the rush of blood

River Adam Kaplan. 21. Sociology major at UC Berkeley. Mad with happiness.

[byeriver]

God kissme is trash 😒

[fucktati]

Today I had a customer at the diner who set her food back not once, not twice, but four fucking times, because apparently it “just wasn’t the way diner food should taste”. I was this close to telling her to go home and make her own damn food.

[fucktati]

[byeriver]

You're just not up to par, apparently. Did she even give any specifications on what needed to be fixed when she sent it back?

[byeriver]

@zuko: I hate colds. I hate them almost as much as I hate carrots.

[turnerandcook-blog]

[byeriver]

@zuko: I yelled at Spencer because he tried to talk to me while I watched American Horror Story, and now I feel bad about it.

[spencerweston]

I love you. Did you know there’s a species of jellyfish that actually glow in the dark?  I’m pretty sure all quarters are all worth the same. There’s the half-dollar, if that’s what you’re thinking about. It’s bigger than an quarter. I’m terrible at comforting people I don’t know. I usually just nod my head and say sorry a lot. Let’s see, I want it to be the length of the entire wall, so they have room obviously. There’s this one house that has an aquarium going in between their spiral staircase. And there’s this other person who has an aqirum as their dining room table. It was strange and cool at the same time. We probably aren’t. We have plenty of time do get a pet, so I don’t really mind. 

[byeriver]

You're an ass. Do they? I want one of them. Let's get one and let it coexist with your shark. No, but I mean, em... rare quarters? Those may be worth a bit more. Like Pokemon cards. You just have to ask them if they want a hug. It works most the time. We could put a pool in the back yard and put your shark back there, couldn't we? So long as it were covered, of course. I couldn't deal with seeing my table moving. I want a cat. Maybe a sphinx cat. I like how ugly they are.

[xotrilly]

So many things are like that. In class, they give us symptoms to diagnose, and one time, everyone was convinced it was Parkinson’s Disease, but it turned out the guy was just on meth. The lesson, I guess, was that you need more than just a list of symptoms to figure out what’s going on, which probably applies to your work as well. Yeah… but if I make time, I have to work less, and if I work less, people don’t get better. I have to sacrifice something, I guess, but I’ll cross that bridge when I get to it. I have no prospective baby-daddy anyway, so it’s not something I’m thinking about. Ugh don’t remind me of that video, I’m still sad. Good, here’s hoping he never gets sick and it won’t be an issue. I don’t think our benevolent man-making god would just toss them at us like that… they’d probably float gracefully down from the heavens and land nicely on their feet. Like cats.

[byeriver]

Parkinson's disease and meth use are similar, then? Good to know. It's nice to see someone in person as well, because sometimes appearance helps get a good idea of what their home life may be like. No one to get you pregnant? That's a waste of your hips. You're in prime-time for birthing, you know. You'd better find someone while you still can. He got sick a bit ago and it was hell not being able to be near him for so long. Don't get sick, Trilly. Could you fucking imagine that? A god who gently tosses men at those who want them?

[ofethics-deactivated20150724]

     ”You shouldn’t be out, then - with such a high likelihood of catching sickness, even the smallest of things could send you spiralling downward uncontrollably. I can’t imagine that you’re welcoming death, are you? — Seattle? Oh, perhaps. I’ll be avoiding Grey Sloan at all costs, however; I think that their program is more trouble that it’s worth. University of Washington is promising, though. — My father was the initial source of interest. He’s a neurosurgeon - one of the best.”

[byeriver]

Well, I'm in school and I have to support my husband and I, so there's not much I can do. I've been alright, though, and I could still live up to ten more years, though my life expectancy is only a couple of months because of how aggressive it is. Not so much welcoming it as I am expecting it. It's inevitable for everyone, I just have the unfortunate knowledge of knowing it'll be sooner than I'd like it to be. You... what? What is that? I had a short amount of time at UW and it was just alright. Oh, really? Jesus. No wonder you're so intelligent, it's in your blood.

[spencerweston]

I, yeah, I just told you to get a hobby. Just don’t start collecting coins or stamps, that’s weird. My grandmother use to collect quarters with the specific states on them. She had like twenty books filled of quarters. Would you drink if you weren’t on your medication, though? Well, I wasn’t sure. For all I know you could’ve just sat there doodling on your notepad. If we ever get a bigger place, we could totally get a big aquarium for a shark. I already have it all planned out. I know exactly how I want it. We could get a dog, though, if we wanted to. I don’t know, I’m sure there’s at least one person who is. 

[byeriver]

I can't believe you. I'll just collect geodes or summat. Did you know there's types of minerals that actually glow in black light? I wonder if any of the quarters were worth more money than twenty five cents. Do you know how hard it is to count coins when they don't say how much they're worth in large letters or numbers on them? I'm good at comforting people I'm not emotionally invested in, oddly enough. If you cried, I may just stare at you in disbelief before hugging you. I would probably drink if I wasn't medicated,yeah. I'll get you a big house with a huge aquarium and you can have a shark. You already have it planned? Tell me about it. I dunno if we're home often enough to have a pet yet, honestly.

[ofethics-deactivated20150724]

     ”A rate you can’t stop? How do you mean? — It’s alright; I confuse plenty of people. You’re not the first. Though, I’m don’t plan to stay here for the rest of my life - I’ll be graduating next year, and then hopefully I’ll be able to secure a residency spot at Massachusetts General or Johns Hopkins. Theatrics have never been my forte. — Emergency. That’s my major, anyway: Emergency medicine.”

[byeriver]

I've got AIDS, so I don't have much of an immune system anymore. Could possibly drop dead tomorrow, honestly. I'm confused rather easily as well, so I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Right, yeah. The hospital in Seattle's nice and the staff is really good there, so you might take a look at working there? How'd you find you're interested in that... difficult of a career?

[spencerweston]

It’s just weird to me. I’m sure there are plenty of other ways to get yourself from over thinking, like finding a hobby. Don’t forget about all the damage that you’re doing to your liver from drinking so much. Well I wasn’t sure if you just sat there and stared at them why they cried! At least you’re bodning with you rpatients. I’m sure they love you. I dropped out of my environmental chemistry class this morning. I couldn’t handle it anymore. Don’t talk to me about finals. I’m not ready. 

[byeriver]

Did you just tell me to get a hobby? You're rude. You're really mean, Spencer. I rarely drink anymore! It stops my medication from working properly, and we can't have that happening. I am a much better person than to just let someone cry. Unless I don't like them, then I have no problem staring them down and making them feel weird about it. One of them asked me about you and why we don't have any pets. I told them it'd be too hard to get a whole shark into our place. Is anyone ever ready and confident in finals?

[ay-ashton-deactivated20141102]

Seems half-decent. But since you’re a therapist, I’m going to say practice what you preach.

[byeriver]

Innit? It's fucking impossible to keep to your own rules sometimes, I swear. Seems much easier when you tell other people to do thing. Easier to take other people's advice, really.

[xotrilly]

Basically hyochondriasis in med students. Or nosophobia, more like. You study diseases so often you start thinking you have all of them, and freak yourself out. It’s kind of like when you buy a red car and then you start seeing red cars everywhere. Patience and knowledge, maybe, but no time. Time is something a kid might need from me, too, unfortunately. Now I’m picturing a smoking infant, and I’m going to have nightmares, River. Men die earlier because they have too much pride to go to the doctor, I swear. Especially when it’s a colon issue, my god, no one ever wants to talk about that. …I’m just going to deter this conversation away from colons now. I think I like this god, let’s convert to that religion. Will this god make it rain men?

[byeriver]

Ah, yes, I understand that. When I started studying schizophrenia, I were really afraid that I had it because of how many symptoms it covers. Honestly, if you have any sort of mental health problem, schizophrenia probably includes it in one of its sub-diagnoses. Ah, that's true, but I've heard that when you have children, you make time you don't really have for them. Wasn't there a video going around of that chain-smoking kid a while back? We really do. I haven't had to push Spencer to go yet, though, which is nice. Wouldn't it be scary if it rained men, though? You'd have bodies flying down through your roof into your living room, blood all over the streets. I never thought of it as a "hallelujah" moment.

[spencerweston]

I can’t help it. I just don’t see the appeal in drinking. It impairs your sight, speech, judgement and so much more. I’ve never understood how it’s “fun” or whatever. Please tell me you were nice to the crying patient. I’m glad they’re letting you in. They probably just wanted someone to listen to them so that they’re able to vent to and not spill their secrets to anyone. Pretty cool. 

[byeriver]

That's sort of why I do it. Makes me unable to think properly, and I over-think almost every second of every day. I feel like I write music a little better when drunk, too. Of course I were nice to them! I'm nice to all my patients. I had one who didn't quite know what to think of me, but we talked about music and I got them to open up a little more. I don't want to go to my classes tomorrow, but finals are coming soon.

[xotrilly]

That I do. Too much, maybe. I’m getting Medical Student Syndrome, maybe you can cure me of that. I… don’t know about the mom thing. I think I’d probably be really terrible at that. But I’m going to work with kids, so it’s the same basic idea. I believe the mixed-race thing, that makes sense. I think there are still more males than females in the world, though, but it’s hard to tell. …”Suddenly”. Like he’s going to spawn from the air. Spontaneous generation of attractive Chinese men.

[byeriver]

Medical student syndrome? What the hell is that? I dunno. You've got a lot of patience and knowledge, I don't think you'd be too bad. Unless your child came out of the womb with a cigarette in its mouth. You may have a problem with that one. Males die much earlier than women because of how weak we are and the stupid danger we tend to put ourselves in. You never know, there could be a god who sprouts model-esque Mandarin-speaking men.

[spencerweston]

Do I have to stage an intervention for you, River? I don’t know how I made you pure, really. I never once told you that you couldn’t drink, I just stay away from it. 

[byeriver]

I believe so, dear. It feels weird drinking when you're staring at me like it's weird. You make it weird. You make everything weird. I had to deal with someone crying today, and it was weird. I wasn't immediately prepared for it. There are some people with terrible lives who are letting me in on all of it and it's... sort of amazing, really, that they can trust someone who they know nothing about in return.

[ofethics-deactivated20150724]

     ”Then I suppose the dilemma is not his, but yours. Is the risk the alcohol makes because of your medications worth the societal ease, or will it cause more harm than good? — Listening is a good strategy to earn the respect and trust of another person. I’d highly reccommend it. — Well, Lynwood is in Southern California, so I grew up in this state. However, I’ve noticed that Northern California is.. quite different. Almost as if it’s another state entirely. Anyway —I’m technically returning. The trauma program offered here is significantly better than any I’ve seen elsewhere; I would travel anywhere for excellent education.”

[byeriver]

I dunno if it makes much a difference anymore because my health's deteriorating at a rate that I can't stop anyway. Oh! You meant California. I feel like an idiot. I've been to northern California and the weather is still a bit like the northwest United States. I dunno why you'd return to Besame, specifically, considering it's always a bit of a shit show around here. Trauma as in emergency, or like psychological trauma?