I guess I haven’t written up a personal thing in awhile but that’s what this is here for right?
I’ve always had a tough time figuring out a motivation in life. For a long time I was never really sure what I wanted to do or anything like that, I sort of just drifted along and dabbled in this and that.
But now I’m sort of faced with the reality that I can’t magically make the things I want happen.
Or at least what I want shouldn’t need to rely on somebody, so I have to find something for myself, but I have no idea what, it’s problematic... and sad.
So the question I ask myself is what do I want to do in life? or I guess what can I do?
Honestly I have enough willpower to believe that I could do almost anything if I put my mind to it, that’s great and all but is almost entirely irrelevant without motivation, right now I don’t really have the motivation to do much of anything, or maybe I do, I kind of do but don’t?
I could be a graphic designer? I’m pretty handy with Photoshop, I’ve been using it for like a decade to make dumb bullshit, I wouldn’t called myself “skilled” per say since everything I do is via the most round about method imaginable.
I recently opened up Illustrator and today started messing around in that, I’ve never really dabbled in it before but it seems like Graphic Design jobs rely on it more than Photoshop sadly, I would be content finding a part or full time local job in my state that could let me make use of those skills, if money and direction is involved then I can make something happen.
I think when it comes down to it I’ve always had a passion for video games and how they work, I’ve always been fascinated with the ideology of game design and how they work and all that stuff, but getting into game design is a weird and tricky thing, I can’t program, I did do all the unity tutorials recently and got through those without problems, but I can’t actually program or do any of that stuff myself.
I often find myself really good at adding on to an existing thing, or mimicking and recreating things better than I am about coming up with my own things, if you show me a basic concept for a game, I can totally come up with ways to add to it or twist it into something I like (Or so I think anyway)
I feel like I have a lot to offer but never a proper outlet to make that actually be a tangible thing that would help me get a job or find a position somewhere.
I do like helping people, I’m pretty confident in my ability to give advice on various things even if I’m no expert, it’s generally about helping people find the right mindset, perspective or train of thought that allows them to figure out the solution themselves, but even that becomes useless if I’m not in the best frame of mind myself.
I would love to travel, I think if I got paid to travel around the world for some ridiculous reason or another to talk or write about places and experiences I would have some fun with that, I am a private person and I don’t get very close to people easily, but at the same time (surprisingly to some) I do like meeting new people and having new experiences and going to America last year I think really triggered or awoke a part of me that I had forgotten for many years, I use to travel across the country by myself as a kid to see my grandparents, I don’t remember it ever being a problem or a scary thing, and traveling across the world for me was surprisingly pretty simple and easy.
I often just think “Suck it up and do whatever job you can find without needing much schooling” I’m never been that sort of person to just work for the sake of working, and my financial situation fortunately right now isn’t dire enough to warrant that so I guess all of this just seems really whiney.
Oh well I’m sure I’ll figure something out eventually, this is just me placing out my thoughts in a way that I can see them.
dededos
germansingergirl
turnnoffyourmind
pixelskylines
izzy806
snowghoul