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@cailinpi
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CHVRCHES at the LC Pavilion, Columbus Ohio.
America's 45th 2015 mass shooting happened, and we're not going to do anything about it
Today, another mass shooting happened in America.
13 people were senselessly killed, and 20 more people were injured.
Two journalists were killed on live TV a month ago.
Nine people at a bible study were killed in June.
This is the America we live in, today.
I'm so angry. Angry that people were killed. Angry that today's gunman posted on 4chan yesterday about his plan to kill other humans, and other users encouraged him. Angry that everyone will be up in arms about this recent shooting, but in 3 days tops we'll forget all about it while families still grieve.
I feel scared. I have two younger sisters. What if this were to happen at my older sister's elementary school? We all certainly thought something like that could never happen. Well, until Sandy Hook. My mother is a teacher. What if this happens at her school? Ohio State is a huge school. What if this happened here?
I'm dumbfounded. Why does this keep on happening? Why are politics involved in this space? Why are people arguing about their gun rights? Can't we all agree that something needs to change? Why are other countries laughing at us?
I'm confused. Why would people want to do this to others? Are people that twisted inside?
I'm numb. I don't even know what to do. I don't think most of us know what to do either. That's probably why everytime this happens, we return to our normal lives a couple of days later and forget this even happened. How can we change things? Is change even possible?
God, please help us all. And please help the families, as each day will be a new reminder of the terrible loss they suffered today.
Create
I think we were designed to create.
Not necessarily in the creating babies way, but in the "working with your hands" way. I think deep in our innate nature, written in our DNA makeup is a desire to make things.
I like to take pictures. Photography was something I always wanted to do, but never had the means to start. Six year-olds can't really walk to the nearest camera store and buy a Canon. However, with Photography I can create real, tangible things. I'm allowed to climb tall buildings to catch amazing sunsets, photograph people graduating and moving on to their next chapter in life, whatever I want. I can make my photos a reflection of myself. If I'm happy, I can make my photographs reflect that. If I'm sad I can make my photographs dark and gloomy. I can tell stories in photographs, paint pictures never seen before, explore to my heart's content. The desire to create drives me. It's the same force that gave me the desire to travel to different cities every weekend and photograph whatever I wanted this past summer. It also taught me a lot. Louisville is boring, but a blossoming hipster city. Chicago is expensive. Pittsburgh is hipster, has a lot of bridges, and isn't very boring. Nashville really likes country music.
I like music. I play a couple of instruments, but I honestly want to learn them all. I play the drums, violin, and guitar. I took a hiatus on the violin a couple of years back, but I'm going to start getting back into it. I plan on transitioning to the bass once I feel comfortable enough to sing songs on the guitar in front of people (I'm almost there). Then piano. Then the trumpet, because I've always wanted to dabble with brass. Then, either the flute or saxophone. I haven't thought that far ahead yet, but I think saxophone might win that round. I also really like to listen to music. The Temper Trap is ruling my Spotify playlists right now, with Coldplay coming in at a close second. My dream is the lead Worship in church with the guitar. And write songs.
I also like to write computer programs. It's so incredibly nerdy, but so complex. You have an army of languages and tools to help you create in this space. You could write an application in C. It's pretty fast and powerful, but be careful with it. Java is great because it has it's own Virtual Manager which means you can write one application to be used on several different platforms. JavaScript (not to be confused with Java) is for web applications. It's pretty cool (but there are way too many frameworks for it). C++ is weirdly cool, and C# is just another name for Microsoft Java. True hipster developers use Python and Ruby. Dealing with a lot of data and need to perform statistical analysis on it? Try R. Use SQL for databases, or maybe NoSQL will get the job done for you. The list goes on.
We were created to create.
Transient
adjective
lasting only for a short time; impermanent.
I fear for my life
It's 2015, and I fear for my life.
In case you aren't caught up with current events, on Wednesday night Dylann Roof went into a Bible study at a local historic black church and fatally shot nine people. Why did he do it? Because according to Dylann Roof, black people "rape our women, and you're (blacks) taking over our country. And you have to go."
I'm not here to have the race debate. I'm tired of it. You can argue that Mike Brown was a thug, Trayvon Martin was a dumb teenager, Freddie Gray had it coming, Tamir Rice deserved it for having a toy gun out, but what recent events have shown me is that I am not safe. I'm scared to engage with police. Yes, not all cops are bad. But how do I know which ones I can trust? How do I know when an officer is having an off day? I fear that one day I will interact with an officer and rub him/her the wrong way. I feel the weight of being different every day.
I've come to the realization that if something were to happen to me like Mike Brown, Trayvon Martin, Freddie Gray, or Tamir Rice (or the many others), I would not be the least surprised. I honestly wouldn't. I can even picture myself in a similar situation. What I have realized is that I am no longer safe. I thought I was, but I was wrong. I'm not safe at the local recreation center (Tamir Rice). I'm not safe at my local corner store (Trayvon Martin). I'm not safe in police custody (Freddie Gray). And the worst realization is that I am not safe in my local church (Dylann Roof).
It's 2015, and I fear for my life.
Cincinnati, Ohio.
Cincinnati, Ohio.
Seasons
Life isn't one big race to the finish line, or just a roller coaster ride of ups and downs, but more like a change of seasons. And that's okay.
There's Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring in the natural world. Everyone loves Summer. We put on our bathing suits and swimming trunks and splash around for 3 months. Fall is a time to watch the leaves change colors and drink apple cider. Winter is cold, and people are miserable. Spring is a beautiful change, where we watch the flowers bloom and nature come back to life.
Life also has a Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring, along with other seasons. Summer may represent the good times. The fun we have with family and friends, the time where everything seems to be going right. Fall may represent a time of change, life is changing right before our eyes. You may be graduating from school, a baby is born. Things are changing, and with change comes mixed feelings. Some people welcome change. Others don't like it. Winter may represent hardship. Things have gotten bad. Your Dad has gotten sick, things may be financially tight, and you have no idea how you'll be able to scrape by for the next couple of months. But with Winter comes the promise of Spring. And with Spring, things will get better. Sleeping nature will someday wake up and come back to life. The bills will be paid. Your father may get better. During the hardships of Winter, Spring is a fleeting whisper that dances in the frigid wind. You have to be really still and listen, just to barely hear it. But once you do, hope can be found.
Life would be boring if everything was always the same. Welcome the seasons.
Route 161
Columbus, Ohio.
Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania.
It's hard to explore during Winter
Fifty Shades
This Valentine's Day weekend, a movie that depicts borderline rape and pornography will be portrayed as a love story and will probably make a killing off the box office.
It's quite frustrating, actually. In case you live under a rock and don't know what I'm even referring to:
Fifty Shades of Grey is a 2011 erotic romance novel by British author E. L. James. It is the first installment in the Fifty Shades trilogy that traces the deepening relationship between a college graduate, Anastasia Steele, and a young business magnate, Christian Grey. It is notable for its explicitly erotic scenes featuring elements of sexual practices involving bondage/discipline, dominance/submission, and sadism/masochism (BDSM). [Source: Wikipedia]
We live in a society that struggles with things such as domestic violence, rape, and pornography (directly linked to human/sex trafficking). We've seen domestic violence (Ray and Janay Rice), we know that rape is a huge problem (1 out of every 6 American women have been victims of an attempted rape or completed rape in her lifetime), and we all know pornography is another problem (30% of the internet is pure pornography). Unfortunately, Fifty Shades takes many of these themes, places a "love story" label on it, and everyone goes wild.
Don't think Fifty Shades is that bad? Don't think it touches domestic violence or rape? here are some quotes from the movie:
"Christ, Ana!" He bangs his fist on the table, making me jump, and stands so abruptly he almost knocks the dining chair over. "You have one thing, one thing to remember. S***! I don't F****** believe it. How could you be so stupid?"
"No, please. I can't do this, not now. I need some time. Please." "Oh Ana, don't overthink this."
"No," I protest, trying to kick him off. He stops. "If you struggle, I'll tie your feet too. If you make a noise Anastasia, I will gag you."
"Alaska is very cold and no place to run. I would find you. I can track your cell phone - remember?"
"You need to learn to manage my expectations. I am not a patient man." He'd probably like to beat seven shades of s*** out of me. The thought is depressing.
"So you feel demeaned, debased, abused & assaulted - how very Tess Durbeyfield of you. I believe it was you who decided on the debasement if I remember correctly. Do you really feel like this or do you think you ought to feel like this? Two very different things. If that is how you feel, do you think you could just try and embrace these feelings, deal with them, for me? That's what a submissive would do."
According to society, this is okay. It's okay to be humiliated, hurt, forced to do something against your will, degraded. In the name of love.
According to the world, it's okay to live in a society where many of our friends, neighbors, and family members who have been affected by themes such as rape, domestic violence, and pornography struggle silently, while we read books and watch movies that make light of these things.
This isn't love.
We went fast.
LIGHT
I'm headed home.