cacat

personal thoughts

[cacatsblog]

This is a letter for my love

It's been a while since we talked to each other, a while since we show any interest in each others life

When we first met I promised myself that I wouldn't fall in love with you, that was just a funny and breezy interaction

The first night we made love I assumed to myself how much you meant for me, silently I watch you catching your breath, wishing I have the courage to say how I really felt

It's been months since that first time, months since I got the urge to say I love you, I need you.. when in the path we lost ourselves ?

I feel the love inside of me, but I can't find the person who is directed to,I can't find the soul that matched mine

Please come back to me, please let me say the thing that's so deep buried inside my heart and soul..

Come back to me

[cacatsblog]

Almost 1am and I can't sleep again

My mind is fighting me again, reminding me how good I am at destroying myself

..

[cacatsblog]

Someone tell me the week to appreciate life. Again.

How can I explain that mostly of all, I appreciate life? How can they understand that my appreciate of life it's the only thing keeping me alive?

I've been depressed since a teenager, and now coming to my 30's I still can't explain and make people understand how I feel about myself.

This feeling of being insecure and weird, then passing through a self destroyed fase were I hate myself and finally to the fase were I an live with my own and even being positive about my life.

But then I'm feeling insecure again and I'm experiencing this weel of feeling all over again, once and once again.

It's a vicious circle that's never going end.

[cacatsblog]

Eu sinto como se estivesse morrendo

Este sentimento de dor e pesar dentro de mim parece nunca ter fim, essa angústia em forma de pesadelos me atormentam até que fique impossível dormir. Essa insônia causada pro mim mesma parece pronta pra me destruir.

Mais será que é isso que eu quero, me destruir de dentro pra fora?

Ou eu quero viver? Viver e aprender que nem tudo está no nosso controle, a vida não é um roteiro planejado, não é um ensaio que pode ser refeito una e outra vez até que saia a melhor versão.

Aprenda a conviver com seus erros, aprenda a conviver com suas responsabilidades. Viva.

[cacatsblog]

Appreciate life.

Can you tell me how many times you heard that?

As a young woman people tell me this in a regular base. Enjoy your life, enjoy your youth.

That is even possible for someone like me, someone who always feel bad about yourself, someone who always see the worst in people and situations?

I always have plans, do some trip, study, write a book. But after a while I give up.

I guess that is what psychologist call it self destroy, or self abuse. I have high hope and big dreams, but when I almost pursuing that, I give up.

Why?

Because I don't feel like i worth it? Because when im about to reach my objective i'm begun to feeling inappropriate and insecure about it.

Can I ever finish something without this fear of failure?

[cacatsblog]

How can i sleep when my chest is like fire? How can i sleep when my thought is nothing more then pain and suffered. How can i sleep when after years and years you are the only thing on my mind? How can i sleep when the my head it's miles away from here? When just the memory of us together turns me on and at the same time it make me fell like i'm dying. How can i sleep? . . . . . #brokenheart #anxiety #missyou #lovehurts #lifequotes #brokenquotes https://www.instagram.com/p/Cfb487Gu0Yi/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[cacatsblog]

What you do when you're afraid to be in your own house? When you feeling lost and scared and alone? Sometimes people ask me if am alone or lonely and i always lie " of course not, i am fine". Fine. Okay. Perfect. Why i am always afraid to tell people that i am alone, that im feeling this loneliness that is crawling inside me and make me fell like im loosing control. Why cant i tell someone that im miss the touch when someone hugs me ou kiss me? That im miss the confort of be in someone arms? Why cant i admited to people that i need help? . . . . . #anxiety #fellingsad #anxietysupport #instahealth #heartbroken #mentalhealthmatters https://www.instagram.com/p/CfPCNZLuEhj/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

[cacatsblog]

Sometimes i don't really know who i am or who i'm supposed to be. Sometimes you're confusing about who's that girl or what her doing with her life. Well, i don't know that either.

And i wonder if one day i'll know the answer. Maybe i'll never know, and is that ok or i just losing my mind?

Maybe be the time who will answer this, right?

[thehopefulquotes]

“and at some point I thought to myself: ‘no person deserves this,’ and I realized that includes even me.”

— Unknown

[cacatsblog]

[cacatsblog]

I miss you

Your smile

Your laugh

Your voice

I miss the feeling of butterflies in my stomach when you kissed me, i miss the chills in my spine when you're inside me.

I miss the feeling of us together finding pleasure in each others body and soul.

I miss the smell of your sweaty body underneath me, your breath failing after hours of love making.

He's not you.

[cacatsblog]

What you do when everything that you wear doesn't fit? How can i be satisfied with my own body? This insecurity made me feel like i wasn't enough for anybody, much less myself.

[cacatsblog]

I'm losing my mind

every second i spend away from you it's like part of my heart is dying. I know it's my fault, i know it's was my choise to end everything, but i can't help myself thinking what if things are different, what if i'm different, what if...

Maybe this is just a late night confession, maybe if i'm going sleep now i'll wake up better, maybe in The morning you are just a old memory, a old wound, maybe...

[cacatsblog]

It's a shame that you don't call me anymore, beause hear your voice used to be the best part of my night. the only way i can sleep now it's listening your old voicemails.

[cacatsblog]

[cacatsblog]

When the rain is hitting out there don't you remember us?

[cacatsblog]

How can i sleep when my brain thinks i'm having a heart atack? How can i rest if the only thing on my mind is that nothing is going right.

How can i be a helpfull and funcionable human if my anxiety does not let me live?