How The Cookie Crumbles...

(No content is mine unless stated) 🍪ADHD-PI 🍪Autistic???🍪Major Depressive 🍪General Anxiety

[ottersox]

Me taking my Lexapro in the morning: Girl Breakfast

[daydreamers-sys]

My lexapro feelings, in order:

Huh. I don’t feel anything.

My STOMACH

Sleep? That’s a real thing?

SLEEP. OH GOD I LOVE SLEEP. I WILL NOW SLEEP FOR 13 HOURS.

*wakes up laughing because a dream was funny*

I must. EAT. Everything I fucking see.

Chocolate. Meat. Chocolate. Meat. Bread. BREAD!!!!!

Oh holy fUCK that was a scary dream

If everyone doesn’t shut up RIGHT NOW I am GOING to start pulling numbers for who dies next

WHY is it so QUIET. I am so UNDER STIMULATED, someone DO SOMETHING. *10 seconds later* OKAY STOP

It’s bedtime :) *two hours later* oh-KAY, it’s bedtime!! :)

[anxietyproblem]

[anxietyproblem]

[chronicallyonlinesworld]

[sweetcherryblossomswrites]

[relatablememestuff]

[bayabsurt]

[upsetgazette]

If you find autism self diagnosis so concerning, you are more than welcome to send a self diagnosed stranger $2000+ so they can seek a professional assessment.

Be the change you want to see 💖

[socialmaya]

[s3cretlies]

[geekkatsblog]

[bored2def4real]

Why do I feel the need to play the role I made famous so long ago while in reality I’ve changed over the years and nothing is the same.

[anxietyproblem]

[tfw-adhd]

[chaoticautie]

me: *saying "WHAT?" seven times to someone giving me coherent face-to-face verbal directions*

also me: *hears a faint noise and randomly lifts head like a deer* hey did u guys hear that??? wtf how could you not hear it-

[geekwithsandwich]

seriously though it would be an enormous help if more people understood that autistic brains/bodies (and some other conditions too) very VERY frequently don’t process sensations and emotions in normal ways and INSTEAD replace them with bodily and emotional responses that are total nonsense in an NT context

like i have chronic pain, i have an always-on headache that used to be around a 2-3 on the pain scale and is now a 6-7 most days.  but periodically i find that instead of actually feeling a level of pain i can rate, i have a series of puzzling physical sensations like nausea that miraculously get better when i take painkillers and go lie down in the dark.  because they were actually pain signals.  pain signals that got turned into something else at some point in my body.  so i have days where i feel GREAT and pumped to do stuff and then i’m like WHY AM I NOT FUNCTIONING WELL and i go lie down in the dark for a while and it gets better??  because i was actually at an 8 which is Can’t Function levels for me, but 90% of that pain was invisible to me, turned into nausea and manic energy and weird sudden mood shifts instead of “pain”.

I don’t experience normal thirst signals most of the time, either.  I get cravings for ice cream and lime popsicles and watermelon instead of being thirsty.  I had to learn that “i suddenly desperately want ice cream” is my body’s way of saying “put some water in this bitch”.

I also get nausea instead of hunger signals a lot of the time.  nausea is one of my body’s favorite go-to signals to send, in general, so it can mean almost anything.  when my stomach turns i have to go through a checklist of possibilities to figure out what i’m actually feeling.  this is a big reason i eat a lot of snacks.  it’s step number 3 or 4 on my “why do i feel sick” list and happens at least once a day.

and anyway this shit is important for non autistic people to know because we can’t always tell you what we’re experiencing, but also sometimes we can get really upset and overwhelmed with trying to even understand what we’re feeling.  doctors especially need to know this.  how can i tell you what’s wrong with my body when my body doesn’t know how to use its own language for communicating what’s wrong?  when it routinely sends me a mishmash of signals that are totally useless for figuring out the problem?  it’s not impossible but it requires an understanding of just how different the place i’m coming from really is.  you can’t get anywhere by treating me just like an NT patient.

but most people aren’t even aware that “body signals” are a real tangible thing that can be effected and “go wrong” when your brain and body are built weirdly.  literally any process in your body can be broken, that should be obvious, but people are so oblivious to the things their body does automatically that they aren’t aware they exist, and therefore don’t know they can break.  it’s really important to make people aware of these functions.  there are so many disabilities that happen when a hidden function breaks and it’s impossible for abled people to grasp those disabilities without comprehending that that’s an actual thing their body does for them.

[buggybrains]

I am frustrated with the white autistic community

Alright. This post has been a long time coming honestly.

For the record, I do understand why the community has its prorities where it is currently, especially with regards to children since there just HAS to be so much energy put into fighting against the oversaturation of autism parent voices. That being said, I have some MAJOR criticisms with where autistic activism is currently and how absolutely isolating it is:

One particular criticism I and quite a few others share is how consistently the community avoids advocating for de-institutionalization: an issue that affects and dehumanizes MANY autistic adults, many of which are not white or well-off

I also NEVER see the issue of homelessness relief and movements towards that at all being mentioned. Again, this is a very big issue for many poor, non-white autistic adults. 

Anti-police movements also seem weirdly present everywhere else, but not the autistic community. I’ve seen warnings against calling the police on us, but not much more than that, none of the activism I see elsewhere. Police brutality is already an issue for many autistics, and far, far more for POC autistics. The autistic community should be on this

The above three topics are very big in the schizophrenia community apparently, who we share a very, very big history with, and we share many similar symptoms, experiences, etc compared to other neurotypes. And this history and experience is incredibly heavily racialized (autism is very commonly a white diagnosis, while schizophrenia is considered a black diagnosis, and many professionals have not changed this racist mindset). We SHOULD be working with them far, far closer than we are now. So many of their issues are ours…. just not for white, well-off autistics. Its a very intersectional issue.

In fact, if anything I’m noticing a general avoidance of the schizophrenia comunity in general, either by being dismissive or holding a stigma against them, or feeling as if being autistic is “better” than that being the alternative. I don’t wish to be in a community where that is the mindset. It helps no one.

Somewhat related to all fo this, but I am very, very frustrated with a particular portion of the autistic community that seems insistent on gatekeeping our terms from other neurodiversities. Not all of our experiences are just exclusive to us. If we really are pro-self dx, we should not rob people of these terms and experiences when they find out their diagnosis is wrong. We should not be pressurizing people to be required to get an autistic diagnosis in order to use a specific term or describe a specific experience. Many of our symptoms and experiences as being autistic are not only exclusive to us (schizophrenia, as mentioned before, ADHD, dyspraxia, PTSD, and even a lot of cognitive symptoms of depression can end up looking like autistic symptoms) and these people have likely been stigmatized in a lot of the same ways to us for displaying these similar traits. We can’t keep pretending we exist in this bubble

Something that relates the previous point to the rest of the post however: is just, there is something very insidious about how many autistic people are very well aware that the autistic diagnosis is primarily given towards white people and children…. and then proceeding to gatekeep themselves from other neurodiversities. I’m not here for it

Anyway, this could’ve been much more well-written and coherent probably, which I am very well known not to be very capable of, and I am very likely to regret making this post. But I wanted to get my concerns out, so here they are. 

That being said, if people have any blogs or resources they wanna point towards to help me out, I’m totally accepting them. I need so much more information about this stuff than I am currently getting.