True Strength with Raw Spirit @bysoulandspear-blog - Tumblr Blog

Posts

*Chase smiles and walks up to Guan, still a little sleepy. Rubbing his eyes he yaws before "collapsing" again Guan, wrapping his arms around him* Good Morning...

*Grinning in an almost giddy fashion and feeling somewhat foolish*

Good morning to you... *returns the embrace*

repulsethemonkey:

bysoulandspear:

Guan’s head bows even further, flattening to his chest, shoulders rising defensively—-and Chase’s last response— “…I know…it is just…not the same.” He dares one last look at a silent, staring Young—but he can barely hold it. He doesn’t walk away—not yet—not when Young has not yet left. “…I am sure…you have plenty to say…react to…on this.” He swallows, stands resolute. Waiting. “…Well. Go on then, Young…I am not running. Not anymore.” ‘Of course not. Right now, there is nowhere to go.’

…There is always forward…

…but even that is so dark, now.

[Heylin Chase had decided to remained silent as the situation played out before him, letting his words take their course, as Guan actually does, confess, and he almost laughs out loud when he does. Almost. In that split second, however, he took his eyes off his enemy to glance briefly at Xiaolin Chase.]

[He didn’t know why he looked over, but only when he saw the expression on Xiaolin Chase’s face, and felt some sort of tension leave him and another take its place, did he realise that somewhere underneath all his anger and resentment towards Guan, he had been ever so slightly afraid that Xiaolin Chase might have welcomed Guan’s feelings, chosen him instead, but when he saw his expression… He felt a bittersweet satisfaction at what he saw there. And so he didn’t laugh. He remained silent, knowing that he didn’t need to say anything else to carry out his revenge on Guan]

[he almost loses it, though, when Guan dares to—- right in front of him—- He clenches his fists, grits his teeth, holds his breath and even closes his eyes for the few seconds it takes for him to not tear into Guan right there where he stood, even in front of Xiaolin Chase, but as he closes his eyes he brings from memory Xiaolin Chase’s expression from just a few moments ago, the shock, and the hurt, and manages to keep himself from moving]

[when he opens his eyes again, he does so just on time to look right at Xiaolin Chase as the other walked right past him, without even looking at him or without looking up, saying nothing. He turns and follows Xiaolin Chase with his eyes, staring at the back of his head as he walks away, and some of the fire in him dies to be replaced with a cold, heavy sensation. He had rarely been unsure of himself in the past, but right now, he was beginning to wonder if, while very effective, he should have taken his revenge on Guan while involving Xiaolin Chase so heavily. ‘I may have ruined everything…’ a calm voice in his mind states, and he breathes a little faster, still watching Xiaolin Chase leave]

[he had almost forgotten about Guan and whips around to face him again, his eyes still wide and unsure, before he clears his throat and schools his expression into a cold, yet very personal, angry glare]

…..I have nothing more to say to you. [he says quietly and dangerously] I believe I have made my point clear. And—- [almost looks over his shoulder to see if he could see Xiaolin Chase anymore, but stops last minute and looks off to his side somewhere instead] …I won’t. He wouldn’t…

[he trails off, still feeling too much pride to admit to Guan that the only reason he isn’t burning him where he stood was because it would hurt Xiaolin Chase and damage things between them beyond repair, if what he had just done today hadn’t done that already…]

[he looks over at Guan one final time, throwing him the most murderous glare he could muster in that moment] Goodbye, Guan. Next time you decide to hurt him will be much worse.

[with that, he turned his back, intent on following Xiaolin Chase and finding out what he planned to do next… Only he couldn’t see him anymore. He was gone, out of sight. Swallowing, and not wishing to falter in front of Guan, he decided that his best bet was to head back to the lair, give Xiaolin Chase some time, and seek him out if he needed to]

Guan hears Young walk a short distance away before teleporting home (so the Master Monk assumed; he had never once turned around to face him); then, there is only silence on the temple grounds.

He doesn't know how long he stands there, head bowed, staring at nothing and letting the world turn, move on, while he himself is stuck in his own mind--frozen in place by this chaotic turn of events.

Somewhere inside, he is deeply unnerved by this numb, consuming feeling, and he would try to center his mind, but it is so overwhelmingly unfocused; he should attempt to go back into meditation, but his legs refuse to bend; he wants to speak with Dashi, but he had not heard from his friend since his errand and contacting him otherwise would involve meditation.

So, he focuses all his will into forcing his body into just enough ease so as to make his way slowly, defeated, back into his temple. By the time he's up the small flight of stairs, the nighttime air has already begun to chill, and the moon is rising higher, and higher. He opens the doors--the sound echoes across the empty yard like a bellow in the night--and, for some reason, he takes a final, blank look out at it...

But there is nothing.

There is nothing as he finally turns away; there is nothing as he steps into his temple, willing not to come out, for some time; there is nothing but the finality as he shuts those heavy, banging doors... There is nothing because, once again, there seems to be no hope.

Guan walks right by the still lit candles in the hall on his way to his room; they will be his only source of light for some time.

It will pass. Of course it will pass...it has passed, before, and Guan knows he must attempt to make it pass starting tomorrow...And he will...he has to...

But dawn seems like it's another cold millennium away, this night.

[/]

#ooc: end for now #repulsethemonkey #xiaolinchase

xiaolinchase:

bysoulandspear:

…Why does he do it. It happens so fast, and he’s preparing to leave, sure Chase will leave it as is—or Young will intervene before he can act—and that is all there will be— But then Chase is suddenly right in front of him, grabbing his arm, and opening his mouth to—-TO—NO! There was panic…heart-stopping, unadulterated TERROR…and…and he isn’t strong enough to HEAR it, why would Chase…so…so, he… It only takes a pull—a sharp tug—to do what he’s always wanted but never known he’s wanted—and Guan easily silences those words before they can come out. And it’s a BAD move, and he KNOWS it—knew it—but anything is better than hearing those words. The kiss is…nothing like those they write about, Guan thinks, and, yet…It’s…Soft, barely there…a plea to stop, be silent…a what-if…and a sour taste is all this is; so many things, all at once. But what stands out the most is the horrible, sinking feeling…because this will never happen again. It shouldn’t have happened, at all.

…Why does he do it. He doesn’t even look at Chase when they part barely three seconds later. “…Don’t. Please. Just…please, leave…I’m…I’m sorry.” He turns, but does not walk, away. He can’t bear it.

*what was he thinking?! Is he nuts?! Before Chase can back away, apologize and leave, to try and sort out the swirling thoughts in his head, the conflict, the guilt, he feels himself being tugged upwards, and all he can feel then is Guan’s mouth on his own. Guan….Guan was kissing him and it felt….it felt…*

[Wow.]

*it was different from the kisses he had shared with Heylin Chase, less rough, less desperate….yet just as caring….and so so bittersweet*

*before Chase can fully wrap his mind arount what the hell is exactly going on, the kiss is over and Guan is looking away….and this time, it is Chase who is causing all the pain…Chase who hurting Guan this badly..because he fell in love with another. After a moment that seems to last forever, he sigh, gives Guan a sad smile and turns to leave*

I do love you, Guan….I just….

*after a moment he simply shakes his head and walks away, even walking resolutely past Heylin Chase. Like Guan he just needed to be alone, to tend to the wounds in his heart, to be able to cry to himself…to try to come to terms with how he single-handedly ruined Guan’s life.*

Guan's head bows even further, flattening to his chest, shoulders rising defensively---and Chase's last response-- "...I know...it is just...not the same." He dares one last look at a silent, staring Young--but he can barely hold it. He doesn't walk away--not yet--not when Young has not yet left. "...I am sure...you have plenty to say...react to...on this." He swallows, stands resolute. Waiting. "...Well. Go on then, Young...I am not running. Not anymore." 'Of course not. Right now, there is nowhere to go.'

...There is always forward...

...but even that is so dark, now.

#repulsethemonkey #xiaolinchase #ooc: =n=;;;

xiaolinchase:

bysoulandspear:

Guan forces himself to stand strong, waiting for what seems like a(nother) millennium. …Even worse than Chase seeming to be struck speechless…is that, and Guan smiles sadly at this, he doesn’t even NEED to SAY anything. It’s all to clear, in his reaction. The eyes that swell with surprise, shock—as he’d expected—before the eyelids lower, and look away…and it’s all the answer Guan needs. ‘…Yes. I’d always feared as much…’ he thought, blankly, still smiling sadly at his friend.

“…Forgive me. I had…wished for this to be said at a better time…” He has to stop to compose himself, forcing himself on. “…I am not ashamed…not of these feelings…But, I am sorry for being so cowardly towards you, because of them.” He shifts, but his arms remain stiff and at his sides, and he tucks them behind his back and squeezes his hands at the wrists, the pressure keeping him routed—emotionally and mentally. “…If…there is nothing else that…needs to be said…” Don’t. Just, do NOT, Chase. I can see it so clearly. I understand. You do not NEED to say it. The mantra goes on in his head, and he is both trying and NOT trying to convey this through his eyes, but he does not know if Chase will meet them, and he isn’t sure if he wants him to. “…Then…I would like to have some time to…meditate…on things. You…and your partner…Have all of my blessings, if you’ll have them…” …Please. He just needs to be alone.

*it hurts….it hurts so damn much. He loves Guan, he truly does….but not like that.*

*how…..how could he not have seen it before? All those times they were together when they were younger…all those times Guan risked himself to protect him…even recently when Guan warned him about Heylin Chase*

*As Guan makes to leave, his body and voice react before his mind can really comprehend fully what he’s doing, he steps forward and grabs Guan’s arm and looks straight into his face*

Guan, wait!

...Why does he do it. It happens so fast, and he's preparing to leave, sure Chase will leave it as is--or Young will intervene before he can act--and that is all there will be-- But then Chase is suddenly right in front of him, grabbing his arm, and opening his mouth to---TO--NO! There was panic...heart-stopping, unadulterated TERROR...and...and he isn't strong enough to HEAR it, why would Chase...so...so, he... It only takes a pull--a sharp tug--to do what he's always wanted but never known he's wanted--and Guan easily silences those words before they can come out. And it's a BAD move, and he KNOWS it--knew it--but anything is better than hearing those words. The kiss is...nothing like those they write about, Guan thinks, and, yet...It's...Soft, barely there...a plea to stop, be silent...a what-if...and a sour taste is all this is; so many things, all at once. But what stands out the most is the horrible, sinking feeling...because this will never happen again. It shouldn't have happened, at all.

...Why does he do it. He doesn't even look at Chase when they part barely three seconds later. "...Don't. Please. Just...please, leave...I'm...I'm sorry." He turns, but does not walk, away. He can't bear it.

#repulsethemonkey #xiaolinchase #ooc: u___u;;;

xiaolinchase:

bysoulandspear:

Guan’s jaw is clenched so tight, he is sure his teeth can be heard grinding together.

Damn…Damn, but how could he NOT see…Well. As that saying with the cat being let out of the bag, goes…

The Master Monk sighs, and it is so heavy and defeated, but it does take out a great deal of tension. It’s not that he’s ashamed of his feelings for Chase…at all. It’s that…He’s only just come to realize how deep they run! And…and if he were to confess… Why here? Why like this? Blankly, he stares at Chase, and it hits him. There is no way he can possibly deny it, now—and he doesn’t WANT to. But Young has stabbed into more than a few old wounds, with his words. It’s impossible to dodge without aggravating them further, and Guan had already made up his mind when he went to apologize: he was done running.

“…Alright,” he says, at last; quiet…subdued…but determined to be honest. “…The truth is, I can not.” He looks Chase dead in the eyes, refusing to even address Young’s other statements—at least, until he gets a solid reaction from Chase… “…There is nothing to deny on Young’s last statement, Chase, because it is absolutely true. Not the shame…or the jealousy,” no, he refuses to downgrade his feelings—genuine LOVE—with such petty, bitter words of a time well in the past. Young had made his choice…however heartbreaking it was. “But I truly…deeply feel for you, as in…more than a brother…” He bows his head, having nothing more to say, at the moment. There it is.

*stares worriedly as Heylin Chase and Guan argue, getting ready to put himself bodily between them if he had to…..*

*Then he hears Guan make his confession, and his heart actually stops for a few seconds….Guan loved him? As in…romantic? By the gods….*

*Xiaolin Chase feels his heart break and takes a deep shuddering breath…he knows it can’t be….Guan…Guan is his friend. Sure he had strong feelings for him….but they had never gone into romantic territory…and now*

*after a moment, he slowly steps towards him, not knowing what to say, not wanting to destroy his friend. When they are little more then hands length away from each other he stares up at him*

Guan….I…

*he can’t go on, he can’t do it*

Guan forces himself to stand strong, waiting for what seems like a(nother) millennium. ...Even worse than Chase seeming to be struck speechless...is that, and Guan smiles sadly at this, he doesn't even NEED to SAY anything. It's all to clear, in his reaction. The eyes that swell with surprise, shock--as he'd expected--before the eyelids lower, and look away...and it's all the answer Guan needs. '...Yes. I'd always feared as much...' he thought, blankly, still smiling sadly at his friend.

"...Forgive me. I had...wished for this to be said at a better time..." He has to stop to compose himself, forcing himself on. "...I am not ashamed...not of these feelings...But, I am sorry for being so cowardly towards you, because of them." He shifts, but his arms remain stiff and at his sides, and he tucks them behind his back and squeezes his hands at the wrists, the pressure keeping him routed--emotionally and mentally. "...If...there is nothing else that...needs to be said..." Don't. Just, do NOT, Chase. I can see it so clearly. I understand. You do not NEED to say it. The mantra goes on in his head, and he is both trying and NOT trying to convey this through his eyes, but he does not know if Chase will meet them, and he isn't sure if he wants him to. "...Then...I would like to have some time to...meditate...on things. You...and your partner...Have all of my blessings, if you'll have them..." ...Please. He just needs to be alone.

#ooc: oh gosh guan I am so sosososo sorry DX #oooc: MY HEART #repulsethemonkey #xiaolinchase

repulsethemonkey:

bysoulandspear:

Guan’s eyes widen, and his arms uncross as he just - who - HOW DARE—. Oh. But of COURSE. He quickly reigns himself in, but just barely. Really, though, like he should have expected different from this…this evil, heartless warlord.

The Master Monk’s hands clench at his side, but he otherwise forces his expression to remain neutral, even in the face of Young’s taunting and biting words.

“That’s what this is about, isn’t it, Guan?! You are jealous that he isn’t yours. Tell me I am wrong!”

…until Young says THAT. His shoulders go taut with tension, and his fists are now clenching so tight, they’re turning red. …How. No, how could he just let Young READ him, like that? Foolish. So foolish, he is SUCH a FOOL—no. NO. He has to pull himself together. Young is a shark biting recklessly at anything he thinks is within reach. Giving in to the statement—true or otherwise—would be like holding his hand out for a clear bite. Young is NOT getting that opportunity—certainly not so EASILY.

“…For one thing, Young,” he can barely keep the rage out of his voice—or the slight fear of being found out—but he manages to just keep a low, hard tone to it. “I have already taken up for my own mistakes in my apology. I know you no longer seem to get the MEANING or the admitting to mistakes, and being genuinely SORRY, but let me assure you, I DO.” He holds up one hand in a quick swipe, hoping to cut off any interruptions. “And for ANOTHER thing,” he scoffs. “Jealous, Young? Truly? I think, this is more of some self-reflection you cannot seem to withhold, any longer.” He chuckles, a low and harsh thing, with how he’s truly feeling, now. “Jealous. No, you misunderstand. I am concerned for Chase. He is my dearest friend, and I do not wish for am to be scorned as I have, in reaching out to someone who is otherwise NOT reachable. As for you…jealous? No, no…I’d say…” He pretends to think on it, but already knows his response. “Really, it is somewhere between disbelief and pity…That YOU would be so desperate to read into such things.” He immediately drops the false satisfaction, standing tall and staring the Heylin warrior down, letting his true somber feelings on this be shown. “Do not misread this any further, Young. There is no jealousy…Only great disbelief and frustration…that he would settle for someone like you.”

[keeps the dark grin firm on his face as Guan speaks, raising his eyebrows in amusement at Guan’s attempted digs at his capability of understanding people. ‘Oh, he has chosen his words very carefully, just like before. In his apology he was careful not to mention his acceptance, and in this response, he has been careful not to confirm or deny my suspicion…’]

[he took a deep breath, the dark grin shrinking to a thin, evil smile. For all his ranting about caring, Guan was showing Xiaolin Chase the greatest disrespect in lying like this, in Heylin Chase’s opinion. To him, it showed that Guan thought Xiaolin Chase so dull or immature that he would not eventually pick up on this himself. And this, this sad excuse for a warrior, was Xiaolin Chase’s friend? He shook his head. ‘And he wonders why I go to such lengths to protect him….’]

Whether you are truly sorry or not, does not mean you are incapable of repeating mistakes. You think I do not understand the meaning of an apology? I have lived for many years, Guan, but that does not mean I am out of touch. I have seen uncountable people apologise as you have only to turn and betray who they have apologised to! [he said bitterly, his voice rising and taking another step forward to square up to Guan]

Neither am I so out of touch that I cannot see something as plain and transparent as your feelings, Guan. If you are truly his friend, you would not lie. [he hissed the final word disgustedly] I will say it again; Tell me that I am wrong, Guan. Tell him! [he gestures to Xiaolin Chase]

Guan's jaw is clenched so tight, he is sure his teeth can be heard grinding together.

Damn...Damn, but how could he NOT see...Well. As that saying with the cat being let out of the bag, goes...

The Master Monk sighs, and it is so heavy and defeated, but it does take out a great deal of tension. It's not that he's ashamed of his feelings for Chase...at all. It's that...He's only just come to realize how deep they run! And...and if he were to confess... Why here? Why like this? Blankly, he stares at Chase, and it hits him. There is no way he can possibly deny it, now--and he doesn't WANT to. But Young has stabbed into more than a few old wounds, with his words. It's impossible to dodge without aggravating them further, and Guan had already made up his mind when he went to apologize: he was done running.

"...Alright," he says, at last; quiet...subdued...but determined to be honest. "...The truth is, I can not." He looks Chase dead in the eyes, refusing to even address Young's other statements--at least, until he gets a solid reaction from Chase... "...There is nothing to deny on Young's last statement, Chase, because it is absolutely true. Not the shame...or the jealousy," no, he refuses to downgrade his feelings--genuine LOVE--with such petty, bitter words of a time well in the past. Young had made his choice...however heartbreaking it was. "But I truly...deeply feel for you, as in...more than a brother..." He bows his head, having nothing more to say, at the moment. There it is.

#ooc: idiqwojfiowie MY FEELINGS #repulsethemonkey #xiaolinchase

repulsethemonkey:

bysoulandspear:

Knowing it’s best to do as Chase says—especially in the face of his heartfelt forgiveness—Guan is quick to turn his back to the two, in a small gesture of privacy. …He can’t quite keep himself from listening to the most of the exchange, however.

Guan doesn’t hear everything…but what he does hear twists his stomach with an emotion (or even emotions) he can’t quite name. He is very tempted to turn and interrupt with a sharp comment or two to Young, but relents only out of trust that Chase can indeed handle him.

‘Your first mistake was NOT trusting that Chase can stick up for himself,’ his brain had reminded him—and he minded this thought. …At least…at first… But as the exchange gets more biting and heated, Guan crosses his arms, fists clenching in frustration and…if he’s honest…worry. He can’t help wondering if…if this concern over the Lao Mang Lone was, indeed, brought to the surface from his own callous actions and words. Finally, it’s all he can bear, and he turns to face the Chases, once more. “I am sorry, my friend, but allow me to be frank…” He walks forward just close enough to be included, at least enough for his say. “For one thing, Young, I have had my fair share of running,” he then meets Chase’s eyes, “and I am not leaving you. Even when I had ran, I had never really left you. I do not plan to NOW.” His eyes soften. “I cannot seem to bear it, anyway.” Guan turns and gives Young a hard stare, “And as for your earlier comment…It is not his being in a relationship with a male, or even a different version of himself…It is that it is YOU. You, Young, are QUITE different from Chase. My mistake in all this is not realizing that I do trust Chase to do what is right, to resist evil and remain strong…As he always HAS been, and even now, IS…” He crosses his arms in finality, subconsciously grounding himself for this last statement. It’s been a long-time coming, anyways. “…It is YOU I do not trust. It is you I have the issue with…and, forgive me for being blunt,” here, he gives Chase a slight look to convey his genuine apprehension, but also his need to say this, before turning to Young. “…but, you…Well, I am sure I do not have to ask if you recall the adage of squeezing blood from a stone…” His eyes narrow. “Or, in this case, love from a Heylin monster.” And something old and long buried (denied) within him is set free WITH this statement… …Dashi was right…

[says nothing, doesn’t move, and doesn’t react for a few moments as he stares at Guan with the same expression he had just been looking at Xiaolin Chase with, one eyebrow raised and a scornful frown]

[however, he holds his breath as Guan speaks, anger slowly rising, until when Guan finishes, when his expression darkens and he narrows his eyes slowly, turning the words over in his mind]

[‘Oh, isn’t he so very good, acting like the brave monk suddenly…’ he thinks condescendingly to himself. ‘His mistrust of me is the problem? He would twist this and make his actions my fault, make Chase’s continued friendship with him my responsibility and force me to change to suit him?’ Turns slightly to the side to face Guan more, his chin held high]

An easy escape from responsibility, Guan, isn’t it? To place the blame on me instead? [he says, taking an intimidating step forward] You think yourself to be so much better than me, don’t you? ‘Monster’? You don’t even know what you are talking about! Master Monk Guan, mighty Xiaolin Monk. Ha.

[raises a hand and points his index finger at him] You are nothing more than an arrogant, jealous—- [cuts himself short suddenly, eyes widening a little, as a revelation comes over him] Jealous… [he repeats, then grins suddenly] Hahaha! That’s what this is about, isn’t it, Guan?! You are jealous that he isn’t yours. Tell me I am wrong!

Guan's eyes widen, and his arms uncross as he just - who - HOW DARE--. Oh. But of COURSE. He quickly reigns himself in, but just barely. Really, though, like he should have expected different from this...this evil, heartless warlord.

The Master Monk's hands clench at his side, but he otherwise forces his expression to remain neutral, even in the face of Young's taunting and biting words.

"That’s what this is about, isn’t it, Guan?! You are jealous that he isn’t yours. Tell me I am wrong!"

...until Young says THAT. His shoulders go taut with tension, and his fists are now clenching so tight, they're turning red. ...How. No, how could he just let Young READ him, like that? Foolish. So foolish, he is SUCH a FOOL--no. NO. He has to pull himself together. Young is a shark biting recklessly at anything he thinks is within reach. Giving in to the statement--true or otherwise--would be like holding his hand out for a clear bite. Young is NOT getting that opportunity--certainly not so EASILY.

"...For one thing, Young," he can barely keep the rage out of his voice--or the slight fear of being found out--but he manages to just keep a low, hard tone to it. "I have already taken up for my own mistakes in my apology. I know you no longer seem to get the MEANING or the admitting to mistakes, and being genuinely SORRY, but let me assure you, I DO." He holds up one hand in a quick swipe, hoping to cut off any interruptions. "And for ANOTHER thing," he scoffs. "Jealous, Young? Truly? I think, this is more of some self-reflection you cannot seem to withhold, any longer." He chuckles, a low and harsh thing, with how he's truly feeling, now. "Jealous. No, you misunderstand. I am concerned for Chase. He is my dearest friend, and I do not wish for am to be scorned as I have, in reaching out to someone who is otherwise NOT reachable. As for you...jealous? No, no...I'd say..." He pretends to think on it, but already knows his response. "Really, it is somewhere between disbelief and pity...That YOU would be so desperate to read into such things." He immediately drops the false satisfaction, standing tall and staring the Heylin warrior down, letting his true somber feelings on this be shown. "Do not misread this any further, Young. There is no jealousy...Only great disbelief and frustration...that he would settle for someone like you."

#repulsethemonkey #xiaolinchase #ooc: just got REAL

xiaolinchase:

repulsethemonkey:

xiaolinchase:

*frowns as the other pulls away and gets up, following suit and matching the glare with an even stare of his own, even if his mind was in a mess*

Why not….I’ve let you touch me plenty of times….if I told Guan exactly what you’ve done to me….do you think he’d take it well? And I’ve said my part…*glances over at Guan, swallowing slightly*…Now we’ll see what happens…

Although…maybe this time what I’ve done is unforgiveable…

[rolls his eyes] Tell him whatever you have the courage to tell him, then. I am not afraid of him. Or aren’t you afraid that will cause him to run off again? [crosses his arms and quirks an eyebrow] This time?

*remains silent for a moment or two before shaking his head* No…..all that…it’s between us..I wouldn’t even tell the others about that…and if he runs off this time, I wouldn’t blame him.

This time……I’ve hurt you again….just like when I was Heylin….*clenches fists* I knew it…I knew that I’d never fully escape the influence of Lao Mang Long this time!

Knowing it's best to do as Chase says--especially in the face of his heartfelt forgiveness--Guan is quick to turn his back to the two, in a small gesture of privacy. ...He can't quite keep himself from listening to the most of the exchange, however.

Guan doesn't hear everything...but what he does hear twists his stomach with an emotion (or even emotions) he can't quite name. He is very tempted to turn and interrupt with a sharp comment or two to Young, but relents only out of trust that Chase can indeed handle him.

'Your first mistake was NOT trusting that Chase can stick up for himself,' his brain had reminded him--and he minded this thought. ...At least...at first... But as the exchange gets more biting and heated, Guan crosses his arms, fists clenching in frustration and...if he's honest...worry. He can't help wondering if...if this concern over the Lao Mang Lone was, indeed, brought to the surface from his own callous actions and words. Finally, it's all he can bear, and he turns to face the Chases, once more. "I am sorry, my friend, but allow me to be frank..." He walks forward just close enough to be included, at least enough for his say. "For one thing, Young, I have had my fair share of running," he then meets Chase's eyes, "and I am not leaving you. Even when I had ran, I had never really left you. I do not plan to NOW." His eyes soften. "I cannot seem to bear it, anyway." Guan turns and gives Young a hard stare, "And as for your earlier comment...It is not his being in a relationship with a male, or even a different version of himself...It is that it is YOU. You, Young, are QUITE different from Chase. My mistake in all this is not realizing that I do trust Chase to do what is right, to resist evil and remain strong...As he always HAS been, and even now, IS..." He crosses his arms in finality, subconsciously grounding himself for this last statement. It's been a long-time coming, anyways. "...It is YOU I do not trust. It is you I have the issue with...and, forgive me for being blunt," here, he gives Chase a slight look to convey his genuine apprehension, but also his need to say this, before turning to Young. "...but, you...Well, I am sure I do not have to ask if you recall the adage of squeezing blood from a stone..." His eyes narrow. "Or, in this case, love from a Heylin monster." And something old and long buried (denied) within him is set free WITH this statement... ...Dashi was right...

#ooc: here we gooo #oooc: this has been 500 years coming #repulsethemonkey #xiaolinchase #ooooc: he's in love *cough*

xiaolinchase:

repulsethemonkey:

[gives a triumphant grin as he watches the expressions cross Guan’s face, first almost glad to see the anger there, daring Guan to start something so that he could finish it himself, then seeing that his words at hit home when Guan looked at Chase’s hand. It only gets better when he hears him speak, his voice slightly shakey and unsure]

[he rolls his eyes sarcastically] He hardly did it for the fun of it. [he responds condescendingly] Is that all you have to say?

*lets out a quiet gasp as he sees the concern and worry in Guan’s eyes….he did care. Even after her hurt him….made him feel uncomfortable…Guan still cared about him, despite his action. Suddenly, Chase feels a lump build in his throat, and looks away hurriedly for a moment. After a few deep breaths, he turns back and winces slightly at Heylin Chase’s comments.*

I…..yes, it was part of it, Guan. But I never realized I had the strength to do it….*laughs humorlessly* I’m strong enough to hurt myself…but not to accept that I’ve hurt my friends..*shakes his head sadly*

I’m sorry, Guan.

Guan can't help but note, out of the very corner of his eyes, Young's smug look in the face of his worry. The only thing that keeps Guan from addressing the trying matter (what's more, maybe in a fashion less honorable for a Master Monk) is that he's sure there's plenty of bitterness on Young's end, as well. ...He does not know if it should be amusing or sad that this fact seems to comfort him. Really, it's that he keeps his eyes locked with Chase's that helps. "...Funny, that...Then, I guess we're both fools." He chuckles, sadly. "I am afraid I, too, am all too good at harming myself..." He pauses, ignores the dark look of Young, always scrutinizing him, and pushes forward. "...And I did that, harmed myself...By pushing you away." He hesitates, then places his spear down carefully on the ground (and this is the only time his eyes go from the Xiaolin Chase to his evil double; just in case). He stands tall, again, and his eyes return to Chase's. "...What's worse, however...is the harm I did to you. It did not even take a physical blow...and, somehow, that is worse." After a moment, he smiles. It's tinged with sadness, but...there is also hope and sincerity. "...And, of course...as I hope you know...I also can not--will not--accept that I have hurt my friend." A deep breath. "Chase..." There is barely a moment's hesitation...then, he walks towards his friend, and he only stops when he is directly in front of Chase, though he is ever mindful of his evil half barely a few steps away. He bows his head. "...please. If there is only one thing I can ask of you, in this or any lifetime...it is that you would forgive me...."

He takes a low breath, swallows, and finishes with, "There...are truly no words that could describe how...sorry I am. I'm afraid...that in regards to judgement, I am now at your mercy." He only dares to hope it will be quick, whatever Chase chooses....

#oooc: young stop ruining the moood #xiaolinchase #repulsethemonkey #ooooc: nice and long to make up for the wait!

xiaolinchase:

repulsethemonkey:

[Heylin Chase lets a devious grin spread across his face as he catches Guan’s expression when he rises, quirking one eyebrow, glad to see the glint of a challenge in Guan’s eyes. He crosses his arms and straightens himself to his fullest height, glaring right back at Guan]

I see you haven’t quite become a complete coward yet. [he responds condescendingly] Glad as I am to find that you still have some fight in you, yet, I will have to take you up on that at a later time. For now, I feel your words will literally speak louder than your actions. [gestures to Xiaolin Chase beside him] Do you not see what your cowardice thus far has done to him? He, who you claimed to be your ‘friend’? Or were you lying? [takes one of Xiaolin Chase’s hands in his own and holds it out, palm upward, toward Guan] See what you have already driven him to?

*shifts nervously as Heylin Chase and Guan trade threats, waiting for one of them to make the first move. Then looks surprised as Heylin Chase takes his bloodied hand and holds out to show Guan the damage, biting his lip slightly, wondering what Guan’s reaction would be. Would her be shocked? Would he blame Heylin Chase?

Or….would he just not care at all?*

*with a sigh, he slowly looks towards Guan, amber eyes pleading with him to listen this time. Before they lost each other….for good*

Guan is about ready to let Young know just how little patience he has for his head-games, this time around, when he actually gets a good luck at Chase's indicated hand. ...What...what happened? "Chase..." It takes everything he has just to keep his voice its usual firm, steady tone. "What...what did you DO?

...You...You didn't really do that...because of me, did you?" He really, really dreads the answer, but his eyes remain glued to Young's good half, and he really hopes Chase will LOOK at him and see...the concern may stubbornly refuse to reach his voice, but it is all over his eyes.

#xiaolinchase #repulsethemonkey #ooc: guan is concernicous

repulsethemonkey:

xiaolinchase:

*laughs quietly as he feels the other trailing his nails up and down his back, shifting a little*

Maybe not, but I don’t like it. Therefore, I think it’s reasonable of me to ask this, right? *smiles as Heylin Chase tilts his head and almost speaks against his lips* Hm, good. I was hoping you wouldn’t. *laughs softly again and takes advantage of the way the other has tilted his head and kisses him gently*

[sighs an gives Xiaolin Chase an amused expression, returning the kiss without replying, before pulling back with a smirk, one hand still on Xiaolin Chase’s elbow] This is all well and good, but shouldn’t we locate your friend before he goes too far? [looks toward the mountainside in the direction Guan had disappeared. He couldn’t see Guan right away, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t over there somewhere…]

Come on. [he said suddenly after a few moments of silence] I believe we still have time. [keeps a gentle hold on Xiaolin Chase’s elbow as the pair of them hurry across the Temple’s surroundings toward the mountain. Guan had quite a headstart at this stage, but thankfully had only got that far, so when they draw close he is easily spotted. Tightening his grip on Xiaolin Chase’s arm slightly, Heylin Chase adopts a cold expression and clears his throat to pull the monk from his inner contemplation] Wake up, fool. It’s time to talk. [he calls out, putting a threatening emphasis on the word ‘talk’]

Guan starts as though awakened from a dream. 'You didn't actually expect him to let you simply run off, did you?'

No, of course not. But he was hoping that neither Chases would follow.

'So much for small blessings...guess that is what happens when repeating a foolish error.'

But Young is right...they DO need to talk (though, Guan guesses that with what Young has in mind, it probably has their weapons doing all of the "talking").

He feels no comfort in that. Nonetheless, he takes a deep breath, unfolds his legs from the lotus postions, stands, and--reluctantly, but with a full determination to NOT run (again)--he faces Young.

"I know the last thing you want to trade is simple words, Young. If that is the case (as I expect it very much to be), I accept your challenge...but then, let us cut right to it. "

He refuses to look at Chase (the good half; his friend--or he was, anyway). His eyes are only on the evil half...and filled with stubborn challenge even that HE'S not fully aware of.

#xiaolinchase #repulsethemonkey #ooc: :x

Insight and Confrontation

By the time Guan stops running, he is nearly on the edge of his temple's mountainside. Breathing heavily through his nose, the master monk practically collapses onto the ground and, through sheer habit, forces his legs into the standard lotus position. Now that he was actually...away from the Chases...he's not so sure what he meant to accomplish, in the first place. 'It is so unlike me to just jump into things without having...an idea or a plan. Yet, it seems like with Chase, I've been nothing but reckless!' Well...this was certainly a fine situation. Guan really can't say...WHAT came over him. He just looks at Young...with Chase...and, really, with all that he sees on a daily basis in the on-going war between the Xiaolin and Heylin sides...Guan can admit, now that he is alone, that it really...wasn't that hard to accept. 'Not compared to other things, I suppose,' he thinks a bit wryly. Like Bean being...somewhat of a part and a byproduct of Dashi, himself...or having lived as long as he did (and how)... Honestly, Guan has no qualms with attraction, even if, technically, this one was to SELF. And, really, if one's own master is themselves, as Guan had always strived for in belief and in how he lives his life, then Chase being with...Young...could be absolutely beneficial; maybe it actually was, and Guan had been too quick to overlook it. However, if Guan was actually being honest with himself, it had a deal to do with Young being who he was...and Chase...allowing him to be so close...He shouldn't be allowed to be that CLOSE. Young takes pleasure in terrorizing others; he knows no compassion (or maybe Guan had never bothered to look for it, he admits to himself, but reluctantly so), even though his honor still tends to hold strong in most of his decisions and actions. ...By the gods, WHY was this situation, to use a term he had heard from Raimundo, driving him up the wall? Chase...what was really the issue, here? It was almost physically painful to see Chase in such a...precarious situation. Sighing and shaking his head in frustration, Guan rests his head in hands.

He does not know what is truly keeping him from coming to terms with this...but, for the sake of Chase...who he truly does care for, despite his reckless, hurtful actions, earlier...he HAS to overcome it.

But how, when HE doesn't even know the real problem...?

#xiaolinchase #repulsethemonkey #ooc: COME AT ME YOUNG #oooc: someone is...*cough* jealous

repulsethemonkey-deactivated201

bysoulandspear-blog

xiaolinchase:

*swallows as the other turns around, shutting his eyes and bracing himself as the other steps closer, then making a surprised noise as Heylin Chase holds his hand, looking up at him after a moment*

…Alright…just…. *smiles slightly* Behave yourself, ok? Let me sort this out, and then you can have your say, I promise.

*watches as the other retreats to the wall and turns back to Guan, bowing in deferrence to his friend* I’m sorry you had to see that….

The words never quite make it out. At the first sign of such...intimacy...the master monk is overtaken by an inner battle of mind and emotion. Guan immediately finds himself knowing the odd sensation of feelings so many things at one time...that it's hard to tell which is stronger.

It's...overwhelming in that it's angering, sad, ground-breaking, confusing, too much, too much all at once...He is so mad he could just lose it...but he wants to sink to his knees and...and...what...

...Suddenly everything is wrong.

Go ahead. Apologize. Get it over with and move on.

But, he instead finds himself making a move he had not in over...what was it now...more than fourteen-hundred-and-fifty years, now...?

NO.

Ah...No...with Chase...now it will be two times in the last fifteen minutes.

Do not DARE. You can NOT.

He turns from the situation. His back is to his unresolved conflict - and all the devastating, awkward, overbearing emotions it brings - as he turns tail and leaves. Runs.

Don't you dare run; not from this, not again, you--

It's like he's seven years of age and scared of invisible monsters all over again. And so afraid to confront...him and...And he can only run.

...You coward.

#ooc: mmyup #xiaolinchase #repulsethemonkey #ooc: haa guan has feelings

repulsethemonkey-deactivated201

bysoulandspear-blog

xiaolinchase:

*starts as he hears the voice, pulling back slightly from Heylin Chase and staring over at the door, wide-eyed. Well this was…interesting, to say the least. Suddenly, he realized that Guan seeing them kiss probably wasn’t the best way to convince Gaun that he was right. One glance at Heylin Chase doesn’t do much to settle his nerves, the other having a nasty smirk on his face*

*makes a surprised noise as he’s pulled forward gently, staring quietly at Heylin Chase for a moment, before also directing his gaze towards Guan, taking not at the expression of stunned disbelief on his friend’s(?) face*

*softly* I never meant for you to find out like this…but do you now see I was telling the truth, Guan? I’m sorry if I hurt you, but…*trails off, not knowing what to say*

Young's voice startles him out of his - though he loathes to admit it - shock at seeing...ah, well, something he had only just heard about.

Seeing it is certainly different than just hearing about it, Guan thinks to himself, still a bit dazed by the...surprise.

...

He can't remember what he came out here to...

Chase looks worn and tired and wary, but he leans...trustingly against Young and...

Right.

Something in Guan stirs painfully at the sight, but he pushes forward.

"Actually, yes." It takes everything he has as a trained master to fight the - of all embarrassing things - stutter that threatens to take over his tone. "I do have something to say, Young, but not to you. At least, not yet."

His eyes switch to Chase, and immediately soften. The shock wears off more at the sight of his (past? No, no, don't think that way) friend...He looks so...so vulnerable. It hurts.

He had not looked so when he had come here barely ten minutes ago. And I am to blame, Guan thinks to himself morosely. Hopefully, it would be set right, here and now.

The master monk blocks Young completely from his sight, as he puts all his attention on his hurt friend. He can swallow his pride, push by his own personal opinions..Young is evil, but Chase is...well...Guan knows he had always been so overprotective of him, even as younger men.

He takes a deep breath, and gets ready to say what he needs to say - what should have been said.

#xiaolinchase #repulsethemonkey #ooc: FINALLY