elastic heart

caitlin cohen zeta beta zeta

[caitlincohen-blog]

tonylacazette:

“That’s a terrible thing to say. But yeah, I guess that’s true. Almost all clichè horror movies kill off people having sex first. So don’t have sex, kids. You will get pregnant, and die.”

“Yeah, keep talking like that and you’ll probably end up being the second person to die.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

lexa-goldman:

“You know, I find it so….charming, the way ZBZ’s always underestimate everyone. If only you weren’t all so terrible. Oh! And if only you could get those huge sticks out of your asses. Just a tip - if you don’t, I can’t see how you could run fast enough to avoid a murderer. Speaking from genuine experience here. After all, I am one of ‘the slutty ones’.”

“Underestimate is your word choice, however I prefer to think of it as basic profiling. But thanks for the advice, Lexa. It’s nice to know you care. I’ll be sure to remember that after you get stabbed while humping a dumb jock.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

aleiamunroe:

             “ That is, like, next level dramatic. Even for a Zeta. ” Aleia couldn’t help but laugh at her sister’s dry remark. With the world as it was, they’d be more likely to be fucked over by Ja Rule than Jason and his machete. Twirling one of her pig tails, she brushed the nonexistent creases from her ‘Slutty Dorothy’ costume before sitting down by Caitlin. “ But for the record, you’re right. It would totally be a P.P.P. I’d put my money on Goldman. ”

“All I’m saying is that this is exactly how those movies start: some college kids, some alcohol, the woods, and a psychopath. Am I right, or am I right? I almost wish we were still on campus.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

daveybritt:

      “I can name a list of what could go wrong but then I’d be jinxing my whole spiel about 2017 and the slutty ones being the final girls and Jason masks reenacting that whole Kevin Bacon mid thrust execution. That’s just awkward.” 

“The question was rhetorical. I don’t even know half of what you just said anyway.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

itsandreabailey:

“Woah – hey, I’m all for freedom of speech but that’s some major generalization there with the Tri Pi’s. What happened to Zetas and being classy?”

“Now who’s making generalizations? Besides, I can still have class and point out of the obvious.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

declancjustice:

“Please, it’s Ohio. Nothing happens in–” he paused, thinking for a second. “Damn. You’re right. Whoever gets killed first is most definitely going to be the frat with the most black people in it, because that’s how it always goes. Such a tragedy. Anyways, I’m kidding. Mostly. You’ll be fine, everyone’s going to be fine. Focus on enjoying yourself at least, your dues are paying for this shit.”

“Wow, and I thought I was the one being ominous. Shit is right. I’m sure my dues could have easily paid for a nice hotel instead.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

mercedescochran:

“We’d all put our money on Tri Pi and then no one would win. It’s like, a given one of theirs would go first. I mean passing out blind drunk on the quad and barging in places they shouldn’t are their mainstays. Although Kappas wouldn’t be far behind. Decapitated on a rusty keg or something.”

“True. I’m kind of surprised that none of those scenarios have already happened.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

zbzvixen:

“Or a Gamma girl who thinks she’s the shit but just comes out to be a little annoying known it all… not you though. You’re totally right about this whole scenario,”

“Those are the kind of girls in horror movies that you want to die, but only survive because they’re virgins. I know I'm right, but it’s a pretty repetitive scenario. I plan on spending all my time in the cabin. I’ll avoid any possible killers and the less-than-great outdoors at the same time.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

mitchstjames:

“Nah, it’s me. The black guy always goes first. Then it’s the slutty girl hooking up with some guy in the bushes. But they both die.”

“Oh, right. God, that’s depressing. Horror movies are not only extremely predictable but also kinda racist. Good to know.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

kennedy-jackson:

“You underestimate us Tri Pi-s. We’d all be pretty good at surviving a horror movie. You can be sure we’re not going to say ‘Who’s there?’ and head towards the danger. Plus, why kill the girls who’ll make the plot interesting?”

“What’s there to underestimate? It’s not like you guys have that much depth, and the only people who follow the creepy noises are guys trying to overcompensate for something. If flashing the audience is imperative to the plot, then maybe you would all stand a chance.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

cassieslockedhart:

“I get where you’re coming from because people who have sex in scary movies are always the second to die but scary movies aren’t accurate. So-called“slutty” women are tenacious in getting what they want that’s how they get people to sleep with them so if the Tri-Pi’s are determined to survive they will I know where you were goin’ with that but scary movie logic is bullshit and only makes for an excuse to talk shit about other women for no reason which is not cool. Honestly first to die would probably be the real high maintenance few of ZBZ’s with the exception of Giselle cause she would manage to survive while still doing her nails every week.”

“It’s not that serious, so you can save your speech. Although, I can’t really argue with the last part. She’d probably stab the killer with a Louboutin.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

zaayefuentes:

“I have said it once and I will say it again. If I woke up as a doughnut I would eat myself. Wouldn’t even question it.”

“I think whatever drugs you’ve been smoking recently have finally started to kill what little brain cells you have left.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

sweetmamamia:

Mia chuckled before crinkling her nose and shaking her head in disagreement. “Are you kidding me? ––Nooo way. I’m betting on a Kappa. First drunk guy stupid enough to go outside by himself and pee in the woods. First one to go. For sure.”

“You surprisingly make a good point.” Caitlin narrowed her eyes, almost insulted that she didn’t think of it either. “Although, most people around here are going to get drunk of their asses at some point this summer so it could be anyone, but I can’t say that all of them are stupid and uncivilized enough to pee in the woods.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

adamxten:

     “Who cares about who gets killed first, I wanna know who the killer actually is,” Adam replied, grinning. “A snarky Zeta perhaps? Maybe a quiet Lambda. Who knows? It could even be a charming Omega. But yes, I’d put my money on a Tri Pi or a Kappa dying first any day.”

“Oh, I know. It’s totally going to be one of you Omega guys. You all have that potential-sociopath thing going for you.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

nataliabby:

“You are so paranoid, Cait.” Natalia laughed softly and shook her head. “If this actually did turn into some cliche horror movie then I personally think I’d be able to seduce the killers so they don’t murder me, I just have that charm.”

“At least my paranoia would keep me alive.” Caitlin noted with a shrug. “Is ‘charm’ a euphemism for your vagina? Because I don’t see how that’s going to help you out. I mean, unless you plan on trying this so I can make my escape. You’re a true sister.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

suhchase:

“Oh no… I accidentally talked to another bitchy zeta. Being a nice guy is getting old really quick.  Thanks for your career advice, though. I’m sure you’ll make a great trophy wife one day.”

“And I’m sure you’ll become really great at asking ‘do you want fries with that?’ one day. You asked a question, and I answered honestly. Besides, it’s not like you would have a wide window of opportunity. I doubt there’s a high demand for male strippers over the age of thirty.”

[caitlincohen-blog]

davis-alvarez:

“–All I’m saying is, it’s a little hard for me, as a full grown heterosexual male, to get into the idea of playing twister with a bunch of other full grown males.”

“You’re in a fraternity with a bunch of jocks. Don’t you guys slap each others asses in the locker room and say “good game”? Yet you’re afraid of a little twister. Granted, I haven’t seen anyone play that game over the age of ten.”