why can't we not be sober @butwilltherebealcohol - Tumblr Blog

maybe nobody can love me. maybe I'm just that much of a mistake

maybe I just need to fucking reckon with that for good

and maybe dying would be less painful

#drunk thoughts #tw depression #tw suicidal #i'm drunk #and alone #goodnight #goodbye?#who knows

Hey Google how do I be Enough

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #not mine #i'm assuming #someone's done this already #right #lol i hate myself #whiskey speaks #drunk nights

this is ur sign that if youve spent all your life bottling up shit and thoughts and feelings and someone tells u its ok to let it out w them and feel your feelings authentically and be honest and that u should defend yourself especially with them that its a LIE and a TRAP theyre LYING they WILL judge you and turn you in to the NORMAL PEOPLE POLICE that will HATE you and JUDGE u for not Being Normal do nOT fall for it this has been a psa

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #whiskey speaks #don't read this lmao #it was funny in my head ok lmao

it gests to a point where biting mytongue off doesnt sound all that bad. i cant say a fucking sentence without being chastised one way or the other. i am the bottom rung i am the lowest level everyone can and should talk over me and down to me and that is just how it is. even if i speak NOT for the sake of defending myself it's just too much. too much talking.

and like i KNOWthis by now, but i still say stuff from time to time by accidcent. like i still open my mouth sometimes god forbid, so i guess someone needs to sew my lips shut, bc my own will isnt doing it no matter how much i just wanna stop talkingOR SOMEONE COULD JUST FUCKING KILL ME ALREADY LOL

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #i'm drunk #don't read this lmao #angrily suicidal #tw suicidal #screaming internally #whiskey speaks #drunk nights #guess who's finally off work lol #it's a good thing idk how to cry anymore LOL could u imagine the hate

*half an edible and 4 drinks in* whoops still had one (1) unpleasant thought abt that patient at work! better pour another just to be safe

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #tw alcoholism #i'm drunk #whiskey speaks #don't read this lmao #crossfaded #stoned #drunk nights #i hate hospital tv shows for the most part but #on the other hand #showing so many of those characters as various addicts is at least realistic

anyway people should Not compliment me because like hwhy on earth would you want to encourage *gestures vaguely at myself* Any Of This. do not positively reinforce pls im having a hardenough time with my terrible decision patterns and not at all remedying them as it is

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #dentist said my teeth look great and my first thought was hmmm as a reward i should by cigs #as a treat #like???? noteven craving atm #self-destruction brain go brrr lmao #i hate hate HATE wanting #this is ur sign to never believe compliments lol jk #im not saying its enabling but its kinda sorta enabling #everythings my fault yes #but also. lets not allow the asshole to forget that

"ohhh therapy doesnt mean ur crazy oohhhh therapy as a man doesnt make you weak ohhh therapy isnt too expensive" right yeah cool right sure yeah but Have You Considered: I'm tired

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #tw therapy #tw ?#therapy #like i literally have no face left to save that is Not a concern of mine here folks #idk man #also I am REALLY good at lying lol #not saying ive never tried it or that it never did anything for me #and NOT SAYING i'll never try it again #and NOTTT saying im the only who's aware of the “words to say to make the therapist happy” script #but like #so why bother? if I know that's all I"m gonna do #and i know IKNOWWWW that wanting to do that is A Thing that should be discussed In Therapy. but.#here we are

coworker who is new to the medical field: wow, this patient fell from 3 floors! shouldn't that've killed him?

Me: nah, that's a survivable height, depending

C: oh right- you know that from past work experience, huh?

Me: :)

Me: :)))))))))

Me: Yes

#tw sui implied #tw depression #drunk thoughts #whiskey speaks #lol #lmao #remember that last time i tried and failed to kms remember that #like. tbh. probably got a concussion but #im here! bc i dont deserve an outthat easy! I guess!!!!#also to be fair caught some things on the way down #ithink #also also to be fair who knows how far it actually was boy was drunk asl #the best part of being a clumsy fucking drunk is you can explain away must scars/bruises w like any excuse and ppl just believe u #the worst part is everything else #lol i hate myself

sometime you'll be walking down the street and see a woman so pretty you'll want to kill yourself and sometimes you'll want to kill yourself for other reasons but what's important is that either way you find a substance that you can heavily abuse enough to Not kill yourself so that. uh because. you're not supposed to do that? i guess? so they say

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #whiskey speaks #drunk nights #tw alcoholism #i'm drunk #don't read this lmao #im love women #beautiful women #saw a pretty woman today #sorry i yearned itll pass #maybe #probably not #drunk #drunkposting #but its fine its all fine #guys its my weekend

on 1 hand, those shitty overly-sweet premade cockail-in-a-bottles are bs and overpriced and frankly disgusting all around

On The Other- sometimes they contain whiskey and are ona REMARKABLE sale,

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #whiskey speaks #drunk nights #tw alcoholism #i'm drunk #don't read this lmao #long day and week an year etc etc #hating myself alot suprise suprise #it was like clearance man. i'm saving money #it's on sale because it's awful yes BUT STILL #alcoholic #alcohol #drinking #alcohlism

sometimes I wake up super hungover and think that's the worst I could feel and then I wake up from an alarm jolting me out of the middle of a really deep lucid dream n get that weird pseudo-forced-realitycheck nausea/headache/etc and thinkTHATS the worst I could feel andTHEN I open up a teeny tiny bit to someone about something slightly personal/about my feelings and Iliterally almost fucking vomit on the spot and walk away shuddering sweating stumbling like an honest togd junkie. and i remember that for some reason w/o a doubt that last of the 3 is somehow the worst one?? why is THAT the worst one

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #whiskey speaks #tw alcoholism #don't read this lmao #it's early huh #i work nights its fine #i can drink early its fine itS FINE ITS FIN #literally tried 2 talk abt my feelings for 5 minutes and like #fuck im ill #like bein hungover feels bad but that THAT #was bullshit #i cant do that 'talkin abt myself" shit man that was awful wtf #i literally left dry heaving from a sober convo more than i ever have drunk jfc #ANYWAY I'VE EARNED DRINKING EARLY #lol i hate myself

I Literally Cannot Emphasize Enough how much asking me whats on mymind is a Bad Idea. like bro i be drinkin away these thoughts best i can for a Reason

#depressed #drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #drunk nights #whiskey speaks #i'm drunk #lol literally just dont #like im gonna lie #im def gonna lie #dont waste everyoens timej #everyones #if i was honest nothing would end up well. for any1involved #trust me #am i drunk? yes #i hate myself #so here we are

I hate Wanting. it's so fucking gross like dude (me) shut the fuck up

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #it's me im the dude #whiskey speaks #drunk nights #i'm drunk #don't read this lmao #a fucking gorgeous woman who is also a friend of mine Looked At me so now I have to. Lie Down and Mourn #fuck man #just take me out back and shoot me

In My Defense: knowing for afact I can get home and get shit-faced within x number of days/hours has gotten methrough multiple situations inwhich i prob wouldve just offed myself then & there. so. health is relative, yk

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #whiskey speaks #drunk nights #i'm drunk #tw alcoholism #functional alcoholism #ig???#lol i wanna die tbh #but the carrot and stick method seems to b doin something #carrot bein whiskey #and stick being. staying alive #so here we are #look if nobody wants to man up and just kill me(myself included) this is what we get #literally nothing feels not painful except this lol #but its fine its all fine

cannot believe nobody got me what i wanted for my birthday (a bullet in the fucking head) even though i literlly ask for the same damn thing every year come on nowguys...do us all a favor

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #cw suicidal #BOURBON TO THE BRAIN IT IS #fuck birthdays #tw birthday #i guesslol #whiskey speaks #i badly rationaliz bein sad/angrydrunk most nights of the year anyway #but for a bit i can ALLLSO say its bc its my birthday #so theres that lmao #i wanna die i wanna die #imso sick of waking up like this #a lifeand brain where drinkingmyself to numbness is the only solice #please for the love of god. one bullet to the temple is all i ask #or a gun. i'll do it #WHY AM I STILL HERE LEGITIMATELY

I'm not asking for anything else anymore except for it to stop. I just want it to stop hurting.

#drunk thoughts #tw depression #whiskey speaks #drunk nights #i'm drunk #drinking away pain #almost works

nobody:

literally not a single soul:

me: it's because I'm a bad person

#drunk thoughts #oh lord he drunk again #tw depression #tw self hatred #every single word out my nouth nd everyaction i take is WRONG and bAD and SELFISH im so TIRED #im SO TIRED i just want to sleep #when im asleep dead drunk in my room is the only time im not actively hurting anyone #why pretend there's any good in me waking up #the thoughts won lol #but then again im not rly fighting them anymore huh

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