Cale Henituse is the only man ever

  Alter list ig: Green (no pronouns do not refer), red (he/him), blue (she/her), yellow (sun/shine) (little) tommy (idk) (little), Clementine/Toby (he/him?), Phil (idk perfered but doesnt seem to mind any), Technoblade (she/they/him/any the list goes on bc xes a spiteful bitch and this is for the transphobes), pink (she/they/him), orange (he/they)  

[home-and-having-tea]

My love for Benoit Blanc knows no bounds. He's just some guy, he's a genius, he's the new Poirot, he encourages women to speak their mind at people who screw them over, he hates rich people, he's married to malewife Hugh Grant, he dresses like a 70s queer man with access to online shopping, he has no consistent accent other than Vaguely American Southern, he can solve any mystery, he cannot win Among Us, and I would marry the hell out of him him if I wasn't a lesbian and he wasn't a gay dude.

[astoundingbeyondbelief]

The Lego Movie (2014), dir. Phil Lord and Christopher Miller

[verilog-official]

[tojitachi]

Cale Henituse from Trash of the Count’s Family

[murasaki-cha]

Chapter 190

Raon, On and Hong: *pointing at expensive weapons and magic devices* we want those! Can you please buy those for us!?

Cale: *internally* they’re only picking expensive stuff. I wanted to teach them how to control their finances better

The kids: *see the price and realize that it’s too expensive* Nvm we don’t have to buy it

Cale: ……

Cale: *pissed off* Oh hell no

Cale: We’re buying this. Actually we’re getting three of each!

Cale: Actually we’re going to buy even more stuff!!

Cale: I can buy this whole store if I wanted

Cale: Like hell am I not getting my kids what they want

[fanfiction-artist-prototype]

Cale: *internally* I grew up in abject poverty and whilst the kids won't I want them to know how to manage money in case something horrible happens.

The Kids in question: Oh... our pocket money won't cover this. Never mind.

Cale: Excuse me? Excuse me? Do you know who's children you are?? Be brats, demand the whole shop I have MONEY and NEVER learnt how to handle overwhelming amounts of money without a specific purpose!

[artby-azalea]

"Personally, I like this dragon. He's different from me, Kim Roksoo, who had given up when being abused as an orphan."

Name: Trash of the Count's Family

[syoulhine]

Have you ever think the reason why Cale is protective to children is not because..

Of his childhood but the state of the apocalypse done to children. Have u seen children, toddlers in any apocalypse movies? Or the problem being shown in the movie “quiet place” having a toddler and a baby with monsters sensitive in noise? There is a great chance that in apocalypse, children and toddlers are abandon, bought over yet killed in the way, or in the worse case scenario, cannibalism like what in the movies “snowpiercer, 2013” where they have no choice but to e.a.t the babies. Histories of where human is driven into cannibalism because of hunger.

Why Cale wishes the children, even the wolf children, and Lily stay as what children is. He just accepted the fact the children wants weapon as toys or Ron teaching the kittens, Sheritt to Lock, Choi Han to the wolf children so that the children knows self defense and take care of themselves in danger. Trying not to repeat the same thing of their pasts and his failure to what happened to the apocalypse, maybe another reason why he thinks of him as a trash.

Like the novel doesn’t mention any children except the teen siblings in the sealed god test In the earth 2.

After all, Cale had seen the cruelest and darkest side what can humanity do in the apocalypse.

Btw this just a theory of mine.

[murasaki-cha]

THE WAY I SCREAMED IN FRONT OF MY FAMILY!!!

[murasaki-cha]

[moonyinthehouse]

Choi Han's gonna blow their cover he's making it so obvious that Cale is the actual liege here 😭😭

[mysticalcoffeequeen]

I’ll never understand society’s obsession and appalling glee of hitting kids. First off, if the child is in distress or experiencing extreme emotion, how does hitting them solve anything? Oh it makes them quiet? It teaches them better? It commands respect and obedience? If you don’t then they turn out “spoiled”? “Just wait till you have kids”?

Poor Excuses.

Hitting kids does more for you than them and you know that! You’re taking your exhaustion & frustration out on a small developing human you lack the mental fortitude or patience to handle to gain instant peace. In any other circumstance, like with a pet, spouse or loved one, this would count as assault and abuse but in terms of children, y’all get defensive & in your egos, spewing denial that it’s not abuse and you’re actually a “good parent” because you manage to raise a child without killing it.

Any respect or obedience a child displays as a result of pain is completely manufactured. That respect was forced, not earned. They fear and mistrust you, not respect you. They know you’re volatile and prone to hostility so that “well behaved” kid is just cleverly avoiding pain & hostility. Only thing you’re teaching them is to suppress their emotions or lie effectively & keep a lot from you as they grow. “But I explain before hitting them and then show love afterwards, so it’s fine.” Pumpkin that’s called trauma bonding which physical abusers do regularly in relationships. See the slippery slope here?

A child is a small human which, like many humans you wouldn’t hit because that’s considered assault, you can talk to them. You can teach children right from wrong and the consequences of their actions without inflicting physical/mental/emotional pain. “But you can’t/ It’s impossible” Shut up! YOU ACTUALLY CAN, & it requires patience & communication you should have with this growing human who legitimately does not know any better and looks to you for that! And if you can’t be bothered with the bare minimum of parenting then why’d you have kids? No Seriously.

[impyssadobsessions]

Jazz is definitely a motorcycle girl, right? Like, maybe she didn't really think about if before, but then she got possessed by Kitty, and at first she thought it was residual from that, but more and more time passed, and she argued with herself "No, they're dangerous! And loud! And it would set a bad example for Danny!" but then she sees a nice bike go past and it's all over for her

She definitely is. I also imagine she can drive just as crazy as her father, she just has to restrain herself a lot >w<So add that to a motorcycle. Danny be surprised but also uses this so he can get his own motorcycle without jazz being able to lecture him. Fails she still does to teach him the safe way of riding one.

[desatu]

motorcycle jazz motorcycle jazz

[blueteller]

TCF Summary Arc by Arc (Part 8/8)

Every TCF story arc in a nutshell

Volume 8: chapters 700-776

[< Previous] [Index] [Side Stories >]

Entering the Temple of the Sealed God *Rumors about Roan Kingdom's victory and Cale & Alberu's heroism spread across the continent* Cale: *pictures all of his friends watching as he stabs himself to kill the White Star* Cale: *chills* (Yeah no. I ain't doing that) Cale: …ok so for no particular reason, I'm going to enter the Temple alone Alberu, Choi Han, Eruhaben & Raon: Like HELL you are!!! What self-sacrificial scheme are you plotting THIS time!? The Ancient Powers: Heh, Cale's getting scolded! Cale: *playing dumb* Nothing! Alberu, Choi Han, Eruhaben & Raon: You're a lying liar who lies. We'll deal with you later Cale: …Mhm yeah ok (I'll just sneak in, then.) Let's interrogate the fake Hilsman then Fake Hilsman: So you definitely want to know about the Hunters, right? Cale: (No I don't!) Actually- Fake Hilsman: I think a Hunter has appeared Cale: F***! Fake Hilsman: As expected, you truly have the blood of the Thames! Let me tell you more exposition then Cale: *senses his slacker life fading away* (NoooOOO-!) Fake Hilsman: So they're allied with the Flynn Merchant Guild, Billos is on the run and probably going to die soon. Also Karin Orsena is on their side Cale: (…well s***) Fake Hilsman: *shows off his red hair* That's why I came here. I need your money. And you want more info on the Thames family, right? Cale: (He's probably Jour's brother or other close relative then) No thanks. I'll just ask my father Fake Hilsman: Wait, aren't you curious about-? Cale: Nope! *leaves* Alberu: Anyway, we've selected the team who will enter the Temple first. You're all going to give up and exit within 5 minutes, got it? *Cale, Choi Han, Mary, Rosalyn, Toonka & Clopeh step inside* Temple Doors: *shuts closed* *5 minutes pass* Everyone: (…Well f***)

The First Test Cale: Huh, I'm a ghost. And I'm in Harris Village? The Temple isn't letting me out for some reason… Wait, am I going to watch "The Birth of a Hero" timeline? This is bad- Choi Han: Huh, I'm back in Harris Village? Might as well try to protect it this time… Cale: Wait what *Meanwhile:* Rosalyn: Hm, something's clearly wrong here… Mary: Welp, time for a prison break I guess Toonka: LET'S GO FIND MY FRIEND!!! :D Clopeh: …WHAT DO YOU MEAN THERE'S NO CALE HENITUSE!? *outrage* Cale: What can I do if I'm stuck being invisible-? Cintanami: *rings* Cale: Huh? LSH: …You have a moment? Cale: Wait a minute, it's visible! IT WORKS!! *crazy laughter* I can destroy EVERYTHING with this!!! PJT: …is he crazy? LSH: Now Park Jin Tae, that's not a nice thing to say- Cale: *tries to take the Earth Ancient Power* Hm, I can't eat the rock, what a shame LSH: (…he may have a point, tho…) Choi Han & Rosalyn: Wait, we're in the same test?? Clopeh: *shows up dramatically on a wyvern* Yes, and Cale Henituse doesn't exist in this world. It's not a "Sadness" test… this must be "Despair" Choi Han & Rosalyn: Let's go rescue the children first *enter Raon's prison* Clopeh: *gets left behind because no one cares about him* 😂 Mary: *already there wrecking stuff* Wait, we're in the same test?? Rosalyn: Yeah, let's go get On and Hong now Choi Han: They should be right in the Henituse Territory slums… wait, why's the Man-Eating Tree white? Hong: A mister with a mask came by Choi Han: …so the White Star took Cale-nim's Shield?? Clopeh: That BASTARD!! How DARE he steal what belongs to the Legend!!! *fanboy rage mode on* *Meanwhile:* Cale: …What do you mean "God of Death says not to stop the Sealed God's game"?? Alberu: *connected through the Dark Tiger* …What do you mean you're a ghost??? Choi Han: Ok so the White Star will probably attack Harris Village soon- what the heck is that LSH: *through the Cintamani* Hi! Cale's standing next to you Choi Han: Excuse me? LSH: He says he's a ghost right now Choi Han: Excuse me?? KRS: *tags in* So I'll act as his transmittor for the time being Choi Han: Excuse me??? Cale: Ok so the real White Star isn't actually in the test, since I still got him sealed. Which means the White Star taking my Ancient Powers is the Sealed God's puppet. We probably have to defeat it to exit this test. Also Cale: …Btw, has anyone seen Toonka? *Elsewhere:* Toonka: *wrecks stuff* Hi! I'm looking for my friend Cale! Illusion!Alberu: …who the hell is "Cale"?? Illusion!Tasha: *panicking* Where's Mary??

Wreaking Havoc in Illusion Reality Clopeh: *interrogating KRS* Wait, so Cale-nim is also a hero in your dimension?? KRS: …I guess-? Clopeh: I KNEW IT! The true legend can surpass time and space!! Even the gods cannot stop it!!! KRS: …He's even worse than Joo Ho Shik… Illusion!Tasha: *shows up* Mary why did you leave? Who is this Cale person? Clopeh: *reverent* He is someone who cannot be seen and is always watching over us! Illusion!Tasha: ??? Cale: … Cale's group: (That's… not wrong, but…) Illusion!Tasha: …you mean he's a god, or-? Clopeh: Even better!! Cale: *dying from embarrassment* Rosalyn: We need to go for now, but we'll meet your superior in 2 days Illusion!Tasha: …Okay then? Cale: Dammit. I wanted to take the Vitality of the Heart and the Fire of Destruction before the White Star, but looks like he beat us to it. Let's meet Eruhaben then *In the Capital:* Illusion!Taylor: Hello, your highness! We'd like to make a deal with you Illusion!Alberu: …and who are you? Illusion!White Star: I'm the person who'll bring alchemists into your kingdom Illusion!Alberu: (There's something fishy about this offer…) *Back with Cale's group:* Illusion!Eruhaben: …Who is this invisible person hiding like a rat Tiger!Alberu: That's my Dongsaeng Illusion!Eruhaben: So you're the people who brainwashed a young dragon huh? A guy with a white mask warned me about you Tiger!Alberu: Of course we didn't. We're actually- *can't say they're in a test or from another world* Huh. I guess that doesn't work Illusion!Eruhaben: Oh I see. You're from the Divine Race then? Tiger!Alberu: …sure, let's go with that *Cale mistaken for a divine entity counter: 2*

Illusion!Eruhaben: Anyway, the guy who warned me about you said his name was Cale Tiger!Alberu: What did he look like? Illusion!Eruhaben: He looked fancy Tiger!Alberu: …Dongsaeng I think he's wearing your face *Elsewhere:* Mary: *meets Cale!White Star and freaks out* *Back with Cale's group:* Tiger!Alberu: Anyway let's make sure that the Crown Prince doesn't do anything stupid Illusion!Alberu: *walks into his office* Tiger!Alberu: Hello Illusion!Alberu: …Huh? Who are you? Tiger!Alberu: I'm someone motivated by self-preservation Illusion!Alberu: Ha! Relatable Tiger!Alberu: Indeed. And that's a Dragon Illusion!Eruhaben: 'Sup. Illusion!Alberu: Huh?? Illusion!Eruhaben: Yeah I have no idea what's going on either. But he and that invisible Cale punk aren't from this world Illusion!Alberu: …you mean a god, or-? *Cale mistaken for a divine entity counter: 3*

Tiger!Alberu: Nevermind that. The White Star is planning to stab you in the back Illusion!Alberu: HUH??? Tiger!Alberu: Yeah those "alchemists" he wants to bring you are actually Black Mages working for the Empire Illusion!Alberu: … Illusion!Alberu: …I wanna smack that bastard in the back Cale: (Welcome aboard!) Illusion!Alberu: *sets up a trap for Cale!White Star* Cale's group: *ambush* Cale!White Star: *dramatically* How could you have betrayed me like this! Now you have revealed your true selves…! Cale's group: ??? (…what the heck is he talking about?) *Meanwhile, outside:* The Temple: *live-streaming Cale's group fighting "Cale"* Everyone: ??? Eruhaben: Wait, that's obviously fake Hannah: …But does everybody else know that? Cale's group: (Well f***) Hannah: Wait a second, who's that crouching there in the corner? Cale: *now visible thanks to the Cintanami* The Temple: *cuts the live-stream* God of Despair!White Star: …the hell! This is MY domain!! How dare that God of Death bastard interfere with MY test again!!! God of Despair!White Star: Anyway, I'm the first god who was originally a Hunter. The God of Death is no better than me btw. He totally killed his best friend God of Death: *through the Cintanami with radio static* Long time no see you bastard Cale: (Why are they dragging us into their rivalry drama…?) Yeah, I'm not interested. We're leaving Cale's group: *has an epic combat sequence against the God of Despair* God of Despair: Time to cancel this test, I guess God of Death: Anyway, the rest of the tests will proceed as you were told by IronMa- I mean Ahn Roh Man Cale: Sounds great. Let's do this

The Sadness Test Cale: *sees LSH & CJS's funeral* Cale: Good thing I've started to heal from my trauma. I need to do my best from here on (Me: 😭) *Meanwhile, the others:* Rosalyn: *gets stuck in the Sloth test for a bit* Choi Han: *out-stubborns the Failure test* Clopeh: *gets to the Failure test first* Mary: *gets to the Indignity test first* Toonka: *exits the tests* Also Toonka: *realizes he's the only one who left* …aw, dammit!

The Sloth Test Cale: Huh, I'm in high-school. I wonder why-? Choi Jung Gun: *casually walks into the library* Cale: (…WTF.) Cale: …hi Sunbae. What are you doing? Illusion!CJG: Just writing a guidebook. Cale: (…He's totally writing "The Birth of a Hero" right now isn't he) Cale: I'm joining the book club now Illusion!CJG: …Okay then? Cale: *scamming mode on* Illusion!CJG: Uhhh, for no particular reason I'm going to a Sword Arts exhibition. And maybe a movie production later. Would you like to come along? (How terrible of a fate he must have been suffering…) Cale: *acting clueless* Sure! (He's totally setting me up to meet Choi Jung Soo and Lee Soo Hyuk ahead of time… Can he see the future or fate or something?) Also Cale: (So yeah, this tests makes you want to forget reality, but I have Record, b****. I'm just staying for a bit to loot info out of CJG) Cale: So I dreamed something about the name "Nelan Barrow" and "the White Star", what's that all about? Illusion!CJG: (…WTF) Cale: You're totally from a different dimension, aren't you. Maybe a god? Illusion!CJG: *cringe* Ugh, do not lump me together with those bastards. (That motherf***ing God of Death…) I'm in the "maybe someday" category. Also gods can't die, but they can retire Cale: …can they? 🤔 (Me: And so began's Cale's journey to Goodhood in order to achieve his Slacker Life… 🤣) Illusion!CJG: Anyway, there's a Hunter targeting you because you've been marked by the God of Death. They can modify memories btw. But they can't know whether you're a Tribulator or not before they kill you and use Hunter's Eye on you Cale: (…I knew it. The White Star impacted me with his curse when he reincarnated and stole my body.) Cale: …Sunbae. Am I bait? Illusion!CJG: Yup. But don't worry, you won't die Cale: (That's not very reassuring… He looks crazy. Also, I have a feeling something went wrong-) Jung Yi-Rang & Park So Jin: *crash into their car* Cale: *uses his Shield* Illusion!CJG: *shaken* …Noonim? Cale & Illusion!CJG: *have an epic combat sequence against the Hunters* Park So Jin: Ha, you pathetic Wanderer bastard will never defeat out patriarch! Kill me! Jung Yi-Rang: *kills her* Take this offering of Karma… [Jung Yi-Rang Fled the Battle!] Illusion!CJG: Well f***. Cale: That power of yours which cuts through things. Can I have it? Illusion!CJG: Nope Cale: (And yet you give it to LSH in the future for some reason…) Cale: *starts disappearing* Anyway, this isn't even real. This is just an illusion Illusion!CJG: !!! Illusion!CJG: *spills last-second exposition* Find the Red-Blood Family! Cale: Ok, bye (Me: REMEMBER, REALITY IS AN ILLUSION THE UNIVERSE IS A HOLOGRAM BUY GOLD BYEEEEEE!) *Cale coughs blood and/or faints counter: 28*

The Indignity Test The Temple: Error. Unable to determine fitting Failure test for the target. Cale: Oh, that's good right-? The Temple: Proceed to double the difficulty Cale: (Well f***) The Temple: Optimization complete. Indignity test version 1.5 is now starting Cale: Wait wha- Cale: *wakes up as Venion's lackey* The heck is-? Cale: *wakes up as a palace attendant* -going on? Oh, I see. A double daylight-nighttime possession deal, huh. And at different points in the timeline, too- Teen!Alberu: *neglected* Cale: Welp. Time to overturn the palace I guess Chief of Staff: (…why do I hear boss music?) 3-year-old!Raon: *about to be tortured by Venion* Cale: …Yeah, how about no. *paralyzes Venion and frees 3-year-old!Raon* Also Cale: *cheerfully* Destroy everything!! Venion's guards: Are you crazy!? Cale: Yup! Venion's guards & 3-year-old!Raon: ??? Cale: Destroy me too! I hate being in this body so go ahead! (…As long as Raon doesn't feel guilty over it, it's all fine) 3-year-old!Raon: *knocks him out & kidnaps him instead* Cale: *Surprised Pikachu Face* Also Cale: *comes to the secret underground place* Younger!Zed: …Who are you?? Cale: (Wait a minute, Zed is only pretending not to pay attention to his son – he's totally being neglectful on purpose! He must know about the Dark Elves too) Cale: …you're going to kill me now, aren't you? Younger!Zed: Yes, but actually no Cale: Wait wha- Younger!Zed: You're not a Hunter, right Cale: (…WTF. Why does Zed know about the Hunters?) Younger!Zed: *knocks him out & kidnaps him too* *Cale gets knocked out counter: 2*

*Elsewhere:* Choi Han: *feeds kid!KRS in his Indignity test because he's too skinny* (Me: 😭😭😭) Choi Han: Hm, I should also beat up his uncle while I'm at it… (Me: 👏 Well done, Choi Han my darling) *Meanwhile* Cale: *wakes up to see 3-year-old!Raon's carnage* Cale: …wow *impressed* 3-year-old!Raon: *back to his Tsundere ways* What are you looking at?? *gives him fruit* (But it's not like I care about the Terrible Bastard or anything, b-baka!) Cale: Knock me out again and take me to the Forest of Darkness. I kind of go crazy when the sun comes up 3-year-old!Raon: ??? (…aren't you already crazy??) 3-year-old!Raon: *does it anyway* *Cale gets knocked out counter: 3*

Teen!Alberu: *comes to rescue Cale* Cale: *casually praises him* Good job. Now, tie me up again Teen!Alberu: ??? (…he's crazy, isn't he) F***. Cale: Your highness, language Teen!Alberu: (Why does he even care?!) Cale: Your highness, you know you can't take responsibility for this, right? Teen!Alberu: *frees him anyway* Cale: Ok, I'll just show you something first. Oh, I know you're a Dark Elf btw Teen!Alberu: Wait wha- Cale: It doesn't matter anyway. You see, this place holds all the answers about the Crossman- Younger!Zed: *interrupts* Cale: (Ha! I knew he was watching) Cale: One more thing – don't trust the king or me, just trust yourself. You're already a good person Teen!Alberu: *gets knocked out* Younger!Zed: Who ARE you?? Cale: *scamming mode on* Actually I'm a Wanderer Younger!Zed: Seems legit *Cale mistaken for a divine entity counter: 4*

Cale: Anyway I don't have much time, so listen up Younger!Zed: Wait wha- Cale: Don't mess with the kid, he doesn't know anything so leave him alone you piece of s***. The Hunters used the Crossman Household as a puppet, didn't they. Where are the Red-Bloods? Younger!Zed: … Cale: …So you do know. (I can get the answers back in my world then) Younger!Zed: …! Cale: Thanks for the confirmation, bye! The Temple: Test 50% complete. Cale: *wakes up in the Forest of Darkness* Younger!Choi Han & 3-year-old!Raon: *fighting* 3-year-old!Raon: The Terrible Bastard is awake! Younger!Choi Han: *shocked* It's a real person…! Cale: *playing dumb* Yeah, and who are you? Why are you in the Forst of Darkness? A knight from the Harris Village which is located nearby? Younger!Choi Han: *walks away to clear his head* 3-year-old!Raon: Why did you tell me to bring you here? There's nothing for you here Cale: No, but it's a good place for you. Also, that you and that guy can keep each other company 3-year-old!Raon: *shocked* …what about you? Cale: Why ask such an obvious question? Of course I'll to leave. Why keep a crazy guy like me around? (No way am I leaving Raon alone with Venion's lackey back in charge) 3-year-old!Raon: … 3-year-old!Raon: *intimidation mode* You WILL work for me, you Terrible Bastard!! *actual meaning: (Don't leave me alone…! 🥺)* Cale: …O-okay. I'm hungry 3-year-old!Raon: *brings him fruit again* Choi Han: *brings him a monster corpse* Cale: … (…Raon's is better, but A for effort, I guess) Cale: Good job, Choi Han 3-year-old!Raon: *jealous mode on* Cale: (…what's with him??) Younger!Choi Han & 3-year-old!Raon: *learn to get along like two feral puppies* Cale: Right, so first life lesson – money is the best Cale: *brings them to Super Rock villa* (Huh, I wonder why the Super Rock isn't here…) Anyway, let's go shopping! *laughs in Rich* Also Cale: *buys everything for the other two and nothing for himself* Younger!Choi Han & 3-year-old!Raon: ??? 3-year-old!Raon: Choi Han… isn't that guy is a bit weird…? Younger!Choi Han: *no less confused*…uhuh… Cale: So now all you guys need is learn to read and write- 3-year-old!Raon: NOPE! We can't learn, it's too hard. (Once he's done teaching us he'll leave!!) Isn't that right, Choi Han? Younger!Choi Han: That's. Right. Reading. Is. Hard Cale: … (Those punks…) Venion: *shows up randomly* Cale: You're still alive? What a shame. Venion: Who the hell do you think you are!! Cale: The person who has all kinds of blackmail on you. Venion: (…well s***) Cale: If you kill me your siblings will get all the info on your weaknesses. Now scram Venion: *leaves* Younger!Choi Han: …but didn't you send those documents to his siblings already? Cale: Yup, I sure did. Remember to hand that note to Taylor once he shows up. *to 3-year-old!Raon* Did you see that? That guy is terrified of you 3-year-old!Raon: … Cale: You got all this stuff and a home and company. Isn't that enough? 3-year-old!Raon: …human, who are you? Cale: …I'm Cale. The Temple: Test complete! Cale: Ok, I'll be leaving now 3-year-old!Raon: WAIT!! Give me a name first!! Cale: (A name…? Should I-? But I promised Raon that this name would be only for him…) …Dodam Miru. Let's go with that. Bye Younger!Choi Han & Dodam: Bye… (Me: Whyyyyyy, why am I crying…? 😭)

The Wrath Test Clopeh: Nothing can stand in my way-! The Temple: Now, behold the Wrath test where Cale's group is all in jail and you're not one of them. Clopeh: (Well f***) *Elsewhere:* The Temple: Oh, you have suffered so much, I feel so bad. I have developed sentience over time, so you can totally trust me Cale: Uhuh. *doesn't buy the sudden sympathy at all* The Temple: So why don't you think about all the things that make you angry the most? I'll make sure not to include them Cale: Sure The Temple: ...SIKE! I'm actually making those things into your Wrath test Cale: *scams the system by thinking of mundane things like children being picky about veggies* Ahhh, this is the best The children: Btw human, when we're going to pray? Cale: …pray? The children: To the White Star and the God of Despair! Cale: (Holy s***) *realizes this is the reality where the White Star has won* Cale: (…Well f***. This does make me pretty angry) Sayeru: Time to deliver the sacrifices for the 50th celebration! Cale: (Welp. Time for a s*** show I guess) Cale: *calls in everyone still alive in this reality* Come watch. Everybody: (…yeah, Young Master Cale's going to cause a s*** show alright) Sayeru: Behave, Cale Henituse, or Raon will be next on the list Cale: (So you have chosen… death) Cale: …Why of COURSE! I am being so sincere right now! We can't have the sacrifices for to the celebration delivered in such terrible conditions! Sayeru: Wait wha- Cale: Only the best carriages for everyone! And keep them well-fed, too! Where's your SINCERITY!! Sayeru: But- Cale: Tsk tsk. Are you too poor to manage even that much? Should I make a donation? Sayeru: … Sayeru: (This annoying bastard… But I guess it's fine as long as he delivers them) Alberu: *starts a speech under duress* We have gathered here today- Cale: *tears apart the rock wall in Puzzle City* Alberu: -to watch Cale Henituse destroy everything I guess – OPEN THE GATES!!! Every ally of Cale under the sun: *rebels at the same time* White Star's allies: Wait wha- Cale's group: *has an epic combat sequence against the White Star's forces* The White Star: Cale Henituse, even with your plate complete, you're still weaker than me! Cale: That's true. But, I have rock The White Star: Wait wha- Cale: *smacks him with a rock in the back of the head* The Ancient Powers: HECK YEAH, CALE! BEAT HIM UP!!! Cale: *keeps hitting him* THAT'S FOR MY SLACKER LIFE, YOU BASTARD!!! Cale's group: *watch Cale yelling as he beats the White Star to bloody a pulp with a pebble while bleeding all over the place* Cale's group: …..Uhhh……. Cale: (Ahhh, that's better. Finally I got it out of my system) God of Despair: Hey, you wanna chat? Cale: What do you want? God of Despair: You're so impressive, you totally finished all the tests first! Why don't you use Embrace on me and take me out of this Temple? Then I'll tell you everything about the Hunters- Cale: No thanks. (…how nice of him to tell me exactly what NOT to do. Moron) *Meanwhile* Clopeh: *already out and setting up cameras* *Cale coughs blood and/or faints counter: 29*

Death of the White Star *Outside the Temple* The Temple: *live-streaming* Cale's group: Phew, Cale made it out safely! …wait a minute, what… what's he doing with that dagger-? *Meanwhile:* Cale: (Huh, it seems I'm alone… and my body is in great shape! Perfect. Let's deal with the White Star first) God of Despair: *shoots death beams at Cale* Cale: …you motherf-! *uses one beam to release the White Star* White Star: *shows up, dazed* Cale: smiling* Did you rest well? White Star: Wait wha- Cale: *attacks* White Star: *defends* (I gotta run away, I gotta-!) Cale: *uses the Annual Rings of Life* (Ah, there's the warped ring. Ugh it's so ugly) Clopeh: *fanatic vibes intensify* Cale: *finally notices him* (…the hell!? That motherf***ing son of a b**** god!! I KNEW he lied to me!!!) Also Cale: (…oh well, whatever. This surely won't bite me in the a** later) White Star: *surrounds Cale with elemental attacks* Cale: *uses instant for .5 second to stab himself with the dagger then the White Star* White Star: *finally dies* Cale: This is the end. The Ancient Powers: Hooray! Your body's becoming healthier! *World Tree Dagger Health Upgrade acquired!* Cale: (Phew. Good thing nobody saw that beside Clopeh!) *Outside the Temple* Everyone: *horrified* The children: …What's going on?? Alberu & Eruhaben: *covering the children's eyes* (…crazy bastard…) Deruth: *faints* Choi Han & Mary: *literally arrived right in that moment* (WTF???) Choi Han: *on the verge of a breakdown* What did I just see?? Rosalyn: *the only one late to the party* …what happened? Cale: … Cale: (Well f***) *Cale coughs blood and/or faints counter: 30 (Achievement Unlocked: Surviving Cardiac Stab Wound!)*

Defeating the God of Despair White Star: *starts turning to dust and releases his Ancient Powers* Cale: Um, uhhh- the Ancient Powers! Yeah, let's focus on that. I'm taking those Cale's group: …we WILL talk about this later Cale: *chills* God of Despair: *death beams part 2* Cale's group: Oh no you don't!! *blocks them* God of Despair: *shakes the Temple* Cale: Motherf-! *stumbles* Choi Han: *angrily* I KNEW IT!!! Cale: (…Damn it, even with the Health Upgrade my body is still weak and useless!) The Ancient Powers: Cale, honey… build up some muscle back, would you?? Mary: I sense dead mana from two of the Ancient Powers Cale: (…wait, wasn't there supposed to be just one?? Nevermind) *uses Embrace to seal them in White Star's mask* Cale: Clopeh, throw the diary! Clopeh: *throws the diary at the second half of the Annual Rings of Life* Jour: Nice job, Cale. Wanna become the patriarch of the House of Thames-? Cale: (I'm a little busy right now!!!) God of Despair: *shakes the Temple again* Cale: *falls into Clopeh's arms* Clopeh: ✨Are you okay? I recorded everything, Cale-nim!✨ Cale: … *wants to smack him* God of Despair: *reaches out with creepy arms like the Gate of Truth from FMA* Cale's group: *blocks them again* Eruhaben: *suddenly bursts his huge Dragon head through the wall* …well that was easier than I expected. Hi Cale, we saw the whole heart stabbing thing. You okay? Don't worry the kids didn't see it Cale: (Well f***) God of Death's Book: *suddenly heats up in Cale's pocket* God of Death: Hey Cale, that orb which was live-streaming everything is going to explode soon and destroy the whole city. Also, use this book to Embrace the Sealed God Cale: Got it. Everyone! That orb is going to explode! Alberu: We're on it. Everyone's read to cast a large shield Cale: …? *surprised* Alberu: You're not the only one who prepares for things in advance, you know. Also, don't ever do that again. That's an order Cale: *starts Embrace tug-o-war between the God of Despair and the God of Death* Cale: *shaking* (…f***! Hurry the f*** up!!) Raon! Bring your mom here! [Cale used Super Rock's power! It's Super Effective!] The Ancient Power: (…WTF, what kind of drugs did the World Tree give this kid?? Is he turning Immortal or something???) God of Despair: *gets sealed for good* Cale: …well f***. The orb is still here The orb: *explodes* Raon: *the Black Castle shows up in the sky* Human! I brought mommy! Everybody: *blocks and defends until they're all fainting and coughing blood* Cale: …Why would they-? The Ancient Powers: Finish that sentence. We dare you Cale: … Super Rock: Rolf. It's Karma~! Btw, the Temple is yours now *Cale coughs blood and/or faints – Final counter: 31*! (Me: Congratulations – you're an absolute madman!! I hope you're proud of yourself)

The Aftermath Puzzle City: *cheers for not getting destroyed* Alberu: Alright, Cale. Time to faint Cale: Wait, what? But I'm fine- Alberu: We don't have time. Choi Han Choi Han: *taps Cale's knee lightly* Cale: *falls* Toonka: *rushing in* FRIEND, NOOOO-! Cale: (Oh I get it now. Fainting it is!) *fakes fainting* Alberu: Coming through! The Commander is in critical condition!! Everybody: …Oh no! Poor Young Master Cale!! Deruth: My son! *hugs Cale on Choi Han's back* Also Deruth: *whispers* I know you're faking. Sit tight and never do that again, or I'll make you the next Duke Cale: *trembles in fear* (What?? Whaaaaat???) Deruth: *smug* (I knew this would work) Ron: Young Master, lay down. King Zed wants to talk to you, but let's ignore him Cale: But- Ron: LAY. DOWN. Rosalyn: *shows up* Cale, Eruhaben's dying Cale: …looks like I can't lay down after all *leaves* Ron: *to Zed* It would seem it is impossible to speak with the Young Master. (Beacuse he isn't here, lol) Choi Han: *obsesses over getting stronger as always* The children: *tackle Cale* Cale: *doesn't fall* The children: …huh, it seems you're actually fine?? Cale: So Eruhaben, remember how the healing jar wouldn't fill with water for you because you didn't want to live longer? Check again Eruhaben: *sees the jar full with water now* …well s***. Cale: Now… DRINK UP, B****! *crazy-eyed* or I'll force your mouth open and pour it all in! Eruhaben: … Eruhaben: *drinks all the water until he chokes and coughs blood* Mila: Wow, you're a young Dragon again! Good for you *Meanwhile* Alberu: Hello, father. Have some tea. I know you like it a lot *Both Know He Doesn't Actually Like It* Zed: …sure, that sounds lovely. *sits down* …So, is this about you being salty that you didn't go to see you first? Alberu: *sarcastically* What? No! Whatever gave you that impression! Zed: Are you worried about me acting out against you? Alberu: Pfff. As if you could right now Zed: So how about you taking the throne as soon as possible? Alberu: …why? Zed: I'll be leaving for a while Alberu: Where to? Zed: …A hunting trip, I guess. I'll write to you once a year Alberu: Once every three months. I'm not such an uncaring bastard like you. Zed: …very well. Have your coronation in spring then. I'm off to catch a rat *leaves* Alberu: (…his Sword Master should have noticed my Dark Elves spies… so he must have known about me all along.) Alberu: ...Well s***.

Zed: Hello Commander Henituse. Cale: …Hello. (What does he want? He's acting strange) Zed: So your father is scary when he's angry, but he's right. I'm going to handle my own issues now. That is, the House of Duke Orsena. Cale: …Orsena? Zed: Yeah, the "hunting dog" that I raised. I'm personally chasing after the Hunters and I don't share my prey. That's why under no circumstances you will get involved in any of it, you hear me? You definitely don't need to know anything more about this. Cale: (What a relief!) …Sure. As long as no one touches any of my people Zed: Sounds good to me (...and I'm sure we're not going to regret not handing you this crucial exposition at this very moment!) *And Then We All Knew, Cale Would Soon Get Involved* Basen: Uh, Hyung…? I've got some bad news Cale: What is it? Basen: The fake Hilsman broke out. Also looted your room and stole your money Cale: … Cale: THAT MOTHER***ER!! MY RETIREMENT FUND!!! *rage mode on* God of Death: *through the Book* Yo, Cale! The Cintanami broke, so I'll be sending you a replacement. Wanna become a Saint-? Cale: -YEET! Basen: Oh, and everybody wants to give you a medal Cale: WELL F*** THEM Basen: *satisfied* Of course, Hyung *Elsewhere:* Foreign politicians: About that medal of honor- Clopeh: *interrupts* How DARE you. A mere medal?? For MY Legend??? Disgraceful! Foreign politicians: Uh- Clopeh: He saved all of your a**es and all you want to reward him with is a cheap "well-done" sticker!? Foreign politicians: But- Alberu: *walks in* Funny – discussing Roan Kingdom affairs in the Roan Kingdom, without a single Roan Kingdom representative present? How very odd Foreign politicians: *awkward* *Meanwhile:* God of Death's Book: *slaps Cale in the face* *Cale gets knocked out counter: 3*

Cale: …where-? God of Death: Yo! Nice to see you face to face, I wanted to chat for a bit Cale: …WTF. Why do you look so hot?? (This bastard doesn't deserve such a nice face!!) God of Death: R-really? Haha… so anyway, you sure you don't want to be a Saint-? Cale: Like hell God of Death: O-okay *looks away intimidated* Cale: So why am I here? Do I have to fight the Hunters next? God of Death: That depends on- *CRACK!* …damn censorship. Anyway, you earned some merits because you helped seal the God of Despair properly, so here's your reward Cale: What is it? God of Death: Choi Jung Gun is doing well- Cale: I don't care about that guy God of Death: -and so is Choi Jung Soo Cale: …and? God of Death: And Lee Soo Hyuk's reincarnated in your world now Cale: Wait what God of Death: Yeah, he helped me out with some things and he gave you Embrace, so he's earned some merits too Cale: The team leader… is going to… be born in the world I'm living in? (Me: Cale, baby… 😭😭😭) God of Death: Yeah, and he gets to remember his past life as reward Cale: …ok, but what about the others? What rewards do they get God of Death: Oh would you look at that, we've ran out of time! Cale: Wait wha- *wakes up* (…that motherf***ing God of Death!) God of Death's Book: *turns into LSH tracker* "Endable" Cale: (Great, now I know where to find him!) *Elsewhere:* God of Death's Bishop: Your highness! We must see the Commander! Alberu: …why-? God of Death's Bishop: The God of Death has bestowed a Divine Item upon our Church! It's specifically for Cale Henituse!! We must hold a grand ceremony to celebrate this momentous occasion!!! Alberu: (…Well f***) *Meanwhile:* Cale: *lowers the Temple to the ground with Super Rock* Alberu: Ok, so everybody is safe and healing. You're going to rest now? (Or maybe look for the guy who stole your money-?) Cale: I'm going to Endable now Alberu: Wait, what? You should just rest. What the hell are you going to- Cale: Your highness. I'm going to rest Alberu: *in disbelief* …You?? When??? Cale: *speechless* Hong: Billos is here! He looks starved and he's dying of poison! Cale: (…Well f***) Billos: Young Master… please… destroy… the Flynn Guild…! Cale: … Cale: Welp. Time to burn a place to the ground, I guess

End Volume 8.

[< Previous] [Index] [Side Stories >]

[disturbingbackstory]

deltarune aus where chara and frisk are present are cool but we should look the truth in the eyes, while frisk may remain a baby sibling, chara is probably the same age as asriel, they're also in college. chara would smoke anything that grows from the ground. chara would eat a bug for a dollar. chara talks in riddles. chara pulls a bazillion pranks a day or sleeps all day. chara has the similar talksprites as burgerpants but instead of being depressed they're manic like 2/3 of the time. they're also one of the most active grade a students and teachers absolutely love them.

[unclefather]

see, you and i? we’re like spunchbob and patrice

[judgejudyofficial]

Gay

[unclefather]

that’s his snail

[0xeyedaisy]

Better luck next life

[buggachat]

i was uncharacteristically thinking about adrienette family life, and then something possessed me to draw it

anyways, some days in the lives of the Dupain-Chengs. Featuring: sleepovers, and How To Manipulate Your Parents

[babyanimalgifs]

I didn’t know cheetahs meow I’ve always thought they roar my whole life has been a lie

[anarchapella]

Ok but the other one is purring so hard

[valgalart]

If I ever don’t reblog this assume I’m dead

[excessively-english-jd]

Fun fact: technically, because of its inability to roar and its ability to purr, the cheetah is not a ‘big cat’ (or Great Cat) - they are still classified as Lesser Cats.

Also you haven’t heard anything until you hear them cheep.

[kunaiman]

YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THAT AND NOT PROVIDE A VIDEO

[excessively-english-jd]

I HAVE REALISED MY MISTAKE AND SHALL RECTIFY IT:

Cheeps.

[godyoutalkpretty]

Filed under: Things I Was Not Prepared For