Well, this is where it maybe gets tricky, because honestly not much else. Work keeps me pretty busy, but I do like to try and get out when I can go. Go to the gym, or go for a walk in Enchantra when the weather's nice enough for it. I sew sometimes, too, if and when I have the time.
I have a side gig that also keeps me busy. I also read, I write, I have family abroad so I spend a lot of time talking to them too. I go to the gym, and when the weather is warmer I love to swim!
What did you accomplish last year that you'd been trying to?
I don't think a body part has to be intimate to be hot. Case in point: shoulders. Love a man with good shoulders.
Not to be blunt, but is there a particular physical turn on you have?
Also, your friend sounds incrediby badass. I could never do that. I will need a very sterile environment. I'm thinking a quote, maybe? Seems like a good first step. And then, I can jump into a David Bowie on my back. Just kidding.
I'm intrigued by today's prompt: tell me about your greatest love story. Since we've both mentioned previous relationships that almost worked out but didn't.
In my case, I was with my previous partner for quite a long time. We were romantic partners, but also creative partners. I really thought we made each other better, but then I learned he cheated on me and had been unhappy for some time. I've felt a whole spectrum of emotion: rage, despair, jealousy, loneliness, rage again, spite. More rage.
What I rarely acknowledge is that I do miss that version of him I thought I knew. And that version of myself I was with him. They're both gone now, though. Which brings me back to the rage again.
I suppose rage is more comfortable to me than other emotions. Makes me feel like I can blame someone. Him. Me.
Anyway, there I go getting deep again. I just find you easy to talk to, I guess. Which you should absolutely take as a compliment, because I'm a stone cold bitch who doesn't usually say that.
Is it too Straight Guy TM of me to say I just really like boobs? I guess eyes too, like really pretty eyes get me salivating.
Hm, well, I was going to say my most recent long-term relationship, the one after my ex-fiancee, and while I do believe that was a very much a right person, wrong time, different goals situation, I can't even fool myself. And since you're a stone cold bitch being very honest, I could do the same.
My ex-fiancee and I were together four years, engaged for almost two and a half of them.
We both met while studying abroad in a country neither of us is from, and she's not from the UK either. When we both finished our degrees in [country name], I was between coming home to work on my NEXT degree, or moving to HER country as an EFL teacher. But she got funding for her next degree in the UK, in Bath, which isn't terribly far from here so I moved home to work on my next degree. An hour's drive apart, not so bad.
We studied in very different fields, but we saw each other as equals and loved a good debate. She was beautiful. Witty. Good in bed. Determined. We were in our twenties, mid-to-late. I wanted to get married sooner than she did, she wanted her own last name on her degree and I was like "you know, that's SO fair" so I was okay waiting. But then she got pregnant and her parents really pressured us to get married sooner, but she surprisingly convinced them to lay off.
"He's from the UK, it's normal here," and apparently that argument worked. But obviously if I had a kid I'd've mentioned that by now. So now I have to REALLY kill the vibe.
Um, she was in the third trimester when we went for a normal checkup and the tech got dead silent. Basically, they found some abnormalities that we were told "we not compatible with life." We scheduled an induction date, said goodbye, all that sad stuff. We stayed engaged for about four months after that?
But it just...I think we were on the outs before she got pregnant. I could literally tell she was falling out of love with me, I was watching it happen but we were just-- we'd been together so long. And then she was pregnant so we were like okay well we've got to make this work. And then we lost the baby and after the loss settled in we kind of realized there was nothing keeping us together anymore. We broke up, I moved out of the country again for my mental health because I was just spiraling. Came home to finish school when I was ready.
I think there was a time we were right for each other. But we grew up and over each other, and I think that's okay.
I hate to say it but I think of Turkey and I think of cheap plastic surgery and hair plugs! I in no way think you went there for those things but that’s where my mind goes! How horrible I know!
Oh oh! You’ve been all over!! I heard Portugal was fabulous. I have tried ummm what’s it called with the rice and seafood? Starts with a P! 🙃 I am your typical American and only go to the typical tourist spots! I really could be more adventurous.
Happy you understand! There are plenty of people who turn their nose up at me! All because I have the financial capabilities to order food and get whatever I want made!
Hmm, are you thinking of paella? That's the only thing I can think of! I'm a very seasoned traveler, I can't stick to the tourist spots to save my life. If I hear another English accent I get irrationally annoyed like 'go away, I came here to get away from you people.'
Oh, please. I wish I had those financial capabilities! Not that I do bad for myself, quite the opposite. But not that well. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging it and admitting you're comfortable!
i guess you could call it very boho and artsy?? i like candles and tapestries and eclectic furniture and things like that. and fun prints! i love thrift shopping for decor or finding stuff on curbs. one of my most prized finds is this super cute painted bookshelf that i had to lug all the way to my apartment. i painted some like starry sun and moon designs on it and it looks super pretty.
do you travel a lot? i havent really had a chance to, but im hoping to do some more of it once i save up!
Oh my god, when I lived abroad I found a nightstand on the curb, fixed it up nice and used it for a whole three years until I moved home. Never knock a curb find!
I do! I travel to the same country multiple times a year-- well at least once, usually more -- and if I find cheap flights somewhere else I do just because. I've been to Warsaw, Budapest, Dubrovnik, and Lisbon on a whim in he last few years. A lot of my travel was school or work-related so that really benefited me. Or with my family as a kid, my mum isn't from the UK so we'd travel to see her family some.
I'm a bit more stationary these days, have my big kid job that keeps me in place, but I kind of like that too. The nomad life was great for the time I did it but I'm glad to be home.
I've never had a problem getting hired! Unless you get a giant dick tattooed on your arm you're fine. There's surgeons with entire sleeves these days. I go with "that's fun, put it on my body forever" to decide what I want usually. Or in uni it was "haha my mate's got a tattoo gun let's test it out." Mm, this reminds me I need to book an appointment soon it's been a while. I'm feeling the itch now that you brought it up.
God, it'd be basic to say learn X language or travel to X place, so you know what? Learn to sew. I think that would be do useful! I've just never actually tried to learn but I think about it a lot.
My mother knows how, I could always just ask her to teach me but for some reason I never have.
Is it forward to say that I find the prospect of discovering all your tattoos unbelievably hot?
If so, you can burn this email and we can simply pretend I asked about what you had for dinner last night.
Sewing does sound incredibly useful, though. I haven't the slightest idea how to do it, but maybe I ought to learn. Too often, holes manifest in my favorite pairs of socks and I must throw them out, when I know if I lived in the year 1826, I'd know how to darn them or whatever.
Anyway, if I did get a tattoo one of these days, I might need moral support. Not to hold my hand or anything. I'm a big girl. I can handle the pain. More to tell me that yes it will look good and I won't look like a total loser pretending to be a badass.
And talk me out of getting a tramp stamp, if I'm somehow delusional enough to think that's a good idea.
Unfortunately none are in particularly intimate places -- well I take that back, the upper thigh ones you can't see unless I'm in super slutty shorts. My friend got 'bluegrass' tattooed on her ass at a musical festival, there's no way that environment was sterile but you know go off.
Just get something you think is cute, or funny! I have some weird ones, and then some meaningful ones, and then some basic ones. The amount of money I've dropped....I don't think about it.
Oh don't worry, tramp stamp, hands, face, neck, I'll make sure you steer clear. Pinky promise, I'd never let you make those mistakes.
A very sensible PSA. Plus I feel like if you wanted to be philosophical about things, you could turn it into a decent metaphor.
Honestly, I think I'd say the same. Talking about family and work would probably give me away in a heartbeat, which is a shame because they're probably some of my favorite things to talk about.
Mutual agreement not to ask each other about our careers and family?
I was going to say that since we don’t have much time we should probably cut to the chase, but I feel like I never know where to start with these things. Introducing yourself to someone without saying too much is starting to seem like a fine art.
Here’s a question for you though: are you particularly aware of cacti? Or is it more of a PSA?
Aw man, I was kinda hoping you'd say in a kink way.
Kidding! Kinda. I'm only joking if you're joking.
Honestly, a man who loves to cook and doesn't want me in the kitchen at all sounds like a dream come true. I'll make the drinks and then we can have a delicious meal, while saying fuck you to gender roles.
And hmm, that's a good question. Get a tattoo? I'm torn between not knowing what I'd get and thinking I'd look devastatingly uncool with one. I suppose there's a bit of my mother's voice in the back of my head telling me it's "unprofessional" and I'll "never get hired." Also my sister at one point rocked an insanely trashy tramp stamp that will scar my eyeballs forever.
But I'd like to get one. Eventually. If I find one that looks cool. And I work up the confidence to be a hot bitch with a tattoo (singular). I think they're hot. But I'm not sure if they'd hot on me.
I've never had a problem getting hired! Unless you get a giant dick tattooed on your arm you're fine. There's surgeons with entire sleeves these days. I go with "that's fun, put it on my body forever" to decide what I want usually. Or in uni it was "haha my mate's got a tattoo gun let's test it out." Mm, this reminds me I need to book an appointment soon it's been a while. I'm feeling the itch now that you brought it up.
God, it'd be basic to say learn X language or travel to X place, so you know what? Learn to sew. I think that would be do useful! I've just never actually tried to learn but I think about it a lot.
My mother knows how, I could always just ask her to teach me but for some reason I never have.
Well great news for me and you both is that I always have an opinion and I've never been afraid to voice it. Loads of people find this off-putting, so I'm holding you to your word there. Let blunt and abrasive women be sexy!
I appreciate punctuality in other people. I must confess, I've not been the greatest about it in my youth. But I've gotten much better in my "old" age. I wouldn't say I'm early but I'm not about to roll into brunch half an hour late the way I did when I was 21. Ten minutes tops. Maybe fifteen.
And God, hard agree on picky eaters. I'll try anything once, I always say. And most of the time it's worked out for me. I used to live in one of the best places in the world for trying new food. Not to be vulnerable yet AGAIN, but my ex and I used to pick a new place to try at least once a week. Well, back in our early days when things were working. But it was always something to look forward to. Though, for every five great places, we always found one that sucked so.
That being said... I am a shit cook. So if you were looking for someone with culinary talent, I'm afraid I am not gonna be your gal. I can make a mean cocktail though.
Cheers,
murderespresso
ps: oh I did want to circle back about the Magick Friendly thing. Not to address every single bullet point you made, but it seemed important to you. I also grew up in Swynlake, so I'm completely fine with Magicks. I'm probably a clueless Mundus when it comes to some more intricate cultural stuff, but I'm always open to learning despite what everyone might think [not actually sent]
I love abrasive women, I love man-hating women. Not in a wow insult me please kink kind of way, but when man-hating women actually like being around me I'm like "Wait a minute...am I...a good person?" Maybe the ego boost that gives me cancels out being called by multiple women "one of the good ones." Huh. Now I'm second guessing my reality.
I prefer to cook anyway, and I don't think cooking together is romantic. Like get out of my kitchen for the love of god and let me work my magic. Not literally, I'm not a kitchen witch. My ex-fiancee used to piss me off with that, like I love(d0 you but I don't want your help. Generally I don't consider myself a control freak except in the kitchen. So I suppose it's good you're a self-diagnosed shit cook.
What's something you've always wanted to do but haven't gotten around to?
Hello. You will be pleased to learn that I am apparently immune to drowning. I am not however immune to the horrible wine hangover that comes when one tries to drown out their brief flash of emotional vulnerabilty with a merlot.
Not that being emotional vulnerable wasn't a wonderful experience. I mean. It wasn't. But one must rip open one's rib cage every so often in order to invite another inside. Metaphorically. Also literally, I guess. Since we did mention sex.
This is all to say -- I am glad we are on the same page. Truly.
Which means it's now time to get into the nitty-gritty questionnaire stuff. Don't worry. I'll sprinkle some fun among the strategic "is this person a good match" talk.
I suppose the first most obvious thing is what are the things you find most attractive in a partner and what's an instant turn off? For me, I appreciate confidence, a good sense of humor (which you have in spades, judging by our exchange), and a sense of drive and ambition. I cannot abide jealousy, insecurity, or clinginess.
That's the top three in each category, at least. I'm sure I could squeeze out some more if you want an The Incredibly Thorough Murderespresso List.
Oh good, I'm glad I'm still in for entertainment among the serious shit.
I appreciate intelligence and curiosity in a person-- I don't mean I expect someone to know something about everything or be as, and this is going to sound pretentious, disgustingly educated as me. Like for example, I even find someone learning all they can about knitting and becoming a knitting expert to be hot. Having something that makes you curious enough to learn about and be passionate about is attractive to me. A good sense of humor of course, and a strong sense of self. I like when people have opinions and can voice what they want.
Like I'm happy to plan a date, a vacation, whatever, but when people have opinions when I ask for input and don't just say "oh...whatever," I like that. Everyone knows what they like and what they hate so if you let me plan something you hate that's on you for not chiming in, you know?
Magick-friendliness is also a must, I have magicks in my family so at least a base level of acceptance is important.
Major turn offs: clinginess, yeah 100%. I like to travel and my partner is more than welcome whenever they want to join me, but they've got to trust me to spend a week out of the country alone and be okay with only hearing from me a few times day while I'm enjoying my trip. Jealousy, 100%. Picky eaters like may God never send me someone with a toddler's palette. People who don't use their turn signals, people who are always late. 15 minutes is one thing but I find consistent excessive lateness to be so disrespectful of me and my time.
Punctuality is probably one of my most annoying traits. One thing about me is I'm gonna be on time -- no, ten minutes early, and then sit in my car and walk into the function 5 minutes late so I'm hopefully the third one there.
I could go on, but those are the big ones. My other icks are all things I can get past.
wow i never thought about decorating as a hobby?? it's definitely something i love to do. i live in an apartment, but i loooove to decorate my space. my roommate is also totally cool with me commandeering our shared areas. shout out to them, they're the best.
do you have a ~personal style?? an aesthetic goal you're wanting to achieve in your home?
That's nice, getting to have full control! You must be having a great time making the space your own. I'm very lucky that the one roommate situations I ever had besides dorming, I was the only one that cared about how the place looked because I was the one big into hosting. So my roommates similarly were like "yeah man, go wild." Which, broke university student at the time so it wasn't much but I tried to make it something.
No particular aesthetic, I have a lot of things and pictures I've collected from traveling though that are just in boxes and I'm working on showing them off in a way that also makes the space feel warm, open, and inviting. And leaving room for more things, like more pictures with friends and family.
I'm in a similar boat. Well, not really. To be candid, I've never really wanted kids. But I did have a longterm partner up until a few years ago. I had a very specific idea of what I thought my life would be like, but then everything sort of exploded and now I've had to reevaluate what I want.
And honestly, at the end of the day, I do crave that companionship you've described. I miss having a partner, a confidant in that way. Yes, I know friendships are fulfilling on their own. Yes, I have other meaningful relationships in my life. But ... I do just miss having my person. I miss sharing my life with someone.
Also I miss regular sex with someone. Not to be blunt, but hey, a gal's gotta have her needs.
I don't really admit how much I miss being in a relationship, like ever. I've sort of cultivated a reputation for independence that I like to maintain, but God, it can be lonely.
Anyway... this is where I'd insert a joke of some sort to lighten the mood. So pretend there's something witty here.
The point being, I do hear you and I understand. And I'm quite enjoying this email exchange. To candid and bear my soul YET AGAIN (my therapist would be so proud, if I had one), this has probably been one of my favorite email threads.
Alright, now I'm going to go dunk my head in a bucket of cold water.
Murderespresso just bared their soul, quick, everyone point and laugh!
That had to, even anonymously, take a lot of bravery to do. So in the spirit of being even, fucking same. I act like I'm so chill with being single and like yeeeeah I'm happy with my life. But this is probably the longest I've gone without being in a long-term relationship, I was engaged once, that fell apart for Really Sad Reasons about ten years ago, and was about to be engaged again shortly before I moved back to Swynlake but we finally talked openly about conflicting life goals we knew about but were blatantly ignoring because we loved each other and yadda yadda obviously broke up. And that was quite long ago so I'm kind of just like "whoa now, what's this dry spell?"
I mean If I'm really itching to have sex I open Tinder or text someone and usually within the next couple days I get to have sex, great, cool. But I miss how good sex can be with someone that you're having sex with regularly which is an entirely different thing than sex with even your kinkiest most can-fuck-like-a-pornstar hookup.
Don't get me wrong, I love a good wild encounter but some of the best sex I ever had was the most vanilla sex with my ex fiancee.
You're right, when you have your person it just, it doesn't fix your life but it adds so much to your life. And it was only pretty recently once I achieved these other goals I have had for myself that I guess I realized "oh, I'm like...maybe kind of lonely?" Which is insane to say because I have friends, I have family, and I do have sex occasionally. That should be enough on paper but I guess not.
This has ALSO been one of my favorite threads actually, so no don't drown yourself then who will I talk to?
I'm glad you think so! Not everyone is on the same page with that sort of goal, but it does feel to me at least that you and I are on a similar one at least. Which is really encouraging.
And I agree. That isn't something to apologize for. It's something to admire. You have goals and ambitions and dreams. You have a career and education that you value.
I agree. But somehow a lot of people can't build that solid foundation. Or don't seem to want it? But I do. I know that what you're talking about is what I want. I want to start building my future. I finally feel like I've got my career where I want it. I'm ready for the good personal things: marriage and kids and all the joy of a happy life.
I feel as though we might be at least a decent bit compatible. If we were to meet and also find each other attractive along with the rest, would you want to jump into dating right away? I don't know about you, but I'm beyond ready to get a jump on life.
Wishing you well,
sassyradish
P.S. if that's a bit too bold, I can also just settle on (1) date
Luckily I believe bold is good and I appreciate the forwardness. How about somewhere in the middle? I think if we meet at the event, I'd love to take you to dinner or have you over mine for dinner.
As eager as I am for something serious, I'd love to start with a date to see if the conversation is as good in person as it seems it will be. And I don't think it would take more than a date or two to figure that out when we both have serious intentions that we're up front about.
I'm not planning on wasting your time. But yes, I'd be happy to plan a date at the reveal event if we decide we like each other's vibe in person, and I can't imagine it'd take long after that for us to decide if it's worth pursuing further.
oh yeah im american! secret identity facet discovered!
not that that narrows it down at all. ive met soooo many americans in swynlake.
ive always been a big mitski person even before she blew up on tiktok. your best american girl, like, looked right into my soul. i also really like marina and the diamonds. her old stuff is classic, but her new album this summer ruled. unfortunately, blurting out CUNTISSIMO while at work might get you some strange looks.
what are your interests besides music?
oh right -- forgot to answer the book binding thing! i actually binded a few fanfics i really liked haha. my biggest project though was this copy of anna karenina i found that had a bad cover and i just wanted to make it look nicer. ive only done it a few times, cuz like i said its time consuming and not cheap but the final products were great
Maybe I will just blurt out "I'm listening to CUNTISSIMO" at work, why not, might liven up the place.
Oh goodness, I almost feel like what don't I do? A little of everything. I have active hobbies and in my home hobbies. I love to travel, surf, kite surf, and go sailing when I'm around the water, go for hikes, go to the gym. I read a lot, I write a lot, I'll find any excuse to cook something. I've been redecorating my house lately, just woke up one day like "shit's off, I need to fix it."
I actually love that, imagine telling some random fanfic author you've binded their work because you love it so much!
Cactus!!!!
Budapest?! I mean forget my colorful tupperware! I want to hear about this trip! I was just in the US and Paris. I wish I could spill all the beans as to why but that would give me away!
I wish I could cook better though. I thought about taking lessons or hiring someone to just supervise me but...I have people who make some of the best food working in my kitchen. I just come home and they have things like the best lemon chicken ever! I don't even have to worry about it after my chaotic day! Who would give that up!
Yes! Budapest! Tickets were cheap so I said "book" and it was amazing. A very underrated city. Eastern Europe is great if you want the Europe experience on a budget. Eastern Europe, The Balkans, The Baltics, really underrated. And Portugal is budget Spain and the food is better. But! Hungary. The food? Top tier. So overlooked! The castle I toured was gorgeous, really interesting museums, it's a great city.
Oh why learn when you have people to do it for you? I'm not that fortunate haha, but if I were? you'd never catch me sweating over a stove again.
