‘ i told you, it’s not as magical as it sounds. ’
‘ oh boy, did he not like his box and he spent years in his box not liking his box. ’
‘ you have a habit for citing movies as evidence. ’
‘ kids kind of all look the same. ’
‘ when babies are born, everyone goes, ‘oh, what a cute baby’ eh, it’s a baby either your baby’s ugly or normal. ’
‘ i was a very ugly baby. ’
‘ i have the mind of a detective. ’
‘ you don’t have the mind of a detective, you just stumbled upon a good question for once that, you know, actually pertained to the story. ’
‘ what do you have against pennsylvania? ’
‘ it’s quite up there in pennsylvania, people to too much free time. you know what happens next. ’
‘ how’d that turn out? do we have any pictures of that? ’
‘ that’s not something you really tell someone in passing. ’
‘ who sold his son? he sold his son! ’
‘ anytime you have to say ‘it’s not incest, technically’ – that’s not great. ’
‘ did you just realize something? what just happened? ’
‘ did you not realize that until now? ’
‘ did i just solve something? i may have just solved something! ’
‘ the day you solve something, i’ll give you $500. ’
‘ $500 real dollars? i could go with disneyland on that kind of money. that’ll last me a couple days maybe. ’
‘ i’m not a sick-o, i’m just interested in– okay, maybe i’m a little weird. ’
‘ i love this right off the bat. ’
‘ i love it when serial killers have a fun little thing. i don’t approve of serial killers, but i think – if you’re gonna kill a bunch of people – you might as well have some fun with it. ’
‘ they don’t make serial killer baseball cards though, do they? ’
‘ everybody had an axe back in the day, huh? ’
‘ sometimes, even the most beautiful places, hold the darkest secrets. ’
‘ i’m gonna look up a slouch hat because that sounds like something i need. ’
‘ this guy sounds like a villain from rocky and bullwinkle. ’
‘ jazz it! honey, you gotta jazz it. i’m not gonna throw out this axe, so we better jazz it. ’
‘ let’s see how many of these fuckers i can make dance. ’
‘ i think, just, how about don’t kill people? ’
‘ i thought we were here to get into the mind of a serial killer. ’
‘ no, no, no, no. just a theory? it’s dumb. ’
‘ he seems like a cool dude. ’
‘ i think he just did it because he’s a badass. ’
‘ what’s so funny about that? he has a bomb. ’
‘ –you think james bond ever wore a clip-on bowtie? ’
‘ it seems like a bad idea to make your get-rich-quick scheme to be to impersonate a criminal ’
‘ which makes this, most likely, complete horseshit. ’
‘ they just said ‘unidentified object or some stupid shit like that. ’
‘ that’s interesting… if that’s true, that is interesting. ’
‘ cool guy. coolest guy in history. nice sunglasses. wow! bourbon’s great. ’
‘ and then he died? ’
‘ and then he died. talk about a guy who appreciates a cliffhanger. ’
‘ you don’t wanna make enemies of the deep state. ’
‘ he’s kinda starting to sound like an idiot. ’
‘ he’s a big dumb-dumb. ’
‘ that’s a good point. i never thought about that! ’
‘ in a lot of ways this dog is the real hero of this story, it seems like. ’
‘ i’d like to have something happy about this story and the dog is a regular lassie. ’
‘ oh. well, that’s a weird childhood. ’
‘ i can’t say i feel exhilarated right now. ’
‘ just try to picture one of the most famous people in the world trying to sneak into the tsa with a glued-on mustache and thinking that it’s gonna work out. i can’t believe he was even considering it. ’
‘ that’s avalanche of ‘he-done-it’ right there. ’
‘ oh boy… that’s uh… holy shit! is all i have to say. ’
‘ from my knucklehead perspective, this looks very bad. ’
‘ he dr. seuss’d his way out of a murder. ’
‘ this episode is bumming me out. ’
‘ you’re really hitting at their heart right now. keep going, keep going. maybe you’ll make a difference. ’
‘ i don’t like this guy. ’
‘ people were murdered… and this guy’s playing dress up? ’
‘ i feel dirty. i feel like i need to take a shower and then a bath and then another shower. ’
‘ i need a drink. ’
‘ don’t cite the internet. ’
‘ i mean, could you even detect ‘fruity garlic’ if it came down to it? ’
‘ i’m… li– if i were to– what is– what? ’
‘ shut up, you idiot. we’ve already decided! ’
‘ so you think this was all an elaborate hooky scheme. ’
‘ yeah, i don’t know, man. it’s just fucking weird. ’
‘ well, i think this theory is bullshit, but… anyways. ’
‘ it’s a real thing, pal. ’
‘ the whole idea of hysteria is that you don’t realize it. you’re not like ‘yeah, we all participated in a mass hysteria, it was a real riot. man, she got fucked up. she was having a great time. what a fun hysteria that was.’ ’
‘ …and you don’t believe this, because? ’
‘ oo, this goes all the way to the top! i don’t know if we should be looking into this. some stones are best left unturned. ’
‘ meanwhile, they’re playing hot potato with a poison syringe. ’
‘ okay! you just shut your mouth. i’m done. ’
‘ i mean… shut up, you’re– i can’t even– this is… i thought you were like, on the level on this one. ’
‘ can you say, definitively, that she was not abducted? ’
‘ that’s it? fuck you! that definitively did not happen. ’
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