I have lived long enough
To feel a different kind of empty
All my words are used up
And now I am just stray threads
Unspooled and frayed
Thin in every place
Cut too soon from the cloth

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@byandfar
I have lived long enough
To feel a different kind of empty
All my words are used up
And now I am just stray threads
Unspooled and frayed
Thin in every place
Cut too soon from the cloth
I wear gloves to hide my fingerprints
I don't want you knowing that I was in
My hands were getting cold anyway
You were heavy in my hold, and you fell away
My mother grew taller in a dark room
While I was young with little to look up to
They didn't see me after that I was a shade
A curse and a disgrace that people like you made
I'm often just a cloud that keeps the sun at bay
And no one ever begs for a gloomy day
I hang like a mist over everyone who knows me
I'll fade from your head if let be
But I won't go easy
So don't forget me
I traded the color of my eyes
For an old fox stole
And I ran in its skin for three moons
And drank melted snow
I burrowed into the earth
And returned to a woman
On a night so dark
And devoid of stars
That I could scarcely see my own skin
My fingernails packed with black dirt
The face in the lake
Mouth smeared red
Was a stranger's
With gray eyes
I don't even know you right now
They come up through the mirror
They pull themselves through the blood
I left in the sink
Who are you in my room
A shadow of someone
I knew once
I turn my head when they call your name
But we are separate now
I look at you
Where you manifest across from me
Dark and faded
Like a hungry ghost
Touching my cheek
This skin used to be yours
I hide in my vines
But the flowers bloom on my skin
If you see me like this
I'll break apart
Into petals and panic
I met a god on a hillside
One foggy morning, years ago
His hair was long
And his eyes were black
And his antlers were burdened with moss
He stood beside a sword
Thrust in the dirt
So old it had turned to rust and stone
He leaned a hand on its hilt
And told me its story
From ore to heat to hand
How it cut and how it crumbled into dust
How it was shaped and what it was
I was crying and I didn't know why
He held me like a storm holds a sea
And told me how we all end someday
But for brief beautiful moments
We shine like iron in the sun
My hands wash over bone
The rounded ends of joints
The long lines between
I feel the cavities
The pores
The absence
There are places where I am lifeless
Deep ravines in the depths
Too dark for the sighted to see
Only cutthroat things swim there
Luring, waiting for the weak to trickle down
I find the remains of something great
Something so giant
It is too colossal to name
But its eyes spark the memory
Of all that came before
So many things that will never wash ashore
So many things remain lost
Unfound
Unknown
They become sand along the floor
I wonder where they go
When they still
Or when they are eaten
By things with sharper teeth
By things that swallow whole
Do they join the moon?
In the vast blackness
As new stars
Uncountable
Or do they swim elsewhere
Some second sea
Just beyond where I can reach
With my rushing fingers
And lapping tides
There are things even I don't know
I smooth the bones
Until they are unrecognizable
Until they could be anything
I went running
I hadn't run in years and it was hard
Even breathing hurt
My legs throbbed
And my knees screamed
But it felt like remembering
I used to be the fastest kid in my class
I could run a lap in half the time as the others
And it felt good
My shoes hitting the ground
A breakneck sprint
Like I was coming up on something
It was discovery
My heart was going ahead of my body
Come this way
Hurry! Hurry!
Or you'll miss it
I used to take off my shoes when I was younger
And my bare feet would hit hot pavement
Too fast to feel the burn of it
Propel myself forward
Like a deer in the fields adjacent
Jumping just out of reach
I went running
And I came up on a hill
And it burned to climb
But I was coming up on something
Reaching out
Struggling up and up and up
My legs were going to give out
But then I was up there
At the top
Discovery
The tide was turning
Twisting and reaching ever upward
Pulling itself forward
At the crux of nightfall
Surging in the open sea
Drawing back at the shore
Climbing, climbing
Toward the moon
And her open arms
Calling it home
It built a tower
I don't think I had dreams
They were too hot to hold
I said I was made of starlight
But I was faded gold
I wanted to be the vision
I wanted to be the one
I wanted to be the reason
The fire in the blood
I think I'm a black hole
Where the lights blow out
There's a world of glass around me
I'm the doubt
Are you gold and honey
Are you falling from the sky
Love me baby in the sunrise
Eat my heart at night
Can't it wait
Can't it wait
My fire burns so cold sometimes
Can't get a word in edgewise
Can't wait up too late
Aren't you honey
Aren't you the wise
I've got one bad night in my heart
And another in my blood
Let's let it rush
Down my burnt skin
You're all I've got
Until it carries me away
There was a time when the young lifted their swords to the sky
When they cried out to you on a march
When they saw your eyes in the storm
When they were bruised and bloodied and falling apart
Your bones take up space in some field now
Old war god
They crawl with little things
That make their homes in the crevices you create
The rain will wash the ribs of you smooth
The rain will wash you away some day
You must know it's a mistake
To call me by that name
I am the one who sang the stars into being
Through my eyes the universe is seen
I gave my life to the one that summoned lightning
In this cosmos I am free
Kneel before my visage and pray
There is more than one way to be saved
Do you hear the call
Do you hear the roaring
Gods can be killed
All we must do
Is pull the life from their throats
Why should I bother to be sunny
The world is wasting anyway
We are in an awful place
I've tried not to lose hope for years
And it gets me nowhere
Why not let me live these last few years in peace
Every morning's a surprise
But not truly a blessing
The gods are dead
Or they tire of listening
I know I'm wrong but why am I
Always the guilty party
I'm always the broken part
The malfunctioning piece
Who could look past that
Who could love me
When I'm the monster
When I want to make mad
When I want to tear you down
Just to know that I can
I know it's wrong but somehow I'm always
The guilty one
So why should I
Bother not to be bitter
Go when the ground is so wet the mud sucks your shoes off your feet
When the rain comes suddenly
Beating hard on the crown of your head
While it fills the world up
And rivals the amount of tears you've cried in your life
Bring light
The place is dark
So violently black it'll eat up any noise you make
But don't be frightened
I've known that darkness all my life
It's not as monstrous as it may seem
All life is made in darkness
In cradles in the void
I don't know myself
Who I'd be without it
Someone lesser
Not quite as heavy
A stranger
So go there in the evening
When the sun settles beyond the horizon
You'll find me there
A prisoner in my skin
You'll know my name