мєяакι

welcome to my diary :)

[roryslaces]

[bymeraki]

It hurts so fuckin bad knowing I’ll soon be nothing to someone who was my first and only everything

[bymeraki]

The girl I used to be died that summer of 2019. Everyone noticed the change, but no one ever knew the reason.

Sometimes I wonder what kinda woman she would’ve become. Surely a much happier, healthier one.

[bymeraki]

Where those weird old dudes that’ll pay chicks just to do nothing?? I want one 🙏

[bymeraki]

I don’t play hard to get, but I’m definitely hard to get rid of. Just ask my ex!

[bymeraki]

Does distance truly make the heart grow fonder, or does it leave room for the mind to wander?

[bymeraki]

Wait okay so crazy realization that I actually do in fact feel much better after I stopped talking to him lmao

[bymeraki]

can someone manifest him back for me now please?? 😭🙏

[bymeraki]

I’ve spent far more of my life thinking about how and when I’d kill myself than thinking about my future, and I think that perfectly sums up why I am where I am in life.

[bymeraki]

I know it’s a terrible thought, but part of me wishes you died. I wish you were gone in a way that makes hope impossible. Because grieving someone who’s still alive, still somewhere out there, still capable of coming back, feels like trying to mourn with the wound left open.

[bymeraki]

He still loves me. That’s what makes it harder to let go. Because if the love had died, maybe this stupid, desperate hope would’ve died with it.

[bymeraki]

I saw you again last night in my dreams, and for a few quiet hours I forgot you ever left. I held you closer than I should have, desperately memorizing the feeling before the sun could wake me, knowing that when I opened my eyes, I’d lose you all over again.

[bymeraki]

when my friends keep yelling “stopsleepingwithyourex” but my name is Carissa so I lwk ignore them

[bymeraki]

I miss you. Truthfully, I’d been missing you long before we broke up. I miss when you didn’t just feel like my boyfriend, but like my best friend. I miss when we actually talked, actually texted, when being around each other felt easy and fun. I miss when I could talk to you and actually felt heard. I miss when you’d really talk to me too and tell me about your day, your thoughts, the little things on your mind. I miss when time together actually felt like we were together, not just next to each other. I miss that far more than the sex, the kissing, or even falling asleep beside each other at night.

[bymeraki]

You are the person I should not keep,

but also the person I cannot lose.

[bymeraki]

letting go of you feels like letting go of my own heartbeat.

[bymeraki]

I love you too much to leave you.

But I cannot be just friends when my heart still belongs to you.

But I also cannot be with you after being the one who hurt you.