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I grip the photo a strange intensity to it. Why wont you look at me that way. The way you smile at her. That bitch. What's her name? Cassandra? I think tgats it. Your little girlfriend. You keep screwing with my head.
That fuckiing smile of yours. The way your eyes light up when you see her. Your blue eyes sparkle. The sun hits your face and I lose my breathe. The freckles on your cheeks ignite something in me.
I have never been one to yearn. Not like this. Not till I met you. You told me to watch my step as I litterally tripped over myself.
I roll over in my bed, staring at my ceiling. My heart thumps out of my chest. I dont understand these feelings. I have never expirenced this before. This strange pain in my chest.
I dont know what to do with myself. Eventually I gather myself enough to get up out of bed. I cannot rot here forever. I am not that pathetic of a man. After all how will I ever see you again if I just myself rot here.
Sorry for any error grammar!! I'm using translator 🙏
⚠️ CONTENT WARNING ⚠️ My oc background story contains sexual abuse, child abuse, trauma bonding, unknowing incestuous, under age sexual activities, problematic and toxic!! Pleasee don't read this if you uncomfortable with The Content!!
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Biodata
Main Alias: Black Deer, Ilm’zaruvahl, Hawl (by Bruce), Liam, Lily/Illia (by Charlie), The parasite god, Old gods, The God of Truth & Judge, Lunatic Lady (by Talon)
Relatives: Thomas Wayne (Father - deceased), Dahlia Lowenhawl (Mother - deceased), Thomas Wayne Jr. (Half-brother - deceased), Bruce Wayne (Half-brother/Husband other route), Silas Malachi (Former-Attendant - deceased), Fletcharline “Charlie” Herschel (Attendant)
Affiliation: The Silent One Loyalist, T.C.I (The Continuance Institute), Court of Owl
Birthday: February 19, 1986
Citizenship: American
Marital Status: Single, Marriage with Bruce Wayne (other route)
Occupation: Unknown, Human Trafficking (secret), Procurer (secret)
Gender: Female
Height: 161cm
Weight: ???
Eyes: Grey
Hair: Black
“...What would happen if those who are already broken by trauma were pushed further into destruction?”
— Illiam Lowenhawl
Illiam Lowenhawl is an executor known as Black Deer who actively operates in Gotham city, she often abduct people, making them traumatized and changed them become a grotesque art. She had many connections secretly, especially with the Court of Owl, but not known much what she do with them because it's classified.
Illiam have very intense obsession toward Bruce Wayne.
Past concept
Fixed concept
Personality
Hawl is manipulative, charming, perpetually willing to take risks, often thrown vulgar word with no shame, nihilistic, and hedonistic. She possesses an intense obsession with human psyche, particularly in testing and breaking people's mental fortitude. Her satisfaction derives from finding subject capable of withstanding prolonged psychological torture and people who break too easily leave her unsatisfied and usually they ended getting sold into slavery through black market (especially to wealthy buyer), or she will harvested their organs. The remains of harvested victims are often transformed into grotesque art, she believes death should be "beautiful" rather than "ugly".
Hawl possesses absolutely no moral compass and lacks empathy entirely and emotionally tone deaf to others feelings. She is stubbornly and often disregards rules, viewing them as unnecessary restrictions. Her entire existence revolves around pursuing whatever brings her pleasure, with human subjects serving as her source of entertainment. While she enjoys chaos, she prefers more controlled chaos like meticulously orchestrated scenarios where people become unwitting pawns in her schemes. She excels at manipulating conflicts and pitting people against each other (she was trained since child lol), though she can act recklessly too.
Hawl is flirtatious, and seductive, though typically only as a hunting tactic to lure potential victims for abduction and experimentation purposes. The only person she genuinely flirts with is Bruce. She often subjected Bruce to harassment, both verbally crude and sexually explicit. Her obsession with Bruce stems partly from projection, because she sees her former self reflected in him and it's makes her fixation particularly intense, she delights in systematically destroying both his mental and physical state because Bruce is the only person who has managed to withstand her psychological assaults for an extended period (though he is slowly deteriorating). But secretly, Hawl had envy toward Bruce because despite being broken, he still maintains self-control and morality. This envy is mixed with curiosity and adoration, and her obsession destroying Bruce is from a desire to prove he will eventually fall just like her.
She often feigns innocence purely for mockery, but sometimes for public display to maintain her image as energetic, supportive and totally not looked as a woman who can harm others. Hawl jealousy is unusual like she feels no jealous when Bruce dates others, but becomes intensely jealous if anyone else tortures him, believing only she has that right to do it. She will immediately hunt down anyone who dares to harm him. As a sadomasochist, she enjoys both inflicting and receiving pain, especially from Bruce, it's made her more excited. Despite everything she is fully aware of how broken she is, but she chooses to embrace her darkness completely.
Background Story
There's a cult called The Silent One Loyalist, a people who are still loyal with the old gods (Ilm’zaruvahl) from generation to generation, they believe this world has forgotten their creator, the old gods who created this universe. So they want to restore the old order in this modern era by resurrecting (recall) Ilm’zaruvahl, their beloved old gods, and destroy anyone who they think is a pest. The cult did not operate openly, instead they worked in secrecy, moving behind the scenes to spread the teachings of the old order, and sometimes disguised. They learn and know about Ilm’zaruvahl history who can't come back to her real form but is totally trapped in mortal body forever, so if they want to recall Ilm’zaruvahl to reborn her mortal body into this world the cult should do a ritual. Ilm’zaruvahl mortal body is like a parasite, she requires an anchor (another mortal body) because she can't live without the anchor, the ritual won't work if the anchor isn't born too (or failed).
Long story short, the ritual succeeded in birthing the parasite god and the anchor. The parasite god named Illiam Lowenhawl and the anchor named Bruce Wayne, they're half siblings from one father's blood with different mother wombs, but no one will know they're half blood related, the cult plan is always secured and buried.
Illiam lowenhawl raised as a normal child by the cult who now they disguise as her butler and maid to serve the lady. She has no parents and never knows them, the only one she has is her attendant, her guardian. Silas Malachi. But a person who should be her guardian become someone she afraid of. Without any butler and maid on her manor know, Hawl got sexually abused from a young age by Silas.
Hawl met Bruce in the same school when they were 7 years old, they became good friends and got along well. Bruce had no friends in his age and sometimes got bullied by the false accusation created by his school mate. Hawl is the only friend he had and someone who is really closer than his family himself, he finds comfort in her, but what Bruce didn't know is she is manipulative. Hawl is the person behind their classmate who often bullied him, but pretends she don't know about it. Hawl saw Bruce as an opportunity to let out the pent up feelings of annoyance she had been harboring inside her heart due to the sexual abuse caused by Silas that she can't tell to anyone (because she was too afraid to tell about it), so she seek something to let out and control. As they become more close, they love each other but eventually the act she did to him is getting worse. Sometimes Hawl acts good to Bruce, but sometimes she will silent treatment him just to test if he really wants her as a “real friend” or he just felt lonely and had no friend so he could go with her. It's repeated during school and making Bruce feels guilty.
In their 8 years old, Hawl teaching Bruce what a child shouldn't do in their age, Bruce tried to refuse but Hawl with her smooth manipulative way she make him actually did it, Bruce that time is still innocent and don't know what to do so he just complying what Hawl did to him, they did an intercourse in their early age, Bruce is half hearted leading to dubious consent, but Hawl who from beginning seek control, she feels satisfied. Not aware that she made him attached until he developed a trauma bonding.
At 9 years old, hawl got pregnant by Silas and later forced to abortion. She was too tired with what her attendant did to her, so she ended his life, making her for the first time killing people. Her butler and maid found out after the incident that Silas had sexually abused her. They withdrew her from school, and send her to german for therapy (away from her source of trauma incident place), Hawl began the process of therapy to heal her past trauma under construction of her new attendant named Fletcharline Herschel (Charlie, for short). Her new attendant is the one who also teaches her private tutoring within the manor in german, including teaching her in self-defense. This made Hawl separated from Bruce over 15 years, she didn't say goodbye to him and just vanished.
During her therapy, hawl began to develop a disturbing desire to twist the feeling caused by her past trauma. Instead of healing, she sought to invert her disgust, anxiety and stress into a form of perverse pleasure and comfort. She immersed herself in the study of human psychology, trauma and depression, but soon this knowledge she learned over 15 years spiraled into a dark obsession with the breaking point of the human mind. She became consumed by a morbid curiosity of breaking people mentality into destruction. This obsession led Hawl to begin testing the mental fortitude of people. She made secret identity as Black Deer to abduct citizens as her initial subject but their quick psychological collapses left her unsatisfied.
Until later when she came back to Gotham, she crossed paths with Bruce again, Hawl at that time did not immediately approach him openly, but she watched him from afar, stalking him until she knew he was Batman. In him, Hawl saw a reflection of her past self, someone masking his trauma behind a facade of happiness as Brucie Wayne and his other side as Batman. Driven by intense obsession and projecting, she began to bring herself back into Bruce life, trying to rebuild their relationship again like 15 years ago while she shatter his mind to prove that he will slowly fall into his darkness too, like her.
Abilities and Combat
Black Deer is a highly skilled operative specializing in speed and stealth based combat. Her tactical approach emphasizes incapacitation over direct confrontation, relying on precision strikes and psychological warfare to neutralize opponents. Her combat expertise focuses on targeting the nervous system. She exploits pressure points and nerve clusters to stun or weaken opponents.
Weapon:
Stun Devices; Weapons designed to temporarily disable targets, including miniaturized EMP devices that disrupt electronic systems and neural function.
Injection Gun; A specialized firearm that fires dart-like projectiles containing a weakening serum. The dosage can be adjusted like lower doses weaken the opponents over time, while maximum dosage can induce fatal causes.
Poison Needles; A needle that has toxins. There are two doses, one is standard doses that cause poisoning and loss of consciousness, and the second is high doses causing opponents death slowly but painfully.
Beyond physical combat, Black Deer frequently employs psychological harassment as a primary tactic. She destabilizes opponents mentally before engaging physically, using intimidation, manipulation, and fear to erode their will to fight.
Trivia
Author notes; Bruce and Hawl relationship is heavily inspired from Astral & Elisia (ELFENSJóN) and some take inspiration from Bloodborne, Fear and Hunger, The Evil Within, Blasphemous theme/vibe diving into madness, psychological, and cult. Their design included.
The attendant is like a personal assistant who watches over her health, who teaches her etc, their role supposedly like a parent's or sibling to her (Attendant position is more than a regular butler or maid).
Charlie is the person who teaches her self-defense, combat, even teaching her about human nerf systems and psychology. He is also the one who enables hawl to do her executor purpose.
Charlie is the second person who are close to hawl beside bruce. She saw him like an older brother.
Her taste in artistic is eerily disturbing for normal human, but she still appreciate normal human standard art while sometimes she compare it with her ideal, she's not explicitly telling them what exactly she “mean”, because she often twist her words while still she mean “it”, but for normal people she mean other things like something amazing, not something disturbing.
Lowenhawl family is much richer than Wayne.
Hawl is “Bruce-sexual”, she is only interested toward bruce, even though she once had relationships with people, but it doesn't satisfy her and the feelings are very different.
Hawl is half German, half American.Known can speak German, Russia, Czech, and Occitan.
Her most fluent language is German.
Her pattern is unpredictable, sometimes she could help Batman but sometimes she betray him.
She loves photography and learn it since child, but her album full of Bruce from child to adult (she making him as a subject of photography).
She secretly love to observe Bruce from afar and near (stalking).
Joker is the only person who made her extremely jealous, because he is the only person she saw many times torture Batman. Black Deer desired to hunt his head but Batman always in her way to stop her.She love paint her nail.
Hawl often break into Wayne manor, despite Bruce often change the security level but she always manage to go in.
The memory of you falls through my fingers likes. Waves of the ocean come to wash away my sins. Pulling me in like the sand of the beach.
I miss being comfortable. The feeling you get after laying in your bed. Or eating soup on a cold winters night.
Comfortability is something I lost when I lost you. I cannot sleep. I lie awake wondering what I could have done differently. If I had been different. If maybe I wasn't so me you'd maybe have loved me more.
I am nothing...
Nothing without this. If youd never have left me I would never have relearned who I was.
I love the dark/yandere/mafia themes. As with the Hector and Lando fics, I will write about this.
But this one will be more of a "lion to others, kitty to you" type.
I will not write in a sadistic, manipulative (maybe), blackmailing and noncon/dubcon style. These things really bother me.
___
There are some things I hate seeing in the fanfics I read. And I won't write about them (except maybe for dark fics).
1-) A reader who forgives a cheating character. That's a big no. Even in fiction, I can't accept that. Because someone who does it once, will do it again. If such an event occurs in fiction, I think it should be called "dark" fic.
2-) I don't like it when a character's real-life girlfriend is portrayed as a villain in fics. E.g, Charles Leclerc's gf (fiancée) Alexandra. Or Jude Bellingham's gf Ashlyn. If you hate them simply because they're with your favorite celebrities, then just pretend they don't exist. Just because you don't like them, doesn't mean you have the right to insult them.
3-) In almost every work of fics, I see the reader behaving foolishly. E.g, when a girl is kidnapped, she tries to escape even though she knows she can't get away and will be punished. I just ask, why? Couldn't she act intelligently? Couldn't she have remained calm and made a plan?
4-) And again, unfortunately, one of the things I encounter in many fanfics: the male character is jealous of the girl because of another man. But what's this? That man is gay! there's nothing to be jealous of. Why does this have to happen in every fanfics? If a girl has a best male friend, does he always have to be gay? Maybe he's like an older brother to her. Maybe he likes another girl, maybe he's married, maybe he's engaged??
5-) Deliberately trying to make the person you're in a relationship with, or someone you like, jealous? Cringe. If you truly love someone, you wouldn't intentionally try to upset/hurt them.
6-) I think this is probably what I hate the most: using sexual encounters as an excuse to humiliate someone. I really hate that. If the man I love humiliated me during sex, I would instantly slap him in the face and leave (e.g. whore/slut). In something as important as sex, if talking is absolutely necessary, it should be done in a gentle and kind way.
I'll try not to write about these things in my fics.
