do no harm.

Edeline Satterthwaite, nurse of the outer walls.                        AOT OC | ind | sel | 18+ The FATES conspir'd their ills to twine, About thy heart's infected shrine; They gave thee each disastrous spell, Each desolating pow'r, To blast the fairest hopes of man.

[caduceusil]

Edeline Satterthwaite, an independent original character in the Shingeki No Kyojin universe. written by saturn.

[ofautumntwilight]

[caduceusil]

gedrillt​:

IT WAS REMARKABLE that she would remember this little detail after so many years. He watched in awe as she gave him the honeycomb and simultaneously felt quite bad about not having thought of anything to give her in return. He’d have to make up for that at some point.  ❝ Of all the people you were the least I expected to see here, to be frank. ❞ Was he too frank? The military had toughened him, shaped his mind, sharpened his edges. Even verbally it seemed. He coughed briefly, to add:  ❝ But it’s nice to see a familiar face again. ❞

None of the people he’d worked with in the past ever returned to the training corps headquarters once they were done there. Apart from Zackly who visited occasionally, as well as his other superiors, that is. Quietly Keith moved to the drawer of chests to place the honeycomb on top, before he would let one of his cadets carry it to the kitchen.  ❝ How… ❞ he asked suddenly  ❝ …did you end up here though? ❞

“Ditto, Keith.” Edie muttered, arms delicately crossed over her waist, fingers gingerly moving against one another; it was an old tic, one present when her thoughts were racing. when she was younger, it would leave her frozen, all still except her fingers. as she’d matured into the woman she was, an expert of the brutal reality of broken walls and dead soldiers, she had both loosened up and steeled herself for most anything.

“How? Truthfully, I think they were sick of me. I have a bad habit of not following orders I don’t think serve the purpose of healing those who need it, so... put me where there’s no aristocracy for me to bother, and they won’t have to worry about me.” she chuckled while she explained, clearly not having changed so much that she’d lost her rebellious streak. “How did you end up here? A lady can't give up all her secrets without any in return.” she teased, a soft, good natured grin on her lips.

[scumlow]

[caduceusil]

lovingly revived with — @gedrillt​.

“It’s honeycomb,” she murmured, a soft smile on her lips that echoed years worth of friendship, laid dormant like trees in winter and finally thawing in the spring. truthfully, her hair, a shock of red with some white hairs streaking through, looked like birch and cherry fruits from afar. “It was your favourite, If I’m remembering correctly,” Edeline was usually correct, seeing as she kept a notebook of everyone’s most treasured foods, trinkets, and the like. even though she’d had to flip through quite a few pages to find Keith’s, his was still there, written in much neater handwriting than hers had eventually evolved into.

she didn’t question why she’d been assigned to the 104th as medical corps leadership; any chance to get away from the aristocracy, she’d take. reuniting with Keith had been an unexpected part of her officially named and gently mumbled dismissal. nevertheless, she held the jar of honeycomb out in her palms — at least to her, he was still a dear friend; she kept her promises.

“... it’s good to see you again, Keith. I missed you.”

[caveofhypnos-blog]

[austerulous-a]

by florian gerbaud.

[caduceusil]

how do you speak?

you speak enchantingly ; when you speak, people listen. you are expressive and passionate and great at storytelling. you are also quite convincing and can bring people under your spell with your words.

tagged by: @oncejaw​ <3 tagging: @gedrillt​ / @xackrmnn​, along with anyone who hasn’t been tagged yet !!!

[caduceusil]

seggr​:

————— To exist after the end of the world; a complete non-sense, and one he has stopped trying to reconcile with. The screams have long stopped; blades and thunderspears belong in armories back home where the traitors are no longer welcome. The ultimate Devil has fallen; now all that is left are ruins and survivors trying to rebuild a world they no longer recognise. Eld has been trying to do so, here in Marley. His daughter and mother are at home, while he is here - nursing another drink, watching other patrons, no longer sporting an armband. And then, there had been a voice. And then there had been two eyes. 

And then there has been a void.

“Edie?” When, how - he has no recollection of running after her. Yet here he stands, outside the bar, rain pouring down from the skies and failing to rein his voice in. 

Heart hanging so low in his chest, it might just be about to snap. She turns around, and it yanks back up and knocks his teeth out along the way. 

The last he ever saw of her was not too far from here. The rooftops of Liberio, a disastrous raid - the one stain on his military record he shall always loathe more than he does the Forest of Giant Trees. Nurse Titan and Survey Corps; smother ashes of what had been, what could have been, let the embers die. In blood or in time, it wasn’t supposed to make a difference. 

And now, here she is. Alive. Right here.

“It is you…” Strangled voice, incredulous, crashes against shattered glass in his throat. He cannot swallow it. “I thought…” I thought you hadn’t made it. And yet, somehow, somewhere along the lines, she too, had been spit back by war. Now what?

she could remember holding him aloft, words shouted between them on a rooftop, futile attempts to force a surrender in a warzone; she could still remember how it felt to scream and have it be swallowed by the nurse. suffocating. how had she hoped to disappear completely, if she was going to come back to the scene of her crimes? it wasn’t as if she’d made all the right choices after her flight from the battlegrounds that swallowed up the world, but this one seemed particularly disastrous. how was a woman, once a goddess of life and death, supposed to react to a lost love calling her name?

“Eld,” was all she was able to whisper at first. she didn’t dare touch him, didn’t dare move from her spot even though the rain has all but soaked completely through her dress, pressed strands of snow white hair to her forehead and cheeks. no, she was thoroughly poisoned, fault of heartache and old wounds opened up. she wanted to run again, so much so that she pushed onto her back foot, a stance two soldiers would have no issue categorising. something held her in place; maybe it was his expression, maybe it was the memory of being in his arms, maybe it was the aching need to get him inside, dried off and sat by the fire.

how pathetic, trying to hide in the past.

had it not been for the rain washing away what little cheap makeup she could afford, numerous cuts, burns, and bruises on alabaster skin would have been hidden away. she had once been able to heal not only herself, but the bones of men as well. she had held him amongst the corpses of his squad, pouring every last ounce of power the nurse had to give until she’d been chased away like a stray dog.

it was exactly how she felt now. a stray.

“I’m so sorry... Eld, I’m so sorry for everything.“

[caduceusil]

drabble | by any other name

she was well aware of the physical presence death left behind.

a delicate presence, white hood tied about her neck, she drifted quietly among streets she’d used to have memorised. the scent of death was always the first indicator that pinned it to the world as a corporeal end to memories and actions. the mask she wore about her nose and mouth had been soaked in rose oil, though, she hardly needed it any more. how many years had it been? as her colleagues catalogued and organised efforts for funeral pyres to be filled with bones, she instead found and comforted citizens collapsed into heaps beside what little remained of old friends, of lovers, children, mothers —

Edeline stood silently at the center of a plot of land, crumbled stone crunching under her boots. it was the highest point of sunset, where every furthering second would more rapidly bring on the dark. if her memory served her correctly, her fingertips ran over the ground where her brother and sister’s beds had laid. as hard as she tried, the sounds of their voices had long since perished with them. she couldn’t remember. crouched down, she pushed her hands through dust and remnants of bones that were undoubtedly not those of the woman who used to stand before the fireplace they’d been shoved through. this is what remained of her, a woman whose face she could no longer remember.

when had it begun to rain? she looked up at a perfectly clear sky draped in watercolours.

she smiled.

perhaps it was a blessing to forget her.

which one, Edeline?

the one who held her or the one she wished to hold? the one who loved you first or the one you loved last? why was it raining so hard?

the moon hung high overhead as she sat before the small headstones. blue eyes, lost all their shine, read the epitaphs, worn as they were, over and over. a part of her wanted to believe that if she continued to read the letters into existence, they’d return to their storybook romance. she stopped reading. wasn’t that cruel? every day, she toiled away to condemn souls to another day of life. they were already dead — couldn’t she leave them be? SOBS echoed through the graveyard, unfettered by the shame of shields she’d built up around her soul. just as her gaze had bled out all its brightness, her hair had lost its colour, alike. it caught on blood bitten lips, wet by tears poured indiscriminately down her cheeks. she screamed into the acres of silenced voices, graves as far as the eye could see, extending all the way to the walls, it seemed.

E - d Jin - Fran - is - - Jinn 8 | 9 / 850

for one mother, she had mementos strewn over her bedroom, hidden away in drawers, packed in boxes. she could still sing her favourite songs, remember the feeling of her thumbing at her nose for forgetting her uniform again, the way she danced with him — for another, she could scarcely bring to mind the colour of her eyes.

you just don’t seem like the type to be a mother, Edeline. it’s not for every woman. it wasn’t for your mother, either.

in a heap of snow white fabric, hair, skin, she cradled the last soul her selfish heart could stand to let in. delicate fingertips twisted little curls of blond hair out of the baby’s face. she hoped the sound of her breath catching in her lungs wouldn’t wake her. of everyone walking the earth, she deserved a good night’s sleep. she drew her knees up to her chest, enveloping the little girl in some desperate attempt to undo all she’d done, all she’d not done to save the mothers she wanted back so terribly. again, she smiled. she laughed.

Sigrid awoke with a brief look of confusion, before she too bubbled into giggles.

what beauty, death could leave behind, to a mother by any other name.

inspired by, for @seggr​.

[caduceusil]

seggr​:

—————- Not again.

The litany plays on and on in his mind, repetitive, a chant not even all his strength of will can silence. Not again, he muses, as he sits besides a bed in the infirmary. Another sickbed. Another woman lying in it. Another race against death in which he is only allowed to be a spectator. Another trial where someone else’s life, someone he cares about, hangs in the balance. Eld is not exactly prone to worry or anguish; but this hits too close to home, for him to accept to sit back and wait it out.  

He cannot tell how long he has been sitting here, his heart like a lump in his throat, but judging by the moonlight shining through the curtains, he assumes several hours must have already gone by; in the blink of an eye, while also feeling stretched out over days on end. The scene from the afternoon plays on repeat in his agitated mind. The soldier. The titan. Their escape. Edie collapsing on the cobblestone. 

If only he had been more careful. If only he had watched out for that glass, then she wouldn’t…

Her voice, coarse and yet crystal clear, snaps him out of his own dark spiraling, his head tilting up immediately to make sure he is not dreaming - thank goodness, she is awake. She is awake, and she calls his name. “Edie.” His voice has always erred on the softer side of an unnamed spectrum; for her, ever more certifiably so. 

He rises from his chair, grabs a blanket left by the nurses, and goes to sit by her side. “Hey. You’re okay. You’re in the Corps’ infirmary.” He mutters, gently wrapping the cover around her bare shoulders; now is not the time to make her uncomfortable, and bandages offer very little protection against the cold of night. For a moment, his hands remain there, perhaps a little too long – ensuring to his frazzled mind that this is real, that she is alright. 

“You collapsed when we got to the paramedics. You had some glass between your ribs from when we escaped that titan.” Does she even remember the ordeal? “You gave us quite a fright.” Me. You gave me quite a fright, is what he means to say, in his own, not-so-subtle way. “The docs say you’re making a good recovery, but try not moving around too much. How are you feeling?” 

Hearing her name in his voice sent a wash of cold water down her spine. Edeline had become accustomed to injury, blood, pain, of both her own and others. though, as she had toiled away in the hospital, snuck onto old battlefields, and walked among corpses, she had become most distinctly aware of her mortality in a hallway. she had stood, silhouetted by the sun, Eld before her, telling her softly of the passing of his wife.

of the woman, she’d never confessed to.

why couldn’t death have taken me instead?

he wrapped a blanket around her, bringing her line of sight over to his face. guilt washed over her as soon as she saw the worry in his brow, in the way his lips held together. she’d dragged him here, through all of this, again. and yet, he still stayed by her side, draped her in a blanket — his hands lingering. his. he was okay — at least she was afforded one relief, and her instinct being just the same as his, she brought her palm up to rest on Eld’s cheek.

“I’m sorry, Eld,” is all she can make out at first, tears welling at the corners of her eyes. there’s so many things she wants to say, so many tears to cry, and yet... all it amounts to is beckoning him into bed beside her. “I’m sorry —” she whispers again, as if to apologise for being selfish, for wanting him as close as possible, but — 

it had been so cold, on the cobblestone, and he’d been the only one to keep her warm, for years.

[vincememes]

spec ops: the line starters

change pronouns as needed. all quotes were taken out of context from the game.

❛   orders ain’t worth following if it means leaving people to die.  ❜  

❛   you brought this on yourself.    ❜  

❛   what happened here was out of my control…  ❜

❛   i- i didn’t mean to hurt anybody…  ❜  

❛   how many are alive today, i wonder?  how many will be alive tomorrow?  ❜  

❛   your friends, dead. the world on fire. and you… alone.  ❜  

❛   you’re a failure. finally, something we have in common.  ❜  

❛   welcome to hell. we’ve been waiting for you. ❜  

❛   someone has to pay for your crimes. who is it going to be? ❜  

❛   it takes a strong man to deny what’s in front of him.  ❜  

❛   and if the truth is undeniable, you create your own.   ❜  

❛   we’ve all lived bad lives. we all sin.  ❜  

❛   forgive me, but… that’s the problem. you don’t know you.  ❜  

❛   the truth is that you’re here because you wanted to feel like something you’re not: a hero.  ❜  

❛   i’m here because you can’t accept what you’ve done. it broke you.  ❜  

❛   you needed someone to blame, so you cast it on me: a dead person.  ❜  

❛    no matter what happens next, don’t be too hard on yourself.   ❜  

❛    even now, after all you’ve done, you can still go home.  lucky you  ❜  

❛    and on you marched. and for what?  ❜  

❛   that guy? you shot that guy? i liked that guy…  ❜  

❛    he had a… dog… maybe? i didn’t really know that guy.  ❜  

❛   you know nothing of life, my friend.  ❜  

❛   if you did, you would know the truth is whatever we wish it to be.  ❜

❛  how many people have you killed today?  ❜  

❛   there is no difference between what is right and what is necessary.  ❜  

❛   if you were a better person, you wouldn’t be here.  ❜  

❛   you are still a good person.    ❜  

❛   can you even remember why you came here?  ❜  

❛    do you feel like a hero yet?  ❜  

❛   to kill for yourself is murder. to kill for your government is heroic. to kill for entertainment is harmless.  ❜  

❛    cognitive dissonance is an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding two conflicting ideas simultaneously.  ❜  

❛   you cannot understand, nor do you want to.  ❜  

❛   but this isn’t real, so why should you care?  ❜

❛   we cannot escape anguish. it is what we are.  ❜  

❛   there is no escape.  ❜  

❛   life begins at the other side of despair.  ❜  

❛   no one can help you now.  ❜  

❛   collateral damage can be justified, if the gain outweighs the cost.  ❜  

❛   freedom is what you do with what’s been done to you.   ❜  

❛   i exist and i find it nauseating.  ❜  

❛   you can’t go home.  ❜  

❛    it seems that reports of my… survival… have been greatly exaggerated.    ❜  

❛    you’re no savior.  your talents lie elsewhere.   ❜  

❛   i know the truth is hard to hear, but it’s time.  ❜

❛   you’re all that’s left, and we can’t live this lie forever.    ❜  

❛    if you don’t mind me asking, what was it like? how did you survive all this?  ❜  

❛   … who said i did?  ❜

[mae-martin]

Happiest Season (2020) dir. Clea DuVall

[77khawla]

Halt and Catch Fire (4x09, "Search")

Dir. Daisy von Scherler Mayer

[seggr-deactivated20220109]

@caduceusil​​ said  “ hush, i’m trying to kiss you.  ” (misc.)

————– “And I am trying to complain about something, but I’m starting to think you don’t care about my petty ODM gear problems, miss Satterthwaite.” Petty complaints, and petty punishments as way of games; a light pressure on the trigger of his handles, and Eld moves back ever so slightly, barely out of reach, snickering like an overgrown child just as Edie falls short of reaching him. Hanging near ground level under the canopy of woods bordering the training ground of their Trost headquarters, he has spent all morning testing and practising this new version of his equipment - better fitted to his new needs, better suited to his new morphology. The work is exhausting; and Edie is a more than welcome distraction as all of his poor muscles already ache for mercy. 

Her protestations coax a frank laugh out of him; so rare an occurrence, since the Female Titan’s teeth had sunk into his flesh, since her hands and feet had swatted three huge pieces of his heart; yet Edie has ben privy to every single one. They come to him more easily, whenever she is around; they alleviate and relieve his chest of its constant weight every time - he thinks he may even find a taste for laughing again, after all. 

Oh, but Edie is resourceful; already she fights back, makes to walk away from him. Before she can, Eld lowers himself again, propels in her direction - does she think she can escape that easily? The telltale whirr of his wires and gas cannisters catches up to her, and long fingers reach out, curl around her arms to gently pull her around, in a whip of red hair, in a collision of his hazel eyes against her bright blue hues. “Hey hey hey, not so fast, now.” Adding insult to injury, he hooks his good leg around her waist and pulls her close against him. His hands let go of his handles, rise to catch and cusp her face, like precious porcelain, full of light and full of life. Edie feels warm under his skin, as his thumbs trace the contours of her cheekbones. Inside his chest, warmth spreads too, jolts his heart back to life; the smile she cannot repress, a lifeline he constantly marvels at being able to hold onto. 

“Hi there.” A quiet smile part his lips; and presses against hers, a spark of joy for another. It sets an old brasier ablaze, smothers something ugly under its ashes.  He has lost a lot. Some have lost their lives. For reasons unknown, he has been afforded more, something to grasp at, and the injustice of it sometimes catches him at the throat in the dead of night, chokes the air out of his lungs as Edie’s bare form lies against his own. Why me, he drills into his own head. Why me, why me, why me, he hammers, never daring to wake her up, only ever working up the courage to wrap his arms around her frame and hold her tight.  

Perhaps, over time, he will ask why less, and say thank you more. Should Edie be willing to stick with him until then, and maybe more. 

[caduceusil]

8. to undress my muse + “make me forget.” (ask and ye shall receive >:) )

oh, if she believed in god, how much she would have prayed — would any god listen to one of its own, fallen?

Make me forget.

some nights had been unbearable. she wouldn’t disallow him the comfort of ignorance, even if just for a few hours.

perfect cream skin that had once been relatively free of scars now was painted fully in pink lines, faults of fights she could no longer summon the nurse for. traveling what remained of the world was equally cathartic and vicious, spending nights alone floating at sea only to return to violence on land. it wasn’t surprising, only terribly saddening that hate still bubbled up through the cracks of flattened earth. nevertheless, she had found her safe port in arms she thought she’d never feel around her again.

blue eyes prickled with the remnants of tears that had been soaked into his shirt. love was just as much a story of warmth and adoration as it was loss and pain, and they were perfect authors. Edeline stood before him in the dark of the apartment, snowy hued hair spilling past pale cheeks, over bare collarbones, and upon pink lace. gently, delicate fingers slipped straps off her own shoulders, allowing the gossamer fabric to the ground. the hum of dim lightbulbs complimented the silence between them, filled with warmth and heat even if the chill of the room made her hair stand on end.

just as gingerly as she’d done before, panties slipped to the floor, stepped out of and left behind as she closed the gap between them. she hesitated, wary of whether she deserved to touch him. though, they had made an unspoken promise in this moment: to forget. she took his lips in a kiss as fingertips made quick work of the buttons on his shirt, pushing the fabric off of well muscled shoulders. she had only seen brief glimpses of his body before her betrayal had become clear; reparations must be made before she was allowed to claim any part of him as her own.

calloused hands slid through her hair, while soft palms grazed his chest, sliding south to unbuckle his belt, slow as she slipped it away and let it clatter to the floor. with the strength she’d been forced to hold tight in her body, even after she had been relinquished from war, she pressed his frame back down into the bed; all in order to tug his pants and underwear down, abandon the last of the fabric between them on the floor. crawling onto the bed over his frame, she felt again like a predator, like a monster — forget.

her knees rested on either side of his hips, sliding slowly down until their bodies were pressed together. instinct rocked her hips, bringing a heady sigh from his lips — she kissed them again, over and over, until they both had to gasp for air. as much as she’d wanted to distance herself from desperation, there were no more ways to deny her, deny him of their need. their hands roamed, caressed, dug in — lungs burned from lack of oxygen, sweat beaded and rolled down muscles once torn, names were hushed back and forth — as they sunk deeper into one another, she began to believe in their promise.

fingers gathered tightly in blond hair in some vain effort to steady her frame, trembling, quaking with the waves of a climax shared, heat spilling onto her hand. she wanted to stay on his tongue forever, feel his body shiver with waves of pleasure, wanted to exist in this bliss forever. and yet, she felt tears come up to complete the ocean of her eyes, drips falling upon his cheeks before she was able to catch them. he’ll drown in them if I can’t stop, he’ll never forget, why can’t I forget —

through gasps and trembling sobs, they both moved to envelop each other, too familiar with these base and raw emotions. whispered apologies were met with choked denials.

We’ll never truly forget, Edie, but that doesn’t mean we can’t make new memories to remember.

in their entangled form, she hid her face in the curve of his throat, feeling the beating of his lifeblood move beneath her. it was no longer her duty to silence that rhythm.

“Every memory, Eld,” she whispered. “You have to be in every memory.”

@seggr.

[longlivethefilms]

Black Mirror (2016) // S3EP4 San Junipero

Dir. Owen Harris

[leneemusing]

nsfw prompts that don’t sound like a bad porno

i’m always tired of seeing the cringiest sentence starters for smut so i’m back at it again kids. feel free to adjust sentences or specify who does the action. 

ACTIONS: 1. for one muse to give the other oral 2. to skinny dip with my muse 3. to shower with my muse 4. to take a hot bath with my muse 5. for sex in public 6. for sex in the car 7. to catch my muse naked 8. to undress my muse 9. for sparring to turn into sex 10. for an argument to turn into sex 11. for make up sex 12. for friends with benefits sex 13. to tie up my muse 14. to blindfold my muse 16. to make one muse watch the other masturbate 17. for a threesome (specify muses) 18. for one muse to wake the other by fingering them/giving a handjob 19. for one muse to deny the other orgasm 20. for angry sex  21. for break up sex 22. for sex after a near death experience  23. for after battle sex 24. for sex to get revenge on an ex 25. for one muse to give the other a lap dance or strip tease  26. to make my muse whimper 27. for one muse to take the other from behind 28. for sex against the wall 29. for sex on a table/counter/desk 30. for sex in a pool/hot tub 31. for one muse to choke the other 32. for rough sex  33. for our muses to try a new position 34. for our muses to try a new kink together 35. for one muse to use a toy on the other 36. for one muse to sit on the other’s face

WORDS:  “touch me.” “kiss me here.” “you have to be quiet if you want to cum.” “say my name.”  “oh fuck-” “i need you so bad.” “i’m so wet right now.”  “i want you to touch yourself for me.”  “let me hear you, baby.”  “come for me.” “i want to hear you cum.” “harder.” “i need to feel you.” “i want you.” “you’re so hot.” “can i come yet?” “please, baby—” “i’m so close.” “i told you to be quiet.” “i told you to stay still.” “are you gonna be good for me?” “i promise i’ll be good.” “i’m not done with you yet.” “i’ve been waiting all day…” “you’re all i want.” “just kiss me, i can’t take this anymore.” “just shut up and fuck me.”  “i’m gonna fuck you until you beg me to stop.”  “say please.” “i could’t stop thinking about you all day.” “your fingers feel so good.” “your mouth feels so good.” “i want your fingers inside me.” “i want it to hurt.” “more—” “i want you to forget everything and everyone else but me.” “make me forget.” “i just want to feel something.”  “make me.” “be quiet.”  “they’re gonna catch us—” “yes— right there.” “that feels so good.” “does that feel good?”