relying on my charming charisma and talent to convince them to fund the next Big Thing

[bumperific]

text || bumper and donald

Donald: uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...

Donald: idk man tell me.

Bumper: Jessica's parents? They're LOADED.

Bumper: Hello unlimited funding for my big time career.

Bumper: ...and the Trebles too, I guess

[bumperific]

text || bumper and donald

Bumper: dude, guess what

Bumper: just guess

Bumper: you've never gonna guess

[bennsayer]

Well, you’ve proved me wrong there. That definitely was a complete sentence. Congratulations. I see your time at university was not a complete waste, then.

[bumperific]

Aha. Ha ha. Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

[bennsayer]

Oh my, it speaks. Tell me, is it also capable of forming complete sentences?

[bumperific]

You tell me, are you capable of sounding like anything other than a grumpy old british dude with a stick up his ass?

[bennsayer]

Does every student here with a lick of musical talent automatically assume the arrangements I’m talking about are a cappella? Get your head out of your aca-asses, you second-rate ingrates. 

[bumperific]

nerd

[jessiprano]

Winter is Here || Jessica & Bumper

As time raced forward, Jessica found herself both excited and regretful for bring Bumper along to her family’s Christmas. She was glad she’s have him to be there for her and keep her sane during her visit, but he would also be meeting her family, and she was afraid of how her parents would treat him. They weren’t necessarily bad people, but they weren’t the best company one could ask for. They were judgmental and their money had inflated their ego years and years ago, making them feel above everyone else, even their own daughter. 

Jessica picked Bumper up and drove to the airport. She didn’t talk much and listened to Bumper go on about the Trebles and what they were planning for the next a cappella competition. They arrived at the airport and made their way to the check-in area to get their tickets. “I hope you packed some long-sleeve shirts. Boston’s pretty cold.” She hadn’t packed any herself because she left all those things back at home, knowing she wouldn’t need them in Atlanta. 

"Excuse me," Jessica caught the attention of the desk attendant with her tickets in hand. "These are for first class and I ordered coach tickets."

"Yes, but the cardholder had upgraded them to first class. Enjoy your flight," the woman gave Jessica a curt nod and walked away. 

"Um, I guess it’s our lucky day," Jessica feigned a smile. That meant her parents had actually looked at their finances themselves and ordered someone to call and upgrade the tickets. But what was worse was they knew Jessica would be bringing someone, and that meant they would go all-out for Christmas and that was never fun.

Jessica and Bumper boarded the plane and took full advantage of first-class flying. Jessica accidentally fell asleep while resting her head on Bumper’s shoulder while they were watching a movie.

[bumperific]

Bumper had no idea what to expect spending Christmas with Jessica's family, besides a lot of awkward small talk. It wasn't until their tickets were upgraded to first class that Bumper started getting ideas. Jessica's parents were loaded. And rich people had connections. Could Jessica's parents hook him up with some record label? (Or at least, a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy who's related to a guy who owns a record label). He kept his thoughts to himself, however. No need to bother Jessica with an idea only half-formed.

And first class? First class was nice. Bumper could definitely get used to this. Finally, a method of transportation where pretty women catered to his every need. They even let him change the movie once Jessica fell asleep (because he really, really, did not want to watch a romcom. The Expendables was much more up his alley).

He was bored by the time the movie ended, not to mention fidgety as hell. But Jessica was still asleep, and she looked so cute, so he kept as still as possible while playing Angry Birds on his iPhone. (He also tried to keep his live-game commentary down, but the other people in first class could ask for headphones, so screw them). By the time the plane landed, he had beat his personal high score, and his excitement of meeting Jessica's rich, well-connected parents boiled over as he tried to wake Jessica up.

"Psst," he whispered, repeatedly poking her nose. "Psst, Jess. We're here. Jessica. Jess. Jessica. Hey, Jessica. Jessica, we've landed. We're here. Jess. Jess. Jessica. Babe. C'mon. Wake up. Jeeeessssssss."

[bumperific]

text || Jessica & Bumper

Jessica: Spending Christmas with the Grinch doesn't sound that bad. Especially if I get to be Max, but you're pulling your own sled mister

Bumper: Please, sleds are so outdated and highly impractical in modern society. I'm thinking more along the lines of a pimped out car.

Bumper: But seriously, I'm looking forward to it. Being with you sounds like the perfect holiday.

[bumperific]

text || Jessica & Bumper

Jessica: I'm going to Boston for Christmas and wondered if you wanted to come along. My parents are paying for everything so it'd be a free trip. Plus stealing decorations would be much more fun in the snow

Bumper: Woah, meeting the family. Good thing I'm such a charming individual.

Bumper: Sounds cool. I'll be sure to bring along the green face paint. And see if there's any fake antlers lying around here... you'd make a pretty cute Max ;)

[bumperific]

text || Jessica & Bumper

Jessica: Nothing much, but I have a question for you. Do you have plans for Christmas?

Bumper: Nothing in particular, though I usually spend my Christmas Eve breaking into houses and stealing their Christmas decorations with my face painted green.

Bumper: Why? Did you have something in mind?

[bumperific]

text || Jessica & Bumper

Jessica: Hey

Bumper: Hey babe ;) What's up?

[bumperific]

Momentum || Bumper & Jessica

[jessiprano]

Jessica was watching the movie intently even though it was her third or fourth time watching this particular film, but she couldn’t help but glance over at her boyfriend from time to time, gauging his reaction to certain scenes or just to see his bright smile when he laughed. She wanted him to have fun and enjoy his time with her, so seeing if he liked the movie was important to Jessica. Although, in her own mind, she felt as if they were simply watching paint dry, she would have a good time. She wondered, and hoped, if Bumper felt the same.

She couldn’t explain the feeling she experienced when Bumper wrapped an arm around her and pulled her in close. She exhaled as if she had been holding her breath. She felt…safe. It was a weird feeling to have because she knew she was safe in her own dorm room, but there was just something different about being held by Bumper. She relaxed against his body and rested her head on his shoulder, and it felt weird. She couldn’t deny that, but it was a good weird. And she wanted more weird moments like this one.

They remained like that for the rest of the movie, and when the credits rolled, Jessica sat up and stretched, cracking her back. “Did you like it?” she asked. “You know that beach there at the end? I went there once as a kid. It’s kinda cool that it’s in the movie.” She reached over to her desk and checked her phone for the time. They had been together longer than she had thought. “Do you want to get a pizza or something? I don’t want to send you home hungry.”

[bumperific]

Bumper felt a bit disappointed as the film ended and Jessica pulled away from his arm to stretch. He tried not to let it show, and smirked as she asked him what he had thought of the movie. "I'm surprised, I actually didn't hate it. I guess you can add your taste in movies to the ever-increasing list of things that are amazing about you." He thought it would feel odd, complimenting someone who wasn't himself, but it felt natural to do so with Jessica. 

He checked his phone as she did hers, and felt his heart sink a little as he noticed the time. "Well, as incredible as pizza sounds right about now, I'm afraid I have to go. Donald and I have a video game night planned, and he'll kill me in my sleep if I try and back out." He got up and began collecting his things. "Even if more time with you is more than worth possibly being murdered." He almost moved to go, but instead leaned over and kissed Jessica's cheek. "I'll text you later, alright?" With that, he grinned at her and left. And even though he was looking forward to kicking Donald's ass in whatever game they chose to play, he felt himself looking forward to seeing Jessica again a lot more.

[bumperific]

Momentum || Bumper & Jessica

[jessiprano]

“Okay,” Jessica smiled when Bumper got up and headed for the door. Sitting for yet another few hours in a blanket toga wouldn’t be too comfortable, and leaving clothes in the dryer wasn’t a smart idea either. Her small smile turned into a grin as Bumper called her babe. It was something small, but that was the first time he had ever called her something like that since they had started dating. 

It hit her when she was completely alone; she was dating someone, someone who cared about her and wanted the best for her and who was kind and unique and amazing and…she sighed and let her head fall back against her pillow. Everything she was feeling was completely new to her, and it all was a little overwhelming. “Oh right, movie.” Jessica grabbed the controller at her side and started going through the movies on Netflix. Bumper said he didn’t want a romcom, but would be cool with whatever she picked, and she was in a romcom mood. She scrolled through the options on the screen and landed on What Happens in Vegas, a comedy about two strangers who meet and get married in Las Vegas while drunk and win millions. When they’re sober, they go to get an annulment and are forced to go through counseling and be a couple in order for both to get their share of the money. It was a stupid situation, but it made for a good laugh. 

When Bumper came back fully dressed with blanket in hand, Jessica was  lying down on the bed with another blanket on and munching on some gummy bears. “We’re watching a romantic comedy, but it’s not bad, I promise you, but if you don’t like we can put on Dawn of the Dead and continue the zombie theme,” she reassured him. Jessica held out the bag to Bumper, “Gummy bear?”

[bumperific]

Bumper found himself entirely preoccupied as he made his way down to the laundry room. Spending time with Jessica was giving him such an incredible high, and only a small amount of effort was put on his behalf to keep himself anchored to reality. He had never had a real, proper girlfriend before, and if he was being honest with himself, he didn't particularly want one, at least not until he met Jessica. Before Jessica came around, the only girls he had ever spent time with were drunken one night stands or impersonal booty calls, and he thought he was fine with that. Having never felt anything like love before, he had never known what he was missing out on. In fact, he had viewed "love" as a stupid concept that lonely people made up to feel better about themselves. But Jessica had unintentionally, effortlessly, changed his opinion completely. Jessica was different from any other girl he had ever met; she was incredibly kind but still more than willing to kick his ass in mini golf (yeah, fine, he's admit it to himself), she was intelligent without being irritatingly abrasive about it, not to mention how beautiful she was-

His thoughts came crashing to a halt as he stopped in front of the dorm room door, surprised to find himself back and changed so soon. He must be more lost in his head than he originally suspected. Taking a breath, he turned the handle and breezed in though the door. Jessica was already lying on the bed and saying something about romcoms, but he was too distracted by how pretty she looked then. She looked so casual and relaxed then, and he thought maybe it was those qualities that made her so beautiful, instead of the clothes she was wearing or how she was positioned on the bed. He grinned as she held out the gummy bears and  launched himself onto the bed, careful to do so lightly and without disturbing Jessica too much. "Sounds fantastic," he smiled at her as he took a handful of candy. "To be honest, I have a feeling the next ninety or so minutes will be great no matter what we watch."

Like always, Bumper was pleased to find out he was right. He found himself actually enjoying the movie, though he was paying more attention to the feeling of Jessica's arm occasionally brushing against his or how her face looked while illuminated by the light from the screen. About halfway through the movie (not like he would know or not how far along they were into the film), he caved into the temptation he felt to wrap his arm around her shoulders. She was his girlfriend now, why did he have to be so worried about how she would react? Besides, he was Bumper Fucking Allen, and when was he ever nervous? He didn't know if he did it more to reassure Jessica or himself, but he rubbed her arm a few times after wrapping his arm around her as he pulled her in closer to him. He realized then that her shampoo was his new favorite smell. He wondered if there was a way to figure out what the smell was of without acting creepy. (There probably wasn't).

[bumperific]

Momentum || Bumper & Jessica

[jessiprano]

Jessica had forgotten Bumper had gotten wet by the rain because he sacrificed his jacket to keep her dry. She figured he would simply wrap himself up in the blanket and that would be the end of it, but instead he walked out of the dorm room and came back wearing it as a toga. “Uh,” she was at a loss for words, really. Even though he was still covered, it just seemed weird having him wearing a toga out of all the possibilities. “Okay,” she decided to say with a short nod. 

She knew exactly what they were going to play; it was the same thing she had played with Beca when she came over. Zombie killing was Jessica’s thing, whether she looked like it or not. And she wanted to show Bumper her skills to possibly maybe impress him and playfully piss him off even more. She knew that kicking his butt in mini golf annoyed him, and she found the game more enjoyable because of that. 

“Left 4 Dead. Here,” she handed him the wireless controller as the console started up. “We’ll play campaign first so I won’t be kicking your butt the whole time we play,” she smirked playfully. The game started up and she picked her character, Zoey, the same character she always played as. She side eyed Bumper and noted how tense he was. “You can lie down if you want to.” Jessica wanted Bumper to be comfortable in her dorm because this was her space, and she was most comfortable in here. “Y’know, mi casa es su casa and all that other Spanish junk I don’t know. I’m in French until the end of the semester, then I’m foreign language class free.”

[bumperific]

He grinned as Jessica handed him the controller. Zombie killing was right up his alley. He had never played Left 4 Dead before, but he had played plenty of zombie levels in CoD, and not like he would ever brag or anything, but he was pretty good at it. This game should be pretty much the same thing. At least, he hoped so, because after mini golf, he really wanted to maintain credibility at something. Or at something that mattered, like video games. Chivalry didn't count, not when everyone was expected to be courteous. Being good at video games was something not everyone was good at, nor something everyone was expected to be good at, and therefore, he wanted to be good at it. Or at least good enough to beat Jessica.

He felt relieved as Jessica told him he could lie down; he hadn't wanted to do so unless explicitly told to avoid coming off like he was some jerk who had no problem invading someone else's space. (Not like he ever cared about that before, but being in nothing but boxers and a blanket toga certainly changes the way a man thinks). "I wouldn't put too much concern about foreign languages," he said as he moved back to lean against the headrest and crossed his legs, "I took three years of Spanish and now can only remember the profanities." He paused. "And I also know how to ask for the bathroom, police, and beer. You know, the important things to know." 

Bumper was pleased to know that he was able to hold his own against Jessica regarding zombie killing. He was also pretty shocked that they were pretty evenly matched, which must have meant that Jessica was pretty good (because the alternative would have meant that Bumper was pretty bad, which of course was not the case). But then again, Jessica was always full of surprises, so maybe this surprise shouldn't be so surprising. Still, he wasn't exactly disappointed when they agreed to end the game (Bumper had insisted that Jessica only won the last round because of a glitch on his part, because there was no way he would have taken that shot if the game was running properly; and Jessica had insisted that he was full of shit). Taking a breather to watch a film would be a good thing. No competition, just two people just casually watching a movie together, with one of those said people wearing a blanket toga.

Oh, yeah, the blanket toga. "My clothes should be dry by now," he stood up and tossed the controller back onto the bed. "I'll just run down and get those while you set up the movie." He paused and turned around right before he reached the door. "We're not gonna watch some girly romcom are we? I mean, I'm fine with whatever you want to watch, but I haven't been able to sit through an entire one without wanting to bash my head repeatedly into the wall. But again," he reached for the doorknob, "whatever you want, babe. I'll be cool with whatever." With a grin, he left the room.

[bumperific]

Momentum || Bumper & Jessica

[jessiprano]

Jessica was disappointed that it had started to rain, but she wasn’t going to let a little bit of water ruin her day. She started giggling at Bumper’s silly accent and his action of throwing the hood on her head. It would mess up her hair, but she didn’t care about that. All that mattered was that they were having fun, and Bumper seemed to be having a lot of it. He was smiling and laughing and being goofy even though he was getting soaking wet. He was being adorable, and Jessica couldn’t help but absorb his good mood and feel just as happy as him.

“Yeah,” she said as she continued to laugh. “Thanks for protecting me from the elements. And I think the rain put a bit of a damper on your hair too.” She lifted her hand and pushed back a few fallen pieces of soaking wet hair off of Bumper’s forehead. After playfully scoffing at his comment about letting her win, she smiled at his suggestion of hanging out longer. She had thought maybe he’d just want to go home after getting rained on, but she was glad to be wrong. “Yeah,” she laughed at his silliness, “We can go back to campus and get out of this rain. I drove here so…” she trailed off with a smile, nodding her head towards the parking lot. 

After arriving back at campus, Jessica led Bumper to her dorm. As soon she she got in, she headed over to the TV in attempt to avoid any awkward “here’s my room” crap. She didn’t have a couch or anything yet and hoped Bumper wouldn’t feel awkward sitting with her on the bed. “Movie or video games?” she asked. “Or both?”

[bumperific]

Bumper's adrenaline high still hadn't worn down by the time they had made it to Jessica's car; making him forget that he was completely soaked. It wasn't until they walked into Jessica's dorm did he realize how wet he was. He grinned sheepishly, and accepted the blanket Jessica handed him. This was fine, he assured her, because he could totally make this work without having to go all the way to the other end of campus to his own dorm. 

College had taught him well, he thought to himself as he re-entered Jessica's dorm; the blanket wrapped as securely as he could make it around him like a toga. "Don't worry," he assured her before she could say anything, "I've still got my boxers on under here. Don't have to worry about any... surprises or anything. And I found the laundry room, so I commandeered a dryer." He laughed and winked at her, trying to diffuse the awkward feeling in the air. "Bumpicus won't be a thing for too long."

He sat awkwardly on the edge of the bed, hesitant to lounge and let anything accidentally show. "Both, definitely. But video games first. I'm not letting myself relax until I have dry clothes and a quelled fighting spirit, which was not properly put in check with our hastily ended game of golf. Now," he playfully smirked, "pick your poison. I'm good at pretty much every game, so I'll let you chose."