Some time has passed since I last wrote. Much has gotten in the way of this pseudo-blog/ artistic pursuit. Breakups, jobs, other creative pursuits, school, Krav Maga. I promised myself over and over I was going to write again.
I was going to write on how coffee inspired the Revolutionary War and coffee shops deserve to be places of political discussion once again. I was going to write on how manhood died along with the countless lives lost in World War II. I was going to write tales of love, pain, and other drugs.
All vast and deep subjects clearly.
It seemed, however, every time I sat down to type, my creative juices dried up like a raisin in the sun. Much of this is due to great personal growth in a short time.
Last I wrote I was angsty, anxious, and desperate to find my purpose in life. I knew my voids and sought to fill them with validation, creativity, and general busyness. These days I’m a bit more relaxed and more comfortable in who I am...perhaps even a tad too confident. Till today.
My private readings, life circumstances, and conversations have prompted several questions I felt need answering. How do people around me view me? Am i delusional in the words I use to define myself? Lastly, what words do I want at the end of my life be used to describe me?
Naturally, I texted several people the following question and waited for a response.
“What words would you use to describe me?”
Now I didn’t cherry pick my audience mind you. I chose close friends, people that barely know me, people with ideologies opposite of mine, mentors, old flames. I wanted an honest opinion. I desired to be fully self-aware with no false notion of who I am.
Here is what I received back.
Now I don’t share these words to pat myself on the back. These responses just answered the question of how I am viewed. It also opened my eyes to any potential areas I may lack in or am delusional in my ability in. For instance, I thought I was secure in who I am. Apparently, my actions still counter this belief. That is ok! At least now I am aware of it and can keep moving forward to improve in it.
The question still remains, however, what word do I wish at the end of my life be used to describe me? I want this word to be a reflection of my faith, my accomplishments, and my life’s goals. I want it to define how I treated people, made them feel, and touched their lives. I want it to embody the true spirit of manliness. Not in a macho fashion, but rather like this poem by Kipling.
“ If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!”
This is one of my most favorite poems. In many ways it is the philosophy I try to adhere my life to. I could spend hours writing and breaking down this poem, but instead, for today, lets continue on finding the word I wish to define Isaac Stitt.
After much thought and reading I settled on this simple yet regal word.
I wish to be defined as a noble man.
What is nobility? Is it a lifestyle of luxury, helicopter pads, and yachts laden with bikini clad models? Is it a monarch upon a golden throne, surrounded by servants who run to his every beckoning, and a castle filled with exotic fantasy? Maybe it’s James Bond, sipping martinis, rescuing the world, and snatching every lovely woman in his path. Perhaps it is Alcibiades, a politician with loose morals, charisma, and an extravagant lifestyle.
Merriam-Webster define the word “Nobel” as, “possessing outstanding qualities possessing very high or excellent qualities or properties, characterized by, or arising from superiority of mind or character or of ideals or morals.”
I believe that is but half of it. Why yes, I want to be known for my good qualities, and high morals and standards, but.....there’s something lacking. It’s missing movement. To be described as “caring” is one thing. It is the practice of the word that makes it so. We can call a car “sleek” all we wish, but it’s not till we see it speeding down the highway do we actually see it as it truly is. “Sleek”.
I believe an illustration would help us best define nobility. So who embodied the word “Noble” in action?
Leonidas. No not the guy with ripped abs and a Scottish accent kicking people down wells. Not even that guys in a weird graphic novel. I’m talking the historical badass who led 300 of the mightiest warriors into certain death, as he knew their sacrifice would give the Greeks time to prepare and fight against the Persian Empire. He was loved by all his men, sweated and fought next to them, not behind them. He rejoiced with them and wept with them. He paid the ultimate price to save his city and the rest of his country, which didn’t even like him.
Nobility is Andy Reid. Continuing to grind despite the lack of success. To keep going even when failure is rampant. To stay gracious and hungry despite failing every time a championship is near. To prepare and be so involved with your players they would run through a wall for you. Or maybe at least have multiple comebacks on some of sports biggest stages.
Nobility is Winston Churchill. Leading a nation that was at it’s breaking point. Standing firm in the face of defeat. Caring about every single life lost. Pushing forward in the face of a parliament that didn’t even like him and wished to veto any idea he came up with. Staying firm to the course, never giving up, being a man of the people.
Lastly, to be noble is to be Christ-like. To emulate his life of surrender, sacrifice, and love for all man. To give up one’s own dreams and desires for the good of others, to pay whatever price necessary for the freedom of those around you, to love those that despise your name. To love everyone from the most innocent child to the most vile adult, to accept each person as they are, and to point them to a better way.
It is not just being honorable. It is not just being a person with high morals. It is not even being a “good person”.
Nobility is character in action. It is a drive of the most finest qualities towards a goal of self-sacrifice for those near and far. Nobility is the apex where the quality of a man is tested and refined. It is the product of years of self-denial, a driving towards improvement, and a surrender of one’s base desires and fleshly lusts.
To be noble is not to be the ruler of all. Nobility is to be the servant of all.
And that is what I will forever strive to be defined as.
