The Minister of Butts

If u read this u r now in love with me

[jumex]

no meme caption this is just me

[ad-profundis]

Eyes full of determination, paws full of grass.

[theslayprint]

[minimexd]

Reblog everytime

[toastbutteregg]

i can totally relate

[youtubethumbnails]

[animalsmusiceveryday]

Pomeranian Grooming >3

Credit: Unknown [ Thank you very much ]

[orlandobloomers]

call out post for the sun

too big and old -_- 

he always wake me 

[donotusetheinternet-deactivated]

if youve never physically been in the presence of like, a real live wolf, and you probably wont get the chance to, heres some stuff about them you should know

a wolf’s fur is so unbelievably thick that you can get like, your whole hand into it while petting. and then you can keep going

wolves are a lot bigger than you think they are. think about how big you think a wolf is then just like double that

they dont really smell like dog but they DO smell and youre not going to be able to figure out if its a good smell or not

a wolf really wants to lick the inside of your mouth. he will not stop trying to lick the inside of your mouth at any cost, and generally speaking you need to press your lips together kind of tightly when he approaches your face so that he doesnt worm his damn tongue in there to give you what he thinks is an appropriate greeting

a wolf doesnt really want to look at you while you pet him but he wants you to pet him. hes embarrassed

if a grown ass wolf decides to lay down on you, you just have to deal with it and thats your life now

young wolves, much like young dogs, are overwhelmingly goofy and stupid. a teenage wolf will see your very fragile, very human shoulder and go “i can probably step on that with my full weight” and then he will do it

letting a wolf eat out of your hand is actually not remotely frightening, and youll want to do it all day

[sad-gay-potato]

I wanna know who did this research.

[donotusetheinternet-deactivated]

well, i did!

[meinenaffenhosen]

in the interest of science, have tested & can confirm

[small-town-spooks]

HOW DID YOU GET TO DO THIS

[dankmemeking]

assert your dominance by calling your friends by their student ID number

[nudityandnerdery]

[saddest-cat-hours]

Damn, save some for the rest of us

[space-owl]

This is like the opposite of that dude sliding down a snowy hill with classical music

[stunningpicture]

[recommend]

Parents reveal the hilarious reasons why their kid is crying (x)

[onlytwitterpics]

[cowboyism]

anyone remember hozier? that wild son of a gun loved church

[lesbianshepard]

retail story time: ive probably told you this before but like a year ago at work i was closing and we are like five minutes from closing the doors and leaving. it’s late. we close at 10pm during the holiday season and it was like 9:56 when this woman walks in with a shopping cart. 

now, if you work in retail, you know this sort of customer. those assholes who walk in right before you close and take their time shopping and act like they dont notice the announcements that “the store is now closed. please bring your final selection up to the front for checkout.” or that every employee is so fucking done for the night and want to get home. or that they are the only customer in the store. and when they have a shopping cart, you know they’re gonna be a while.

so a solid half hour after we are officially closed this woman comes to my register, because i am the only one open. because it’s ten fucking thirty pm and everyone else is ready to leave and ive been stuck here for eleven hours because someone called out and i was already there and a fucking idiot. 

and this woman, she’s a Suburban Mom ™ type and, like all the fucking moms who come into this store, she doesnt have a coupon because she expects us to just give it to her. and we will, if they ask. except i, after a solid hour of no customers and foolishly thinking nobody would come, had gotten rid of my coupons a few minutes before she walked in. so when she asks if i had a coupon i say no, i’m sorry, i don’t have one at the register. 

and this woman, she leans in and tells me “you know, i’m a professional psychic.” and i think “oh christ here we go”

and long island medium here, immune to the glares of the other employees who want her to just fucking pay and leave, goes on and on about this boy who loves me. we are soul mates, she says. destined to be. but there is a power keeping us apart. she mentions this “power” keeping me from mr. right several times. 

i, exhausted and frustrated and wanting to go home, reply “is it the power of me being a lesbian?”

she pays and leaves without another word.

[dailytwitterposts]