sassyradish

#wisteriarolex #the way i now think i know #screaming internally #this is fine

Dear Wisteriarolex,

It's too bad that they are incompatible, but I really truly appreciate you being honest with me about that. It's better we know that now, right? Rather than try for something and realize it's not what either of us really want or need.

And I am so so very grateful you chose not to pretend with me. I really... I feel like I've already dealt with that before in the past, and so I can only thank your candor again and again. Because I have also really enjoyed our chats, but it's okay to admit that we're not suited for each other even so.

I think of course it's okay to not know what you want. These emails aren't signing you up for a guaranteed relationship or forcing you to get into something after the fact. So hopefully it has given you a chance to figure yourself out a little bit more.

It's a little disappointing, but not so bad as you think. Because like I said, I prefer honesty over stringing me along. I thank you for telling me, and I hope that you do figure out what you're looking for. Perhaps one day we can meet as friends. For now though, I do appreciate that you've shown me where I should focus my energies more.

Take care of yourself, sassyradish

@wisteriarolex

Dear sassyradish,

Yeah, it's like you've said, I would hope that myself and my partner would be individuals who can make our own decisions and opinions about stuff. Obviously no two people are going to agree on everything! Eventually something will come up that might be a bit uncomfortable, but there's no reason to let it get out of hand. An argument is fine, there bound to happen, so long as we can talk about it rather than it turning into a fight.

It seems like we agree on a lot of this stuff! Which I guess bodes well, eh? Even if we don't come out of this with anything more than a friendship, I'm super glad I got to match with you. It's been nice getting to write with you. You're very smart! I hope people compliment that about you.

I've been trying to think of a good question to ask you but the only thing I really want to know right now is = How was your day? Good? Bad? Boring? Exciting? I guess I'm just wondering what you're doing right now.

All the best, groovystarched

@sassyradish

Dear groovystarched,

Me too. I think emotions can run high when you have a strong opinion about something or feel passionate about something, but even then I think knowing when to step back and take a minute before approaching the conversation again is probably also healthy. I'm not someone who wants to "win" an argument. I know there are people out there that do. I want to work things out with my partner and see that we can end up on the same page again.

It does seem like it so far! I find our conversation very encouraging. And I would be very glad to be friends with you no matter what else happens. You're a very groovy person. ;) And it isn't usually the first thing people compliment me with, but I will gladly take it. You're very sweet. Thank you.

I know what you mean. I keep thinking I should come up with another deep or meaningful question to get to know you further, but I am also just enjoying our correspondence so much regardless. My day has been very good. Getting to read your emails have been a lovely part of my day too. And I've been putting together a really fun look (I think at least) for the ball. I was thinking I'd try to align the colors with my blog concept and I think it'll turn out really nice.

But you'll have to tell me what you think if we meet in person. What about you? How have you been doing? What's been occupying your thoughts? Did you sleep well?

To another bright day ahead, sassyradish

@groovystarched

Rooted Conversations || SassyRolex

Dear Sassyradish,

I think that’s amazing that you get to live your dream! Not many people get to say they’re doing that, so that’s really wonderful. To do something that involves helping people in any way is admirable and says a lot about your character that that’s something you’ve always dreamed of.

It sounds like your last experience wasn’t so good? I’m sorry to hear that. But yes I’ve definitely also learned that setting boundaries and expectations is important. I suppose I should ask now, what are you looking for through all this?

Yes, I’ve been in situations where I was pressed into things—petty things mostly, but things I wouldn’t have done had I not felt a little pressured.

I like to think so too. It’s strange how much easier it is to be open to a stranger rather than someone you trust in person, but I guess when they’re a faceless entity it’s easier to not be hurt if they reject parts of you.

I’ll add to your vulnerability and say I’m also not all that experienced and I think at times that very much shows. Especially with some communicative parts of them all. It’s something I know I need to work on and would like to. It can be scary to show those sides of yourself especially when you feel so much farther behind your peers.

I also like your rambles. It’s nice to get a bit more insight into you in ways we might struggle a bit to express in person. I’ve enjoyed talking with you thus far. You’ve been very insightful and honest.

It’s nice to have someone to be a little vulnerable with.

Your enthusiastic soundingboard,

Wisteriarolex

Dear wisteriarolex,

Thank you! I'm also counting my lucky stars every day that I get to do what I love. What I'm passionate about. I know that's not everyone's situation, but I am grateful for the opportunity to live that dream.

And I guess I can say to you that what I am looking for is something more serious. I know that can be scary to some, but I feel like now that I've settled things mostly with work, I've reached a height for my career that I've dreamed of, I really want to now start settling things in my home life. That is to get married and have kids soon. Within the next few years hopefully.

I understand if that is too much for you to process or want to explore further, but it is where I stand.

Yes I agree. Communicating certain wants or certain things you know you're ready for or not is so much harder face to face sometimes than sharing it like we are now through emails. I'm grateful that we can open up to each other like this about these personal things that we have.

I do sometimes feel far behind others my own age, but then I prioritized different things than they did and that's okay too. I think wherever you are now, you are great where you're at. <3 Don't let yourself start to compare to others. It's a dangerous road.

Your passionate communicator, sassyradish

@wisteriarolex

#wisteriarolex

Sassyradish,

It really is :)

At least for me, with my vast dating experience~, the quiet moments are some of the best. It's hard for a lot of people to sit in silence, but if you find someone who can, it's kind of nice to just have them around.

You know, I've never really desired any of Merlin's objects. I would probably go with the holy grail though. It's kind of the least destructive and to have unlimited good things to share would be pretty great. I don't think I'd keep that item all to myself.

Warm wishes,

Luminousfungi

@sassyradish

Luminousfungi,

I don't think it's difficult to sit in silence if you have that someone you know and care about and feel comfortable in their space. Sort of like in Bridgerton with Francesca and Lord Kilmartin. I think with the right person it's just...nice.

I haven't either. I don't feel like any of the objects are meant for me really. And I'm okay with that. They're too powerful for the average person. But that's also very generous of you to want to share too.

What's something you would want me to know about you? Or something you want to share that you haven't yet?

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@luminousfungi

Please Read the Letter || Sassytechnique

sassyradish,

I don't think your boss would blame you for taking some time off. I'd say maybe not taking a month altogether, but some time to yourself is normal. If he doesn't agree with that he's an ass.

Pierrot's is fine. It's hard for me to relax there for a number of reasons, but I can see why many people enjoy it. It's nothing personal to the club.

What do you do to relax?

@sassyradish

techniquedeficient,

I don't think he would either really! I just love what I do and I'm so grateful I'm finally at the level that I'm at that it's also just...hard to ask for time off for that reason. Does that make sense?

I definitely preferred the atmosphere of Pixie's before over Pierrot's but it is nice to meet some people at least. It's definitely not the most relaxing atmosphere though, I agree with you there.

If I have more time I might treat myself to a spa day of sorts. Otherwise I might curl up with a book or sit on the couch and watch a rom com. Those always make me relax. You know how the ending will be, typically, so it's relaxing.

What about you?

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@techniquedeficient

Sassyradish,

I can talk to just about anyone but you know, sometimes it feels like I might be bothering them. This helps because we're both kind of buying into the experience and want to talk about things.

Yeah! That would be fun and very nice.

Oh yeah, I totally get that. Sometimes you need time to yourself, but sometimes you need a friend or a special someone to spend some time with, even if you're not doing much, it's nice to have that overall nice vibe.

Warm wishes,

Luminousfungi

@sassyradish

Luminousfungi,

Right. I think it's really good to be able to talk to someone who wants to respond. Who has interest and therefore can't be bothered by any of it. A nice feature for all this. =]

Yes exactly. It's a really comforting feeling. Or I imagine it would be. I haven't dated all that often, but I picture it being really nice.

I guess I can ask you which of merlin's objects would you want and why? If you would want one.

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@luminousfungi

Please Read the Letter || Sassytechnique

sassyradish,

Why would missing your siblings be the wrong answer? I asked a question and you were honest, that's all that matters.

Is there a reason you haven't done any traveling if that's an interest?

There's a few nightclubs in London that I miss going to. It's not worthy it to drive up there just for a night out, but it was good to go out and feel that sense of community and let go of stress for awhile.

@sassyradish

Techniquedeficient,

I didn't say I thought it'd be a wrong answer. Just maybe not especially unique or exciting. But it is true to me. I miss them so it is what I feel I'd want the most.

My job is really busy. And I've worked super hard to be able to do what I do so I don't want to just take off traveling when I've finally had my boss build his trust in me.

I haven't really spent a lot of time in London except a little bit a month or two ago, but I could see why you'd miss that sense of community. I don't think I've ever... well I guess I've spent enough time at Pixie's or Pierrot's now. Pretty nice to let go of some stress there too isn't it?

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@techniquedeficient

Dear sassyradish,

Yeah, I think I've got a pretty big family. It expends in the sense that we have a lot of close family friends, too, so they sort of feel like family as well. But yeah, siblings, cousins, aunts, uncles, a few great-aunts and uncles still around, too. More of this comes from my mom's side of the family than my dad's, but he's got a more modest sized one. So, yeah, I totally understand what you mean!

I think I get what you mean? As in, you don't want to be fused at the hip to your partner. You can do your own separate things and be individuals, have time apart from one another. If that's the case, then yeah, I agree with you. It's healthy to spend time away from one another.

And, for the record, I also agree with your other two lines. I couldn't be with more than one partner and coming from a big family just made me want one, too.

I think a big one for me would be being unable to disagree calmly. I know conflict and arguments are bound to happen, but if it turns into something big because they can't hold a conversation about it, then I wouldn't know how to discuss a hard topic if it couldn't go anywhere. So, I guess on the flip side, if they aren't willing to communicate, too!

All the best, groovystarched

@sassyradish

Dear groovystarched,

that's impressive! And really nice to hear honestly. I have a lot of family as I've said, so it's nice to be able to talk to someone who really gets how it can be.

Yes exactly! We can have different interests and nurture those and yes spend time away from each other and then be happier when we do come together again. I think it's so important to have those separate things too.

That's really good to know that we're both on the same page with that. I'm glad that we're compatible in that way.

Communication is so important, you're right. I think I understand what you mean with arguments as well. I understand things like needing to step away for a bit to calm down, but I do think yes calm or at least being willing to hear the other person out and understand each other. Or try. I would also hope for a partner with the maturity to know that just because there's a disagreement, doesn't mean it's time to throw in the towel or to lose it entirely. So I think I do understand that and I can agree.

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@groovystarched

Sassyradish,

A good cuddle can brighten just about anything up.

I feel the exact same about that. I'm glad that this letter writing stuff happened because it lets me get to know people so that maybe if I find the right person, I can really make that time for them.

Yeah, I like cooking for people even if they aren't helping me in the kitchen, its about sharing an experience.

Living spaces are very important. I think because we're both gone from them for so long that they're like the one place we can relax and reveal everything going on, you know?

Warm wishes,

Luminousfungi

Luminousfungi,

I agree. I haven't had one in a while, but I'm hoping I'll get the chance someday soon.

I'm very glad it's happened too. I feel like I've been able to enjoy some really nice conversation, and it pushes aside some of that awkwardness you can have in person and dealing with icebreakers and just... dive into what you really want.

The experience sounds nice to me. I hope we might have a chance to share such an experience sometime.

I do! I'm honestly not entirely sure I'm very good at relaxing sometimes, but it is nice to think of a peaceful moment like that after work. Calm and comfortable with that special someone.

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@luminousfungi

Please Read the Letter || Sassytechnique

sassyradish,

I rarely lose at anything I've set my mind to.

No, no pets for a similar reason. I se enough dogs on my runs around town, it works well enough.

If you could do any one thing tomorrow, what would it be? Realistic or not, up to you.

@sassyradish

Techniquedeficient,

Oh I see. Well I'd like to see if that's true. I can be decently competitive when I have to be.

I understand. Maybe someday, but I do like admiring cute animals from afar just like you.

Any one thing? Hmm... I would go visit my brothers. They're pretty far away so I haven't been able to see them in a while. It would be nice to just be able to teleport to them or something and make sure they're okay. I know that's probably not an especially exciting answer.

If I wasn't missing my siblings, I might say maybe just adventure to Paris and see the sights there or anywhere else in Europe that I haven't remotely tried seeing since moving over here.

How about you?

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@techniquedeficient

Sassyradish,

That sounds really unfortunate. I'm glad you're out here though despite all of that. I can see how that might be discouraging to some people.

I do love a good cuddle or just any little touch in public. Well, for your words of affirmation for today. I think you're a really great person who's shown a lot of resilience in life.

I understand being too busy for some things. If I were to have a partner, I would definitely prioritize them more and make more time for that quality time. I think maybe I work so much because I don't have a partner and then I don't have a partner because I work so much. It's a little bit of a vicious cycle.

Well, I love making a good meal together just like we were talking about. Even if you can't have the knives, I think it's really nice to spend time making something for both of us that makes us feel good.

What about you?

Luminousfungi

Luminousfungi,

I'm not going to let something like that get me down for long. Honestly I have a very strong will, and I'm overall a pretty positive person. That didn't work out, but that doesn't mean these letters won't! And I've been able to write with some lovely people, including you of course.

A good cuddle does make the day better doesn't it? And you're extra sweet for saying that. I think you're a very great person too, and I look forward to reading every email you send me.

That is a cycle I definitely can understand. My job just demands a lot from me, but I would still try to make time for that quality time and to let them know that I care about them.

That does sound really nice. Maybe I can help you season or bring the supplies or be a good assistant in the kitchen at least. And we can still make good conversation. It does sound really nice that way.

I think after a long day too, sitting down together on the couch and cuddling sounds nice. Maybe we watch a movie together or a show, that sounds really good to me. Or even if we're both reading something but still staying close. I don't know. That's the first thing I can think of where I'd really feel especially content.

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@luminousfungi

Dear sassyradish,

That's okay! Scary movies aren't for everyone. I know a lot of people have said that The Ring in particular is one that scarred them. But yeah, agreed. The chain texts kinda heavily depend on who they're coming from probably. Close friend you know is doing it for a laugh? Sure. Kind of a stranger who got your number somehow? Creepy! For several reasons.

I also agree about the isolation, it would make me wonder about them, too. Innocent until proven otherwise, but if someone is isolating themself if it's probably for a reason. And that reason is something they gotta work on most likely. If they're willing to, anyway.

That's a good one, too. I admire that. I think in general, recognizing that your partner cares about something means that it's gotta be important to you, too. It's a partnership, after all, it's important to show them your support over the things they enjoy and have worked hard at.

Yes, I do! Maybe the 'a lot' is relative, but it feels like we're a big bunch. So, I also agree with you there that being willing to endure a bit of scrutiny and ribbing haha.

Do you have any hard boundaries that you would have to end a relationship over?

All the best, groovystarched

@sassyradish

Dear groovystarched,

Yeah that's true. I prefer my soft more comfort based movies. But this might also be because my job can be intense enough. I don't really want or need intense then in the movies that I watched. But I respect others who enjoy them!

Right. I mean it's possible they were badly hurt by someone or something, but that would be a lot to take on, and I can admit I don't think I'd be the one who'd be able to support someone as best as someone else maybe could.

I agree! Even if you don't know something about it, it can mean so much to just show that you want to learn or you want to understand something that your partner really loves or really works hard at. I think that's so important.

So you have a bigger family as well? I have quite a few siblings and cousins and the like, so I feel like I have plenty of people that yes... might have a good bit of scrutiny and tease so... whoever my partner has has to endure a bit.

I... well if someone doesn't want to be monogamous. I know myself, and I know that I can't handle that. Also, if my partner wants to monopolize all of my free time. I think it's one thing if we both work hard and try to see each other where we can. It's another if it's to the point where I can't really spend time with friends or with family because every second I'm not working is with that partner. Does that make sense? I think the other thing is... if this person isn't open to kids or a family at all one day. That's something that is very important to me, so I'd have to let someone go if they weren't on that page.

What about you?

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@groovystarched

Rooted Conversations || SassyRolex

Dear Sassyradish,

Yeah, there's really nothing attractive about excessive gloating hahaha

I think Chippamunka's or Pizza Planet could be good for a first date. It's only as casual as you make it, you know? We could go dressed up just a bit--business casual vibes. Just because the restaurant is casual, it doesn't mean the date has to feel casual, does that make sense?

Maybe there's a good place in NTO that fits the in between vibes we're looking for haha

Those are very good green flags and I have to agree that they can be pretty important in a relationship.

Your job sounds pretty involved and intense! I won't ask for more specifics because I know that can ruin anonymity but I will ask: do you enjoy what you do?

Respecting boundaries is important, and knowing how to set them and discuss them at the start of a relationship can be challenging but its also important. I think sometimes people wait until too far into a relationship to discuss those things and it can make things go a little haywire if there are differences.

Forcing someone into something more intimate is definitely red flag territory. It can be nice to be intimate with a partner--even just in the sense of cuddling and kissing, nothing more than that--but to feel pressured into even that much isn't okay.

I have started to learn that physical touch is one of my love languages, I enjoy being close to and touching my partner in some way, but I wouldn't if they asked me not to or told me to stop. I know that for a while, I didn't like to be touched at all--not in a sexual or intimate context, just even like someone clapping you on the back or a handshake--because I wasn't used to that sort of touch and found it uncomfortable.

It took me learning my own boundaries and testing them myself when I was ready to get better about all of that. If someone had rushed me into any of that I think I would still feel so unsure about physical contact at all. Whereas now I've learned that it can be a way to express love and care and affection without words, something I never really knew was possible growing up. I know how uncomfortable it can be to feel rushed or forced in any ways--even just peerpressure to drink or something. I wouldn't want to make anyone else feel that way.

Sorry that I got a little bit ramble-y there. I'll be honest and say that I thought about deleting a lot of that because it felt really personal and maybe like too much for this stage of our messages, but I figured since its true and a part of me anyway, and the whole point of being anonymous is to wear your heart on your sleeve a little easier I decided to leave it in.

And now that I was a little emotionally vulnerable it feels wrong to tell you what physically turns me on so I'll save that for a different email haha.

Thank you for listening,

Wisteriarolex

@sassyradish

Wisteriarolex,

I think it does make sense. It can be as casual or not casual as you want it to be. I like the flexibility of that. I feel like that lessens the pressure of a date in a way, if there isn't all the weight of how formal or informal it needs to be or something along those lines.

I love what I do! I'm actually at my dream job now. It might not be something other people would imagine for themselves, but I'm finally doing exactly what I've always wanted to do! Which...without giving anything away in the vaguest sense is helping people. I've always wanted to do what I can for others.

You know, that's a good point too. I hadn't thought about that. But setting those expectations early can be really good. It probably would've helped me a lot in the last romantic entanglement I was in.

I can understand that. Anything that you're not used to or haven't experienced in a while can be... unwelcome or uncomfortable. It's good that you were able to figure it out in your own way at your own pace. That's so crucial I think. That no one pressures you to do what you're not ready for.

And please don't apologize. I really enjoy your rambling. I'm getting insight into the person that you are, and that is something I am appreciating. And I also think... is that not part of the good thing with these emails? That we can try to be more honest than we might be able to when we're face to face with someone?

Maybe I can balance the scales a little bit by sharing something personal about me. I actually, despite my age now, do not have a lot of dating history or experience. I do love handholding and cuddling, but I've never really... gone further than that. Part of it is because of being busy with my career, but the other part is that that sort of thing is a bit intimidating for me and so I got to thinking maybe it was better to just wait for someone serious to come along. And now that it's been so long I guess it feels even more daunting, if that makes sense. I guess it's how you were talking about being unsure... and it is such a vulnerability as well.

So sorry I suppose it was my turn to ramble. But I do value everything you've shared with me and appreciate that you were willing to open up a little.

Your invested listener, sassyradish

@wisteriarolex

#wisteriarolex

Please Read the Letter || Sassytechnique

Sassyradish,

Challenges like that are risky.

So you're a dog person? Have any yourself or any other pets? Or are you getting by on visiting Ruff to Fluff?

@sassyradish

Techniquedeficient,

Maybe so, but are you up for that?

I like most animals that are fluffy and cute honestly. I don't have pets personally right now because I work too much, but my family lives close by so I get to spend time with their pets. Do you have any pets yourself?

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@techniquedeficient

groovyradish

Dear sassyradish,

Exactly. The funny part is that while I believed in them at first, I still didn't send them off. I think it was because I had watched The Ring at a young age and something about the concept of sending along a doomed fate to others didn't sit right with me. But I'm still here. And I guess this trend is now transferred to those text messages with lewd language and a bunch of emojis for the holidays, which I guess is better than sending scary stories about something crawling through the screen for you haha.

Anyway, let me answer your question! It's a good one! As we just talked about, I value someone being able to be a bit flexible but also someone who can figure out what they want and say it. I value someone who has close connections with other people. Friends, family. Lets me know that they care to keep up with their people and have people who take care of them, too. And if they're kind. I think a lot of stuff can come from just being nice.

And what about you?

All the best, groovystarched

@sassyradish

Dear groovystarched,

I have never seen The Ring, though googling it tells me I probably don't want to see it now. But sending a doomed fate to others does sound bad. You had a good moral center even then. That's pretty sweet. I think those lewd messages are just a different kind of unpleasant sometimes, but it is better than something horror-movie related.

I agree that someone having close connections is important. I'm very close to my family and I have a few good friends too. I worry if someone isolates themselves too much. Makes you wonder if they can handle a relationship really. Or makes me wonder anyway. But you're right, kindness is also key.

For me I think also someone who respects my career. That is, they understand that that is important to me too and they aren't going to latch on and question me if I haven't responded to them in a few hours. And maybe they could be a little tough. Not like intensely so, but tough enough to withstand a bit of a crazy family.

Do you have a lot of family?

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@groovystarched

Sassyradish,

I understand completely. To give yourself to someone entirely and in every way can be a big deal, especially if you've been waiting for a while. I don't think there's anything wrong with wondering that. Some people really connect intellectually or emotionally and then find that they want different things physically.

Oh no, I'm sorry to hear that. It isn't nice to have relationships embarrass you. Has anything been resolved? Was it some kind of miscommunication that caused it? That's another thing that's pretty important. The ways you can communicate to a partner. That's why I think these letters are helpful, you can find out who can understand and communicate their point effectively at least in writing.

I think there's a level of chemistry that makes it like that, hard to resist and sort of electric in a way. Some people need a little more time and reassurance to get to that point with themselves and others.

It's hard to say really. I enjoy physical touch a lot, I like giving it. I think I show my love through acts of service or physical touch but I like to receive love in more of a physical touch or quality time kind of way. If that makes sense.

What about you?

Warm wishes,

Luminousfungi

@sassyradish

Luminousfungi,

Right. I think it is a fair thing to wonder about and worry about. I don't know how things will work out with that. I want to know. It's just something I've never had the time for before now so it wouldn't have even been a factor.

No, I'm afraid it wasn't a miscommunication thing at all. Just a man taking advantage of people's feelings. I think it's resolved itself in that it is over now and I can stop fantasizing about someone who definitely did not prioritize my feelings. But enough about that. I have been enjoying writing with you and I agree, writing can definitely be a helpful tool to see how well you communicate. How you express your thoughts and feelings.

I will trust your judgement on that, as I haven't experienced it yet myself. But if it happens I want to be open to the possibility and the experience.

I think it does make sense to me. I do love quality time. Giving it where I can and receiving it. And I think I also show my love through acts of service? Physical affection too. I love holding hands or cuddling on the couch together, or a soft kiss to say goodnight before heading home or something like that. Receiving... well I might need some words of affirmation these days, but generally I do love quality time and physical affection too. I think because my job does keep me pretty busy, I want to utilize what time I have together where I can and just enjoy each other's company.

What would be your ideal way to spend some of that quality time together?

Wishing you well, sassyradish

@luminousfungi

Please Read the Letter || Sassytechnique

Sassyradish,

I'd never expect my partner to give up their career. If that's their choice, I'll do what i can to support it, but its entirely possible for both partners to have their career as long as you find a balance.

If someone were to describe me as an animal, I have a feeling it would depend entirely on who did the describing. My family have made a lot of dog jokes over the years so that's probably the closest.

Don't worry, I won't go chasing you around the park.

@sassyradish